


Sweet Deception

by aquariuslover



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blackmail, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Intoxication, M/M, Minor Violence, Near Death Experiences, Top Nam Woohyun, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-14 19:33:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 108,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14143032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquariuslover/pseuds/aquariuslover
Summary: For years a fire has been smoldering deep inside of WooHyun, and now it is burning out of control and wrecking havoc on the group. A danger is looming over SungGyu, but will he pay it heed before it claims his life? Can an ominous deal be brokered in time to save Infinite?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written 2013 this story followed real life events, but I took many liberties when writing it. It is not an accurate history of Infinite or its members. The story is meant to be entertaining but at the same time feel realistic feeling. It was written for my own personal enjoyment. I fear it might be polarizing. It is not for the faint of heart.

Even though DongWoo was at SungGyu’s birthday party he didn’t feel like celebrating. He still loved his sometimes moody and difficult hyung as much as ever, but his usually cheerful personality was absent as he sat alone, eyeing the entrance.

DongWoo and the other party goers were in a private room at the back of an expensive restaurant. The spacious room was filled with the sounds of happy laughter from friends, family, and co-workers.

“He’s not coming,” Hoya announced as he sat down beside DongWoo with two bottles of Soju. He handed one of the bottles to DongWoo.

“You don’t know that.”

“I know.”

DongWoo reached out and took the Soju but didn’t look away from the door. “They were once the best of friends.”

“Not always.”

“That was a long time ago,” DongWoo told his friend as he took a drink.

“He was always insecure and now…”

“And now what?”

Hoya took a big swig from his bottle before setting it down on the table. “And now it has escalated out of control.”

“Don’t say that…it hasn’t.”

“It has.”

DongWoo looked away from the door toward the back of the room where SungGyu was surrounded by their managers and even the CEO. “Why didn’t he stop it? He could have stopped it.”

“He tried,” Hoya stated, “He did the best he could.”

“No,” DongWoo denied, looking back at the door. “He…he…WooHyun wanted him to stop it. I know he did. He could have tried harder…it was like he didn’t even try.”

“You put the blame on the wrong person.”

“I am not blaming him…I just wished he had tried harder.”

“He didn’t want this. I know he misses WooHyun, misses the friendship he thought they shared.”

“Their friendship was for real.”

Hoya shook his head, disagreeing. “No, it wasn’t…or it would never have gotten to this point.”

“He might still come.”

“He won’t,” Hoya said bluntly. “SungGyu can hide his hurt and carry on like nothing happened…but WooHyun is too angry. His eyes burn like an angry fire and even the most obtuse fans are starting to notice. He might destroy us all with the heat of his anger.”

“Don’t say that.”

Hoya looked at the door that held so much of DongWoo’s attention and stated firmly, “I know where my loyalty lies.”

“My loyalty is to Infinite.”

Hoya stood up, reached out and squeezed DongWoo’s shoulder. “Then your loyalty is the same as mine.”

“Loyalty?” SungJong asked as he walked up to the small table and sat down in the seat that Hoya had just abandoned. “To whom?”

“To SungGyu and Infinite,” Hoya casually threw over his shoulder as he walked away.

SungJong frowned, saying nothing.

DongWoo just kept looking at the door. “He might still come.”

“I don’t think he will.”

“He might.”

“No, it’s too late,” SungJong replied sadly, staring at the door along with DongWoo.

“Too late for what?” SungYeol asked as he walked over to the table, leaning his long legs against it.

DongWoo kept staring at the door. SungJong looked up accusingly at the tallest member but said nothing.

SungYeol gently bumped the table before straightening up. “I’m not allowed to know?”

“It’s probably for the best if you don’t,” SungJong admitted, looking away from SungYeol.

“So we keep secrets now?” SungYeol questioned.

SungJong placed his hands underneath the table, rubbing his upper legs. “Don’t you and WooHyun have secrets?”

SungYeol paled. “I don’t have a problem with the birthday boy if that is what you’re asking.”

“Really? So the enemy of your friend is not your enemy?”

“No,” SungYeol answered quickly.

“Then what have the two of you been bitching about for all these months? Were you just encouraging WooHyun’s negative behavior, while secretly disagreeing with him? I know for certain you weren’t trying to stop him.”

SungYeol stepped back from the table. “No, I didn’t stop him—and that is on me. Sometimes misery loves company, but I don’t have anything against our leader.”

“Well, you certainly aren’t his friend,” SungJong accused.

SungYeol swallowed guiltily and protested, “You don’t know anything.”

DongWoo closed his eyes, mustering up the strength to stop them, but before he could say anything SungGyu called for SungYeol in the near distance, ending any potential squabble.

SungJong watched as SungYeol hurried to the leader’s side. “What’s going to happen to us?”

DongWoo opened his eyes to look at the youngest member, who looked so young and earnest suddenly. “He still might come.”

“No, he won’t.”

DongWoo looked back at the door and confessed, “I know…I just wish he would.”

 

******************************

The sound of his phone’s alarm going off awakened him from a dream…a dream of life a year ago, when everything in Infinite was perfection. He closed his eyes hoping he could recapture the wonderful feeling of the dream, but it was lost.

Although he loved his sleep, his sense of responsibility always won out in the end. He slowly got out of bed, feeling much older than his twenty-five years indicated. He looked at the two youngest members, who shared the bedroom with him. They were still sleeping soundly and he wished he could allow them to continue sleeping, but he couldn’t. He walked over to them and gently shook SungJong. His eyes opened immediately, alert as he looked up at his hyung. No words were spoken. SungJong knew what was expected up him and there was no need for badgering. He would get up…he always did.

Next was MyungSoo. The innocent young man that slept was always MyungSoo; L did not appear till later in the day, when his stress increased and the cool image was required. MyungSoo always required a little more forcefulness to wake than SungJong. “Get up, it’s time to get up,” he ordered as he shook him just a little longer. MyungSoo groaned and turned to his side, but SungGyu knew he was awake.

He exited the room knowing that even if MyungSoo fell back to sleep, SungJong would wake him back up. He went to the large bathroom that was right across from their room, and quickly did his morning ritual. When he left the bathroom he paused at a door that led to another bedroom right next to his own. He stared at the door for only a moment before walking away. He was in the living room before he stopped walking. He stood in the center of the room and slowly clenched his fists and allowed his anger to surface. He had hid his anger—controlled it behind a mask of indifference for months but now he allowed it to surge.

He had been purposely slighted yesterday for all of their fans to see to see. He couldn’t hide his anger and hurt; not in the quiet of their dorm, not while he was alone and away from observant eyes. He unleashed all the feelings that he had suppressed yesterday.

He then stormed to the opposite side of the dorm to SungYeol’s room and flung the door open. He reached down and picked up some of the clothes that were scattered around the room and threw them at the tallest member while he harshly ordered, “Get up!”

He did not wait to see the shocked face of SungYeol before he exited the bedroom, slamming the door so loudly that everybody on their floor would hear it. He stood still outside the door with his chest heaving. Yesterday he had done everything to pretend that SungYeol had never done him wrong. He had pretended that when WooHyun whispered to SungYeol…words that no doubt were full of hate towards him that he didn’t hold it against the taller man for attentively listening, but now…now, he was not so charitable.

He was still standing there when the door to Hoya and DongWoo’s room opened. Hoya cautiously walked out into the hall. Hoya said nothing, only stood beside him with no accusation in his eyes. DongWoo, who followed behind Hoya, walked over and embraced him. SungGyu clung to DongWoo, and fought against the urge to cry out in frustration. He hated that he was so afraid, so afraid for Infinite…so afraid of what was to become of them. He blamed the dream, the dream that had reminded him of what the group had once been.

The door to SungYeol’s room opened and the tallest member warily stepped out. He was both pale and quiet. No sharp words, no words at all as he watched DongWoo embracing their leader.

Hoya reached out and grabbed SungYeol by the arm, and gave him such a look of warning that SungYeol immediately stepped back and pulled away from the lead dancer…and the knowledge that he had chosen poorly filled him. Never had the feeling of not belonging felt so powerful.

There was a knock on the door to their dorm and SungGyu gently pulled away from DongWoo, having collected himself after finding his strength in the other man’s warmth. “That will be, Mom,” SungGyu told them as he turned and headed toward the door as if nothing had happened. The other members followed behind him.

“I wonder what he brought us to eat?” SungJong, who was standing beside MyungSoo in the living room asked. They had heard the door slam, but had stayed back, not wanting to crowd their leader in his moment of vulnerability.

“Hopefully something good,” MyungSoo replied.

“It’s always good,” Hoya stated.

DongWoo rushed towards the door and swung it open, exclaiming, “Mom!”

The manager the boys referred to as Mom due to his wonderful cooking abilities entered the dorm with a plate full of breakfast croissants. He was nothing like their other managers. He was older and rarely accompanied them to performances; he instead maintained the dorm. He lived in a smaller apartment next to their spacious dorm. He had once been an executive who had worked directly under the CEO, until tragedy had marred his life. “Are you boys hungry?”

“Always,” DongWoo answered as he and the others followed the manager into the kitchen.

The manager set the food on the table, and then walked over to the refrigerator to get the milk and juice out.

The other members gathered around the table grabbing croissants but SungGyu did not; instead he walked over to the very expensive automatic coffee/espresso/cappuccino/latte machine that rich fans had given them.

“So who slammed the door and woke up half the building?” the manager asked. “You guys trying to get thrown off this floor too?”

All the boys shrugged as if they were totally clueless.

The manager eyed the members at the table, who all avoided his eye contact. “It’s a little early don’t you think?”

SungGyu, who was leaning against the cabinet sipping on his coffee stated, “It’s 9am.”

“You know this building is full of rich people and they don’t exactly have to get up early and go to work,” the manager told them.

“Most do though,” SungYeol quickly supplied, wanting to improve his standing with the other members. “It’s why they are rich. They work hard.”

The manager eyed the boys knowing them well enough to know when they weren’t going to rat each other out. He asked instead, “Where is WooHyun?”

The boys ate their croissants not saying a word and the manager slowly turned to SungGyu who replied, “I didn’t wake him.”

The manager’s eyes grew concerned. The managers had all feared that one day the leader of the group was going to stop taking the fact that his former best friend hated his guts so lightly.

Hoya stood up quickly and announced, “I will go wake him.”

******************************

 

WooHyun sat on the edge of his bed, already dressed, waiting for his door to be opened. His patience was reaching its limit but he refused to leave his room until he was summoned by their leader.

The door opened and he briefly fought to hide his relief, but that relief vanished as Hoya stepped into his room.

“I was going to wake you but I see it isn’t necessary.”

“Are you doing the wake up calls now?” WooHyun blurted out, unable to hide his annoyance.

Hoya shrugged and answered nonchalantly, “Only the ones that SungGyu can’t be bothered with.”

WooHyun stood up with barely restrained anger. “Was it you…that slammed the door?”

“No,” Hoya quickly answered, shaking his head. “That was SungGyu.”

“Why did he slam the door so loudly?”

Hoya just smiled innocently. “I don’t know.”

“What door was it?”

“Someone’s door he can still be bothered with,” Hoya replied. “But if they keep encouraging your bad attitude he will either cure them of their unwise alliances or he won’t be bothered with them anymore, either.”

“SungYeol…”

“Yeah, and he better be careful…he doesn’t exactly have your amazing vocals to fall back on.”

“He can act.”

A cocky Hoya smirked and asked, “In what? Nobody wants him, and he just tries too hard on variety shows, but maybe if he changes his ways SungGyu will throw him a few tips when it comes to variety.”

“I don’t remember you being SungGyu’s biggest fan when he was letting DongWoo knock you across the room and calling you on your arrogance.”

Hoya’s smirk vanished and he just shook his head. “I was arrogant. When DongWoo hit me it was because I needed it. That’s the difference between you and me…I can admit my mistakes.”

“I haven’t made a mistake.”

“Of course not,” Hoya agreed, rolling his eyes.

WooHyun stared at Hoya feeling the hostility and cockiness exuding from the other man. They had never been the best of friends, but they had gotten along well enough. As trainees Hoya and SungGyu had been very close, and WooHyun had not been able to stand it. Remembering those days, WooHyun asked bitterly, “Are we back to that old pissing contest over who is SungGyu’s favorite dongsaeng?”

Hoya looked taken aback by the question before answering sincerely, “I will play it if you will.”

“What?” an incredulous WooHyun asked surprised.

“Right now, I think you could be back in his good graces really fast…probably in less than ten minutes. But you are about to push him too far; so sure, I will play the game with you again. Anything is better than the game you are playing now.”

“I am not playing a game.”

“Then what are you doing? Do you want to destroy the group?”

“No.”

“Good, because you will only end up destroying yourself and the group will go on without you. Infinite will not crumble because you can’t get over your bad attitude.”

WooHyun resisted the urge to punch Hoya as he pushed past him, exiting the room. Is that what the other members thought? Did they see him as someone who was trying to destroy the group? He needed to think but he knew thinking would be out of the question today, there were too many group activities today. He would not get a minute alone; SungGyu would be with them all day and it would be like a thorn in his side.

He heard the other members in the kitchen. He paused before entering, trying to collect his thoughts and his emotions. Hoya clearly saw him as a villain and SungYeol as his pitiful sidekick…SungYeol was paying for their recent closeness.

What WooHyun hated the most was that everything that had just been said—what Hoya had just said about him and SungYeol—none of that really bothered him. The one thing that made him truly upset was that SungGyu couldn’t be bothered to wake him up.

WooHyun forced himself to calmly walk into the kitchen. Upon entering the kitchen his eyes went first to SungGyu, who was leaning against the counter sipping his coffee. WooHyun quickly diverted his eyes to their manager who was eyeing the leader worriedly and saying, “You should eat something.”

“No, coffee is fine,” the leader assured the manager.

“One can not live on coffee alone,” the manager chastised.

“My stomach can barely handle coffee…this morning,” SungGyu responded.

WooHyun avoided looking at SungGyu but he felt the pause…the moment SungGyu had noticed him in the room and he felt a secret satisfaction that his presence had unnerved the leader enough for him to pick up on it in his speech pattern.

WooHyun took the empty seat between MyungSoo and DongWoo, carefully avoiding SungYeol. He hoped he had not caused the other member too much harm, remembering Hoya’s unkind words that had been directed at the tallest member.

The manager asked, “I thought you were going to go light on the drinking last night?”

“I did,” SungGyu assured the manager.

WooHyun, who was no longer able to resist looking at SungGyu, stared up at the older man innocently asking, “Wasn’t it your birthday party last night?”

SungJong put down his croissant and answered for the leader, “You know it was.”

WooHyun grinned when SungGyu finally met his gaze. “You had to drink lightly at your own birthday party? I am so glad I didn’t bother showing up then.”

The rest of the group tensed, waiting. This was the point where SungGyu would usually ignore WooHyun’s rudeness like he hadn’t heard anything, but something about this morning felt different.

Hoya, who had entered the kitchen quietly, took the empty seat between SungYeol and MyungSoo while everybody waited for SungGyu’s response to the member who had once been his dearest friend.

SungGyu said nothing, never blinking as he stared coldly back at WooHyun as if he was trying to see into his mind.

It was DongWoo who broke the silence, declaring, “His real birthday party will be this weekend.”

“This weekend,” WooHyun repeated, not taking his eyes off SungGyu as he reached out and took a croissant.

DongWoo was happy to explain, “He gets a night off to spend with Allure.”

“Not all of them; just Brandy,” SungGyu said, breaking eye contact with WooHyun to look affectionately at DongWoo.

“I was trying to make it sound even better,” DongWoo told his hyung. “Build up your rep up.”

Hoya put down the glass of juice he had been drinking, declaring, “Being with Brandy is awesome enough. His ego doesn’t need any padding. It’s big enough as it is.”

“I assure you, if all the members of Allure want to come they are more than welcome,” SungGyu said in a casual voice, causing all the members except for WooHyun to laugh.

SungJong asked with feigned innocence, “But Hyung, what are you going to do with Brandy for a whole night?

SungGyu took a long sip of his coffee and then told the youngest, “She is going to help me with my English.”

MyungSoo added helpfully, “She was born in the states…she must be very good at English.”

The other members laughed, but WooHyun didn’t as he asked, “Do we all get the night off?”

The manger answered, “I don’t think so.”

“But how is that fair? I don’t remember getting a night off for my birthday. MyungSoo and Hoya do you two remember getting a night off for yours?” WooHyun asked.

“WooHyun, don’t,” DongWoo warned.

WooHyun replied to DongWoo but his eyes were fixed on SungGyu, “Oh, I forgot; hyung is special.”

***************************

“I think they are fucking,” Hoya whispered into DongWoo’s ear, causing the other man to almost choke on the water he was guzzling.

“What!” DongWoo exclaimed while coughing. All the members of Infinite and a few other groups were on stage after finishing a summer concert in Seoul. It was a hot afternoon.

Hoya took the bottle of water from DongWoo and gestured in the direction of SungYeol and WooHyun who were at the opposite end of the stage posing for the fans, away from the rest of the group. They both had their arms wrapped around each other.

 

“That’s just fan service,” DongWoo insisted, grabbing Hoya around the waist. “See, we are doing it too, now. It doesn’t mean anything.”

The lead dancer leaned in and whispered in DongWoo’s ears causing a group of fans in the audience to scream. “I know what fan service is and I know what skin ship is, but I still think they are fucking.”

DongWoo wiggled as if the mere thought made his skin crawl. “But why…why do you think this?”

“They are too close lately.”

“That is because…because...WooHyun can’t be around SungGyu,” DongWoo replied, while casting a quick glance at MyungSoo, who stood beside him on stage, but as usual MyungSoo wasn’t paying attention. SungJong stood on the other side of MyungSoo and SungGyu stood next to the maknae.

Hoya scoffed. “WooHyun doesn’t want to be around him and SungYeol is not SungGyu. I am pretty damn sure SungYeol swings whichever way the breeze is blowing.”

DongWoo cringed. He and Hoya had had many talks about the sexuality of their group members, and they had always labeled SungYeol bisexual. He, Hoya, MyungSoo, and SungGyu were self-proclaimed straight men, WooHyun was gay, but SungJong and SungYeol were the big question marks in the group. SungJong would not discuss his sexuality, and SungYeol had openly admitted to being confused in the past. “They room together a lot when we are away traveling,” DongWoo conceded.

“They sure do.”

DongWoo, whose happy mood from earlier had vanished, groaned, “This is a disaster.”

“It’s totally unfair.”

DongWoo wrapped his arm tighter around Hoya and questioned, “Unfair?”

“They get to have sex whenever they want,” Hoya clarified. “We can’t even have girls in the dorm.”

The lead rapper let go of Hoya and quickly elbowed him in the gut. “That isn’t why it’s a disaster. SungYeol is way too…too fragile of a person to be playing around with WooHyun; he will get hurt.”

Hoya smirked. “His ass might.”

“You are jerk…and yuck!”

“So do you think I am right?”

DongWoo’s eyes gazed back at the two men, and he winced when he saw the way SungYeol was looking at WooHyun. “This is a disaster.”

“What is a disaster?” SungGyu asked as he walked up to them with SungJong. The boys quickly repositioned themselves with SungJong standing next to Hoya, and SungGyu next to him

“I think—”

Hoya was interrupted quickly by DongWoo, who blurted out, “This heat is killing me.”

SungGyu’s eyes filled instantly with suspicion. “DongWoo, you are worst liar in the world. What is going on?”

“I will tell you later,” DongWoo promised. “It’s nothing that can’t wait.”

SungJong leaned his head against SungGyu and whined, “Can we go?”

“As soon as they fix their little technical error we will film the ending and then we can be gone like the wind,” SungGyu answered. “I have to be on the High Society set in less than an hour.”

“Boo Hoo,” Hoya said, unsympathetically. “Sucks to be popular.”

The leader resisted the urge to glare at the dancer as he wiped his forehead. “It’s April; why is it so hot? I feel like I have a fever.”

“It’s really hot and this hat does not help,” SungJong complained. “I don’t know how birds survive.”

MyungSoo stirred from his daze and looked at the mankae’s hat and stated, “I thought feathers would be cool?”

SungJong nodded his head, agreeing, “Me too.”

“Here comes trouble,” SungGyu warned, while keeping a completely straight face as the members of Allure walked up to stand beside them on stage.

“Ji-Woo, you’re looking mighty fine lately,” Hoya told the main vocalist of the group as she came to stand beside SungGyu. “When are you going to let me show you a good time?”

The brunette just smiled out at the crowd as she replied to Hoya, careful not to make eye contact. “Not interested, Hoya. How many times am I going to have to tell you this before it sticks? Ten? Fifty? Hundred?”

The other members of Infinite couldn’t help but snicker but Hoya quickly told her, “That’s okay…there are many more fish in the sea and not all of them are as scaly as you.”

Ji-Woo just fluffed her hair, ignoring the insult.

The far fairer girl next to Ji-Woo said loudly, “Why don’t you ever mingle with other groups? You haven’t any friends.”

SungGyu frowned, fighting the urge to look in the girl’s direction. “Brandy, I have friends.”

Brandy, the girl next to Ji-Woo, turned as if she was talking to her group mate and insisted, “You don’t. You are friends with your members and that is it. You should socialize.”

“I don’t like people,” SungGyu told her.

“You like your members.”

“They are the rare exception,” SungGyu agreed, but added, “And I only like them some of the time.”

SungJong puffed out his cheeks to pout.

Brandy, who appeared to be in a deep discussion with Ji-Woo, reminded him, “You like me.”

“When you are not bitching at me.”

“You need more friends outside of Infinite…you all do. Connections are important.”

“Can you please lead your own group and leave mine alone.”

“If I didn’t care about Infinite I wouldn’t worry.”

“Thanks, your concern is duly noted.”

“Other people think you are getting big heads.”

SungGyu grimaced and turned toward SungJong but addressed Brandy, “We are not.”

“You are too isolated. You need to make more friends, be a good example for your members.”

“My group is full of distinctive personalities and we enjoy being in the company of each other. We are friends in real life and not just for the cameras. So forgive us if we actually like hanging out with each other.”

Hoya, who had also taken offence, grabbed SungJong and turned the young man to face him while his words were directed at Brandy, “We are not getting big heads. We just say what we think. Everything we think and say isn’t controlled by our company. We are the real thing and someday everybody is going to know it. If we don’t socialize with others it is because we have high standards and don’t enjoy the company of puppets.”

SungGyu gently pushed SungJong aside till he was facing Hoya. “You’re being arrogant again.”

“It’s the truth,” Hoya insisted. “Okay, maybe I am arrogant…a bit, but we just like hanging out with each other. We are a team.”

“Then what about WooHyun and SungYeol?” Brandy asked. “They can’t get away from you guys fast enough. WooHyun is with SHINee as we speak and SungYeol is practically an honorary member of Teen Top.”

SungGyu turned back around to face the crowd before he answered her, “They do the socializing for us.”

She grinned and continued, “I thought you were real friends and loved hanging out with each other.”

Before SungGyu could answer Hoya snapped, “The five of us do. SHINee and Teen Top can have SungYeol and WooHyun if they want them.”

SungGyu swung his head around quickly seeing if anybody but Allure or Infinite had heard Hoya’s statement. “He means they can have them to socialize with.”

“Yes,” SungJong quickly agreed. “WooHyun is a social butterfly.”

Ji-Woo, who was standing between Brandy and SungGyu, smirked and asked, “And what is SungYeol other than tall?”

“He’s an actor,” SungGyu barked, detecting something slightly cruel in Ji-Woo’s voice. “Plus he’s tall, handsome, and smart. We are now tabling this discussion.”

“Oh, I like it when you put on your leader pants,” Brandy whispered under her breath. “Promise to wear them this weekend.”

Before SungGyu could respond the MC for the concert reappeared on stage, announcing that the cameras were back in working order and for everyone to take their positions.

*******************

Later that evening SungGyu walked into the dorm holding his right side.

SungJong jumped up from the couch, where he had been sitting with MyungSoo and Hoya, and announced, “Hyung, we saved you some food. Mom made some Greek food and it was so good.”

“I’m not hungry,” SungGyu told the maknae.

WooHyun, who was sitting in front of their large screen television, spoke up, “I am sure he already ate with his hoobaes…why bother with us little people.”

SungGyu bit his bottom lip and tried not to lose his cool. The urge to slap WooHyun’s face was getting more and more tempting. He ignored WooHyun and told them all, “I am going to bed. Goodnight.”

MyungSoo, who was watching SungGyu with concern, asked, “Hyung, do you feel all right?”

“I am fine,” SungGyu assured him.

“You look sick,” MyungSoo stated, not believing his leader, but SungGyu was already walking towards their bedroom.

“I’d be sick too if I had deal with WooDickHyun,” Hoya grumbled under his breath.

WooHyun ignored Hoya as he pondered MyungSoo’s words. “He did look pale.”

SungYeol, who was sitting on the floor beside WooHyun, turned to give him a sharp look. He was startled by the other man’s observation.

“Probably petrified at the thought of having to come home and deal with you,” Hoya persisted, determined to piss WooHyun off.

“Really, you think I give him that much trouble?” WooHyun asked, turning to face Hoya with a big grin on his face. “You are just saying that to be nice to me.”

 

***************

“You are in so much trouble,” SungYeol said sadly as he sat down on the couch beside WooHyun.

WooHyun, who was sitting in a conference room at their company headquarters hiding from an angry manager, told his friend, “You should be anywhere but here with me.”

“Why do you keep acting so irresponsibly?”

“I can’t stop…I try but I can’t stop myself.”

“Bullshit,” SungYeol said dismissively. “You know what you are doing and still you do it. You do it for the reaction you get from SungGyu.”

WooHyun leaned back against the sofa. “I shouldn’t have included you though…I should have never said anything to you.”

“You didn’t,” SungYeol reminded the older man. “I still don’t know why you hate him so much.”

“I don’t hate him.”

“Please, you hate him with every fiber of your being.”

WooHyun closed his eyes.

“But why do you hate him is what I keep asking myself. He was your best friend one day and the next you couldn’t stand him,” SungYeol continued. “It’s more than him having a solo album and so many solo gigs. I will admit I was really jealous at times, but with you—with you I refuse to believe it is merely jealousy.”

“Why do you refuse to believe it’s jealousy?” WooHyun asked curiously. “Everyone else thinks I am jealous.”

SungYeol turned to look at the other man and shook his head in disappointment. “Because…because that would be so petty and such a waste of what was once a great friendship.”

WooHyun opened his eyes and straightened up. “I have a better voice, why wouldn’t I be angry he got the solo album? All I got was a shitty duet. It wasn’t fair. If that’s being petty, then I guess I am petty.”

“No, no; it is something else.”

“You give me too much credit.”

SungYeol reached out and squeezed WooHyun’s knee and said softly, “No, I don’t.”

“You do.”

“No,” SungYeol insisted.

“Yes.”

SungYeol’s hand slid up WooHyun’s inner thigh. “You are amazing…this person you are playing at being—this isn’t the real you.”

WooHyun reached out and took SungYeol’s hand and removed it from his thigh. “Don’t.”

SungYeol pulled his hand free. “Nobody can see us.”

“No.”

The taller man attempted to slide his hand down WooHyun’s pants and huskily said, “It’d be nice, so nice”

WooHyun yanked SungYeol’s hand away from him and stated firmly, “Skin ship with you is something I only play at when there is a captive audience of fans. I might stroke your ego and let you stroke mine, but that is all the stroking I am interested in, understand?”

SungYeol jumped up off the sofa, unable to hide his embarrassment. “I didn’t mean…”

“Good,” WooHyun told him. “Now scurry off and play with the good boys. Leave me alone to be the star of my own pity party.”

“You’re such an ass,” SungYeol hissed and turned around, immediately coming face to face with SungGyu and their manager Geonam.

“Leave, SungYeol,” the manager ordered. SungYeol was happy to obey, leaving WooHyun alone with the unhappy looking manager and SungGyu.

WooHyun looked up at the irritated manager. “Am I in trouble?”

Manager Geonam sat down on the sofa beside WooHyun and asked in a carefully controlled voice, “Explain to me…why you said nothing in the last two interviews. Not one word in either of them.”

“I just didn’t know what to say,” WooHyun said with a shrug and then looked away from the manager to look up challengingly at SungGyu. “I didn’t want to come across as stupid.”

“What?” The manager responded, shocked. “WooHyun, you are good at interviews. That is why you are supposed to talk during interviews…it is understood that you, Hoya, and SungGyu will answer the majority of the questions.”

“Like I said, I didn’t want to come across as stupid.”

The manager followed WooHyun’s gaze to SungGyu, who was still standing. “What the hell is he talking about?”

“He is throwing a little hissy fit because I corrected him in an interview recently,” SungGyu stated confidently, knowing exactly why WooHyun was acting the way he was. “He thought Brazil was in North America.”

WooHyun smirked. “I thought I would just stay quiet during interviews from now on, so not to embarrass the group.”

The manager looked back and forth between the boys. “But you didn’t just shut up…you looked like you were pissed off at the world. You need to get your act together.”

“I was just thinking of the group. I didn’t want Infinite to appear stupid because of me,” WooHyun replied.

“You shouldn’t worry about that, because when you say stupid shit like that you are the only one coming off as ignorant. I won’t let the likes of you hurt Infinite’s image; don’t you worry,” SungGyu snapped, unable to control his building rage.

WooHyun stood up. “Well, I am a part of Infinite.”

“You are stupid prick, that’s what you are!” SungGyu blurted out, his voice rising in pitch.

“Well you are conceited, egotistical asshole,” WooHyun shot back at the leader. “What do you have to say to that?”

SungGyu clenched his fists but kept them lowered. He struggled against the urge to keep fighting with the other man. “Not a thing, talking to you is a waste of my time.”

WooHyun looked as if he had been slapped across the face. “I am a waste of your time?”

SungGyu turned and exited the room without saying another word.

An enraged WooHyun took off after him but was yanked back by the firm hand of the manager. The manager pulled him closer and warned, “Whatever is going on inside your head…fix it. You won’t like it if the CEO steps in and fixes it for you. You won’t like it one bit.”

WooHyun took a step back.

“Your issues with SungGyu were not affecting your performances before, so we let it slide, but now it’s visible and it’s becoming a nuisance.”

“Are you threatening me?”

The manager shook his head. “No, I am telling you to get your head on straight.”


	2. Chapter 2

A nudge to his left shoulder awoke SungGyu from a restless, miserable sleep. He opened his sleep-filled eyes to find DongWoo sitting next to him and not MyungSoo. He frowned; SungGyu never willingly sat next to DongWoo on a plane. The other man’s limitless energy always wore him out.

“You have to do something,” DongWoo said in a serious voice.

SungGyu, who felt sick to his stomach, groaned knowing exactly what the other man was referring to. He knew the other man was worried. DongWoo’s naturally playful side had been strangely absent of late. “What do you suggest I do?”

“Something, anything…you haven’t done anything so far.”

SungGyu bit his bottom lip, not responding. It was true he hadn’t done anything to fix the situation, except lose his temper a few times—which hadn’t helped.

“You didn’t do anything. Your best friend suddenly couldn’t stand you and you didn’t do anything about it.”

“So it’s my fault?”

“Is it?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. If I did something to piss him off—which hey, is pretty likely, he never gave me any clue. Normally if I did or said anything to make him mad, he’d let me know…he’d let me know real fast.”

DongWoo leaned in and whispered, “Did you say something homophobic?”

SungGyu resisted the urge to elbow the other man. “No…well, nothing more than usual…nothing that we all don’t say. Honestly, I was used to him being gay. It wasn’t like he was trying to hide it.”

“No, he wasn’t.”

“We have all known he was gay for years, and I think we handled it surprisingly well.”

“Me too,” DongWoo agreed. “Plus you were his roommate.”

“For years, so it isn’t like I am some homophobic person. I really didn’t care that he was gay.”

“He didn’t confide something to you…”

“And what?”

“And you blew it off like a thoughtless jerk because it didn’t directly affect you.”

SungGyu side-eyed the other man. “Are you saying that I’m insensitive?”

“You can be.”

“Well, I wasn’t…or I wasn’t really that insensitive. WooHyun knows me better than anybody…when I am like that he doesn’t get offended; he just laughs at me.”

“What if he was telling you about heartbreak or something? Was he in a relationship with somebody and it ended badly? He didn’t mention anything serious to me…did he confide in you?”

“I don’t think so,” SungGyu answered. “The only serious relationship he was in was with Key and that didn’t last long, but they remained friends. WooHyun never cried himself to sleep over anyone if that is what you are asking.”

DongWoo frowned. “He and Key were over a long time ago.”

“It isn’t like I was prying,” SungGyu said, cringing. “I don’t mind that he is gay, but it wasn’t like I was asking for details.”

“I wonder…”

“You wonder what?”

DongWoo pointed in the direction of their tallest member, who was sleeping in the seat across from them. “I am pretty sure SungYeol is pissed with him.”

“Yeah, something happened yesterday,” SungGyu confirmed.

“Do you think they are having sex with each other?” DongWoo whispered. “Hoya thinks they are.”

SungGyu scrunched up his face in instant dislike. “He does?”

“He does; that’s what we were talking about at the concert. What I promised to tell you later.”

“You were talking about it at a concert. Way to be discreet,” SungGyu said in a scolding tone. “Not exactly your brightest moment.”

“Hey, he brought it up…I was just shocked.”

“I suppose so.”

“So do you think they are lovers?”

“I just…I don’t think so.”

“I don’t either, but Hoya makes a pretty convincing case for it.”

“That would not end well…if it were true.”

“No, it wouldn’t—it would be very bad.”

“Members should not have—this is a very bad idea.”

“Those two especially.”

“SungYeol is so…so needy,” SungGyu observed. “This can only end badly.”

“Yes, he is needy—and WooHyun; well, WooHyun isn’t ever going to need SungYeol,” DongWoo stated.

“Unless they are planning a prank,” SungGyu couldn’t help but suggesting. “Please let them be pranking us. They do love to prank us.”

“They are not pranking us.”

“It would be funny.”

DongWoo frowned. “This is not funny! SungYeol is going to end up hurt…he…he can’t keep WooHyun’s attention. You and I both know it. You have to do something about this.”

SungGyu hunkered down in his seat and whined, “I don’t agree…SungYeol is very attractive…he’s tall…maybe he is WooHyun’s type.”

“You know he isn’t!”

“I do not know that! I am not an expert on WooHyun’s type…he hates me; what do I know?”

“He has only recently started to hate you.”

“Well, in the past SungYeol wasn’t his type—maybe he is now. Maybe his type changed. I used to be the type to be his best friend, but that changed. So maybe his lover type changed too.”

“SungGyu.”

“DongWoo.”

“You are the leader; you need to do something, so quit making up excuses,” DongWoo declared, letting his frustration show. “You are strong; you can handle WooHyun hurting your feelings…but SungYeol…SungYeol—”

“He’ll start losing his hair again.”

“Yep.”

“We can’t have him going bald again.”

“So are you going to do something?”

“Why can’t you do something?”

“You are the leader.”

“You be the leader today; keep this serious face on and try not to bounce when you walk. You will do a great job,” SungGyu told the second oldest member. “WooHyun loves you, he hates me.”

“You know I can’t be serious around WooHyun. He would just distract me and then I would start playing with him and forget what I was going say.”

“True,” SungGyu said, nodding his head. “You have the attention span of a gold fish.”

“So you are going to talk to him?”

“Him who?”

“WooHyun!”

“No,” SungGyu blurted out. “He hates me…we fought yesterday—in front of Geonam Hyung. I feel like shit and every time he mouths off at me I want to punch him and you know I am not a puncher…I am more of a slapper.”

“You just like to swing, but you never make contact.”

“I know…you guys don’t even flinch, now.”

“You’re a softy.”

“I can’t talk to WooHyun—did I mention I feel terrible?”

“You do look like shit,” DongWoo observed. “Are you sleeping at all?”

“I was trying to sleep before you woke me up.”

“Agree to talk to WooHyun and I will let you sleep,” DongWoo promised.

“I probably can’t now, I feel like I need to puke.”

“It’s stress, because you won’t resolve these issues with WooHyun,” DongWoo said, trying to sound wise.

SungGyu stuck his tongue out at DongWoo and told him, “No, I am not talking to him…but I will talk to SungYeol.”

“Chicken.”

“I am being intelligent. I can just see the Japanese headlines, Infinite Main Vocals Brawling at Hotel.”

DongWoo sighed and admitted, “You might have a point.”

“Thank you!”

**************************

 

“He was doubled over in pain…I thought he was going to die,” a frightened SungYeol described as he hurried back into the hotel room he was sharing with SungGyu with the concerned manager.

SungGyu, who was sitting on the bed, held up his left hand. “No, I am fine now.”

Manager Hyoan asked, “What was wrong?”

“My stomach has been bothering me for days, but then all of a sudden it just got worse. I didn’t think I could stand it. It was a really sharp pain…” SungGyu paused, shrugging. “It felt like it exploded with pain and then it was better.”

“Are you sure you feel alright?” The manager questioned, skeptically.

“I’m just a little sick to my stomach but nothing unbearable.”

“He hasn’t been eating,” SungYeol interjected.

SungGyu shot SungYeol a warning glance and reasoned, “I haven’t been hungry, because I’ve been puking at the drop of a hat. I feel better now.”

“He’s also been pale,” SungYeol offered, remembering WooHyun’s observation from a couple nights ago.

“When do I get to go outside?” SungGyu asked them. “I am either on a plane, performing with Infinite, or filming….the only time I’m outside is when I’m walking from a vehicle into a studio.”

“True,” the manager conceded. “But maybe we should take you to the hospital to get you checked out just in case. It could just be a stomach virus.”

“No,” SungGyu told the manager in a firm voice. “Absolutely not, they will just say I am exhausted and every tabloid will hint it was drugs or something else nefarious. If I am going to have rumors spread about me, then dammit I am going to do something worthy of them. I am fine.”

The manager nodded his head in agreement knowing SungGyu spoke the truth, rumors would spread quickly. “SungYeol, if he looks like he is in pain or if he just seems worse, let me know.”

SungGyu snorted dismissively. “I will let you know. Believe me, I am no martyr. I don’t enjoy being sick and I sure don’t like to hurt.”

“Good,” the manager replied before shutting the door behind him as he exited the room.

As soon as the manager was gone, SungGyu turned his attention on the other man in the room. “That has to be a first.”

“Huh?”

“The first time a member tried to get me sent to the hospital so they wouldn’t have to talk to me.”

“You really were hurting,” SungYeol said in his defense. “I thought you were going to pass out.”

The leader arched an eyebrow and carefully got out of his bed. “So does this mean you want to talk to me?”

SungYeol shook his head. “No.”

“Too bad.”

“I am really, really tired,” SungYeol declared with a yawn and covered up with the blankets. “I think I will go to bed. You should go to bed, too. You will feel better.”

“SungYeol.”

“You should rest, Hyung,” SungYeol said, trying his best to sound respectful and considerate. “You do so much more than the rest of us, you should sleep. I know how much you love your sleep; enjoy a nice long rest. You deserve it.”

SungGyu looked down at his tempting bed, but DongWoo’s voice rang in his subconscious coaxing him to talk to the other man. He fought hard against his desire to sleep, and went over to the younger man’s bed and sat down. He winced a little, noticing his abdominal pain wasn’t completely gone but still he felt a lot better. “I am going to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me.”

SungYeol buried his head in his pillow.

“First off, I am not accusing you of anything.”

SungYeol whimpered, knowing he was not going to like the next words out of the leader’s mouth.

“Are you and WooHyun having sex?”

SungYeol jumped out of bed, causing the bed to shake and causing SungGyu to hold his stomach. “No! No! No! Why would you think that? Of course we aren’t!”

Instead of believing SungYeol’s loud protests, SungGyu found that he was more suspicious than before. “Are you sure?”

“I think I would know if I was having sex with someone.”

SungGyu watched the taller man as he paced the room nervously, his face red. “There is no need to be embarrassed. I didn’t ask you this to embarrass you. I was just worried about you…DongWoo was worried about you.”

“DongWoo…”

“Yeah, he is the one that asked me to ask you, he was concerned.”

“Does DongWoo think I’m having sex with WooHyun?”

SungGyu cautiously clarified, “I believe it was Hoya, who initially brought it up to DongWoo.”

A horrified SungYeol gasped, “Does everybody thinks I’m having sex with WooHyun?”

“Not everybody,” SungGyu denied. “I don’t think you are…but I am not at my best lately, and I can’t afford to let this go unaddressed—I have done that too much lately. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

SungYeol sat back down on the bed. “You don’t want me to get hurt.”

“No.”

“Do you think if I have sex with WooHyun I will get hurt?”

“Yeah.”

“Because we are two guys?”

SungGyu shook his head. “No, you know I don’t care about that kind of thing…but you do work together, and I am pretty sure it would end badly.”

The younger member nodded his head.

“I am worried about you…I don’t want you to be hurt,” SungGyu reinforced.

SungYeol confessed, “Hyung, when you ordered that we were going to room together…I thought you were going to scold me.”

“Scold you?”

“For being WooHyun’s friend…the other morning when you slammed my door, I was scared you were angry with me.”

“I was really angry that morning, but mainly at WooHyun and myself.”

“Why were you mad at yourself?”

“For letting things between me and WooHyun get to this point…this point of no return.”

SungYeol studied SungGyu intently and asked, “Why did you let it get this bad?”

“It was like one day he was the best friend I ever had and the next day everything I did pissed him off…it was just…just too crazy to believe. I thought at first if I ignored it—it would get better, but it didn’t…and then he started to really piss me off and I was too hurt and angry to want to fix it,” SungGyu said, answering SungYeol honestly.

“Do you not know what you did?”

“Did?”

“To make him so angry.”

“No.”

“I do.”

SungGyu eyes widened and he eagerly asked the question that had consumed him for months, “What did I do?”

“I just know what he told me. He told me it was because you got a solo album when he thinks he is the better vocal,” SungYeol admitted and then quickly added, “But I don’t think he is! You have way better control.”

“He is the better vocal,” SungGyu stated with ease. “His voice is beautiful in ways that mine never will be.”

“You say that so easily…even after everything he has done.”

“It’s the truth.”

Suddenly SungYeol felt terribly guilty. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“For being such a bad dongsaeng to you; you sometimes are a terrible nag, you’re sexist, you’re rude, you boss us all the time, and push us so hard—but you’re also honest and you care for us, and you make us better than we normally would be.”

SungGyu looked away from SungYeol feeling embarrassed and stated firmly, “I think we are drifting away from the topic.”

“I am not having sex with him, I promise.”

“And…” SungGyu prompted, sensing more.

“I think I’d like to though.”

“You do?”

“Yeah…You know I’m bisexual.”

“I suspected.”

“At first WooHyun and I were cooped up in the dorm all the time while you and Hoya and DongWoo were out doing your activities. He was so angry and I was the only one that would listen to him vent…because I was unhappy too. MyungSoo was usually busy, and SungJong had no use for our complaining. We got closer…and it was like we bonded in our unhappiness. He wanted to destroy the WooGyu ship…because he didn’t want to be paired with you anymore…he hated that fans like the two of you together. So we started doing more fan service with each other, and I agreed because the more couple fans the better. You know couple fans are really loyal.”

SungGyu nodded his head. “Plus, they buy great gifts.”

“Yep, and then…I just couldn’t stop touching him…at first it was just for the cameras, and then I couldn’t stop. He’s not soft like us.”

SungGyu frowned. “I am not soft.”

“You’re not hard like him. There is something about WooHyun that is very hard. He tries to act soft…but he’s not.”

“He’s not that hard.”

“He is,” SungYeol insisted. “He is muscular, athletic and he’s good at everything he does. Like you said with the singing…everything is like that with him. I just got where I couldn’t stop thinking about him.”

“He never encouraged you…did he?”

SungYeol shook his head. “No, never…it was only for show with him…an act. The attraction wasn’t mutual. He tried letting me down gently, but I just kept on. Yesterday he made it very clear he wasn’t interested in me.”

“It’s for the best,” SungGyu told the younger man.

“I don’t think so. I feel really close to him at times…like I’m his only friend. I really want to have sex with a man…to experience it. WooHyun would have been perfect for me. He has just as much reason as me to never tell anyone, so it would have been safe for the group. Nobody would have gotten hurt.”

“But you would have…like you said, it wasn’t mutual.”

SungYeol shrugged. “He has experience…I just think it would have been nice.”

SungGyu fought the urge to get up and go the bathroom, his stomach was churning again, but he didn’t want SungYeol to think the talk was making him uncomfortable. “Your heart would have been hurt…I know what it is like to be the center of WooHyun’s world. I have felt that bright smile on me…and I can understand how someone who was inclined in that direction could get in over their head really fast. I am just really glad he didn’t lead you on.”

“He didn’t,” SungYeol confirmed; his mood darkening as he started to realize something. “Hyung, I never felt the bright smile that—” SungYeol stopped as he watched SungGyu get off the bed and rush to the bathroom. The younger member cringed as the sound of vomiting filled the hotel room.

**********************

The next morning while all the members were at breakfast DongWoo’s took SungGyu by the hand and told the managers, “We have to go take a  
wee-wee; we will be right back.”

“Wee-wee,” the Japanese manager repeated, questioningly.

Manager Hyoan waved a hand dismissively and told the other man, “Don’t ask.”

SungGyu kept quiet and followed DongWoo’s lead.

“I need to go to the bathroom, too,” Hoya said, standing up.

“You can go when we get back,” SungGyu quickly told the lead dancer. “This is mommy and daddy time.”

Hoya frowned but sat back down.

SungGyu knew what DongWoo was about to drill him about, and he didn’t want it getting spread past the two of them. There was too much animosity between Hoya and WooHyun at the moment, and even if it was due in part because of Hoya’s sense of loyalty towards him…SungGyu still did not want to encourage it.

DongWoo pushed the bathroom door open and checked the stalls to confirm they were empty. He then turned back to SungGyu and asked, “So?”

“They aren’t.”

“They aren’t,” DongWoo repeated.

“Nope, but the one that would be hurt…wants to,” SungGyu replied, very mindful not to mention anyone by name.

“He does?”

“Yes.”

DongWoo leaned against the sink and asked, “The one that would not be hurt isn’t interested?”

“No, it’s just one sided.”

“Was there talk of love?”

SungGyu shook his head. “No, it is more curiosity than anything else.”

“Are you sure?”

The leader pondered the other man’s words. “I want it to be true…and the one that would be hurt sounded convincing, but lying is a strength of his. When he explained why he was curious I had the urge to hide my head under the covers.”

DongWoo cringed. “I don’t want to know.”

“I’m not telling.”

“I’m relieved…I won’t lie.”

“Why are you relieved?”

DongWoo looked at SungGyu like he had lost his mind. “Because…they are not having…you know what.”

“If the one that won’t get hurt…hears about it…he will do it to spite me.”

DongWoo moaned. “I didn’t think about that.”

“Nope, and I was feeling too shitty to think about it, till it was too late,” the leader told him. “Hopefully, the one that would get hurt is too embarrassed to mention it.”

“Please, please, please let him be embarrassed,” DongWoo chanted. “Please, Please, Please.”

“Begging?” WooHyun asked cockily as he walked into the bathroom. “Did I intrude on something?”

“No,” SungGyu said dismissively as he brushed past the other lead vocalist to exit the bathroom.

DongWoo let out a nervous giggle, and blabbered, “I am starved.”

WooHyun didn’t bother to hide his suspicion as he watched DongWoo hurry after SungGyu.

*****

 

SungYeol had done a masterful job of avoiding WooHyun while in Japan. He mentally patted himself on the back, knowing it was driving the other man crazy. He had also managed to avoid him on returning to South Korea.

Infinite was currently at M Countdown doing their goodbye stage for ‘Man in Love’ and he had continued to evade WooHyun…until he had gotten a message that Neil wanted to talk to him. SungYeol had been so eager to talk to the other idol he had left the safety of the other members to go find him. Unfortunately for him that’s when WooHyun cornered him.

He reluctantly allowed the shorter man to drag him into an empty supply room. WooHyun might be smaller than him, but SungYeol knew he was much stronger. The door was barely shut when WooHyun demanded, “What did you two talk about?”

“Who?” SungYeol asked, trying to sound innocent.

“Don’t act like you don’t know who I am talking about.”

SungYeol shrugged. “I talk to a lot of people. You are going to need to be more specific.”

“SungGyu!”

“I talk to SungGyu all the time. I was just talking to him not five minutes ago.”

“SungYeol!”

“Like I said, you are going to need to be more specific.”

WooHyun clenched his fist and stated in a clipped voice, “When you and SungGyu shared a room in Japan what did you two talk about?”

“Nothing much,” SungYeol lied.

“You are starting to piss me off!”

“Why? Nothing important was said.”

“You are lying; what did he say about me?”

“You,” SungYeol snorted. “Why would he talk about you? You aren’t the center of his universe, you know.”

WooHyun realized anger was getting him nowhere so he stepped closer, reached out his hand and gently took SungYeol’s. “Tell me.”

SungYeol, who was too smart to fall for WooHyun’s games, jerked his hand away. “So now you want to touch me.”

The shorter man guilty looked down at his feet, avoiding SungYeol’s accusing gaze and begged, “Just tell me.”

The taller man felt unreasonably angry. “We talked! SungGyu and I talked!”

“Did you talk about me?” WooHyun asked, looking up from the floor to meet SungYeol’s eyes.

SungYeol felt that if he confirmed that they had indeed talked about the other man…he would be giving WooHyun something valuable and he wasn’t feeling generous towards him. “No, you never came up.”

WooHyun took a step back. “I didn’t—I mean I thought you might be getting a hard time for being my friend.”

“We all used to be friends, until you decided to be a perpetual ass.”

“I know,” WooHyun admitted, turning around to face the door. “I hate what I am doing to the group. I know I’m a jerk…I just thought…never mind what I thought.”

“Do feel anything besides anger anymore?”

WooHyun rested his head against the door. “I feel too much, but I try really hard to only feel anger.”

Something sad in WooHyun’s voice had SungYeol stepping forward to rest a hand on WooHyun’s back. “You are tense.”

“I know,” WooHyun said in a shaky voice as if he was battling to remain in control of his warring emotions.

SungYeol placed both hands on the other man’s shoulders and started to massage him. “I could help you with this…I want to help you.”

“You can’t help me.”

“I could if you let me.”

“You can’t.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I tried…I tried with other people, and it just…you can’t help me.”

“Why? Because…because you don’t feel anything for me?”

“I feel friendship for you.”

“Friends…friends…I know you have had sex with friends before.”

WooHyun turned around and gently pushed SungYeol away. “Not with a member.”

SungYeol, who refused to be thwarted, suggested, “Members of the same group…have the same to lose. Maybe you should think about having sex with a member.”

The shorter man let out a loud, bitter laugh that rocked his whole body as if the younger’s man statement was the funniest thing he had ever heard.

“You know I am bigger than you,” SungYeol threatened, feeling hurt by the laughter.

“I am not laughing at you,” WooHyun stated, realizing the taller member had misinterpreted his laughter.

“Really; who else is in here?”

“Myself…I am laughing at myself.”

SungYeol sneered, charging toward the door. “No, you’re not. You are laughing at me! Poor, pitiful SungYeol! SungGyu was right! You’d only end up hurting me!”

Before SungYeol could open the door, WooHyun grabbed ahold of him and swung him back around away from the door with ease. “Did SungGyu say I would hurt you?”

“I am not going to tell you what he said,” SungYeol said defiantly.

“Oh, yes you are.”

“No, I’m not. You want to be angry at him and I am not gong to feed your anger.”

WooHyun took a step closer to the man and warned, “You are right…you are bigger than me, but you’re weak…so you better tell me now.”

“Are you threatening me?” A shocked SungYeol asked.

“What did he say?” WooHyun shouted.

So surprised by the other man’s rage, SungYeol just blurted out the truth, “He wanted to know if we were fucking.”

A look of disbelief appeared on WooHyun’s face. “Why would he think that?”

“Because…I want to fuck you! Gawd! That is why he would think that! I am not exactly subtle with my feelings! He warned me though, that it was just once sided and he said—”

“How does he know it is one sided?” WooHyun demanded, interrupting the other man.

“Because he isn’t stupid like me,” SungYeol offered, sarcastically. “He was just warning me that getting involved with you would be a colossal mistake and I have to agree.”

An enraged WooHyun took a step back toward the door. “How does he know…that I don’t like you? He’s warning you away from me; what if I liked you?”

The taller man shook his head. “You don’t.”

“How does he know that?”

“Because…he knows you!”

“The hell he does! He doesn’t know me at all! He never has!”

A confused SungYeol asked hopefully, “So are you saying…you do like me?”

“No!”

“Then why are you so angry?”

“Because he has no right to say what I feel and what I don’t!”

“But he was right…”

“Fuck him,” WooHyun cursed, opening the door and storming out into the hall to look for SungGyu, forgetting completely about SungYeol.

 

***************************

The performance had been a disaster, and SungGyu was surprised he had managed to stay upright for it. As the music ended, he was ready to admit that he was sick, really sick. He was more than willing to be taken to the hospital. He knew something wasn’t right; something was very wrong. But before he had time to call for a manager a hand wrapped tightly around his wrist and forcefully dragged him off the stage.

Before he could react he found himself alone in the greenroom that was nearest the stage with a furious looking WooHyun. He watched in shock as WooHyun wedged the door shut with a chair, locking them in the room.

SungGyu, who was finding it a challenge to remain standing, tried to sound commanding, “What the hell do you think you are doing?”

WooHyun whirled around after making sure nobody could get the door open. “Great performance! I really must commend you on your phenomenally bad dancing. Remember when you used to make the younger members cry…when they were so tired they could barely stand upright and you didn’t care. You had no mercy on them; you just kept demanding that they live up to your impossible standards. I remember those times like they were yesterday. I would try to soothe everything over, when you were being an impossible hard-ass. I used to work so hard back then to be peacemaker and make them understand you were just being harsh so we could stand the heat once we debuted. Do you remember those times…when you didn’t dance like complete shit?”

SungGyu blinked, because he knew there was only one angry WooHyun in the room giving him hell and the fact that he was seeing two was worrisome.

“What, you don’t have anything to say in your defense? Why don’t you give me some excuse for that horrible dance performance? Are you too tired due to all your variety shows or are your perky little girlfriends keeping you up at night? Is that your excuse?”

SungGyu closed his eyes; the two WooHyuns had turned into three blurry ones.

“Do you still have nothing to say in your defense? Well, you had plenty to say to SungYeol didn’t you?”

“Huh?”

“You told him that I was only going to end up hurting him! You said I didn’t care about him. How the hell would you know how I feel?”

SungGyu opened his eyes and focused on one of the WooHyuns. “You don’t…do you?”

“Look at me when you talk to me!” the younger man demanded. “Fucking look at me!”

“Wrong one,” SungGyu mumbled, shaking his head in an attempt to clear it. “I…was just…looking out for him—”

“What about me,” WooHyun cried out, grabbing a hold of SungGyu. “What about me!”

A startled SungGyu jumped; he had not noticed how close WooHyun had gotten.

WooHyun’s hands dug into the older man’s arms and the younger man stated harshly, “You don’t know anything about me. You never did!”

SungGyu’s head was swimming, but he wanted to focus on WooHyun’s words…he felt like it was very important that he listen. “Whaaat?”

“You of all people…wouldn’t know how I feel. You wouldn’t know if I liked SungYeol…or anybody! You wouldn’t know if I was so in love with somebody it was making me insane! You called me your best friend for years, but you never knew me! I was always beside you, but you never knew me.”

“I did…”

“No, you didn’t. You didn’t know me…I was right next to you bleeding my heart out all over you and you never noticed. You didn’t know I loved you so much it was destroying me. Killing me on the inside and turning me into a different person! A person I hated! You never knew!” WooHyun angrily spit out at the other man, all his anger and frustration unleashing itself.

SungGyu didn’t have time to respond before he felt WooHyun’s hands on his face, pulling him down toward him. To his astonishment he felt warm, hungry lips colliding against his own.

He lacked the energy to fight, to protest, or even to pull away. His world was spiraling out of control, his body refused to obey him, his mind was a fog, and his own thoughts danced around in his mind making no sense.

WooHyun broke the kiss and a hand was suddenly on his forehead. “You’re burning up.”

SungGyu swayed on his feet. WooHyun reached out, holding him with arms that were so much stronger than they appeared; preventing him from falling to the floor. SungYeol’s words about WooHyun being harder than them replayed in mind as he started to slip into unconsciousness.

A darkness SungGyu had never known before was pulling him under, but he struggled to keep his eyes open. He gasped when he looked up into WooHyun’s concerned eyes…because he finally understood…he knew why the other man hated him…because he didn’t hate him at all…WooHyun loved him.


	3. Chapter 3

“WooHyun, open the door!” DongWoo yelled as he banged on the door.

“SungGyu Hyung, please open the door,” SungJong pleaded from his position beside DongWoo.

Hoya pushed SungJong out of the way and slammed his body against the door, but it didn’t budge. “It’s jammed shut with something.”

“Why isn’t SungGyu letting us in?” a concerned MyungSoo asked.

“He looked sick to me,” SungJong answered. “I thought he was going to pass out during the performance.”

“He looked really bad. I kept hoping they would make us stop,” Hoya agreed. “I thought he was going to hit the floor a few times.”

An anxious SungYeol, who had been standing quietly in the background, told them, “I tried to get him to go to the hospital while we were in Japan, but he refused.”

“WooHyun!” DongWoo yelled again. “Open the door! We have to check on SungGyu! There is something wrong with him.”

“Maybe, if we all tried to break down the door together,” MyungSoo suggested.

SungYeol shook his head. “We can’t break down a door, look at us! We are lucky to get the lids off soda bottles.”

“Where is 2pm when you need a hunky man?” Key from SHINee asked as he walked up to the Infinite members.

SungJong nodded his head, agreeing with Key. “They could break down a door.”

DongWoo reached out an arm, grabbed Key, and dragged him to the door. “You are WooHyun’s best friend, see if you can get him to open the door.”

“I doubt it will work. He’s been a moody little monster lately. I don’t know how you guys stand him,” Key told DongWoo but did as he was asked. Key knocked on the door loudly and shouted, “I see the crazy has finally won out, WooHyun. You are creating a huge scene. You better not have done anything stupid!”

The door flung open.

A very surprised Key took a step back and stated, “I guess I am the voice of reason.”

A panicked WooHyun ran out of the green room yelling, “We need a doctor! We need an ambulance! We need a doctor…a doctor!”

“A doctor…” DongWoo repeated as he rushed into the green room and came to a sudden halt. SungGyu was lying on the floor, not moving.

“Hyung!” SungJong called out and dashed to SungGyu’s side, along with Hoya and MyungSoo.

“He isn’t breathing! I don’t think he is breathing,” MyungSoo cried out, kneeling at the fallen man’s side.

“He killed him,” Key said in disbelief as the show’s staff, Infinite’s manager and managers from other groups rushed into the room.

Hoya, who had his head pressed against SungGyu’s chest, yelled out, “No, he is breathing…just barely, but he’s breathing.”

“What the hell happened?” Manager Geonam demanded as he felt for a pulse. One of the other managers started doing mouth to mouth to enhance SungGyu’s shallow breathing.

“He…he…he…just collapsed,” WooHyun, who was standing in the back of the room, answered.

“What did you do to him?” SungYeol, who was bawling uncontrollably, demanded. “I knew you hated him…but what did you do! Tell them!”

“Nothing!” a scared WooHyun yelled back at him.

“Like hell you didn’t!” SungYeol screamed at him through his tears. “Tell them what you did so they can help him!”

Before WooHyun could respond to SungYeol’s accusations DongWoo, who had been paralyzed by the sight of his fallen hyung, turned around and punched WooHyun in the face.

 

*(*(*)(*)*)*

Hours later there was a tentative knock on WooHyun’s bedroom door, before the manager stepped into the windowless room. WooHyun closed his red, swollen eyes as the manager flipped on the light switch. WooHyun was sitting on the floor in the corner of his room, alone.

The manager the members referred to as Mom walked to the opposite side of the room from WooHyun and picked up what was left of the main vocal’s phone. WooHyun had thrown it against the wall earlier and then when it hadn’t broken, he had stomped it with his bare feet.

The members he desperately wanted to talk to wanted nothing to do with him. Only the friends that he had picked up along the way on his rise to fame had bothered to call him, but they meant nothing to him. He had been forced to return to the dorm by the CEO and their managers after SungGyu had been rushed to the hospital. Nobody believed he was concerned for Infinite’s leader, who had once been his best friend. He had been accused of a multitude of sins and even punched in the face by one of his dearest friends. Everyone thought it was just guilt that shook him to the core of his being.

WooHyun looked up at the manager and asked in a voice devoid of hope, “Is he dead?”

The manager remained standing and shook his head. “He’s fighting to live. He’s in surgery.”

Tears that WooHyun thought had run out hours ago flowed down his cheeks. “Surgery?”

“They think his appendix must have ruptured a while ago…days ago. He was walking around with a ruptured appendix, even performing with it.”

WooHyun felt a surge of hope and blurted out quickly, “My brother had his appendix out; he wasn’t even in the hospital for a day.”

The manager gave WooHyun a sad smile. “If they get the appendix out before it ruptures it is a simple surgery, but unfortunately SungGyu’s ruptured and they say it was a breeding ground for infection.”

“Are you saying…he could still…he won’t die, will he?”

“I am not going to lie to you WooHyun,” the manger told him. “It doesn’t look good. They say he is eaten up with infection on the inside. They didn’t want to do surgery on him in this state, but to not do surgery would have meant his certain death.”

WooHyun hunched over on the floor, gasping for air. He felt as if he couldn’t breathe. If he had just…if he had just controlled his need…if he had just remained friends with SungGyu, he would never have allowed this to happen. If he had been his roommate—he would have seen he was sick and made him seek help. SungGyu could die…and it was due to his weakness.

The manager regretfully told the distraught young man, “The boss doesn’t want you here when the other members get back. They are refusing to leave the hospital right now, but when they do return—you can’t be here. I am supposed to take you to your brother’s place.”

“I don’t care…I just want him to live, he has to live,” WooHyun sobbed. “I don’t care what happens to me.”

The manager watched the broken man on the floor, who seemed so terribly young. WooHyun seemed so different than from before. This heartbroken young man was the opposite of the angry one he had known for the last couple of months. “It is more than guilt…”

“It is guilt and it’s also every other awful thing a person can feel…but I deserve it…he just…he can’t die. Infinite needs him. I don’t care if I get thrown out of the group…I don’t care if I die, but he can’t. I need…he just can’t die. Not because I couldn’t be his friend…not because I couldn’t push my feelings aside. I should have been watching and paying better attention. He just can’t die…he can’t…not like this.”

The older man sat down on WooHyun’s bed and said softly, “When my wife and daughter died…I felt so guilty.”

WooHyun looked up, startled by the man’s admission. “But they died in a car wreck…you had nothing to do with it.”

“I felt like I had failed them because I had spent so much time working at the company. My wife and I had dreamed of opening a restaurant one day, so I kept working in the Woollim offices, excusing my long hours with the excuse that I was saving money…when all I was really doing was losing precious time. One of my biggest regrets is that I can’t remember if I kissed my wife’s cheek that morning before she died…I can’t remember if I kissed her goodbye on my way to work. I was always in such a rush.”

“I am sure you did...”

“I’ll never know for sure,” the manager reasoned. “I was an emotionless shell after they died and I didn’t want to go on living. I was giving Mr. Lee my resignation when he suggested that I come here and watch over you seven boys. I thought he was crazy at first, but he really encouraged me to give it a try…and I don’t regret it. I can never get back the time I lost with my family, but caring for you boys has helped fill a void inside of me…it gave me a reason to go on living.”

WooHyun said nothing; he couldn’t imagine going on with his life if SungGyu died…he couldn’t imagine ever surviving the loss and the guilt. The thought of living in a world where the other man didn’t exist was unimaginable. He had believed he had to end their friendship before his secret was discovered or before he exploded and did something rash, but still he had yearned for the other man’s attention…any of it. Even negative attention had been a blessing to him.

“My daughter was a big fan of you guys. You and SungGyu were her favorites…she kinda had some strange ideas when it came to the two of you. I used to get onto her. It was really inappropriate at times…she was convinced you two were in love.”

The young man closed his eyes, wishing he were invisible.

“She always talked about how close you were, how you basked in the attention of each other, how you always roomed together…and then I get here. I quickly discovered you two don’t share a room and you don’t get along at all. You looked like you wanted to kill SungGyu most of the time, and SungGyu dates women…and he makes no secret of it. I will never stop missing my daughter, but I am glad—she didn’t know how wrong she was, it would have made her sad to know you hated him.”

WooHyun’s eyes flew open and he jumped to his feet. “Everybody says that…they all say I hate him, but I never said that. I’ve always denied hating him. I never hated him…I hate myself, and I took it out on him…he…he was killing me, but he wasn’t doing it on purpose. He didn’t even know he was hurting me…and that he didn’t even realize it would make me so angry, but I never hated him!”

“WooHyun…”

“Do you think I wanted it to end up like this? You think I ever wanted to be in this room by myself…without him? Do you think I didn’t miss him? I wanted to smash down these walls a million times because I couldn’t be with him! I hated that I wasn’t the one with him…sharing secrets with him…laughing with him. I hate…I hate…how I am! You can’t imagine how much I hate myself. Your daughter was only half—”

“Stop,” the manager ordered, interrupting the distressed boy as he got up from the bed. “Don’t say anymore to me…I am not your confidant. I am loyal to a man that demands I report back to him; don’t tell me anymore.”

WooHyun clamped his mouth shut and wiped the tears from his face.

“Just don’t say anymore,” the manager said, backing out of the room.

WooHyun remained quiet and sat back down on the floor.

The manger grabbed for the door. “I will let you know if I hear any news on his condition.”

WooHyun closed his eyes.

************************

 

“This has been the longest night of my life,” SungJong said from his chair. He was sitting beside Hoya in the ICU waiting room, waiting to hear if SungGyu had made it through the night. “I know we have stayed up for days before, but this was the…longest night by far.”

Hoya nodded his head in agreement but his eyes were glued to MyungSoo, who sat across from them with DongWoo. Both DongWoo and MyungSoo’s eyes were red and puffy from a night of crying. “Do you think…do you think we care less?”

The youngest member turned to look at the lead dancer. “What do you mean?”

“The others have cried all night…and I just feel frozen.”

“Frozen?”

“In fear.”

“Fear of what?”

“Fear of losing a friend, fear of losing a dream…if he dies, we can’t come back from it,” Hoya confessed. “Infinite will never be the same.”

“Would you want to come back?” DongWoo, whose eyes were full of judgment, asked.

“I don’t know,” Hoya admitted. “I don’t think so…but I can’t be sure. This has been my dream for as long as I can remember. I just don’t know.”

“I wouldn’t,” DongWoo admitted after hearing Hoya’s reasoning. The joy that usually filled the rapper was gone. “Not if….”

MyungSoo wiped his eyes and asked, “Do you really think he will die?”

“No,” DongWoo stated firmly, trying to make himself believe his own words. “He’s strong.”

SungJong looked down at the other end of the waiting room where SungYeol sat with the managers and the CEO. SungGyu’s family had left for another waiting room after his mother had lost it on the managers and the CEO. She had accused them of working her son to death. “He will live,” SungJong insisted, because everything was a mess and SungGyu had to come back and fix it.

“He’s not himself lately…he’s been weak,” Hoya pointed out. “He hasn’t been himself for a long time. Fighting with WooHyun was too much for him.”

“How do you not know when your insides are starting to rot?” MyungSoo exclaimed, trembling and on the verge of tears again. “How do you not know that?”

SungYeol, having overhead them, walked up and sat down beside SungJong. “I thought gangrene was something that happened to legs…I didn’t know you could have it on your appendix.”

DongWoo grimaced. “Let’s not talk about it…he’s going to be fine.”

“What if he’s not?” Hoya questioned.

SungJong stood up and shouted, “Why do you keep saying that? Are you auditioning for leadership? He’s not going to die, so just shut up already!”

“No,” Hoya gasped, horrified. “No, I wasn’t doing that!”

“Then stop asking what we will do,” SungJong snapped in a lower tone. “He is not going to die. He is going to live and he’s going to fix everything. It’s going to be alright.”

DongWoo got up and hugged SungJong tightly. “Yes, yes, it will be.”

“And if he doesn’t fix everything, we will!” SungJong announced, while hugging DongWoo back. “He is not going to die.”

MyungSoo sniffled and nodded his head. “No, he’s not going to die.”

“No, he isn’t,” the voice of SungGyu’s mother said as she walked into the waiting room, passing by the managers and the CEO to go to the boys her son loved. “He made it through the night. The doctor’s say…they say…that is a positive sign.”

DongWoo released SungJong and walked up to her and took her hands and squeezed them. “Did you see him?”

“I did.”

“Did he say anything?”

SungGyu’s mother shook her head. “No, he’s on the ventilator…he’s sleeping; they have him knocked out.”

“Ventilator,” SungYeol gasped in the background. The thought of their very vocal leader on a ventilator and being unable to speak, rocked him.

Hoya walked up beside DongWoo and told SungGyu’s mother, “Well, at least we know he is happy then. He loves to sleep.”

 

****************

 

“Why me, though?”

“Why not you?” DongWoo asked the very nervous member, standing beside him. They were on their way to SungGyu’s ICU room. It had been three days since the emergency surgery that had saved his life. The ventilator had been removed the day before, and his mother had informed them he wished to speak to them. The rules of ICU dictated that only two people could visit at a time, and the leader had specifically requested SungYeol.

SungYeol wrung his hands and stated, “He’s closer to Hoya.”

“He is close to all of us.”

“SungJong and MyungSoo are his babies…why me?”

DongWoo wrapped an arm around the taller man’s waist. “And you are the neurotic mess he adores. He loves us all.”

“What about WooHyun?”

“Let’s not talk about him and don’t say anything about him to SungGyu.”

“What if he asks?”

“You are better at lying than I am…just change the subject,” DongWoo advised. “Maybe he won’t ask.”

“I bet he does.”

“Hopefully he won’t.”

SungYeol stopped walking as they neared the room. “I wonder what went on in that room before…”

“It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that we are on our way to see our friend, who almost died…we are here to see him,” DongWoo reinforced, trying to find some of the enthusiasm that once came as naturally as breathing to him.

SungYeol grimaced. “What if he hates me?”

“He doesn’t hate you,” DongWoo told the other member. “Why would you say that?”

“I’d hate me,” SungYeol whined.

“He doesn’t hate you,” DongWoo insisted as he opened the door and walked into SungGyu’s hospital room.

Both boys froze, unable to say anything at the sight of their beloved leader. He was in the bed with multiple tubes and monitors hooked to him. He looked very different from the dedicated and sometimes cranky leader they had come to love.

In a hoarse voice the man in the bed asked, “Do I look that bad?”

“No,” they both lied, shaking their head fervently.

SungGyu lifted a weak and shaky arm and motioned for SungYeol to come closer.

SungYeol swallowed nervously and stepped forward.

“If you ever…tell me I am sick…and I don’t listen you…feel free…feel free to knock me unconscious and drag me to the hospital,” a grim SungGyu informed SungYeol.

And as soon as the words were spoken, SungYeol’s insecurities vanished and he smiled down at the sickly man and vowed, “I promise.”

DongWoo, who had not smiled in days, let out a heartfelt laugh and hugged SungYeol tightly from behind.

***********************

“I’ve seen worse,” Hoya said with a tone of indifference as the surgeons left SungGyu’s ICU room after changing the leader’s abdominal dressing. Five days had passed since SungGyu had been rushed to surgery.

SungGyu, who had remained quiet during the entire dressing change, found his reserve of indignation and declared, “I’m stapled together. Where have you seen worse? On TV? TV doesn’t count!”

Hoya just shrugged. “So, it isn’t like you are the first person that has ever been stapled together. You had surgery, duh. Thousands of people have surgery everyday.”

“I almost died.”

“But you didn’t.”

The older man glared at the lead dancer trying to determine if he was being messed with. “Are you serious?”

“You are the genius, you tell me.”

“I am on morphine! I am lucky I can recognize you.”

Hoya sat down in the chair beside the hospital bed and stated, “I am just saying…it isn’t like your scar is the biggest one ever in the history of the world.”

SungGyu glared.

A pokerfaced Hoya informed the other man, “You know your glare is a lot less effective with the tube stuck down your nose.”

“I hate this tube,” SungGyu complained, reaching up to gently touch his nose.

“They took it out, but then you just had to puke everywhere,” Hoya said, not sounding the least bit sympathetic. “If you hadn’t puked you wouldn’t have needed it again.”

The older man groaned as the memory of the nurses putting the tube down his nose returned, making him forget how much Hoya was irritating him. “I don’t….don’t ever let them put one down your nose…not unless your unconscious. I hate all the tubes…but I really hate this one. It goes all the way to my stomach.”

“What about the other one…the one lower down.”

SungGyu reached down and moved his gown out of the way and picked up the tube that was coming out of his stomach and held it up. “This one doesn’t really bother me, but the puss that is draining out of it is kinda nasty.”

Hoya looked away and stated, “It’s good that it is coming out though…that was inside you…it needs to come out.”

“Oh, is this pus making you sick?” SungGyu asked, looking at Hoya who was looking away from him.

“No, the glare from your white belly is blinding me.”

SungGyu frowned.

Hoya looked back at SungGyu. “I will admit it is a little bit nasty…a little bit.”

“It’s more than a little bit. I had a ruptured appendix and didn’t even know it…I guess we know who the toughest member is now,” SungGyu said cockily, sounding like his old self.

Hoya kept a straight face. “You’re tough, but I was talking about the tube lower down.”

“We are not talking about that tube.”

“I hope they didn’t damage something when they put it in. If you are sterile later on in life…we know why.””

“Why are you here?” SungGyu hissed.

“Because we are good dongsaengs,” Hoya explained. “The nurses said one of us could stay with you…so we are taking turns. It’s my turn and your lucky day.”

“Isn’t your turn over? Can’t somebody…nice…human come sit with me?” SungGyu demanded. “I am in ICU still…I need a calming presence.”

“Boo hoo, you are in ICU.”

“Any other member would do…even WooHyun.”

Hoya’s expression barely changed. “I think SungJong is next on the list, I am sure he will fawn all over you soon enough.”

Even on morphine the older man noticed the difference in the lead dancer. “Is there something I should know?”

“I am sure there a lot of things you should know,” Hoya said, trying to sound ornery again. “I could probably make a list. You are pretty clueless about a lot of things.”

“About WooHyun?”

Hoya got up out of the chair. “Why are we talking about WooHyun? Let’s not discuss him.”

“My near death experience didn’t soften his stance toward me?”

“You know…you are right, you are in ICU so let’s not talk about the colossal asshole.”

“I want to talk about him,” SungGyu insisted. “What aren’t you telling me? What happened?”

“He’s fine.”

“Why won’t you talk about him?”

“Because he is a jerk,” Hoya said firmly. “He isn’t worth your time and he sure isn’t worth your worries. He gave you nothing but a hard time for months. Hell, if it weren’t for him you might have noticed your appendix ruptured.”

SungGyu looked away from Hoya, knowing the other man spoke the truth. “Give me some ice.”

“No.”

“You heard the surgeon! He said I could have ice chips.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“So give me some.”

Hoya smiled. “What do I look like, your servant?”

*************************

“You are a difficult man to find,” Key stated, as he walked onto the roof of WooHyun’s brother’s apartment complex.

“It should have been a hint that I didn’t want to be found.”

Key walked up to the man, who had his feet dangling over the edge of the ten story building. “So you were ignoring my calls?”

“No, I stomped my phone into pieces, so I wasn’t getting any calls.”

“Why would you do that?”

WooHyun kept staring out over the city and didn’t bother to look at his friend. “The members…they wouldn’t answer my calls.”

“Oh…” Key sympathized. “If it makes you feel better they won’t talk to me either.”

“Guilty by association.”

“I suppose,” Key agreed. “Did you try his family?”

“His mother has always hated me.”

Key furrowed his brows. “Really? I didn’t know his mother hated you.”

“For some reason she never liked me, and she never bothered hiding it from me.”

“Does she know you’re gay?”

“No,” WooHyun answered. “You know that only a few people outside the group know.”

“Speaking of the group, why are you here and not the dorm?”

“I was kicked out of the dorm,” WooHyun explained. “The CEO doesn’t want me there with the other members.”

“Ahh,” Key said with a grimace and carefully sat down beside WooHyun. “But they haven’t kicked you out of the group, have they?”

“Not yet, but it will be coming…or I will just leave.”

“So you will just give up your dream?”

WooHyun nodded his head.

A disgusted Key snapped, “It’s all so stupid; such a waste!”

“I can’t help how I feel.”

Key resisted the urge to push the other man off the roof. “When normal people are in love, they don’t try to get the one they love to hate them! They kinda do the opposite!”

“Most people are not in love with their straight best friend.”

“Believe it or not, you are not the only gay man that has fallen in love with a straight man…although I continue to doubt his straightness.”

“Well, the women he screws don’t doubt it.”

“He could be bisexual,” Key suggested. “I tell you my gaydar dings when I am around him. It’s never been wrong before.”

“It’s wrong now. He’s straight…I shared a room with him for years.”

“I suppose you could be right, and I could be wrong…for the first time, ever.”

WooHyun rubbed his face. “I wish I was wrong.”

“So how are you doing?”

“I am either crying or I want to stab myself in the face. I am so angry with myself. I put myself in this position…and now I can’t even find out how he is. Nobody will tell me anything…they think I don’t care…when in truth I care too much.”

“He’s doing better,” Key said, soothing the other distraught man.

WooHyun turned to look at Key for the first time and his black eye from where DongWoo had punched him was clearly visible. “So my members…they talked to you?”

“No, they wouldn’t take my calls—like I said, but I knew somebody who MyungSoo would talk to and they called him for me.”

“SungGyu is really doing better…” WooHyun stated. “You promise you aren’t saying that to make me feel better?”

“I would totally say it to make you feel better, especially since the fact that I found you sitting on the edge of a roof is worrisome, but I am not lying.”

“I am not going to jump.”

“Good, don’t stab yourself in the face either.”

“Key, tell me how he is doing!”

“He’s been in intensive care for a week, but if all goes well tonight they are going to move him to a regular room tomorrow.”

WooHyun reached out and clasped his friend’s hand. “That’s wonderful news.”

“Considering he almost died, it’s freaking fantastic,” Key told the other man. “You look really relieved.’

“I am…you can’t imagine,” WooHyun replied as he scooted away from the edge of the roof. “I want to go see him, but I’m afraid.”

Key, who was more than happy to move away from the edge, asked, “But wouldn’t that be hard? They won’t even let you go back to the dorm.”

“I’d have to be really sneaky to get into the hospital.”

“Well, you are really sneaky.”

“I’d hate to get caught, but I have to see him, although…I dread having to face him after what I did.”

“What did you do? What really happened in that green room?”

“I did something…I can’t take back.”

Key frowned. “Did you really hurt him?”

“You know I wouldn’t!”

“I don’t know anything,” Key explained in his defense. “You were like a bomb about to explode.”

“Thanks for your faith in me.”

“It’s not just me,” Key said in his defense. “I am not the only one that thinks you were about to go crazy.”

WooHyun groaned and admitted, “I did go crazy.”

“So you did hit him.”

“No.”

“What did you do, then?” a curious Key asked.

“I kissed him and then he blacked out,” WooHyun admitted.

“Oh, well…well, well…wow…he fainted afterwards?”

WooHyun snorted. “Only because he had a fever of 105 and was on the verge of death…it wasn’t because I swept him off his feet.”

“Duh,” Key stated, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been kissed by you…I don’t remember it as being swoon worthy.

“This is why I don’t kiss you anymore,” WooHyun smarted off back to his friend.

“We don’t kiss anymore because while we make excellent friends—we make horrible lovers.”

WooHyun nodded his head. “True, we aren’t exactly each other’s types.”

“No…I like my men…perfect…perfectly hot and preferably gorgeous models.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“And you like…well, I don’t understand the appeal—”

“Don’t make me throw you off this roof,” WooHyun warned, interrupting. “Remember, people think I’m crazy.”

“Tone down the threats; I was going to say that although I don’t understand your unwavering love for SungGyu, I know your feelings for him are real. And probably I will have many…many hot, model boyfriends and you will still be hopelessly in love with him.”

WooHyun looked up at the sky and sighed, “You are right…and now he knows.”

“I still can’t believe he didn’t know—I mean he is supposed to be so smart, but he totally missed the fact that you wanted to jump him every second of the day.”

“Not every second.”

“But he knew you were gay…and still he didn’t suspect.”

“To be fair, none of the others suspected either,” WooHyun pointed out.

“Your group is so stupid.”

“Hey!”

“Whatever, I can insult them—you are leaving anyway, what do you care?”

“I care, and they are not stupid—I am just really good at lying, distracting them, and covering for myself.”

“You must be good because you shared a room…shared a room with him for years, and he still didn’t notice.”

“It wasn’t like I humped him at night,” WooHyun responded, feeling suddenly protective of SungGyu.

Key reached out and thumped WooHyun on the head. “Well, now he knows, so what are you going to do?”

“Tell him he was feverish and delusional if he brings it up?” WooHyun suggested.

“You could do that. So, what kind of kiss was it? Maybe you could say you tripped,” Key teased, “and accidently fell on his face.”

“That wouldn’t work, because before I kissed him…I kinda shouted about him being dense and not being able to tell when somebody was in love with him…so the tripping excuse isn’t going to work.”

Key patted WooHyun on his back and said proudly, “I am so glad you called him on being a complete idiot. I have often wanted to shout that at him myself.”

“You didn’t always know how I felt either,” WooHyun reminded the other man.

“No,” Key conceded. “I didn’t spend much time with you guys as a group, but I will never forget the moment I first knew.”

“Don’t.”

“We were at the idol championship and SungGyu was talking to Bora, and you stormed up to them in full blown jealous fit mode. You then slapped your jacket on him, claiming him as yours for all to see.”

“Stop, please.”

“Then you stomped off, giving him one quick glance back, and tossing your magnificent hair…it was your diva moment. And I knew we would be sisters forever!”

WooHyun groaned.

“So now he knows…” Key paused, prompting the other man to expand on his intentions.

“I have to face him.”

“Really? I figured you would quit the group and hide out on roofs for the rest of your life.”

“I’ve considered that option.”

“I mean, I have only been telling you to tell him for two freaking years!”

“Well, I did.”

“Only after you threw gasoline all over you life and set a match to it.”

“I just…couldn’t…”

“Was it really better that he hate you than know you had feelings for him?

“Yes,” WooHyun replied, without hesitating.

“You are so stupid; no wonder you are member of Infinite. You fit right in.”

“You just don’t understand.’

“No, I am too smart to understand this level of stupidity,” Key informed his friend. “But…still, I think he might surprise you.”

“He isn’t going to surprise me,” WooHyun assured Key. “He won’t care…he might be annoyed that I acted so badly, but he won’t care that I love him. He won’t care at all.”

“Then why did you not tell him! You are killing me, why all this needless angst if he won’t even care?” Key demanded, and then started to pretend to strangle himself with his bare hands

WooHyun glared at the other man, who was now rolling from side to side and kicking his legs in frustration, while pretending to strangle himself. “Don’t you see…I’d rather him feel anything—anything at all…than not to care!”


	4. Chapter 4

“Everything going okay?” MyungSoo asked as he walked into the studio, immediately noticing the dejected looking maknae who was sitting alone. MyungSoo had spent the day with SungGyu until the leader’s mother had showed up to relieve him.

SungJong replied, “They are drilling us like crazy; it’s like I’m a trainee all over again.”

“Dancing or just vocals?”

SungJong looked down at his feet. “Just vocals.”

“None of us can replace WooHyun.”

“I know.”

“His voice…he was born with that voice, it can’t be taught!”

“I know.”

MyungSoo sat down beside SungJong on the small couch. “I hate this.”

“Me too.”

“Why did it all have to go so bad?”

“I don’t now,” SungJong answered. “It’s like the others—even DongWoo—have accepted that WooHyun won’t be back. How can they just accept that WooHyun won’t come back? It’s WooHyun we are talking about…he might have acted badly for the past few months, but it is still him.”

“Did the CEO say something?” MyungSoo questioned, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach. “Did he make it official?”

“No, but it is coming. You have to know it is coming. I think they are just waiting until SungGyu Hyung is strong enough to handle the news.”

“He won’t like it.”

SungJong brought his hands together and wrung them. “Are you sure?”

“He won’t,” MyungSoo answered firmly. “He kept asking about him today. He knew I was hiding something. He will not like it at all.”

“Not even after—”

“No,” MyungSoo stated firmly, interrupting SungJong. “No matter what happened between them…he won’t want this. He never wanted WooHyun out of the group…he just wanted to ignore it.”

“And ignore his health, too.”

“We can’t blame WooHyun Hyung for that. WooHyun didn’t make SungGyu’s appendix burst.”

SungJong nodded his head in agreement. “Will they listen to SungGyu?”

“I think SungGyu will make them listen, but will WooHyun want to come back? I tried to call him today but he didn’t answer.”

A shocked SungJong stated, “You tried to call him?”

“Yeah, I wanted to let him know…that even after everything, SungGyu is still worried about him. I think he needs to know that. I think that would mean something to him.”

SungJong opened his mouth and then shut it without saying a word.

*******

Getting up to SungGyu’s room had been a challenge. Between the increased security, the fans, nosey nurses, and not to mention the sasaeng psychos that always followed him, WooHyun had thought he would never make it.

But now that he was here, outside SungGyu’s room…he couldn’t find the courage to open the door. His mind was extremely cruel as it played scenarios in his head of what could happen…the members could be in the room and they could demand he leave…SungGyu could be alone but he could demand he leave…the CEO could be in the room and he could fire WooHyun and then have security haul him away.

WooHyun was about turn around and leave when the familiar voice of SungGyu’s older sister asked, “WooHyun, what are you doing here?”

He quickly turned to face her. He could only imagine what she had been told. “I…I…I was…was…going...”

“Going to check on him? That’s great,” she told him with a sigh of relief. SungGyu’s sister was five years older than her brother. WooHyun knew they were not as close as most siblings, not nearly as close as he was to his brother. “I couldn’t find a sitter for tonight. You really are a godsend. I don’t know why everybody thinks somebody should be with him all the time…he’d probably be happy to be left alone.”

WooHyun let out a small yelp of surprise as she took him by the arm and dragged him inside SungGyu’s room with her.

They were barely in the room before SungGyu’s sister starting fussing at her brother, “I can not believe you kicked your own mother out of your room!”

SungGyu, who had been sitting up in bed, ignored his sister as he gaped open-mouthed at WooHyun. He was stunned by the other man’s appearance.

“Did you hear me? She was crying, saying you told her she couldn’t come back. Did you really tell her that?”

SungGyu closed his mouth and forced his attention away from WooHyun and verified for his sister, “I sure did. She wanted me to sue the company! My company! She is insane! And if you are here to defend her, you can leave also.”

“Settle down,” his sister soothed, realizing how harsh she was being. “I’m sorry for fussing at you. She is just worried about you.”

“No, she wants more money. It’s always about money with her. Well, too bad,” SungGyu snapped. “She isn’t suing my company and she can get another job if she wants more money to gamble away.”

His sister walked across the room and kissed him on the cheek. “It isn’t all about money, but I know why you would think that.”

“It’s 85% about money.”

“More like 55%,” his sister admitted. “She does love you…she is just too much to handle at times.”

“I won’t see her again unless she stops her delusions about me suing my company.”

“I will talk to her.

“Good.”

“I have to go, I couldn’t find a sitter. I worked all day and the baby fussed all night. I am so glad WooHyun is here. I will leave you in his more than capable hands.”

SungGyu looked back at WooHyun and uneasily agreed, “Okaayy…”

“I will try and come see you tomorrow,” she told her brother and then turned to WooHyun, reached up and gently touched his right eye. “Who did you piss off?”

“Everybody,” WooHyun answered.

“Feel free to piss him off if he doesn’t get up and walk,” SungGyu’s sister told WooHyun as she opened the door to leave.

“I walked!” SungGyu declared defensively.

She turned around and smiled at her brother. “That’s wonderful! Remember what the doctors said! Nothing will help your recovery more than walking.”

“That and taking a shit,” he told his sister bluntly.

“SungGyu!” she exclaimed.

“What? That is the first question every doctor and nurse asks me. I think when I finally do they will declare it a national holiday.”

“You are so gross!” she complained and quickly left the room.

Once his sister was gone SungGyu’s smile faded and he looked uneasily at WooHyun, who was still in the room.

WooHyun swallowed, not knowing what to say.

SungGyu broke the silence by asking, “Did I hit you?”

“Huh?”

“Apparently we had a big fight before I tried to die…did I hit you?”

WooHyun furrowed his brow and took an involuntary step towards the bed. Was it possible that SungGyu didn’t remember his confession or the kiss? “What is the last thing you remember?”

SungGyu grimaced. “The performance…kinda…but not really, and that is probably a good thing. Hoya said I looked like a drunken duck, flapping broken wings—I think all copies of it should be erased.”

The younger man was confused by what he was feeling, not knowing if he was relieved by SungGyu’s memory lapse or if he regretted it.

“So did I hit you?”

“Would it make you happy if you hit me?”

“Yes,” SungGyu said with vigor, remembering all the trouble WooHyun had given him. Losing WooHyun’s friendship had been a huge strain on him. “It would.”

WooHyun couldn’t help but smile. “Okay, then you hit me.”

SungGyu leaned back against his pillows. “You deserved it.”

“I did.”

“Too bad I can’t remember hitting you,” SungGyu said wistfully. “It would have been a glorious memory.”

“I was terrified.”

SungGyu frowned and looked pointedly at WooHyun. “Now you are lying.”

“I thought I would make it sound even better for you.”

“Thanks,” SungGyu told him, but the older man was still troubled. “I am glad you came…I didn’t think you would.”

WooHyun sat down in the chair beside SungGyu’s bed, and admitted, “I was about to turn tail and run but your sister grabbed me outside your room and dragged me in.”

“I’m glad she grabbed you…I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I never wanted to fight with you…it makes me tired.”

“I know.”

“I’m glad I don’t remember our last fight—last fight…that would be wonderful if it really was our last fight.”

“I don’t want to fight with you anymore, either.”

SungGyu smiled. “I am glad I badgered the other members.”

“Badgered?”

“I badgered them about you, till they made you come.”

WooHyun gave him a sad smile. “They didn’t have to badger me…I wanted to come see you, I just didn’t know if you wanted to see me.”

“I did.”

“Good, that makes me happy.”

SungGyu looked down at his arm and started fiddling with the tape that held his IV in place. “Then why do you seem so sad?”

“Because in our fight…a lot of things got said—that I needed to say to you, but at the same time I regretted saying them. So I am relieved you don’t remember them, but I’m a little sad, too.”

“SungYeol told me why you hated me and—”

WooHyun quickly stood up, interrupting him, “I don’t hate you. I never said I hated you—that is other people putting words in my mouth. I was angry, but I never hated you.”

“Okay…”

“I could never hate you,” WooHyun insisted.

“Okay…”

“I could never hate any of the members,” WooHyun quickly added. “I know I acted like a jerk, but I never hated you. I never did. It pisses me off when people assign feelings to me that I never felt. I never hated you.”

“I believe you,” SungGyu said, hoping to soothe the other man.

“Good,” WooHyun replied. “But…what did SungYeol tell you?”

“He said you were upset that I got the solo album.”

“Yes,” WooHyun lied. “I was jealous. I am not proud of myself…I felt I had been robbed of something that would have been wonderful. My bitterness was eating me alive.”

“It’s okay…”

WooHyun dropped to his knees and leaned against the bed, trying his best to hold his overpowering emotions under control. “There is something I have to tell you.”

SungGyu, who was surprised by the other man dropping to his knees, quickly joked, “I won’t marry you.”

“What…what,” a startled WooHyun sputtered.

“You are on your knees,” SungGyu explained. “I was teasing.”

WooHyun couldn’t keep from laughing in relief.

“So you aren’t proposing?”

WooHyun eyed SungGyu seriously and asked, “If I was would you say yes?”

Now SungGyu laughed. “No, I am still holding out hope for Hyuna.”

“Brandy will be mad,” WooHyun replied, trying his best to mask his heartache.

“I never made her any promises.”

“No declarations of love?”

“No. I don’t fall in love.”

WooHyun just shook his head.

“Get up,” SungGyu told him.

“I need to apologize.”

“Get up,” an embarrassed SungGyu ordered. “You don’t have to apologize to me. We are fine.”

“Just like that…without even an apology?”

SungGyu reached a hand out and ruffled WooHyun’s hair. “I almost died. I can be forgiving if I want.”

“Really? I figured I would have to beg and plead…offer to be your personal servant for a year,” WooHyun told the other man, feeling lighter than he had in months. “This doesn’t seem like you.”

“It’s the morphine…it makes everything better,” SungGyu told WooHyun, pointing to the pain pump on the other side of the bed. “Although, a personal servant is a tempting offer…hmm, I think I will have to consider it, now.”

WooHyun couldn’t say anything; his emotions were threatening to overwhelm him. He just smiled; smiled because he had missed the other man so much. This was the secret SungGyu; the one that was completely unguarded. The one other people rarely ever saw.

“There it is.”

“What?”

“Your smile.”

WooHyun tried to reign in the brightness of his smile, but failed. “I don’t think it is the morphine.”

“It is,” SungGyu protested.

“No, I think you are just a big softie in your old age,” WooHyun teased. “Hoya said it would only take me ten minutes to earn you forgiveness.”

“Hoya,” SungGyu grumbled at the mention of the lead dancer’s name. “He has no sympathy for me at all. I am surprised he didn’t scrub in on my surgery so he could criticize my intestines.”

WooHyun continued to smile. “He’s your good friend…he knows what gets you riled…what gets you…to be you again.”

“He’s an ingrate…that’s why you are my favorite friend,” SungGyu said, trying to sound casual, but WooHyun could feel the other man’s uncertainty.

“That’s right, and if I ever see him again…I am going to tell him,” WooHyun assured the older man. “I always win the best dongsaeng game.”

SungGyu frowned. “If you ever see him again—are you not staying in the dorm?”

“That morphine can’t be that good, if you caught that,” WooHyun said, trying to deflect the sickly man’s attention.

“Are you?”

“No,” WooHyun said, shaking his head.

SungGyu looked very unpleased. “Who decided that?”

“I am not popular for a reason,” WooHyun reminded SungGyu. “I acted dreadfully for a long time.”

“Bullshit!” SungGyu shouted, suddenly extremely irritated. “Our fight was stupid, but it was between us…they had no right to kick you out of our dorm. You never did anything to the other members!”

“That’s not true; it was affecting the whole group and the fans were even aware of it,” WooHyun said in defense of the company.

SungGyu sat up in bed, wincing in pain, and declared, “Infinite is the seven of us…the seven! We can fight, but the fact that Infinite is the seven us never changes.”

WooHyun stood up. “Calm down, I am just staying with my brother for awhile.”

“I will not calm down,” SungGyu snapped. “When they start separating us…that threatens the group; I will not have Infinite crumble to nothing…not after all we have achieved, and not after all we sacrificed to get to this level of success.”

“You just had surgery, please calm down,” WooHyun said, reaching out and squeezing the other man’s arm.

“The other members—I knew something was up, but not one of the little traitors would say a word to me,” SungGyu fumed.

“Hey,” WooHyun said, trying to sound firm. “Infinite is still the seven of us. If Hoya had been in a fight with SungJong and suddenly SungJong was rushed to the hospital…you would see the logic in separating him from the rest of the group for awhile.”

SungGyu looked up at WooHyun and reminded him, “I am not SungJong and you are not Hoya. I can handle myself.”

“Says the man who almost died.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.’

“You used to whine if you had a runny nose…you were dying and you didn’t say anything—I know this is my fault.”

SungGyu looked away from WooHyun, not saying a word in his defense. He hated it, but he knew WooHyun spoke the truth. Having WooHyun so angry with him had drained him, both emotionally and physically.

“I distracted you with my personal garbage…’til you almost died. I understand why they are angry at me, I deserve it.”

“But…but…that is all resolved now,” SungGyu stated, holding his stomach.

“They don’t know that.”

“They will know,” SungGyu insisted, his pallor increasing.

“Hyung, they will know. Everything is going to be fine,” WooHyun said, trying to calm the other man. “Settle back against your pillows and rest. Enjoy your morphine.”

SungGyu looked up at WooHyun. “Why do I feel…like you are still lying to me…like I’ve forgotten something important?”

WooHyun shook his head and then gently pushed SungGyu back down in the bed against the pillows. “I promise I don’t hate you.”

“I believe that,” SungGyu replied, allowing himself to be lowered. “I just don’t believe…that you believe everything will be fine.”

“It will be,” WooHyun lied.

“I…I don’t want you going back to your brother’s apartment.”

“I can’t go back to the dorm.”

SungGyu reached out and clasped WooHyun’s hand. “Then you will stay here with me.”

WooHyun’s heart sped up and he did his best to tease, “So you do want me to be your personal servant? I knew I couldn’t get off so easily.”

The older man let out a small laugh that caused him to wince in pain, causing him to grab for the button that controlled his morphine allowance. “Don’t make me laugh.”

WooHyun looked down at their clasped hands and asked, “Should I make you sad?”

“No,” SungGyu answered with a sigh as the morphine started working. “No….don’t make me sad anymore…promise…to never make me sad…again.”

WooHyun swallowed guiltily as he watched the older man slip off to sleep, sparing him from having to tell another lie. He knew that was one promise he wouldn’t be able to keep.

**********************

“I don’t understand why he won’t answer our calls,” SungJong complained as he, Hoya, and MyungSoo headed toward SungGyu’s hospital room early the next morning.

“He found out about WooHyun,” Hoya told the maknae, knowing exactly what was up with their leader. “That’s why.”

“So now neither one of them will answer our calls,” MyungSoo groaned.

Hoya frowned. “You tried to call WooHyun?”

“Yeah,” MyungSoo admitted. “I was worried about him.”

“And he didn’t answer?” Hoya asked, surprised.

“Nope,” MyungSoo told the lead dancer.

“He probably doesn’t want to talk to us,” SungJong answered. “I’d be pissed if I were him.”

“What right does he have to be pissed with us?” Hoya questioned in an irritated tone. “He brought this all on himself.”

“True,” MyungSoo conceded as they headed down the hallway toward the leader’s room. “But still he is a member of the group and he got kicked out of his home.”

“Because he was acting like a fucktard,” Hoya reminded them. “None of this would have happened if he had just acted like a decent human being.”

SungJong ran his hand along the side of the walls as they neared SungGyu’s room. “I think something is really bothering him. I think it has been bothering him for a long time.”

“Maybe we should have tried harder to find out why he was acting so hostile,” MyungSoo suggested.

“We tried,” Hoya insisted. “I can’t count how many times we tried. DongWoo alone tried at least a hundred times.”

MyungSoo nodded his head. “I know, but…but it had something to do with the leader.”

“Well, duh,” Hoya mouthed back at the visual of the group. “That was pretty obvious.”

“I think…the minute WooHyun chose to have a room to himself we should have known something was wrong—that wasn’t like him,” SungJong told the other boys. “Before that moment he had always wanted to be with SungGyu.”

“Yeah,” Hoya agreed. “I was really surprised when he didn’t pick the room DongWoo and I got.”

“Yeah, he should have picked it and chose SungGyu as his roommate,” MyungSoo added.

“Whatever happened between the two of them happened back before we moved,” SungJong pointed out.

“Yeah, I agree, but SungGyu has no clue what it was that happened…I personally think it was all WooHyun’s ego,” Hoya stated. “WooHyun couldn’t handle it that he wasn’t one of the top three in the group. He probably felt like he wasn’t getting enough attention, so he took it out on his best friend.”

SungJong frowned.

Hoya continued, “He used to always want to beat SungGyu at everything—it was like he was competing with him all the time when we were trainees.”

“Yeah, I remember,” MyungSoo confirmed. “Like when he wanted to be the leader.”

“Exactly,” Hoya concurred. “I think this is all about an out of control ego.”

SungJong gave his former roommate a sharp look. “You’d know.”

“Hey,” Hoya responded defensively. “I might have had my issues, but when I was put in my place I stayed there.”

“One thing I know for certain,” MyungSoo said when they reached the door to SungGyu’s room, “is that the leader is not going to be happy.”

“No,” SungJong confirmed as he pushed the door open. “He won’t be.’

The boys entered the hospital room and found it empty.

*************************

“I never knew taking a shit could make doctors so happy,” WooHyun stated as he slowly walked down the hospital hallway beside SungGyu.

SungGyu, who was carefully and slowly ambulating down the hall while pushing his IV pole, explained “Apparently it is some sign that my intestines are working again.”

“That’s good.”

“Yep,” SungGyu confirmed. “I still feel like a bloated cow though.”

WooHyun looked at SungGyu’s distended stomach. “You only look six months pregnant now.”

SungGyu brightened. “It’s a big improvement from looking like I was nine months pregnant with twins.”

“Yeah.”

“And the best part of all is that I can have ice cream now. I hate broth. If I never eat broth again it will be too soon.”

WooHyun, who was sticking very close to the other man in case he stumbled, teased, “Funny how your innards start working once I show up. You must have really missed me.”

SungGyu took his eyes off the hall in front of him and glanced at his friend who had stayed with him all night. “I did.”

“I was joking with you,” WooHyun replied, unable to hide his blush at the other man’s earnest response.

“Why are you blushing?”

WooHyun cursed his honest cheeks and tried to sound convincing, “I am embarrassed for fighting with you.”

“You should be.”

“I am.”

SungGyu stopped and pointed to WooHyun’s right eye. “I got my revenge.”

“You did.”

SungGyu studied his friend and asked, “I didn’t really hit you…did I?”

“Do you remember what happened?”

SungGyu shook his head. “No, but if I had tried to hit you…you would have blocked me and hit me instead.”

“No,” WooHyun told him. “I’d never hit you.”

“Like hell you wouldn’t,” SungGyu bluntly retorted. “You acted like you would love nothing more than to punch me for months.”

“No,” WooHyun maintained as he took the other man by the arm, coaxing him to continue walking. “I would never hit you, but the nurses might if you don’t keep moving.”

SungGyu, who didn’t believe the other man, did start walking again. “Why not? It sure isn’t because you a dutiful dongsaeng.”

“I am not a hitter,” WooHyun claimed.

“I have seen you fight many times and win.”

“Not you.”

SungGyu pondered over WooHyun’s words and realized it was true. WooHyun had never swung at him and they had had many heated arguments. “Why not?”

“I am a dutiful dongsaeng.”

“Liar.”

“I just…I am never all mad at you—even when you piss me off, I also feel other things.”

“Oh,” SungGyu exclaimed in understanding. “Like friendship?”

“Nah,” WooHyun responded, shaking his head. “Usually amusement…you’re pretty funny, especially when you are angry.”

SungGyu, who wanted to act offended, just laughed and complained, “Don’t make me laugh…it hurts.”

WooHyun, who was also laughing, stilled when he eyed the other three members walking toward them.

SungGyu looked down the hall to see what had caused the other man to freeze and immediately starting nagging, “So, you three traitorous traitors decided to crawl in out of the gutter. Where are the other two?”

“Hyung,” SungJong replied, quickly walking up to the two men. “We were worried about you…you weren’t in your room.”

“You gave us a good scare,” MyungSoo agreed, while Hoya stayed quiet letting the two youngest take the lead, knowing the younger ones had a special way with the leader.

“I wasn’t in my room. My room is at the dorm…this hospital room is not my home. The dorm is our home. Do you know who else wasn’t in their room?” SungGyu demanded, not looking pleased.

“I tried to call him,” MyungSoo quickly retorted. “I called him and he would never answer his phone.”

SungGyu looked away from the three newly arrived members to look at the one that had been at his side since the night before, waiting on him hand and foot. “Is that true?”

“I killed my phone,” WooHyun told him.

“What do you mean you killed it?” SungGyu questioned. “You are supposed to keep your phone with you at all times.”

WooHyun shrugged. “I was really frustrated…nobody would tell me how you were doing, so I stomped it in a fit of rage.”

“You were so concerned for him…that you broke your phone?” Hoya asked, not bothering to hide his disbelief.

WooHyun’s eyes narrowed and he replied, “Yes.”

“Of course he was worried for me,” SungGyu explained. “Everybody is worried about me. I am one of a kind. If I died, can you imagine the huge loss the world would suffer?”

“Hyung,” SungJong exclaimed, trying not to laugh.

MyungSoo reached out and wrapped his hand around SungGyu’s IV pole. “You are one of a kind.”

“I am,” SungGyu agreed. “I am wonderful. I am the very definition of manly. I was walking around with a rotten appendix and I didn’t even complain.”

“No more than usual,” Hoya smart-mouthed back to the leader, unable to keep from ribbing him.

MyungSoo reached out and gently patted SungGyu’s back. “Don’t listen to him, you are very tough.”

SungGyu, who was glaring at Hoya, nodded his head. “I am.”

“Hyung, you are going to make them move WooHyun back to the dorm, right?” SungJong asked, while smiling gently at the WooHyun.

“Of course, I am,” SungGyu confirmed. “I didn’t pass on being a rock star to be the leader of measly six member group. It’s seven or nothing.”

“Plus, I have offered to be his personal servant for a year,” WooHyun teased.

“I was going to be gracious and decline your offer,” SungGyu reminded WooHyun.

Hoya shook his head. “That sure doesn’t sound like you, Gramps.”

WooHyun pointed to the pain pump hanging on the IV pole. “He’s a little high.”

“So ungrateful,” SungGyu complained to the other main vocal, only to add, “Now go get me some Natuur Pop ice cream and hurry up, already!”

SungJong laughed, wrapped an arm around the leader and declared, “Hyung, I am so happy you are back to yourself.”

“I can’t be chit chatting with you people, I have to walk,” SungGyu nagged, refusing to fall for SungJong’s charms. “I have to get better so I can get out of here. I can only imagine what trouble you kids are getting into without me there supervising you.”

“We will walk with you,” MyungSoo told SungGyu as he and SungJong started walking down the hall with the fussy leader.

WooHyun and Hoya lingered behind. Hoya couldn’t hide his smile or his relief once the leader turned to walk away.

“You know, it didn’t take me ten minutes,” WooHyun stated, giving Hoya a sharp look.

Hoya turned his gaze away from the recovering leader to look at WooHyun. “What?”

“You said it would take less than me ten minutes to earn his forgiveness, you were right. I didn’t even have to ask for it.”

Hoya studied the other man he had been so leery of for so long. “Are you just…pretending?”

“Pretending?”

“To not hate him?” Hoya asked, fearfully.

“No, I am not pretending,” WooHyun snapped. “God, I am so sick of people thinking I hated him…I didn’t.”

“You sure as hell did a good imitation of it,” Hoya told him, not intimidated by the other man.

WooHyun sighed. “I was an ass…I won’t lie; but now I am going to make up for it.”

“Good.”

“I guess I better get going. He is demanding ice cream.”

Hoya grinned and offered, “You’ll want me to go with you. You were busy acting like you hated him back when we were enjoying the rewards of being the face of Natuur Pop; you probably don’t know what he likes.”

“He says Green Tea is his favorite flavor, but it’s really Cherry Sprinkles,” WooHyun informed Hoya. “But you are more than welcome to join me.”

*****************

“Go to bed.”

“Just one more level.”

WooHyun, who was lying on a pallet on the floor of SungGyu’s hospital room, got up and loomed over SungGyu’s bed trying to look intimidating. “It is time for you to go to bed.”

“Just one more level.”

“Hyung, you have the rest of your life to play Angry Birds.”

SungGyu looked up at the younger member and asked, “How did I not know about this game before?”

“Because when other people play games…you sleep.”

“I am not sleepy, now.”

“The nurse is going to get you…you need rest, so you can go home.”

SungGyu shrugged as he continued to play on his phone. “I don’t mind the hospital so much. I get waited on and I have my special friend.”

WooHyun raised his eyebrows. “Your special friend?”

SungGyu flicked his hand to the side, and explained, “Dolores, my morphine pump.”

The younger man let out a laugh and grinned. “You named your pain pump?”

“Yes,” SungGyu answered, not looking up from his game. “It is my new best friend.”

“I thought I was your best friend?”

“You are my old best friend, plus now you are in the role of my personal servant.”

WooHyun shook his head, still grinning. “I don’t know how I ever sur—”

The sound of SungGyu’s phone going off interrupted WooHyun. SungGyu frowned and didn’t answer the phone.

“Who is it?” WooHyun asked, reaching out and taking the phone away from the other man.

“Hey, my game!” SungGyu protested. “You are the worst servant, ever!”

“Why is she calling you?” WooHyun demanded, looking at the caller ID. “She is a trainee.”

“So?”

“Are you seeing her?” WooHyun asked, unable to hide his displeasure.

“No,” SungGyu immediately answered. “She likes me, though. She’s cute and she has such a sweet voice.”

WooHyun frowned, not believing the other man. “So you are only attracted to her nice vocals?”

“I admire talent.”

“What about Brandy? She isn’t known for her stellar voice.”

“No, but her skin is so pale and all her curves are natural,” SungGyu informed the other main vocal. “So even if I don’t admire her voice…I admire her other attributes.”

WooHyun abruptly answered the phone, “He’s not interested and if you keep calling him I will have to inform the CEO of your continued harassment.”

SungGyu mouth dropped open.

WooHyun hung up the phone, and informed the leader, “She is a trainee, and she might never debut. She is hoping to use you to further her career, you can’t trust her.”

“Hey,” SungGyu protested. “She might like me for real…I’m very lovable.”

“She doesn’t know you well enough to love you…you are not that lovable.”

SungGyu placed a hand over his heart and whined, “Such cruelty!”

WooHyun walked over to the wall and flipped off the light switch. “Admit it, you are an acquired taste.”

“Give me my phone back,” SungGyu demanded. “I want to play my game!”

“No,” WooHyun snapped unable to hide his irritation as he got back down on his pallet. “Go to bed.”

“You are the worst servant, ever!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, now go to bed,” WooHyun grumbled.

“I am not sleepy.”

“Go to bed.”

“I feel wired.”

“You are high.”

“I am not.”

“If you don’t go to sleep, I will record you when you start talking in your sleep tonight.”

“I don’t talk in my sleep,” SungGyu spat. “You know I don’t.”

“You do, now.”

“I do not.”

“I will record it.”

“Don’t.”

“I will and then I will let everybody listen to you beg for fufuzee.”

SungGyu cringed. “I don’t even know what a fufuzee is!”

“Sure you don’t.”

“I don’t.”

“You seem to want it pretty badly at night.”

“It’s the morphine!”

“Are you blaming poor Dolores?”

“Yes.”

“Go to bed.”

“I am not sleepy.”

“I am going to record you.”

“Don’t.”

WooHyun grinned in the dark. “Hoya will get to listen to the recording first.”

There was a moment of silence before SungGyu barked, “I am trying to sleep, so shut up already!”


	5. Chapter 5

“Hyung, there isn’t as much goop in it now.”

SungGyu was sitting up in the recliner in his room as the maknae sat on the floor beside him playing with the other end of the drain that was attached to SungGyu’s stomach. He answered, “Nope. They told me they will probably take it out tomorrow.”

“That’s great news,” DongWoo, who was lying down on SungGyu’s bed, told the other two men.

SungGyu, who was playing on his phone, grunted in agreement.

“I hope Hoya comes before they take it out,” SungJong stated. “Or better yet, I hope he is here when they pull it out.”

SungGyu looked away from his game to smile up at the maknae. “Are you hoping he will faint?”

SungJong grinned. “He looks like he wants to hurl every time he sees it.”

“I wonder if they will let me have it after they take it out,” SungGyu pondered aloud.

DongWoo grimaced at the thought. “Probably not.”

“But it would be so cool if they did!” SungJong exclaimed, knowing exactly what their leader was thinking.

“We could wrap it up and give it to him,” the leader informed the maknae, loving the thought of surprising the lead dancer.

“He’d totally pass out,” SungJong added with a big smile.

“It would be awesome,” SungGyu agreed.

“When do you have to walk next?” DongWoo asked, ignoring the evil plotting of the other two members.

“I can go anytime,” SungGyu answered. “WooHyun is supposed to be bringing me food though.”

DongWoo looked up from the bed and asked, “Where did SungYeol go?”

“He didn’t say,” SungJong replied to DongWoo. He then focused back on SungGyu and said encouragingly, “Hyung, we can take a quick walk before WooHyun gets back.”

SungGyu agreed, “I guess so, they say I will be less sore the more I walk.”

“Are you sore?” SungJong asked. “You seemed to be doing so good yesterday.”

“That was because of Dolores,” SungGyu said longingly. “They took her away from me.”

SungJong and DongWoo both smiled, knowing exactly what their leader was referring to.

SungGyu sighed and elaborated, “They said I abused her, so they took her away.”

“Abused her?” DongWoo questioned.

“They told me to hit the button when I hurt,” SungGyu said in his defense.

SungJong let out a chuckle and asked, “How many times did you hit it?

SungGyu shrugged and answered, “Oh, I think they said five hundred times or something like that.”

“You hit your button for morphine five hundred times!” DongWoo exclaimed. “How are you still alive?”

“They have safety lock-outs on it,” SungGyu explained. “But the nurse got all huffy with me and…”

“And what?” SungJong prompted.

“She very rudely informed me morphine could constipate a person…and then she winked at me and told me she had never given an idol an enema,” an annoyed SungGyu informed them. “And then I told her I wasn’t going to be the first one…my rectum is for exit purposes only.”

DongWoo rolled around on SungGyu’s bed laughing and SungJong just grinned.

 

******************

“Are you a delivery boy now?” SungYeol asked.

WooHyun, who was on his way back to SungGyu’s room, stopped and stared at the tallest member who was leaning against the door. “Are you waiting on me?”

“That isn’t an answer to my question.”

“The answer to your questions is no. I was at the office and I stopped and got him his favorite seafood on my way here. He asked me to; he ordered it, I picked it up.”

“How does that happen?”

“I am pretty sure he just picked up his phone and called me.”

“No, that’s not what I am asking. How do you go from hating him to waiting on him hand and foot? Sleeping at his bedside…how does that happen?” SungYeol asked the other man curiously.

WooHyun looked down the hallway cautiously to make sure nobody was eavesdropping. “I think we have had this talk before…I never hated him.”

SungYeol looked down at the other man and asked, “Then why all the smoldering rage?”

“Okay, we apparently need to talk, but let me deliver this first,” WooHyun told SungYeol as he entered the room.

SungYeol did not follow the other man inside the room, but waited outside for WooHyun to return.

WooHyun quickly did and motioned for SungYeol to follow him down the hallway. “I admit that I was angry, but his almost dying cured me of it,” WooHyun whispered under his breath. “I am sorry I ever dragged you into any of this.”

“Me too,” SungYeol told him as they continued to walk down the hallway. “The others were smart not to side with you.”

“They were,” WooHyun agreed as he opened the door to a private waiting room. “It isn’t smart to side with me when I am angry or fighting with SungGyu—this has always been true.”

SungYeol nodded his head, entering the room. “Yeah, because you two always make up.”

WooHyun sat down in a chair. “We do—he’s my best friend, I might get pissed with him, but he’ll always be important to me.”

“I thought this time was different,” SungYeol admitted, sitting down beside WooHyun. “You just seemed so angry.”

“I was wrong to be angry with him...this time. In the past he did shit and I did shit and our fights were warranted, but not this time.”

“It’s funny how the fights that were warranted never lasted.”

WooHyun scowled slightly as SungYeol’s hand came down and rested on his knee. “This one lasted too long, but now it is over, so things can return to normal.”

“What if I don’t want…things to go back to the way they were?”

“You want me to fight with SungGyu?”

“I want you to pay attention to me,” SungYeol stated, sliding his hand up WooHyun’s thigh. “I don’t want you to focus only on him…because you feel guilty. I want some of your attention, too. Is that so wrong?”

WooHyun got up and sat down in the chair across from SungYeol, putting distance between them. “I thought I made it very clear to you…that I am not interested in you.”

SungYeol swallowed nervously and confessed, “You don’t have to be interested in me…I think the two of us could have something nice, not to mention convenient.”

“No, we couldn’t. SungGyu was right about that. We could never have anything nice.”

“Bullshit,” SungYeol hissed, leaning forward. “You are a man, I am a man, and we both are attracted to men—I don’t want a declaration of love.”

WooHyun pushed farther back in his chair and stated firmly, “That’s good, because I will never feel that way for you.”

“I am okay with that.”

“I’m not.”

SungYeol sat up straight. “Are you saying you only fuck men you love?

“No,” WooHyun answered quickly. “I have never…never been with anybody I loved. I have only been with men I didn’t love.”

“Then what is the problem?” SungYeol asked, raising his hands up in the air at a loss.

WooHyun gave SungYeol a sad smile. “I don’t want that anymore…I need to love and I need to be loved. I can’t keep pretending I’m somebody I’m not. I tried the casual thing, but that’s not me. I just don’t work that way. I am a romantic sap at heart, and I just have to accept that.”

SungYeol studied the other man. “Are you in love?”

“Nope,” WooHyun answered, lying with ease.

SungYeol was unable to hide his disappointment.

“Would it make it easier for you if I admitted to being in love with somebody?”

SungYeol narrowed his eyes and suspiciously asked, “It depends…are you in love?”

“No,” WooHyun said, continuing to lie. “But someday…someday I will be and it won’t be with you—you are my brother, not a potential lover.”

“Eww,” SungYeol said, cringing. “Don’t say that. We aren’t brothers.”

“Yes, we are.”

“But…”

“No, exceptions…I don’t do incest.”

SungYeol shivered. “Don’t think of it like that…do you really think of us as brothers?”

“Yes,” WooHyun replied. “We have shared so much, gone through so much together…we are all brothers; face it. With me…I am pretty sure that when I fall in love, it will not be something that gradually happens, but instead I will instantly know it. I know it hurts you, but I don’t feel that way about you.”

SungYeol stood up, clearly upset by WooHyun’s words. “When you put it that way…I guess I understand, but—”

“No buts,” WooHyun declared, interrupting. “This is how it is.”

SungYeol nodded his head and looked down at the other man who was still sitting. “Plus, SungGyu and you will be as close as thieves again…you won’t have any need for me.”

“He’s my best friend, but all of you are important to me,” WooHyun told the other man with a sad smile. “I really missed him…even with all his incessant whining.”

SungYeol smiled. “You love it though; you just love all of it...” SungYeol paused. “Your smile is always brightest for him. I’ve never felt the warmth of that smile…that smile that only belongs to him.”

WooHyun looked down at the floor, avoiding the other man’s gaze. “He’s my best friend.”

SungYeol nodded his head, but his sharp mind was starting to put the pieces of a complicated puzzle together.

“Plus, he is so exasperating. I can’t help but be amused,” WooHyun stated, getting up from the chair. “You should see the list of things he has had me do. Never ever offer to be his personal servant…I am warning you.”

SungYeol smiled, the puzzle forgotten. “Excuse me, do I look stupid?”

“No,” WooHyun answered, opening the door. “You should do me a favor and offer to be his servant for a day.”

“Hell no!”

*********************

“So, I have been thinking,” SungGyu stated from the back of the SUV. He had finally been released from the hospital with strict orders to take it easy. His mother had begged him to return home with her, but he had refused.

WooHyun, who was sitting beside him asked, “What about?”

“I was thinking I should have a larger bed.”

“What do you mean, ‘larger bed’?” WooHyun asked, casting the leader a knowing glance.

SungGyu tilted his head to the side and stated, “I think I should either get yours or SungYeol’s room…I would hate to roll off my small, very small bed and hurt myself. I still have staples. I am not completely healed.”

Hoya, who was sitting on the other side of the leader, let out a laugh. “I don’t see anything wrong with that. You should take SungYeol’s room, it is the nicest.”

“True,” WooHyun agreed. “He has windows.”

“Or Hoya and DongWoo could give you their room,” SungYeol snapped from the passenger’s seat up front. “I know DongWoo won’t mind.”

Hoya glared at the back of SungYeol’s head. “But your room is best…the leader should have the best.”

SungGyu beamed. “I should.”

WooHyun, whose eyes were still glued to the leader, just shook his head, amused.

“Hey,” SungYeol protested from the front. “WooHyun is his personal servant, so he should get his room.”

“WooHyun’s room doesn’t have windows. I like windows,” SungGyu quickly pointed out.

“Well, I am not giving up my room!” SungYeol protested.

“It’s a shame it is no longer SungJong’s room,” Hoya said with a voice that did not hide his conniving intentions. “I know he would gladly give up his room for his leader that almost died. He’s always been such a good dongsaeng…unlike some people.”

The SUV was suddenly quiet as the tension rose. Memories of the recent past stirred in all their memories, reminding them of things best forgotten. SungGyu quickly put an end to it. “I will stay in WooHyun’s room; he is my servant after all. He can sleep on the floor and wait on me.”

WooHyun groaned.

*******************

 

“Go cook me something nice.”

“No,” the maknae told the leader. They were both sitting on the sofa in the living room of their dorm.

SungGyu folded his arms across his chest, pouting. “I should have stayed in the hospital.”

“You should have,” WooHyun agreed from where he was sitting in the recliner beside the sofa, looking at his new phone. He never got far from SungGyu, knowing the other man should still be in the hospital. “You are the one that insisted on going home. They wanted to keep you at least two more days.”

“I couldn’t stay there…the memories of the time I spent with Dolores were too painful,” SungGyu teased, causing WooHyun to turn and smile at him. He continued, “My one true love.”

“You sound like a drug addict,” SungJong criticized.

“Who is a drug addict?” MyungSoo asked, walking into the living room.

“Not me,” SungGyu quickly declared. “Those pain pills they sent me home with hold none of the lustrous appeal of my Dolores.”

WooHyun didn’t bother to hide his grin as he looked back down at his phone and told the older man, “You think you’re so funny.”

“I am hilarious,” SungGyu told WooHyun, before turning to SungJong. “And I am starving, go feed me.”

“No, I don’t want to mess up Mom’s kitchen.”

“How can Mom be away?” SungGyu whined. “Here I am, my second day back and everybody leaves me.”

“You still have us,” MyungSoo said as he slipped into the space between SungJong and SungGyu on the sofa.

“Everybody should be here waiting on him,” WooHyun muttered, not looking up from his phone. “How dare they have appointments and schedules?”

“Exactly!” SungGyu eagerly agreed. “I am so glad you understand my woes.”

WooHyun grunted, wondering if maybe the pain pills did hold some of the luster of Dolores.

“Want me to cook something for you, Hyung?” MyungSoo asked.

SungGyu sighed and patted MyungSoo’s cheek and told him fondly, “You are as kind as you’re handsome.”

SungJong stuck his tongue out pretending to gag.

MyungSoo got up quickly from the sofa, causing SungGyu to reach for his tender stomach.

“MyungSoo, be careful,” WooHyun quickly snapped. “He might be as nagging as usual, but he is still sore. You have to be careful with him.”

“Don’t be mean to him,” SungGyu quickly commanded.

“Trade me places and sit in the chair, then he can jump on and off of the sofa as he pleases,” WooHyun told the leader, not backing down.

“I am sick of chairs,” SungGyu complained.

MyungSoo, who had taken WooHyun’s words to heart, told the leader, “I’m sorry.”

The leader looked up and smiled craftily at MyungSoo. “Don’t be sorry. I am fine. I am just glad somebody loves me.”

SungJong gently scooted over to the leader and wrapped his arm around him. “I love you, too.”

“You won’t even cook for me. Your father is a chef!” SungGyu complained.

“He is currently a professor of cooking,” SungJong said, quickly correcting the leader.

“That’s even better, and yet you won’t cook for me! I am starving,” SungGyu whined.

“I am going to cook for you, Hyung,” MyungSoo reminded the leader.

WooHyun put his phone down. “MyungSoo, your cooking tastes like shit.”

MyungSoo nodded his head. “Yeah, but it is the thought that counts.”

“I don’t cook well either,” SungJong protested. “Just because my dad can cook doesn’t mean I can!”

WooHyun sat up straight and glued his accusing eyes on SungGyu. “SungGyu knows you can’t cook worth a shit either.”

“Stop looking at me,” SungGyu whined, avoiding WooHyun’s gaze.

WooHyun didn’t stop.

“I didn’t ask you to cook!” SungGyu exclaimed to WooHyun, who continued to look at him accusingly.

“He didn’t!” MyungSoo quickly confirmed. “He wouldn’t dare.”

SungJong kept his arm around the injured leader and stated, “None of us would ever ask you to cook. We understand why you won’t anymore.”

“Just because I am gay doesn’t mean I am the cook of this group,” WooHyun firmly reminded them, ignoring their denials. “I am as masculine as the rest of you, and a lot more masculine than you three.”

“We didn’t say you weren’t!” MyungSoo blurted out. “We…it’s just, you used to cook, and you cooked better than everybody else. We just got used to you cooking. We haven’t asked you to cook since—”

“Until you went psychotic on our asses,” SungGyu said, interrupting MyungSoo’s explanation, deciding he wasn’t in the mood to be intimated or have his youngest bullied.

WooHyun stood up, offended. “Psychotic? You think I went psychotic.”

“Yes,” SungGyu verified. “You are the one that used to like to cook. You are the one that always took the lead with cooking. How did we know that suddenly you were going to take offense with it? It had absolutely nothing to do with your being gay. You decided to be sensitive about the topic, with no basis to support your new sensitivity. You tried to make everybody feel like they were being homophobic asses for asking you to cook…which was crazy!’

WooHyun walked over to SungGyu and looked down at him. “Is that how you really feel?”

SungGyu looked up the other man defiantly and proclaimed, “Yes, it is. I should have told you so back then…but you…you weren’t acting like yourself back then. Now you seem like your old self, so I won’t bother holding back. Don’t you feel the love?”

WooHyun fought to keep his face completely straight as he told the leader, “No.”

SungGyu reached out his hand and took WooHyun’s. “Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

WooHyun squeezed the older man’s hand. “You must really be desperate for me to cook.”

“I’m starving.”

“You just ate.”

SungGyu smiled up at him. “Be a good servant and go cook me something nice.”

“I am making you broth!” WooHyun declared, letting go of the leader’s hand and heading for the kitchen.

“Broth!” SungGyu yelled. “Not broth, anything but broth!”

***************************

“You should go to bed,” the manager the boys referred to as mom told SungGyu, who was dozing on the sofa.

SungGyu opened blurry, sleep crusted eyes. “I thought they would be back by now.”

“Go to bed,” the manager told him. They were the only two people in the dorm. “It’s late.”

“The song for the commercial won’t be any good without me,” SungGyu grumbled, getting up from the sofa. He had tried his best to wait up for the members, who were off laying down tracks for the Pepsi commercial.

“Is that so?”

“Well, it won’t be as good,” SungGyu amended as he headed toward WooHyun’s bedroom that he had taken over.

The manager watched fondly as SungGyu stumbled in the direction of the bedroom. “I will stay here till they get back.”

“You don’t have to,” SungGyu stopped and told him. “I am feeling much better. I should be able to start my activities back up anytime.”

“Says the young man who is stapled together,” the manager told him. “Go to sleep, I will wait here until the others return. WooHyun would have my hide if I left you alone.”

“True,” SungGyu conceded. He wasn’t sure if it was WooHyun’s guilty conscience or what but the other main vocal was being very overprotective.

“I will nap on the sofa if I get tired.”

“Okay,” SungGyu agreed, walking away. He opened the door to WooHyun’s bedroom and shut it behind him.

WooHyun’s bedroom, like SungYeol’s, had a full sized bed in it. It was the reward of being lucky enough to get your own room. In Infinite almost everything was determined by the game of rock, paper, and scissors. SungGyu thought it would be nice if sometimes age would be a determining factor of such things…and of course the oldest should always get first pick. SungGyu smiled imagining such a world.

“Ah, to have my own room,” SungGyu said with a sigh as he rested on WooHyun’s full sized bed. He immediately frowned, remembering how hurt he had felt when WooHyun had chosen a private room. For some strange reason he had just figured that if he or WooHyun had won first or second place they would have picked the room the DongWoo and Hoya shared. He had always shared a room with WooHyun and he had simply gotten used to it. When WooHyun had won second pick and chose a single room…he had been hurt and he had to remind himself how crazy it was to feel hurt. Of course, any man would want his own room.

SungGyu had never been rich as a child; in fact he had been the opposite. His father was a wanderer and was always away supposedly searching for work. When his family did have money his parents gambled it away as fast as they made it. Most of his childhood was spent living with family or friends of his mother, who had taken pity on them. SungGyu had never had his own room growing up. He had always been a guest in other children’s rooms. But with WooHyun it had felt like their room…not a room shared, but a room belonging to them both.

Of all the friends SungGyu had ever had, none were as dear to him as WooHyun. The friendship he had with the other main vocal had been the most important friendship of his life, and when WooHyun had turned on him…SungGyu had been thrown completely off balance. He had always been quick to recover, but having the one person he trusted most in the world acting like he hated him had devastated him.

SungGyu would not admit even to himself that having WooHyun back was worth the surgery…worth the pain; because what did it say about him that he was so needy for the other man’s friendship that he would welcome so much pain and misery just to have it back?

SungGyu knew he was not an easy person to like. He was not always politically correct and he knew he could be overly harsh, but WooHyun understood him—in ways that nobody else had ever bothered to try to understand him in the past. And most importantly, WooHyun made others understand him. When SungGyu pushed the others too hard, WooHyun would step in and make the others understand just why SungGyu pushed so hard.

He opened his eyes, unable to sleep. His thoughts were racing. He knew he would have to eventually go back to the room he shared with MyungSoo and SungJong…but he didn’t want to. He loved the two youngest members dearly, but they weren’t WooHyun. He was their leader, but he was WooHyun’s friend and he saw him as his equal.

“Aww,” SungGyu said with a sigh as he reached across the bed and picked up WooHyun’s iPod. A love for music was one of the many things WooHyun and he shared in common. SungGyu was very curious about the music WooHyun had been listening to during the months of their falling out.

SungGyu browsed through the playlist on WooHyun’s iPod and came to a sudden stop as he reached the top 25 played songs. They were all his. The top songs were from his solo album and the others were all mp3s cut from his performances, private recordings from the studio, his solos from radio performances, and all the songs he sang while he was on Immortal Song.

He didn’t even have recordings of some of the songs…he had not even known there were recordings. He stared at the iPod, shocked by what he had found. It was as if he had gotten a hold of one of his fan girls’ iPods.

“Gawd, why aren’t you asleep? You should be asleep. Do you not want to get better?”

The sudden voice of WooHyun had SungGyu turning quickly to find the other man standing beside the bed looking down at him disapprovingly. SungGyu had not heard him come in, and he was still too surprised by his discovery to say anything.

“The commercial dragged on forever. I am so tired. Of course you aren’t tired, you just lay around the dorm all day getting waited on,” WooHyun complained as he eyed his pallet by the bed. “Can you please go to bed?”

SungGyu mastered his shock and held up WooHyun’s iPod and demanded, “What the hell is this?”

WooHyun scrunched up his nose. “I believe it is what is commonly referred to as an iPod.”

“I know that,” a flustered SungGyu spat. “I mean what is up with your top 25 most played songs?”

“What do you mean?” WooHyun asked earnestly.

“What do you mean—what do I mean?” SungGyu asked, sitting up, while eyeing the other man suspiciously.

“Hyung, I am too tired to play these games with you. What are you talking about?”

SungGyu opened his mouth and closed it.

“Did you forget how to talk?” WooHyun asked, reaching down and snatching the iPod away from the older man.

“No.”

WooHyun let out a laugh and asked, “Did you do this? Your ego, I swear it just gets bigger and bigger everyday.”

“What?” SungGyu yelped.

“You set all your songs as my favorites; someday your head will not fit through doors.”

An offended SungGyu immediately shouted, “I did not!”

“Shhh…you will wake up the entire building,” WooHyun warned, but he was still laughing. “Hyung, you have too much time on your hands.”

“I didn’t do this!”

WooHyun sat down on his pallet on the floor. “Really, who else would do it?”

“Didn’t you do it?”

“Me?” WooHyun said with a snort. “I haven’t touched this since your appendix busted…and I wasn’t exactly fond of you before then. I didn’t even want to hear you talk, much less sing.”

SungGyu tilted his head, WooHyun was making sense. “But if not you…who then?

WooHyun got under the covers of his pallet. “You.”

“I did not…maybe the others did it?”

“Why would they do it?”

A baffled SungGyu suggested, “Maybe they thought if I saw it…I would try to make peace with you?”

“Hmmm…” WooHyun replied, sounding just as mystified.

“The others would do something, sneaky like this. They kept asking me to talk to you. I bet they thought this would bridge the gap between us.”

“It does sound like something they would do. They knew your ego would eat this up,” WooHyun agreed. “But really, I don’t know why anyone would believe those were my song choices.”

SungGyu raised one eyebrow and asked, “Why not?

“I have way better taste in music.”

“Hey!”


	6. Chapter 6

“When are they going to leave?” SungJong asked as he walked into SungYeol’s room.

SungYeol was lying on his belly on his bed reading a book. “Not soon enough. How I wish it could have been SNSD instead. I can’t even imagine TaeYeon being in my dorm, but no, we get Allure instead.”

SungJong sat down on the bed. “It just makes me gag.”

“It’s all about publicity.”

SungJong looked down at the other man and said, “I don’t see how it benefits us.”

“It does,” SungYeol assured him. “Allure is a popular group, not as popular as us, but they are getting pretty popular. SungGyu was already popular and his walking around with a rotten appendix only added to his popularity, so the fans and even non-fans are going to love that they came over and cooked him a meal.”

“So it benefits Allure and SungGyu.”

“Don’t act naïve,” SungYeol scolded. “Why do you think Hoya was acting like such a dutiful dongsaeng while the filming was going on? It benefits all of Infinite by showing that we are caring towards our leader.”

“We are caring towards him.”

“True.”

“I just…I don’t like them being here, any of them. Allure or the Mnet staff shouldn’t be here. The dorm should only be for us. Also, should SungGyu even be participating in any kind of filming?”

SungYeol flipped a page in his book. “He just sat on the couch while they brought him homemade soup; it isn’t like he had to do anything.”

“He had to act.”

“Why do you say that? He wasn’t acting.”

“He had to act like Brandy isn’t his girlfriend,” SungJong pointed out.

“Hyung has lots of girlfriends,” SungYeol reminded SungJong. “Brandy just happens to be his favorite.”

“She’s really pretty,” SungJong stated longingly.

SungYeol’s eyes darted up from his book. “You like her?”

SungJong shrugged. “She’s really pretty.”

“Umm…so are you.”

SungJong sneered. “Just because I’m pretty, doesn’t mean I can’t admire pretty girls.”

“No, no it doesn’t.” SungYeol sat up, suddenly smug. “You know I am doing a drama with her.”

SungJong pouted. “Yes, I know. We all know. We have only heard about it ten thousand times.”

“Jealous?”

“No.”

“You are so jealous.”

“Is WooHyun in here?” DongWoo asked as he opened the door to SungYeol’s bedroom.

“No,” SungJong answered, glad for the interruption. “He left. He said he had a meeting with the CEO.”

DongWoo sat down on the bed beside SungJong. “I wonder what the meeting is about.”

The maknae quickly pointed out, “It shouldn’t be anything bad. WooHyun has been great, just like he used to be.”

SungYeol looked back down at his book. “Yep, everything is back to normal. The kite and the string have reunited, and all is right in the universe.”

SungJong gave SungYeol a sharp look. “Do I detect some bitterness?”

“Maybe…I thought WooHyun and I were getting close, but I was actually a poor man’s substitute for our leader.”

“No, you weren’t,” DongWoo quickly denied. “We are all close to each other. We are a family. You were not a substitute.”

“But don’t you think WooHyun and SungGyu are the closest of all of us?” SungYeol questioned.

DongWoo reached out and ruffled SungYeol’s hair. “Yeah, or they used to be. Now we all seem really close.”

SungJong was unable to hide his worry. “Do you think…whatever made them fight…might still exist?”

“No,” DongWoo answered but he looked doubtful. “SungGyu was never angry at WooHyun, so it was easy for him to welcome him back into the fold. It was all WooHyun, but he seems like everything is fine now.”

“I wonder if it isn’t still there, too,” SungYeol said. He had never believed the reason WooHyun had given him for being angry. “Something was driving WooHyun crazy…and then SungGyu got sick and now it’s suddenly gone. That just seems really convenient to me.”

SungJong rubbed his upper arms and stated, “Maybe almost losing SungGyu was just the shock he needed. I don’t think WooHyun ever hated him.”

“No,” SungYeol agreed. “He never hated him and he would jump your ass real fast if you said he did.”

“No, there was never hate…it was more like rage,” DongWoo added.

“But it is all better now,” SungJong insisted. “Everything is fine.”

“Yeah,” DongWoo confirmed. “I mean, WooHyun is even acting like he is SungGyu’s servant.”

“And the first week SungGyu was out of the hospital he was fiercely protective,” SungJong reminded them.

DongWoo nodded his head. “Very true.”

“Yeah,” SungYeol agreed. “Maybe…I just hope he isn’t a ticking bomb.”

DongWoo twisted his head and looked at the tallest member. “Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know,” SungYeol answered sincerely. “Sometimes I feel like I am so close to figuring something out, but then I lose it. I sometimes feel like I am missing something really obvious.”

SungJong looked toward the door, avoiding their gazes and asked, “Was Brandy still out there?”

“She and SungGyu went to his room…or should I say WooHyun’s room,” DongWoo answered.

SungJong was unable to hide his disappointment.

“Don’t worry, I am pretty sure the leader isn’t up to doing much,” SungYeol told the heartbroken maknae.

“True,” DongWoo agreed. “Hoya has a better chance of getting with Ji-Woo.”

“Hmmm,” SungYeol replied. “I didn’t know he was still interested in her.”

“It appears that way,” DongWoo told him. “He likes a challenge.”

SungJong, who wasn’t paying attention to their talk about Hoya, stated, “True, Leader can’t be having sex with her, his incision is too fresh. He can’t even lift anything heavy.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” SungYeol teased.

DongWoo, who quickly caught on, laughed and added, “Yeah, he isn’t up for sex. She will probably just blow him.”

SungJong stood up. “Don’t say that.”

“Not saying it won’t make it less true,” SungYeol taunted.

SungJong turned up his nose and stomped out of the room.

DongWoo laughed as the maknae’s dramatic exit and asked SungYeol, “So he is really straight?”

SungYeol just shook his head at a loss. “Who knows? Does he even know?”

***********************

“You have a girl on your bed, and all you want to do is play games on your phone,” Brandy complained to SungGyu. “What is wrong with this picture?”

“I am on WooHyun’s bed and this damn level is pissing me off,” SungGyu grumbled, while continuing to play Angry Birds.

Brandy rolled over on her side and tossed her long, silky black hair over her shoulder. “If we don’t make out a little bit…I am going to lose respect for my feminine wiles.”

“Sorry, no can do.”

“Does your boo boo still hurt?” Brandy asked, reaching out to lift SungGyu’s shirt up to look at his stomach. “That’s pretty disgusting.”

“Actually, it looks great compared to what it did, I get my staples out tomorrow,” he told her still focusing on his game.

Brandy studied his stomach closely. “I thought it was just a little cut.”

“It normally is, but I was all rotten inside,” he told her. “They had to do a lot of cutting.”

She scrunched up her nose in dislike. “So is sex forbidden?”

“Yes. They warned me good and proper about the dangers of physical exertion.”

“What are the dangers?”

SungGyu sat his phone down beside him. “Hernias, for one.”

“Are hernias bad?”

“Yeah; when I was a kid we lived with one of my great uncles for a few months. I used to go to the bath house with him and he had a hernia. His intestines would fall down in his ball sac and his balls would get as big as a melon.”

She rolled away from SungGyu. “Okay, so definitely no making out.”

“That’s right,” SungGyu told her, picking his phone back up and focusing on his game.

She sighed, unable to hide her disappointment. “It’s too bad; the girls say I need to get laid.”

“You don’t have to wait for me, it’s not like I own you.”

Brandy narrowed her eyes, but kept an even tone in her voice when she tried to change the subject. “So are you excited that I am doing a drama with SungYeol? Maybe we can get closer; wouldn’t it be nice if I got closer to your members?”

“Sure.”

She rolled her eyes. “You are a horrible boyfriend.”

He frowned and looked at her, startled by her declaration. “Am I your boyfriend?”

“No, but I am sure you would be a horrible one.”

SungGyu put down his phone. “That isn’t what you told me the last time we had alone time.”

“You were paying attention to me then.”

“I have been bad,” SungGyu admitted.

“You are always bad…sometimes downright awful. You are a feminist’s worst nightmare.”

“Are you not a feminist?”

Brandy laughed aloud. “No, a feminist wouldn’t be caught near you. I’m something else.”

“What”

“I am a girl that likes a challenge.”

SungGyu reached out and lifted a strand of her hair and gently stroked it. “So I’m a challenge.”

She met his gaze and smiled. “You are a huge challenge. I have been with a lot of nice men and they whispered sweet nothings to me all the time, but…” She paused and reached out and touched his hand that was caressing her hair. “But this touch right here is worth a hundred of theirs.”

He dropped her hair. “So if I was a nice man you wouldn’t like me.”

She maintained eye contact with him. “I might like you, but I wouldn’t want you.”

“You are tempting me now,” he told her as he exhaled a slow deep breath.

“Am I?” she asked with an inner light twinkling in her eyes.

“Yes.”

She laughed. “A hernia would be disgusting.”

“Yes, so let us not start something I can’t finish…if you know what I mean.”

“We don’t have to have sex. We can talk instead. Let’s talk about my drama. Aren’t you happy for me?”

“I am thrilled.”

“You should be.”

“I am,” SungGyu insisted. “For you and SungYeol…he really needed to act.”

She nodded her head. “He’s the one that was losing his hair, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Unfortunately for us, we are only playing the supporting roles.”

“I didn’t know that, tell me more about your drama and the character you will be playing,” SungGyu told her, trying his best to sound interested.

She smiled up at him. “Well, sadly it is one of those typical dramas. The main character is a guy, who is best friends with the other main character, who is a girl—gosh I wish I had gotten that role. They say it is going to Suzy.”

“Suzy?” SungGyu asked, more interested now.

“Yes, the beloved Suzy; needless to say the Suzy character is in love with her best friend, but he’s clueless about her feelings. Like I said, it is a typical drama. I mean does that even happen in real life? How can you not know if your best friend is in love with you?’

SungGyu said nothing.

“Well, guess who gets to play the guy’s bitch girlfriend? Yeah, you guessed it—me. I get to play the evil bitch to precious Suzy. Great. Wonderful. I hope the rumors aren’t true, and anybody else is playing that part—Hey! Are you listening to me?”

SungGyu was frozen.

She reached out and smacked his leg to get his attention. “Hey, are you all right?”

“I…I…I…just rem..remmemmberred somm..methinng,” SungGyu stuttered, getting up from the bed with shaky legs.

She immediately sat up. “Are you sure you are okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I…I…” SungGyu paused, and promptly sat back down on the bed.

“Do you need a doctor?”

SungGyu swallowed nervously and whimpered, “No, but maybe a shrink.”

 

***********************

Early the next morning a weary WooHyun approached the dorm he shared with his members. He paused before opening the door and forced a smile on his face. He opened the door and walked in to find SungJong sitting on the couch alone, watching television.

“You are up early,” WooHyun told him as he sat down beside him.

SungJong shrugged. “You stayed out all night.”

“Yeah,” WooHyun agreed.

SungJong looked at him with prying eyes and asked, “How exactly does that work? Why do you get to break curfew?”

“I had special permission from the big boss.”

SungJong eyes showed his disbelief. “Really?”

“Really…” WooHyun paused before continuing, “There were some things I had to discuss with him and then I had to think some things over so I stayed out to think.”

“You really expect me to believe that you were out all night thinking?” The younger man questioned, not bothering to hide his skepticism.

“It’s the truth.”

“Whatever.”

WooHyun got up from the couch. “You are in a mood.”

“You are lying.”

The older man didn’t bother to respond. He turned and walked to his bedroom and froze when he found it empty. The bed had not been slept in and all of SungGyu’s belongings were gone. WooHyun quickly went to the larger bedroom that SungGyu shared with MyungSoo and SungJong and found SungGyu’s bed empty, but his belongings were back in his assigned room.

WooHyun quickly made it back to the living room. “Where is SungGyu?”

SungJong put the television on mute and tilted his head up to look at the main vocal. “Do you care?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“It is an honest one…do you care where he is?”

“Of course I care,” WooHyun insisted. “If I didn’t care why would I have asked?”

SungJong looked down at the control in his hand and answered, “Because it is a question you should ask. I sometimes think you do a lot of things…because you think you should.”

WooHyun frowned and sat down beside SungJong again. “Where is he? He has a doctor appointment at nine. He should be here. He should be dressed and ready to go.”

SungJong leaned back. “I am pretty sure the managers are keeping track of his doctor appointments. It’s not your job.”

“Did he…is he off with Brandy?”

“No,” SungJong quickly answered, but he looked doubtful as he added, “You think she is the type to take guys home with her?”

“If she could get away with it…yes, I think she is the type,” WooHyun answered truthfully.

SungJong frowned. “So…so they are having sex?”

“Why are you asking me this?”

“I just wanted to know…you are his best friend, you should know,” SungJong pointed out.

WooHyun stood back up. “Well, I don’t…I know they are, but since they have been together…SungGyu and I haven’t exactly been close. He hasn’t been confiding in me if that is what you…” WooHyun paused.

SungJong pleaded, “What were you going to say?”

“Just something he said at the hospital…I don’t think they are that serious or rather he isn’t.”

“So they haven’t had sex.”

An exasperated WooHyun declared, “Yes, they have had sex. Just because they are having sex doesn’t mean they are serious.”

SungJong folded his arms in front of him. “She just seemed…seemed better than that.”

“Just because she likes to have sex doesn’t make her bad, it makes her human. Now, will you please tell me where he is?”

“He already went to the doctor,” SungJong told the older man; still perturbed, he grabbed a pillow from the sofa and hugged it.

WooHyun sat back down by the maknae. “But his appointment wasn’t till nine.”

“Did you want to go with him?” SungYeol asked, walking into the room.

“I just thought it was at nine,” WooHyun replied, looking at the taller man, hoping SungYeol wasn’t in one of his moods.

“It was,” SungYeol answered, sitting down on the opposite side of the maknae.

SungJong promptly got up, and swatted WooHyun with the pillow. “I don’t think she is that kind of girl. You don’t know anything.”

SungYeol and WooHyun both watched the maknae storm off without another word.

“Let me guess, you two were talking about Brandy,” the taller member said with a smirk.

“How did you know?”

“He is crushing badly on her.”

WooHyun winced guiltily. “I didn’t know.”

“None of us did until yesterday,” SungYeol explained. “It has been a short infatuation, but an intense one.”

“So why did SungGyu change his appointment time?” WooHyun asked, unable to hide his main concern.

“No clue; he was fretting last night about something, and he got them to change the time.”

“Fretting?”

SungYeol nodded his head. “Something was definitely bothering our leader last night, but he wouldn’t confide in any of us—hey, you should have been here. I am sure he would have told you. Where were you?”

WooHyun ignored the question. “Was he hurting?”

“No.”

“How do you know if he wouldn’t tell you?”

SungYeol crossed his legs. “He would have told us if he was hurting…I think it had something to do with Brandy.”

WooHyun looked away from SungYeol to ask, “Did they fight?”

“No, I don’t think so,” SungYeol answered, noticing WooHyun avoiding his gaze. “Would you like them to fight?”

Only a few seconds passed before WooHyun turned around to face SungYeol. He appeared stunned by the other man’s words. “Why would I want them to fight? Brandy isn’t exactly my type.”

“No, she isn’t…but is SungGyu your type?”

“What?” WooHyun asked, sounding completely taken aback.

“Is he your type?”

WooHyun just stared at SungYeol as if he had been rendered speechless.

SungYeol studied WooHyun closely, but could only read surprise on the other man’s face. “I mean…I know you are not his type.”

“No, I lack breasts,” WooHyun replied, chuckling now.

SungYeol blushed and added, “And you are probably a…a…you probably like to be on…you know…not a receive—you know what I am talking about.”

“You wanted to have sex with me, but you can’t even say that you think I top out loud,” an amused WooHyun told the taller member.

“I can, I just…do you?”

“Yes, I do.”

SungYeol couldn’t hide his interest. “Have you ever—”

“No,” WooHyun answered quickly. “I know a lot of guys switch up roles, but not me. I have no interest in bottoming.”

“Then there you go,” SungYeol told WooHyun, slightly disappointed. “You could never be with SungGyu even if he was gay, because he would never bottom for you.”

WooHyun’s expression immediately hardened causing SungYeol to ask, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because you’re grossing me out,” WooHyun blurted out. “I mean, I don’t even want to think about this…why are we talking about it? Remember what I said about brothers?”

“Yeah, yeah,” SungYeol quickly replied. “Sorry.”

****************

SungGyu watched his offended mother exit the surgeon’s office. He had already had his examination and the surgeon had told him he was recovering nicely. His mother had insisted on being present for the follow-up talk, adamant that he would not be returning to his activities until the surgeon advised. When the surgeon had given his permission for SungGyu to return to limited duty, his mother had not even tried to hide her disapproval. Her concern for him rang false in his ears and it didn’t take long for him to ask her to leave.

The surgeon clasped his hands in front of him as he sat behind the desk and asked, “Is there something you wanted to talk to me privately about?”

“Yes.”

“Ask away.”

“When I first came into the hospital I had a high fever, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you were full of infection.”

SungGyu inhaled a deep breath and asked the question that had been driving him crazy since yesterday. “Is it possible I could have hallucinated?”

The surgeon immediately replied, “Yes.”

SungGyu exhaled. “That…that’s a huge relief.”

“It is not unusual for a person with a fever as high as yours to hallucinate.”

“Good.”

“Although, most hallucinations are forgotten.”

SungGyu’s spirits plummeted. “They are?”

“Not always, but normally.”

“Oh…”

“May I ask the nature of your hallucination?”

He looked at the floor and carefully explained, “I’m hoping I hallucinated a conversation with a certain person.”

“Was it while you were in the hospital?”

“No, it was right before I collapsed,” SungGyu answered.

“Was this person with you when you collapsed?”

“Yes.”

The surgeon interlaced his fingers and asked, “Can you not ask this person if the conversation took place?”

SungGyu shook his head. “The nature of the conversation was very sensitive…if it wasn’t a hallucination then I must be very careful.”

“It could have been a hallucination, not all minds work the same.”

“Did I say anything before surgery…that seemed odd?”

“Not that I am aware of, but perhaps you simply need to ask yourself if it was real. It is your mind at work…it does know the answer.”

“Then I fear it was no hallucination, no matter how much I wish it was,” SungGyu answering, lifting his gaze from the floor to look at the surgeon. “I’ve been an oblivious fool.”

***************

SungGyu wanted to be anywhere but at the photo shoot.

He wished he had lied and said he wasn’t feeling well. Then he could be at the dorm hiding in his room having a full blown freak out, instead of posing for pictures with the other members and having to pretend that he didn’t know that WooHyun was in love with him. The members had asked him repeatedly if he felt okay, and he had taken advantage of their worry by saying he was tired. Anything to disguise the unease he couldn’t help but feel.

Now that the veil of naïvety had been dropped, everything was so clear to him. He felt WooHyun’s eyes on him. He knew the other man could sense something was wrong, but SungGyu refused to give him any hints as to what. SungGyu felt a mixture of awkwardness and anger, but not disbelief. Once his mind had accepted that the memory had been real the disbelief vanished and had been replaced by anger. Anger because he had been so stupid for so long, but to be fair he had been manipulated by a master.

And he was not the only victim; all the members were victims of WooHyun’s devious mind. SungGyu turned slightly red remembering how easily WooHyun had handled him days before with the iPod. The younger man had handled him as if he had been a child. How long had WooHyun been doing this? How long had he been in love with him, while pretending to be the perfect friend? WooHyun’s words from the dreaded memory returned and he realized it had been for years; WooHyun had said for years.

Years that SungGyu had been a fool, a fool for WooHyun. Believing a sacred friendship was just that, and he had trusted WooHyun. Trusted him more than anyone, and WooHyun had been lying all along.

That WooHyun was gay had never bothered SungGyu. The other man had never hid the fact from him. He had just came out and told him, causing SungGyu to laugh and declare it was fine with him as long he didn’t try anything with him. WooHyun had laughed as if the very idea was ludicrous, alleviating SungGyu of any concerns he might have had. And honestly, that WooHyun loved him now didn’t bother SungGyu as much as the fact that he had been fooling him for years.

SungGyu had always considered himself to be an intelligent, observant man, and he realized he was just the opposite when it came to the other main vocal.

A soft touch to his shoulder had him tensing. “Are you sure you are okay?”

“Perfect,” SungGyu responded to the worried sounding other main vocal.

“Something seems wrong.”

“I am just tired,” SungGyu replied, making his face absolutely still as he looked up at the other man. He had given away too much to WooHyun over the years and he would be damned if he did it again.

WooHyun sat down beside him and explained, “I had a meeting with the CEO yesterday, and I just had some things I had to think over. I stayed with my brother last night…I will still be your personal servant if you want me to be.”

SungGyu just looked at him, studying him; not saying anything. Yes, if his memory had not come back, it would have annoyed him that WooHyun had stayed out all night. They were not allowed to stay out all night, plus if he were still an oblivious fool he would have been annoyed that WooHyun had not been around to wait on him.

“I mean, I still have time to serve,” WooHyun said with a smile and nudged his shoulder.

He face remained emotionless as his mind actually worked for once where the other man was concerned. WooHyun had fled when Allure had been at the house. He had smiled while the filming had been going on and then he had run off the minute the cameras had been turned off. He couldn’t stop himself from asking, “Do you not like Allure?”

WooHyun gave nothing away and immediately replied, “They are nice girls. I don’t have anything against them. Why do you ask?”

“You just didn’t seem to like them, especially Brandy,” SungGyu lied. It was a total lie; WooHyun had acted perfectly around them. He had been a perfect gentleman.

The flicker of alarm that flashed across WooHyun’s face gave SungGyu great satisfaction. WooHyun mastered his surprise quickly, stating, “I like Brandy; not as much as you and SungJong like her, but I like her.”

SungGyu blinked, taken aback. “SungJong?”

“He’s crushing on her badly. I got the third degree about the two of you this morning. He’s very smitten…did nobody tell you?”

“SungJong likes Brandy?”

“Yeah,” WooHyun answered, turning to look at SungJong. “He likes her a lot. You should ask him about it.”

“I will,” SungGyu stated, still shocked the maknae was crushing on Brandy.

WooHyun stood up and patted SungGyu on the head. “Be gentle with him,” WooHyun told him as he strolled away.

It was thirty minutes later, after he had nagged SungJong relentlessly for daring to like Brandy that he realized how easily he had been sidetracked once again by WooHyun.

 

***************

 

“You should tweet your fans and let them know you are feeling better,” DongWoo told SungGyu later that night at the dorm. All the members were sitting around the table eating leftovers for dinner.

SungGyu, who was pushing the food on his plate around with his chopsticks, answered, “I don’t remember my password.”

SungJong groaned. “You forgot it again?”

“I don’t want one word out of you…you little home wrecker,” SungGyu replied, scolding the maknae.

The youngest member pouted, looking pitiful.

“Are you planning on getting married?” Hoya teased from the other side of SungJong.

“No,” SungGyu answered immediately. “But if Brandy and I did get married I’d know which one of you not to trust with my wife.”

“You don’t even like her that much,” SungYeol told SungGyu, rolling his eyes.

SungGyu turned his accusing eyes on SungYeol. “That is not the point. She falls within my territory.”

“Are you a dog marking your territory?” an amused Hoya asked.

He was about to respond he had indeed marked her, when DongWoo slapped his leg, admonishing him, “Try not to be a sexist jerk.”

“I am not a sexist jerk,” SungGyu protested.

“Yes, you are,” Hoya told him.

MyungSoo snorted. “Not as bad as you.”

“True,” SungYeol conceded. “Nobody is as bad as Hoya.”

“Hey!” Hoya objected. “I am not that bad.”

“Yeah, you are,” SungJong told him.

SungGyu, who had been avoiding WooHyun since the photo shoot due to his pride once again being hurt by how easily the other man had handled him, chanced a quick glance at the other member. WooHyun looked amused by the other member’s antics, but almost as if he could feel SungGyu’s eyes on him, he turned to meet the oldest member’s gaze. SungGyu looked away quickly, mentally cursing WooHyun’s sixth sense and sneaky, unnatural ways.

“SungGyu,” WooHyun called, trying to get his attention.

“Hyung,” SungGyu replied, correcting the other member, still irritated by how easily he had been fooled earlier. SungGyu had thought he had finally flustered WooHyun, when the other man had easily distracted him with SungJong’s infatuation with Brandy.

“I thought we were all friends and don’t have to use hyung?” Hoya griped immediately.

“Me too,” SungYeol complained.

“We don’t,” WooHyun answered. “Hyung is just angry at me.”

SungGyu just folded his arms in front of his chest, refusing to say anything.

“It’s because you got to prowl around all night, while the rest of us were stuck in the dorm,” SungJong informed him. “Totally not fair.”

“Nope,” DongWoo agreed.

“Hyung,” WooHyun started, “I know your Twitter password. I know the fans are very worried about you and would really like you to tweet them.”

“No, you don’t,” SungGyu snootily informed the other main vocal. “When you were a hateful ass, I changed it. I was afraid you might use Twitter to make me look bad.”

Hoya let out a loud laugh. “The best moment ever was on your birthday when he never wished you a happy birthday but thanked the fans for doing so. It was masterfully done, I must admit.”

WooHyun, who was sitting beside Hoya, bumped the lead dancer with his shoulder and whispered, “Can you please not remind him of that?”

Hoya just continued to laugh.

“Hyung, if you give me your phone, I will figure out your password,” WooHyun told him.

“Or you can just do like everybody else does and change it,” SungYeol suggested.

SungGyu turned his narrowed gaze on WooHyun, who was sitting opposite him. “You couldn’t guess it.”

WooHyun smiled. “Just let me try.”

Curiosity got the best of SungGyu and he handed his phone to WooHyun. All the members said nothing as WooHyun started typing in potential passwords. On his third try he smiled and handed it back to a slack jawed SungGyu.

“Wow, you really do know him,” DongWoo said in awe.

Hoya smirked and stated, “It isn’t like he’s that complicated. His password probably had something to do with sleep or Nell.”

SungGyu just stared down at his phone, amazed and irritated. How was he ever going to win against WooHyun when the man knew him better than he knew himself?

“This food is awful,” MyungSoo complained suddenly. “Should we call Mom and ask him to make us something else?”

“We can’t,” DongWoo answered. “He went to check on his mother.”

SungYeol suggested, “Take out?”

WooHyun, who was eyeing SungGyu’s plate, offered, “I will make something.”

All eyes at the table, even SungGyu’s, flew to WooHyun, surprised by his offer.

“You are really going to cook?” SungYeol asked in disbelief.

WooHyun got up from the table and ruffled SungGyu’s hair on his way to the refrigerator. “Sure, somebody has to eat so they can properly heal.”

“This is awesome,” Hoya declared.

DongWoo clapped his hands. “It’s been so long since you cooked for us.”

“Not really,” MyungSoo pointed out. “He cooked for SungGyu not long ago.”

“Yep,” SungJong agreed. “He made him broth.”

“Actually, it didn’t end up being broth…it was creamy potato soup with tiny bits of bacon,” SungGyu supplied before he could stop himself.

“You didn’t share,” MyungSoo said with a pout.

“No, he didn’t,” SungJong said, pouting as well.

SungGyu turned toward the maknae and spat, “Like I would share with you—you little tramp.”

MyungSoo laughed and asked, “But why not with me?”

“I am trying to heal. I need all the food I can force down. Want to see my scar again?” SungGyu asked them.

“NO!” was the immediate response from all the members.

“Do you need our help?” DongWoo asked WooHyun as he got up from the table.

“Nope,” WooHyun told him.

SungJong and MyungSoo both quickly grabbed the mostly untouched plates and moved them off the table. Hoya, DongWoo, and SungYeol headed for the living room, and soon SungJong and MyungSoo followed, after cleaning off the table.

SungGyu remained sitting; he wanted so badly to complain to WooHyun. He wanted to let him know exactly how he felt about being so easily duped for so long, but he held back. He tried his hardest to put himself in WooHyun’s shoes.

In the blurred memory he could hear WooHyun’s accusing voice telling him how he had loved him for years and how it had destroyed him, causing him to turn into somebody he hated.

SungGyu had never experienced a love like the one WooHyun had described. He had liked girls, wanted to be with them, and had been eager for sex…but no woman had ever made him go crazy. He had never lost his mind over love, but to be fair he had never experienced forbidden love. He had never had to live with somebody he loved…somebody who didn’t love him back. How maddening that must have been after all the years they had spent together.

He watched WooHyun in the kitchen and felt empathy, not anger, for the first time. “You don’t have to cook for me.”

“I am cooking for all of you,” WooHyun stated as he sliced up some meat.

“No, you aren’t,” SungGyu told him. “You are cooking for me…because I wasn’t eating the leftovers. I just…I have a lot to think about. I probably won’t eat your cooking either.”

“Yes, you will,” WooHyun told him confidently.

“You know this?”

“Yes.”

“Because you know me so well?”

WooHyun smiled and added the meat to the frying pan. “Like the back of my hand.”

“You do,” SungGyu couldn’t help but agree.

“Are you pouting because I could guess your password so easily?”

“No.”

“Are you pouting because I stayed out all night?”

“No.”

“I think you are.”

“I just think it is unfair…you know me so well, but I don’t know you.”

WooHyun’s head whipped around to stare at the leader. “Of course you know me.”

“No, I don’t,” SungGyu told him, feeling unreasonably sad.

“Did the boss tell you something?” WooHyun asked, shoving the pan off the fire and walking towards the table.

SungGyu furrowed his brow. “The boss?”

“Yes,” WooHyun replied, sitting down beside him. “He wasn’t supposed to say anything… Did he?”

SungGyu just stared at WooHyun, who was studying him intently. “What would the boss have told me?”

“You tell me.”

SungGyu frowned. Did the CEO know about WooHyun’s feelings toward him? Well, considering the CEO was a sneaky little mastermind in his own right it wouldn’t surprise him any. “What if he did?”

WooHyun shook his head. “He didn’t.”

“Why are you so sure?”

“Because you wouldn’t be so calm if he did,” WooHyun informed him.

“Am I supposed to be acting a certain way? Should I be screaming at you? Hiring someone to beat you up? Should I hate you?” SungGyu asked, because really, what did WooHyun expect? Did he really think SungGyu was some sort of homophobic pig? He knew he could be sexist and say inappropriate things but he could never hate WooHyun.

The look of utter confusion on WooHyun’s face gave SungGyu a small measure of satisfaction. “Just tell me.”

“No,” SungGyu told him, feeling triumphant suddenly. He took great satisfaction in knowing he wasn’t a complete open book to the other man. “No, you don’t get to know what I am thinking.”

“I don’t think the CEO told you anything,” WooHyun stated, refusing to give in.

SungGyu shrugged. “I don’t recall.”

“Then why are you angry?”

“I’m not angry.”

“Then what are you?” WooHyun asked. He wasn’t used to this version of SungGyu, who seemed to be purposely hiding things from him.

“Hungry, go cook,” SungGyu groused, no longer willing to have this discussion…knowing WooHyun would figure him out too fast if they kept talking.

WooHyun got up, but looked back down at SungGyu. “I am cooking for you.”

“I know.”

“You are my best friend.”

SungGyu felt terribly sad for the other man, recognizing the lie. “And you are mine.”


	7. Chapter 7

A couple days later SungGyu sat in the CEO’s office, preparing for a scolding. The boys had come off as arrogant in an interview, when in reality they were just being stupid. He had reined them in but he knew some of their comments would have to be edited out…he prayed they were edited out. They were just too comfortable with each other and once they started talking they forgot about the other people in the room. They rejoiced in teasing each other, saying outrageous things, and unfortunately some Korean netizens didn’t find it funny. It was the same way with the variety shows.

The trouble with variety shows was that his members would get carried away with their fun. They would gang up to pick at and tease him until he was flustered and defensive, leaving him with very little control over them. Only when his members were nervous did he have perfect control over them. He feared he was getting soft. He also knew he was not innocent. He knew he had inserted his foot in his mouth more than once. His mother was always harping that his mouth would be his ruin.

It was becoming a problem, a big problem. It was a problem he blamed WooHyun for, because he had decided to mentally blame WooHyun for everything wrong in the world. He wouldn’t show it or act on it…but secretly it was all WooHyun’s fault as far as SungGyu was concerned. He had failed at being angry at WooHyun and he refused to feel sorry for him, so in the end he had decided to blame the other man for anything and everything.

SungGyu was ready for the CEO to let him have it regarding his loose control of the members during the interview, but when the CEO entered the room he didn’t appear upset with him.

“There is something I need to tell you,” the CEO bluntly told him as he took his seat behind the desk across from SungGyu.

“Yes, Sir.”

“I need for this to stay between us, I haven’t told all the managers yet and I don’t want the members finding out until after you perform at Mr. Lee’s daughter’s wedding.”

“Huh,” a confused SungGyu muttered.

“Mr. Lee is one of Woollim’s biggest investors. His daughter is getting married in a couple weeks and she had requested that Infinite sing at her wedding.”

SungGyu could not hide his disbelief. “We aren’t exactly wedding singers…what do they want us to sing?”

“You have ballads,” the CEO quickly reminded him. “I know she has requested Beautiful specifically.”

“Okay…”

“That isn’t why I brought you here…there is something else. It is in regards to WooHyun.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I wanted to wait till you were physically stronger before I sprang the news on you. I know it will be very upsetting for you and I don’t want it to compromise your recovery.”

SungGyu snorted, unable to control himself. So the CEO was finally going to let him in on WooHyun’s feelings. Well, SungGyu was going to let him know he wasn’t oblivious as everyone thought. “I already know.”

“You do?”

“He told me.”

The CEO leaned back in his chair, unable to hide his surprise. “I am surprised. He was very adamant that you of all people not find out. How are you handling the news?”

“I don’t know what you and he expected from me. It isn’t like I am crying or raging over the news. Did you expect me to start a fight with him over it?”

“I just…expected more of a response from you, honestly.”

SungGyu was starting to get annoyed. “Why does everybody think I would react badly? I am a modern man, who has been in the entertainment industry for years now. I am not one of those people who think I can dictate how another person feels. To each their own; it’s not like I can change his mind.”

“I tried to change his mind,” the CEO admitted, shaking his head. “I found it quite unbelievable.”

“Unbelievable…” SungGyu repeated, folding his arms in front of his chest, suddenly feeling offended. “It’s not so unbelievable.”

“Perhaps not to you, but I was totally unprepared. I never expected it. I was under the misconception that everything had been dealt with,” the CEO told him. “Did he give you any reasons?”

“Reasons…no, he didn’t give me any reasons.”

“There has to be a reason,” the CEO stated, looking displeased. “We must find the reason, perhaps then we can change his mind.”

“Why must we change his mind? Also why do you find it so unbelievable? Does he have to give you a list of reasons? Am I that horrible?”

“Aah,” the CEO said with a sigh. “So it is because of you. I thought you two had worked out your differences. He insisted he was on good terms with you, but I suspected it had something to do with the way he had been acting prior to your illness.”

SungGyu opened his mouth and then shut it, slowly realizing he was mistaken about the topic of the conversation.

The CEO continued, “He’s so adamant about leaving the group, and I have tried and tried to talk him out of it, but he won’t budge. He insists he has to leave for the sake of the group. I just feel like I am missing something crucial. I don’t want to involve the lawyers, but still I wish we could change his mind.”

SungGyu said nothing, he couldn’t…he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

 

***************

Once SungGyu had remembered how to breathe, he had been quickly spirited away while the CEO left to attend an important meeting with an American producer for an upcoming video.

He felt dazed, like he was disconnected from his body. He reached up to feel if he had a fever, due to the odd feeling that had overcome him. He wasn’t feverish. WooHyun was going to leave Infinite and his mind couldn’t grasp hold of such a concept.

Before he knew it he was in their black SUV being driven back to the dorm by Manager Hyoan. He rode in the front while Nell’s new album played on repeat. He tried to focus on the music he loved and not the news that had just rocked his world. Soon the music soothed him enough to think.

He quickly assessed the situation in the vehicle. Hoya was quiet, probably sleeping, while WooHyun and DongWoo were in the back laughing and playing like they always did. The two of them were like children, always so playful with each other. SungGyu wondered how playful DongWoo would be if he knew WooHyun was about to abandon them. He stared at their reflections through the rearview mirror and watched them. He watched as WooHyun put on a perfect show. By watching him, you’d never know he was leaving…leaving his dream behind. Leaving behind the life he had fought so hard for.

With that uncanny instinct of his WooHyun looked up and met SungGyu’s gaze in the mirror. SungGyu quickly looked away, knowing if he met the other man’s gaze his anger, frustration and disappointment would show. SungGyu wished he had gotten in the other vehicle that carried MyungSoo, SungYeol, and SungJong…he had a strong desire to be very far from the man who had proved to be so different from the friend he had imagined him to be.

It was late afternoon and it had just rained. Water splattered as they drove through the wet streets. SungGyu watched the passing scenery trying to figure out what he should do. Surely there was something he could do. During the entire time WooHyun had been angry at him…he had ignored it. He had been cowardly, never confronting the man. What had he been so afraid of? Did he fear this day somewhere deep in his subconscious? Did he think ignoring it could make it go away? He had not reacted to WooHyun’s anger and now this day was the reward for his inaction. SungGyu gritted his teeth together, knowing that the days of inaction had passed and if he had any hopes of salvaging Infinite it was time to act.

As they approached the Han River he ordered, “Pull over.”

“What?” a startled Manager Hyoan asked.

“I need to talk to WooHyun.”

“Can’t you talk to him now?”

“No, I can not…I need to talk to him alone. Drop us off at the river and drive off. I will call you when we are done talking and you can come pick us up.”

“What—”

“Shut up!” SungGyu hissed, interrupting WooHyun. “Please, just drop us off; if you need to get the boss’s permission do it after you drop us off. I have to talk to him and I have to talk to him now.”

“It isn’t safe,” the manager protested.

“It’s safe, just please do it,” SungGyu pleaded. “It’s important…very important.”

Hyoan glanced quickly at SungGyu and something in the younger man’s demeanor had him pulling off the main road. Hyoan followed SungGyu’s instructions and drove them down a rocky side road toward the river. “I swear if anybody shows up…you better call immediately.”

“I will.”

“Do you want to talk to us, too?” Hoya, who was now wide awake, asked.

“No,” SungGyu answered. “Only WooHyun and I need to talk.”

Hyoan stopped the vehicle at the river’s edge, and SungGyu immediately opened the door and got out. He wasn’t going to allow himself time to think, time to chicken out. He was weak when it came to WooHyun and easily manipulated. He let him get away with things he’d never allow anyone else to get away with. He was going to confront the other man and he wasn’t going to hold anything back. It was time to be honest, completely honest, even if it was brutal.

SungGyu watched as WooHyun got out of the vehicle. They both stared at each other in silence as the SUV drove away.

WooHyun broke the silence. “He told you.”

“I know a lot of things,” SungGyu stated, letting his bitterness show. “I know you think I’m some clueless idiot, but I’m not. I do know some things.”

The younger main winced as if he had been hit. “I don’t think you’re clueless.”

“Don’t lie to me, not now.”

“He told you I was leaving…I begged him not to.”

A painful ache filled SungGyu and his chest felt heavy. Didn’t he and WooHyun share the same dream? SungGyu could never imagine giving his up. “How can you just give up your dream?”

“So you don’t have to give up yours; so DongWoo doesn’t have to give up his; so MyungSoo doesn’t have to give up his; so none of you have to give up your dreams.”

“What are you saying?” SungGyu asked. “I don’t understand…why would you being in the group cost us our dreams?”

WooHyun turned his back on him, walked to the water’s edge, and gazed out over the river. “I just…if I stay…it will be like before, but much worse. I can’t do that anymore.”

“You are leaving Infinite because you are afraid you will start acting like an asshole again?”

“I know I will,” WooHyun replied, still facing the river.

“Then just don’t.”

“I won’t be able to stop myself,” WooHyun told him as he reached down and picked up a small stone. WooHyun then threw it out over the river, skipping it across the top of the water.

SungGyu sneered and resisted the urge to push the other man in the river along with the stone he had just thrown. “Then don’t. Just don’t act like an asshole. You are a grown man! You are the one controlling how you act!”

“You don’t understand,” WooHyun told him. “You just don’t understand. I have tried for a long time…you don’t know how I have tried.”

“What causes you to act that way?” SungGyu asked, giving the other man a chance to be honest with him. He watched as WooHyun stiffened, still facing away from him.

“I just…I don’t know why…it’s just how I am.”

“Bullshit!”

WooHyun tensed more. “I am jealous…I get jealous when other members get opportunities and I don’t…especially when that member is you. Someone like me…can’t be in a cohesive group…I am too selfish.”

“Liar; you are such a liar.”

“I just can’t be in the group anymore,” WooHyun insisted again, his voice rising as he refused to be truthful.

SungGyu’d had all he could take. He stormed over to WooHyun and jerked him around until they were facing each other. “Liar, just admit it! You are in love with me!”

The look of utter shock on WooHyun’s face was a special reward for SungGyu, but one he could only savor for an instant. “Do you think you are the first person that has ever suffered from unrequited love?”

WooHyun’s jaw dropped.

“You’re not! You are not the first and you won’t be the last. Get over yourself already!”

“You knew…you knew…,” WooHyun stuttered, humiliation showing on his face. “How long have you known?”

SungGyu wanted to lie. He wanted to say for years, but the look of hurt and humiliation on the face of the man who was still his dearest friend, stopped him. “Not long…a couple days. My memory returned.”

WooHyun went down on his knees as if the burden of his secret being discovered was too much for him to carry. “This…this can’t be.”

“But it is.”

“The day of your doctor’s appointment…I knew something was wrong with you…something was wrong…you seemed so off…I just…you weren’t—”

“I wasn’t an open book…I wasn’t being completely obvious; I wasn’t a password you could easily decipher in seconds,” SungGyu spat. “I realize you must consider me the stupidest person that ever lived.”

WooHyun grabbed on to SungGyu’s legs and clutched them tightly. “No, no don’t think like that. You aren’t stupid…you are wonderful…the most wonderful person in the whole world.”

“I’m not!”

“Yes, you are.”

“No.”

“To me you are.”

“You are insane,” SungGyu declared. “You have handled me so easily all these years…pretending to be my friend. How many times did you laugh behind my back?”

WooHyun shot up to his feet. “Never!”

“Yeah, right!”

“I didn’t! I just…watched you, I paid attention to you. I had easy access to you. I didn’t mean to handle you; I just wanted to protect you. I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me…I wanted to remain your friend.”

The older man shook his head exasperated. “I would have rather known the truth! Don’t you understand? I would not have hated you.”

“It would have been different; our friendship would have been different. It would have been strange for you.”

SungGyu reached out and grabbed the other man by the arms. “No, it would not have been…or it would not have been that much different. I can still be your friend.”

WooHyun, who looked as if he was going to start crying at any moment, shook his head. “Look how angry you are…it’s already different.”

“I am angry because you lied to me for years! I am angry because you acted like an ass for months, instead of telling me the truth. You don’t have to leave.”

“I can’t stay. I know you won’t hold it against me for long, but I just can’t stay,” WooHyun tried to explain. SungGyu could feel the other man trembling underneath his grip. “I just can’t keep doing this,” WooHyun cried.

“Why not?” SungGyu demanded, hating the feeling of loss that was already overwhelming him. The horrible feeling that he wouldn’t be able to change WooHyun’s mind was growing.

“I thought I could. I really did. I thought I could be a person that could love you from afar. I thought I could watch you with other people and not want to kill them, kill myself, but I am not that person. There is passion in me that’s been smoldering for years and it’s driving me crazy.”

SungGyu let go of him, not knowing what to say. How was one supposed to react when someone confided such a thing to them? He tried not to sneer when he repeated, “Smoldering for years.”

“Yes,” WooHyun exclaimed. “I am so jealous…all the time. When jealously turns to anger it is the ugliest and most awful anger of all. That day before you went to the hospital…I didn’t know if I was going to kiss you or knock you through the wall—that is how unpredictable my feelings are.”

SungGyu looked down at the rocks that covered the water’s edge. “You can…get a grip on them.”

“No, I can’t…I have tried.”

“This is insane!”

“I am insane!”

“No, you’re not. Maybe you just…maybe you need a boyfriend,” SungGyu helplessly suggested.

“Why, that is a great idea,” WooHyun replied with scathing sarcasm, holding his arms out. “Why didn’t I ever think of that…oh, wait I did.”

SungGyu kept his eyes on the rocky ground. “I am not one to be self-denigrating, but come on…you can do a lot better.”

WooHyun reached out and touched SungGyu’s chin, tilting it up until they were eye to eye. “No one else even comes close.”

SungGyu took a step back unable to bear the weight of the other man’s sincerity. “WooHyun, I’m not gay.”

“I know,” WooHyun told him sadly. “That is why I can’t stay.”

“You could.”

“I can’t.”

SungGyu stomped his feet, resisting the urge to kick some sense into the other man. “That’s bullshit.”

“It isn’t.”

“It is!”

“Don’t get upset,” WooHyun soothed. “I am not leaving today. I wanted to make everything right with the members—with you, before I left. I don’t want them to blame you.”

“Even though it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault. You can’t help being straight anymore than I can help how I am.”

“I don’t buy that.”

“Excuse me? Can you be gay?” WooHyun asked knowingly.

“No,” SungGyu answered, but quickly went on to explain. “Life sucks and you don’t always get what you want. Just don’t leave the group—you will regret it if you do.”

“I already regret it,” WooHyun told him. “But if I stayed and made you all hate me…if I hurt Infinite, I would regret it more.”

“Have you lost your mind?” SungGyu demanded. “Your leaving Infinite will hurt the group!”

WooHyun reached out and took SungGyu’s hand. He suddenly felt brave now that his secret was out. “I am going to tell the fans I’m going to focus on school.”

“Nobody ever buys that excuse,” the older man spat. “Do you think our fans are stupid?”

“No, I think they are wonderful, but I will keep in contact with you guys; I will make it very clear that I still love the group,” WooHyun explained. “I would never hurt Infinite.”

“Don’t leave,” SungGyu begged, hating the desperation he heard in his own voice.

WooHyun smiled at him. “You really are amazing. Nobody knows that more than I do. Any other straight guy, well except maybe for DongWoo, would be so angry with me right now.”

“Don’t try to flatter me in order to distract me! I know your tricks now.”

“It isn’t a trick,” WooHyun insisted. “I love your ego; it never ceases to amaze me. I love everything about you, even the vain, childish things. I just love everything.”

SungGyu groaned, not wanting to hear any of it. He just wanted to wake up from the nightmare he was currently living. How could WooHyun be there sprouting off his undying love to him?

“Holding your hand, I love it so much,” WooHyun told him, tightening his grip. “I wish I could hold it more.”

“You hold my hand all the time,” SungGyu reminded him, suddenly very conscious of the hand holding his, but resisting the urge to pull away.

“No, you hold mine usually.”

SungGyu frowned. “That’s a lie. You are touchy with everybody.”

“I am with the others, but not with you. You usually initiate it with us,” WooHyun pointed out. “I am not complaining.”

“I don’t believe you,” SungGyu responded with a scowl, not believing he initiated the skinship. “You are trying to manipulate me. I am not going to let you distract me from the fact that you are leaving the group.”

“I wasn’t doing that.”

“Yes, you were,” SungGyu insisted. “You can’t leave Infinite…you can’t.”

“I can and I am.”

He looked at the younger man and could see the conviction in his eyes. He wanted to curse WooHyun and his stubborn ways, but fought against it. “What would I have to do to get you to stay?” SungGyu asked, not really expecting an answer, but knowing it was a question he had to ask.

WooHyun’s eyes lit up when he answered, “One night.”

“What?” SungGyu asked in disbelief, surely he had heard wrong…misunderstood. He knew WooHyun couldn’t be implying—no, he had to mean something else.

“Give me one night,” WooHyun repeated firmly.

A stunned SungGyu implored, “One night of what?”

The younger man met his gaze and firmly stated, “Sex.”

SungGyu jerked his hand away quickly and took a step backwards. “Are you mad? Have you completely lost your mind?”

“You asked what you could do and I’m telling you.”

“You…you have…you have lost your mind,” SungGyu sputtered. “No! Hell no!”

“That is your answer and I accept it. Don’t get angry with me. You asked me what you could do and I told you,” WooHyun told SungGyu, fighting to remain calm in the face of the other man’s obvious disgust.

“Easy for you to say!” SungGyu shouted, spit flying from his mouth.

“I know it is disgusting to you, but—just forget I said anything.”

“I am not disgusted…” SungGyu paused, realizing he was lying because the thought did disgust him. “Okay, I am disgusted. You expect too much of me!”

“I don’t expect anything of you.”

“Then why did you say…say…”

“Because you asked what you could do; I never dreamed you would do it,” WooHyun explained.

SungGyu shook his head in dismay. “So—not that I am agreeing to it, because I am not; never ever, ever agreeing to it…but you are telling me if I have sex with you…you’d stay in the group.”

“No, that is not what I am saying.”

“Huh?”

“I said one night. One night where you are mine to do with as I please. Just one round of sex is not going to be enough to satisfy me. I have years of sexual frustration pent up inside of me…I have wanted you for too long. I need one night to do with you as I please, but I wouldn’t hurt you. I’d be gentle. Then afterwards it would be as if it never happened, I’d never mention it again. I would continue on with Infinite,” WooHyun explained.

“You are nuts,” a stunned SungGyu declared, after covering his ears; wishing he could remove the memory of ever hearing such words.

“Maybe, but I know if I got one night with you…just one night, then I’d be satisfied.”

SungGyu turned and walked away, knowing his anger was reaching an all time high. How could WooHyun ever suggest such a depraved, sickening thing…it was insane! When he was a safe distance away from WooHyun he turned and faced the other man again. “You are crazy, we will be better off without you! Not only did you hide you were in love with me, you also hid the fact that you are a perverted psycho!”

“Don’t be cruel.”

“Hey, you are the one wanting to…have sex with me!”

“I won’t deny that; I love you and I want you.”

“I am not some highly coveted virgin princess here!”

“I don’t want some virgin princess! I want you.”

“Well, you can’t have me!”

WooHyun let out a bitter cry. “Do you think I don’t know that? I know! You asked me what you could do, I told you… Stop acting like I am demanding it of you! I can’t make you do anything!”

“Then why did you tell me?”

“I have toyed with the idea of leaving Infinite for months now…of course I would play around with scenarios in my head that would make staying bearable. It was just an idea…a dream…a way for me to stay.”

SungGyu pointed his finger at WooHyun and warned, “This is never going to be my fault. You don’t get to look back in a year from now…in ten years from now and think, ‘Oh, if he had just taken me up on my offer I could have lived my dream.’ You don’t get to do that…you can’t blame me!”

“I won’t,” WooHyun promised. “I won’t.”

“You make me so mad,” SungGyu cried, kicking at two large rocks that were at his feet. “If I could pick up these rocks and throw them at you I would!”

“Don’t, you are not supposed to lift anything heavy,” WooHyun reminded him.

“I know that!”

“I wish you didn’t know how much I love you…I wish I had never said anything to you.”

SungGyu rubbed his face. “I wish you hadn’t either…God, I wish the memory would have stayed hidden. I wish I could have convinced myself it was a hallucination.”

“I’m sorry.”

He let his hands drop. “Are you sorry that you are crazy?”

“Don’t,” WooHyun begged. “I’m not crazy…I am just a romantic fool. Don’t hate me. I don’t want my last days in the group to be like this.”

“They don’t have to be your last!” SungGyu screamed. “Don’t you see that?”

WooHyun shook his head. “Someday, you will fall in love. You will love this person so much… Love will make you do things…things you can’t even imagine doing now. You won’t be able to stop thinking about them…and when that day comes you will understand me better.”

“Like hell I will,” SungGyu scoffed. “I will never love anybody so much that I’d give up my dream or even risk it for them. I have self-control.”

“And I don’t? I have loved you since I was eighteen years old! Eighteen! I have shared a bedroom with you for years! I have been your best friend for years! If I hadn’t told you…you would still be oblivious! I am tired of having self-control! I am tired of living every moment of my life on guard! Always plotting ways to hide my secret! Don’t you see I am tired of lying? I can’t keep doing it.”

SungGyu winced, realizing the truth of the other man’s words. “I know I was clueless…but you don’t have to live on guard anymore…I know and I won’t hold it against you. I promise to ignore it.”

WooHyun’s mood instantly darkened and he barked, “I don’t want that from you! When you ignore me it drives me insane! Even when I was pulling away from you…I could not stand for you to ignore me. I would rather you hate me than for you to ignore me!”

The older man thought back on the months when WooHyun had given every appearance of hating him, and he grasped the truth of the other man’s words—and he also comprehended for the first time that he had always known this on some level. “I think I knew this…I think I have always known this…I just didn’t understand why.”

“I can’t go on living like this anymore,” WooHyun explained. “I hate being this person. When I thought you were going to die, the fear cancelled out everything else, but you are becoming stronger everyday…and I know I will start lashing out again.”

“You said you couldn’t stand it if I ignored you…well, once you leave Infinite I will totally ignore you. I will never talk to you again,” SungGyu threatened.

WooHyun sighed. “I can’t stay.”

“I hate you!”

“No, you don’t,” the younger man told him. “I hate myself, but you don’t hate me.”

“I should!”

“Maybe you should—but you don’t.”

SungGyu heaved a sigh and asked, “When is your…the boss said we will perform at Mr. Lee’s daughter’s wedding and then you will be gone.”

“I don’t want the others to know until then,” WooHyun explained. “We get a short break after the wedding…and I want time to make them understand.”

“Are you going to lie to them? Tell them you have suddenly given up on your dream because you want to study?” SungGyu asked bitterly. “None of them will believe you.”

“I am not sure what I will say.”

“They won’t believe anything but the truth.”

“I think they deserve the truth, but I won’t tell them the truth if you don’t want me to.”

SungGyu looked away from him. “Don’t sound like a martyr, because it isn’t working with me.”

“I know.”

“I wish I could hate you.”

“I know.”

SungGyu pulled out his phone from his pocket and called the manager. “Come get us.”

WooHyun took a step closer in an attempt to comfort the other man. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I really do love you.”

“You are right; I don’t want to hear it.”

“I know, but I do love you…and I have for a long time. I know you feel like my love is a burden, and that makes me sad.”

“I gave up my dream once…and found a new dream with you and the members, and now you are putting it at risk—because of your love for me. So forgive me if I am not flattered.”

“I hope that—”

“Just shut up!” SungGyu yelled, interrupting the other man. “I don’t hate you now, but I fear someday I will. So just shut up before that day comes faster than either one of us want it to.”


	8. Chapter 8

WooHyun sat alone in a secluded corner of their studio, next to a small window. The others were busy singing their hearts out, but he was as far away from the singing as he could get. He had his ear buds on and he clung to his iPod, but it was turned off. He wasn’t in the mood for music and he thought once he left Infinite it would be a long time before he could enjoy music again.

The CEO had surprised all the members when he announced they would be doing another comeback in the summer.

The other members had been really excited when they heard their single. Even though it was not a Sweet Tune production, the members had really liked it. He had celebrated with them, pretending that his journey with them wasn’t coming to an end. WooHyun knew the CEO was already planning damage control for when he left the group in ten days. The first plan of action was to distract the fans by having an explosive comeback. There were even rumors going around the studio that the video would be filmed in the States.

Life had been rough for WooHyun in the days after his confrontation with SungGyu. SungGyu, who was usually easy to appease, had only gotten more moody with each passing day. He had made himself completely unapproachable. Any attempt WooHyun had made to get near the older man to soothe him had been met with open hostility. He hated that the last of his days with the one he loved the most were going to be anything but peaceful.

WooHyun knew SungGyu felt betrayed, manipulated, and like a fool. The truth was that WooHyun had manipulated many situations in order to protect his secret and he couldn’t deny it, but he had never thought of SungGyu as a fool. He wanted desperately to tell SungGyu this, make him understand…give him back his pride before they parted ways once and for all.

“When do you record?”

WooHyun snapped out of his thoughts and looked up to find DongWoo studying him closely. “I already did; I’m taking a break.”

“I didn’t see you.”

“You know how they are, always dragging me and SungGyu in at odd hours. I doubt I’ll get any sleep for the next couple of weeks.”

DongWoo exhaled the breath he was holding and agreed, “Yeah, the rewards of being a main vocal.”

WooHyun smiled on the outside, but on the inside he hated the liar he had become. He hated how easily he lied to the ones he loved. “Yep.”

“Is there something you need to tell me?” DongWoo asked, leaning up against the wall directly in front of the other man, not even half a meter away from WooHyun.

“No, nothing I can think of. Do you want to go play badminton?” WooHyun asked, sensing the older man had a conversation in mind that WooHyun was not prepared for.

“No, I want to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“SungGyu can’t even look at you.”

WooHyun shrugged. “He’s upset with me.”

“What did you do?” DongWoo asked as he slid down the wall, his knees almost bumping against WooHyun’s.

“I was just…just being a jerk; it’s my fault.”

“How were you being a jerk?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to play badminton?”

“Dammit,” DongWoo said in a harsh voice as he lost patience with the other man. “What did you do now?”

WooHyun leaned farther back in his chair, surprised by the other man’s tone of voice. “It was—I am just not the friend I used to be.”

“You disappoint me so much,” DongWoo declared, standing back up. He did not bother to hide his growing irritation. “Why did you ever have to make up with him, if you were just going to pull this shit again?”

“I just…don’t get mad. It’s not normal for you to be angry. It’s not natural,” WooHyun pleaded. “I won’t do anything else.”

“Do you think I want to be angry? I don’t want to be like this. I want to be my easygoing self, but you have turned me into this big worrywart.”

“I’m sorry,” WooHyun apologized.

“No, you’re not,” DongWoo told him. “If you were you wouldn’t do it.”

The familiarity of DongWoo’s words…a repeat of what SungGyu’s had told him, had WooHyun standing up and replying defensively, “I can’t help it. If I could go back…to that person I used to be—I would do it.”

“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” DongWoo confessed to him. “I thought you were back to your old self and now you are pulling this shit again. What exactly is it you wish to accomplish?”

“I don’t have some evil plan…I am just a jerk sometimes.”

“He’s recovering from major surgery—he almost died, can’t you just refrain from pulling your bullshit till he is completely recovered?”

“I just…I didn’t mean—” WooHyun was interrupted when DongWoo pushed him back down in his chair.

“Do you want to destroy him?”

WooHyun’s mouth fell open, stunned by the question.

“I won’t let you,” DongWoo warned. “I won’t. You are the reason he didn’t notice he was sick…you are the reason he almost died. I tried to deny it. When others said it was your fault, I defended you, but I was deluding myself.”

WooHyun stayed speechless as he watched tears slide down DongWoo’s cheeks.

“When he was lying on that floor, barely breathing, I realized how wrong I was. I was ready to let you go. I was! If the CEO had said you were out of the group, I would have agreed!”

WooHyun squeezed his eyes shut, fighting against the urge to scream out the truth.

DongWoo knelt down on the floor beside WooHyun and pleaded, “You have to stop.”

“I know,” WooHyun agreed, opening his eyes and letting his own tears fall freely.

DongWoo reached out and took WooHyun’s hands. “He isn’t like us. He doesn’t make friends easily. He’s a hard man to know, a harder man to love. He wasn’t raised like us…it isn’t easy for him to love or to make friends. He trusted you, like he never trusted anybody else and you threw it back in his face.”

WooHyun’s whole body was trembling. “I didn’t want to. It was never my intention.”

“I know it wasn’t but it’s what you did,” DongWoo told him. “A man has to live with his actions…not with his good intentions. Actions are all that matter in the end.”

WooHyun broke free of DongWoo’s hold on him, stood up, and backed out of the corner giving himself more room. “I am sorry. You’ll never know how sorry I am.”

He felt like he had to get away from DongWoo. This serious version of DongWoo was too much for him. The rapper should not be like this—so troubled and serious. He should be happy, laughing and making life more enjoyable for everyone who encountered him.

WooHyun hated that he had ended up horrifying and disgusting the one he loved, but it made him physically ill to know he had changed DongWoo into this burdened man. A man who was grasping at straws to save a group of seven young men that was already lost.

He rushed away from DongWoo letting his guilt overwhelm him. In his devastation he wasn’t looking where he was going and he ran smack into MyungSoo.

“Where are—what’s wrong?” MyungSoo asked, looking at his distraught hyung.

WooHyun’s eyes were not on the handsome young man, they were on SungGyu who had been walking beside MyungSoo.

“Hyung, are you okay?” a concerned MyungSoo asked, his worry for WooHyun clearly heard in his voice.

“No,” WooHyun answered truthfully, not bothering to lie. Nothing was okay, everything was wrong and he feared it would never be right again.

SungGyu looked past WooHyun to something behind him and then back to him. “Did you tell him?”

WooHyun turned around to see that DongWoo had followed him. “No,” WooHyun answered as he looked at DongWoo.

“What is going on?” MyungSoo pleaded.

“Nothing,” SungGyu stated firmly. “DongWoo is just being a busybody. He’s been hanging out with his mom too much if you ask me.”

“Huh?” DongWoo asked, at a loss.

SungGyu, much to WooHyun’s shock, reached out and took him by the hand. “WooHyun is my servant. I can be as mean as I want to be to him. Don’t be sneaking around my back trying to get him to tattle on me.”

WooHyun’s shock was great but his mind was faster. “I didn’t tattle a word. When he blamed me for everything I just took it without a word in my defense.”

The smile on SungGyu’s face seemed so sincere. “Good! Everything is your fault.”

And with that SungGyu pulled WooHyun away, leaving the other two stunned members behind.

WooHyun allowed SungGyu to lead him through the studio until they came to an empty room. Once they entered the room, SungGyu let go of him and shut the door. The older man then took several steps away from WooHyun, increasing the distance between them. “I have decided to…” SungGyu paused, studying the younger man’s face that suddenly looked so hopeful, “pretend that you aren’t the greatest disappointment of my life. I am going to act like we are the friends I used to think we were until the wedding. I want the other members to have that before you blow their world apart.”

“Oh…okay,” WooHyun replied, cursing the first thought that had entered his mind.

SungGyu smirked. “You thought I was going to agree to your stupid terms.”

“No,” WooHyun lied.

“Yes, you did,” SungGyu told him. “You think you know me so well. You think that I am just open-minded enough that after a few days to ponder the choice, I’d choose what was best for Infinite. You thought I’d sacrifice myself for the group.”

WooHyun swallowed guiltily but insisted, “No, I didn’t.”

The older man stepped forward and to WooHyun’s surprise he felt SungGyu trace across his throat with a single finger, before he hissed, “I am not a woman with a knife to her throat that is given the choice of being raped or being killed. I am not your victim.”

WooHyun recoiled and stumbled backwards away from the other man. He tripped over his own feet, fell to the floor and landed on his butt.

SungGyu looked down at him, unable to hide his disgust. “You are not my rapist. The choice you gave me is no choice at all.”

“I just—” WooHyun started to explain, but the door slammed shut and the other man was already gone.

 

*****************

“He called you a rapist?”

“He did,” WooHyun confirmed for his friend, who was leaning against him with his head resting on his shoulder.

“Wow.”

“I know,” WooHyun responded. He was in the backseat of Key’s boyfriend’s car with the eccentric SHINee member. After a night out clubbing the model boyfriend had stopped at an all night drugstore and gone inside, alone.

Key, who was slightly intoxicated, leaned away from WooHyun declaring, “He’s right, you know.”

WooHyun, who hadn’t had anything to drink, denied, “No, he’s not.”

“He is.”

“No, he’s not.”

“How is it not rape?”

“Rape is a violent act. The rapist takes enjoyment in being violent—exerting control over someone. The violent act is what gets him off. If I had a night of sex with SungGyu it would be about love.”

“Not for him.”

“Maybe not, but it isn’t rape.”

“It was emotional blackmail.”

“It was not.”

Key snorted. “How do you even have the balls to deny that? Of course it is emotional blackmail.”

“It was an offer…an offer I made in a moment of haste. I knew he would never accept it.”

Key leaned back against WooHyun, wrapping an arm around him, and whispered in his ear, “Don’t act like you don’t want it to happen. You have probably fantasized about it a million times and jerked off to it.”

“Of course I want it to happen; I just know it won’t.”

Key let out a laugh before kissing WooHyun on the cheek. “Such a bad liar, of course you think it will happen.”

WooHyun pushed Key away. “I do not.”

“You know him better than anybody. You would have never given him a choice if you didn’t think he might take you up on the offer.”

“Shut up,” a defensive WooHyun snapped.

“He surprised you though,” Key said sounding almost proud. “He gave you the biggest fuck off ever, once he stopped being stupid—he’s actually kinda smart.”

WooHyun clenched his fists, hating Key’s words. “I never thought he would accept my choice.”

Key burped loudly, showing what he thought of WooHyun’s denial.

“I didn’t.”

“Are you pretending to be delusional…or do you really believe what you are saying?” Key asked. “Do you really believe that you will be leaving the group as some poor martyr for love?”

“Shut up.”

Key plopped back down on the back seat of the car, positioning his head on WooHyun’s lap. “So bitchy.”

WooHyun cast his gaze down at the other man’s face. “I will be leaving the group…in seven days”

“But if he took you up on your offer…”

“I wouldn’t leave.”

Key reached out and grabbed WooHyun’s hand. “I’m glad he refused you.”

“Why? Is it because in your delusional mind you would consider it rape?”

“It would be rape—even though you don’t see it. And you, bitchy boy, are the delusional one if you think one night could ever satisfy you.”

“It could.”

“It wouldn’t.”

WooHyun shook his head and tried to explain, “You don’t understand…for you sex—is just sex. For me…for me it needs to be more.”

“Hmmpff,” Key scoffed. “So you could have this…this more, and never ever want it again?”

“Of course not, I would always want more, but having it just once…I am positive it would be enough.”

“Such a fool.”

“Perhaps, but if I promised that it would be enough, it would have to be,” WooHyun explained. “With him it would be making love and I am convinced the feeling could sustain me for a long time. You wouldn’t understand.”

Key sat up and the parking lot lights only allowed WooHyun a glimpse of the irritation in the other man’s eyes. “Just because the two of us only ever had sex with each other, doesn’t mean I’ve never made love. I’ve made love before…and I still carry the wounds.”

WooHyun gave his friend a sad smile, knowing what love had cost the other man. “I know…I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you should not have, considering it’s you who has never made love.”

“I’ve only ever loved him, so that would put an impediment on me having ever made love.”

“If he gives in to you…you would never be able to hold up your part of the bargain. You are weak when it comes to him, and you shouldn’t make promises you will never be able to keep.”

“I am not weak,” WooHyun protested.

“You are not strong enough to play at being friends, not after you’ve touched the forbidden fruit.”

“I am strong enough,” WooHyun insisted.

“No, you’re not.”

“You did it.”

“I am stronger than you are.”

“I doubt it.”

“It will be harder for you, so much harder for you.”

“Why?”

“He’ll hate you.”

WooHyun looked away from his friend. “I…he won’t…he forgives.”

“Not this.”

“You don’t know him. You just know how he presents himself…I know him. Even though he has called me a rapist and says he is just acting like my friend for the benefit of the group—I know his anger is fading. I can feel it fading away. He can’t stay angry at me.”

“You expect too much of him and you forget a simple truth.”

WooHyun turned back to his friend. “What truth?”

“Straight men don’t like other men’s cocks up their ass.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“It’s the truth, it’s a huge turn off for them,” Key insisted. “A straight man might fuck you if he is drunk and horny enough and you are feminine enough, but not the other way around.”

WooHyun frowned.

“It’s the truth.”

WooHyun continued to frown.

“When was the last time you got laid?”

“Why does that matter?”

“Too long, huh,” Key stated and then he picked up one of WooHyun’s hands, brought it up to his mouth and sucked one of his fingers into it.

WooHyun tensed. “We make bad lovers, remember.”

Key continued to suck.

WooHyun looked around nervously making sure nobody was nearby in the parking lot. “We are in your boyfriend’s car.”

Key let go of WooHyun’s fingers and slid onto WooHyun’s lap. “It wasn’t like I was sucking on your cock, but I will if it will help you get over this stupid notion of yours. How long has it been since you came in someone’s warm, moist mouth?”

“Get away from me,” WooHyun ordered, but he did not push the other man away.

“Oh, lookie there,” Key teased, pressing his ass down on WooHyun’s hard cock. “Like I said, it’s been too long for you.”

“I hate you.”

“You adore me, but I won’t be helping you with your little problem.”

“I don’t want your help.”

“No, of course not; you are waiting for love, but sadly your one true love would rather have his rotten appendix back inside of him, instead of your wee little cock.”

“It isn’t wee,” WooHyun huffed, offended, pushing Key off his lap.

“It isn’t exactly Jung Yunho proportions.”

WooHyun sneered, casting his gaze to the parking lot. “Whose is?”

“True,” Key conceded, leaning back against the seat. “I suppose yours is average. My newest model…err I mean boyfriend, has a nice cock. You should see it sometime.”

WooHyun’s eyes narrowed and he agreed, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Key repeated, detecting something sinister in the other man’s voice.

The driver’s door opened and Key’s handsome boyfriend got inside the car, causing WooHyun to immediately ask, “Hey, are you game for a three way? Key says you have a nice cock.”

Key elbowed WooHyun in the gut, hissing, “You bitch.”

“I’m game; I’ll take you guys back to my place,” the boyfriend told WooHyun. He added, “I don’t bottom.”

“Me either,” WooHyun replied. “I do enjoy sucking on a nice cock though, and Key’s hole can take us both.”

“True,” the boyfriend confirmed, starting the car.

An outraged Key lunged over the backseat, barreling into the passenger seat. “What the fuck? You will do a three-way with him? I have asked you repeatedly if we can have a three-way with JongHyun and your answer is always no.”

The flawless model turned to face his fuming boyfriend. “That’s because a three-way should be done with three active participants. Not you and JongHyun fucking like bunnies while I’m completely forgotten about.”

“You know, never mind…just drop me off at home.” WooHyun blurted out quickly, knowing one hell of a fight was about to ensue.

*********************

SungGyu couldn’t sleep. He had been forced to stay home most of the day, due to having an upset stomach early in the morning. A quick doctor’s appointment had confirmed it was nothing to worry about, but an overly concerned CEO had insisted he spend the rest of the day at home taking it easy. The other members, who had been drained from a busy day at the studio, had all gone to bed.

It was past midnight now and he still couldn’t sleep. He sat in the kitchen of the dorm staring at his laptop, fighting the urge to do a search on his and WooHyun’s couple name. SungGyu remembered when HyunSung from Boyfriend had complained he couldn’t even do a search on his own name without getting bombarded with fan fiction featuring SungGyu and WooHyun.

Words that WooHyun had spoken to him a week earlier kept teasing him. SungGyu had come to terms with the fact that WooHyun was leaving the group, but he wasn’t happy about it. He simply accepted it as a truth he could or would not alter, but still WooHyun’s words that SungGyu had been the one to initiate most of their skinship troubled him.

In an attempt to decrease the significance of anything he might find he began his search with a couple of videos of him and DongWoo. The fans had thousands of videos supporting their favorite pairing in the group and videos of him and DongWoo were aplenty. He watched the videos, trying to remember exactly why he had thought biting DongWoo’s ear had been a good idea. There was also footage from Sukira that had made the shippers squeal in delight. He smiled, knowing it had been wise of him to start with DongWoo.

Then he moved on to Hoya and it was even more innocent than the videos of him and DongWoo. The moments between him and SungYeol were rare. Then he moved on to the youngest members, and although he was very affectionate with them, it was the affection of an older hyung towards his beloved dongsaengs.

With confidence that nothing he found would be unsettling he bravely clicked on a video supporting his pairing with WooHyun and after only thirty seconds he stopped it.

The looks they shared with each other were different.

He cleared his throat and started playing it again and resisted the urge to stop. He watched the way they leaned into each other, whispered to each other, and touched each other. WooHyun would look at him as if he was the greatest thing in the entire universe, and as much as SungGyu wished he could deny it—he looked at WooHyun the same way. With the other members there hadn’t been anything romantic about their videos, but with WooHyun there was a different vibe. Was it because WooHyun loved him? Did that twisted love bleed through to the camera, even confusing him?

He watched with an open jaw as he grabbed WooHyun’s hand and slid it over his inner thighs up toward his groin. What the hell was he thinking? What the hell was he doing? Had he been high? With DongWoo he had done questionable things, but with WooHyun it was different. WooHyun had been right, not all the skinship was his doing.

He slammed the laptop shut, unable to bear watching anymore. He tried to imagine what it would have been like if he had been in WooHyun’s shoes. All these years the other man had loved him and SungGyu had been unknowingly toying with him. He laid his head against the table wishing he had stifled the urge to look at the videos.

“Dare I ask?”

SungGyu groaned, after hearing WooHyun’s voice. He hadn’t heard the other man enter the dorm.

“Bad porn?” WooHyun teased as he walked up to the table and took a seat next to him.

“Go away.”

“Nope,” WooHyun replied. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.”

WooHyun resisted the urge to reach out and touch the other man. “Is it your stomach?”

“My life.”

The younger man sighed. “How do you feel physically?”

“Fine.”

“That’s good.”

“Go away,” SungGyu repeated, not lifting his head to look at the other man.

“You don’t sound very convincing,” WooHyun told him. “It’s past midnight and the start of a new day. Have you decided not to hate me today?”

SungGyu closed his eyes. “I don’t hate you…you just piss me off.”

Unable to resist the urge any longer WooHyun reached out and ran a hand through the other man’s hair. “I like your black hair, although I must admit the red hair was my favorite.”

“I am never dying it red again.”

“You are such a meanie,” WooHyun told him, ruffling SungGyu’s hair before removing his hand.

“Don’t you forget it.”

“So did the other members buy that I was at the studio?” WooHyun asked. The rest of the group had become increasingly suspicious about the lack of time WooHyun had spent recording for their new album.

“Yeah,” SungGyu answered, turning his head to look at WooHyun. “They bought it, and with me being sick it made sense that—what happened to your face?”

WooHyun reached up and touched a thin scratch that ran down his cheek. “Key got feisty.”

SungGyu sat up in his chair, looking both intrigued and hopeful. “Are you two back together?”

WooHyun shook his head.

The older man did not bother to hide his disappointment. “Why not?”

“Don’t look so let down,” WooHyun told him. “He has a boyfriend.”

“You just said he got feisty,” SungGyu pointed out.

“He was trying to claw out his boyfriend’s eyeballs and I got caught in the middle,” WooHyun explained. “It was my fault though…I did start the fight.”

SungGyu pondered the other man’s words and then optimistically added, “If they are fighting…maybe they will break up and you can get back with Key.”

WooHyun rubbed his forehead, letting out a sigh. “In some imaginary world do you see me falling out of love with you, falling in love with Key, and going on as a member of Infinite?”

“Yes,” SungGyu quickly answered. “Can you please make it the real world and not an imaginary one? It’s a very nice world.”

“So, you want me to continue with Infinite.”

“Of course I want you to continue with Infinite. What kind of question is that?”

“I guess you don’t consider me an evil, would-be rapist today.”

SungGyu closed his eyes. “I am not going to apologize for saying that, because you are trying to manipulate me into doing something that is never going to happen, but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want you to quit Infinite.”

WooHyun stopped himself from telling SungGyu the papers were already signed and his leaving was just days away. “I knew you would eventually forgive me…because it is impossible for you to stay angry with me, but I didn’t expect it to happen so soon.”

“I haven’t forgiven you,” SungGyu said with snarl. “Not even close.”

“Yes, you have.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Are you not going to tell me what caused this softening towards me? I figured you had at least two more days of being pissy before you started easing up.”

SungGyu glanced down at the laptop, suddenly very conscious of it. “Nothing.”

WooHyun followed his gaze. “What were you looking at on your computer?”

“I was reading,” SungGyu replied, grabbing the laptop and pulling it closer to him, he could already sense WooHyun’s keen mind putting the pieces together.

“What were you reading?”

“Nothing you would be interested in,” SungGyu lied, refusing to look at the perceptive younger man who knew him far too well.

“I am interested, though.

“It’s straight porn….like I said, you wouldn’t be interested.”

WooHyun grinned and tapped his fingers against the table. “The guys are usually pretty hot. I can ignore the woman. Let me see.”

SungGyu groaned internally and then blurted out, “It’s lesbian porn!”

“I thought you said it was straight porn?”

“It is porn for straight guys!”

“You are lying,” WooHyun told him and the amusement in his voice was easily heard. “Let me see what you were really looking at.”

SungGyu turned to glare at the other man, but couldn’t. The smile on WooHyun’s face was infectious. The same huge smile he had seen a million times aimed only at him. The smile he had never understood till now. “Don’t smile at me like that.”

WooHyun laughed. “Why not?”

“Because it makes me want…want to smile back at you.”

“Then smile back at me.”

“I don’t want to lead you on anymore,” SungGyu told him genuinely. “I am sorry if I ever did, I really didn’t think I was. I never meant it that way.”

The smile stayed on the younger man’s face, but his eyes lit up. “You were watching videos of us.”

SungGyu frantically shook his head no, cursing the man mentally for his finely honed skills when it came to reading him.

“Yes, you were,” WooHyun proclaimed, reaching for the laptop.

“No, you can’t have it,” SungGyu ordered, clinging to it.

WooHyun got up out of the chair and tried to pull the laptop free from SungGyu. “Let me see it.”

“No,” SungGyu protested, refusing to let go, but unfortunately for him WooHyun had always been the stronger of the two of them. The fact that he was far from being completely recovered only added to his weakness. He stood up, but he felt his grip weakening on the laptop as the other man pulled it away. He quickly realized his body might be weak but his mind was not. He immediately let out a loud moan and doubled over.

WooHyun immediately stopped his struggle for the laptop, his hands flying up and away from the other man. “What is wrong? Are you hurt?”

SungGyu stayed bent over, continuing to moan out in pain.

“I’m an idiot,” WooHyun declared, sliding his hands over SungGyu’s back and easing him back into the chair. “I will go get a manager…just stay there.”

SungGyu said nothing.

WooHyun quickly dashed toward the door in his hurry to get help.

Once WooHyun was far enough away, SungGyu got up and hurried toward his bedroom.

“You slimy dog,” WooHyun accused but he couldn’t hide his amusement. He quickly took after SungGyu, who was waiting at the doorway to the room he shared with MyungSoo and SungJong, looking extremely pleased with himself.

“Now I know your weakness,” SungGyu said mischievously.

WooHyun nodded his head, admitting defeat. “It was low though; you fight dirty.”

“Yeah,” SungGyu admitted. “But you deserve it…you’ve done worse.”

“Way worse,” WooHyun confirmed, walking up the other man. “I did a lot to protect my secret.”

“Yeah, and only 150,000 fans saw through you,” SungGyu groused, remembering all the WooGyu videos he had seen.

WooHyun let out a laugh. “Fan girls aren’t fools.”

SungGyu winced. “Like I am?”

“If you are a fool—then everybody else we know is one, too,” WooHyun told him, soothing him. “I can be really sneaky.”

“This I know.”

“I don’t know what you watched, but you shouldn’t feel bad about anything you saw…it isn’t your fault. Skinship didn’t cause me to feel the way I do. I felt this way long before we debuted,” WooHyun told him. “Don’t let the videos get to you.”

“I didn’t watch anything,” SungGyu insisted, refusing to admit what he had done.

WooHyun just grinned. “I can’t really fight you for the laptop, now. We would wake up an always curious SungJong and the sweet, innocent MyungSoo and neither one of us want to explain what is going on.”

“Nope,” SungGyu replied, proudly. “It feels good getting one over on you for once.”

“Does it?”

“It does.”

“So when we wake up tomorrow, we are going to be real friends, right? Not just playing along for our captive audience,” WooHyun stated, stepping closer. “No matter what else you believe, your friendship is very important to me. Let’s be friends for the little time we have left.”

SungGyu blinked, realizing what WooHyun was saying. Could he do that? Could he just spend these last days with WooHyun being his friend? Days ago he would have said absolutely not, but now he knew he could, because for the last few minutes that was exactly what they had been. “Why wait ‘til the morning to be friends? Why not start now?”

“Because you are going to be pouting for most of the night,” WooHyun said, leaning in closer.

SungGyu clutched the laptop tighter, protectively against his chest. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you will be,” WooHyun whispered as he kissed the other man on the cheek, causing a startled SungGyu to immediately reach out and push him away.

Only super quick reflexes that had been sharpened with endless dance practices kept the laptop from hitting the floor.

SungGyu fumed as he watched WooHyun snatch the laptop up and quickly dart for his own bedroom.

Before WooHyun entered his bedroom, he looked back at the older, annoyed man and proclaimed, “I am always the master.”


	9. Chapter 9

“What are you doing?”

WooHyun looked up from his packing to find that the maknae had entered his bedroom. “What does it look like?”

SungJong sat down on the other man’s bed and answered, “It looks like you are packing up your stuff.”

“I am.”

“You are not packing for our three days off,” SungJong stated while eying the boxes suspiciously. The boys had been told they would get three days off after the wedding to do with as they pleased.

“No,” WooHyun answered. “I’m taking some stuff over to my brother’s. This little room gets crowded.”

“Oh,” SungJong replied, nodding his head in understanding.

“Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about?” WooHyun asked as he continued to pack stuff away in boxes. The thoughtful maknae very rarely did anything without a reason.

“I just wanted to tell you I think the acoustic version of Beautiful is really nice.”

WooHyun looked away from his packing to gaze up at the attractive young man. “Thanks, it came out really nice. I know we had to practice a lot, but it was worth it.”

“It was. We should do more songs like it.”

“I agree. I am really glad she requested an acoustic version for the wedding.”

“Me too.”

WooHyun returned to his packing. “If we sound half as nice as we did in practice today, then we will not disappoint tomorrow.”

“We rarely do.”

“You sound cocky like Hoya.”

“It’s not being cocky, if it’s true,” SungJong replied. “When the seven of us are together we rarely disappoint.”

The older man stiffened. “Just the seven of us?”

SungJong frowned. “Of course, the seven of us.”

“Hoya, DongWoo, and SungGyu might disagree with you,” WooHyun pointed out. “MyungSoo does pretty great on his own, too. We are all pretty amazing in our own right.”

“No, we are only amazing as seven,” SungJong insisted.

WooHyun turned around until he was facing SungJong. “So you think we suck as individuals?”

SungJong shook his head. “We are good in our own right, but as seven there is something great about us.”

“You are starting to sound as sappy as me.”

“It’s the truth,” SungJong insisted. “There are some people that should be together…they are just better as a group.”

“Like TVXQ and JYJ?” WooHyun offered.

SungJong quickly agreed, “Exactly; they are great as two separate groups, but there was just something extraordinary about them when they were five.”

“Why are we talking about this?” WooHyun asked, suddenly feeling very unsettled by the conversation. Of the other six members, SungJong was the hardest to figure out. The maknae was a complicated kid and WooHyun did not underestimate his powers of observation.

SungJong let out a laugh. “I don’t even remember.”

“So are you still mooning over Brandy?” WooHyun quickly asked, wanting to change the subject.

“I wasn’t mooning,” SungJong insisted. “I was…”

“…crushing,” WooHyun suggested.

“I think so,” SungJong admitted. “I might still be a little…a little bit.”

WooHyun turned back around to continue packing. “SungGyu won’t like it.”

SungJong shrugged. “He just likes to gripe. If he wasn’t grumbling about me liking Brandy it would be something else.”

“True.”

“It’s good to see you and SungGyu back as friends.”

“Yeah, it’s been great,” WooHyun agreed. SungGyu had been true to his word and he had fallen back into their friendship with ease. WooHyun was very careful to keep firm control of his romantic feelings, just like he had for most of their friendship.

SungJong flopped back until he was lying down on WooHyun’s bed and confessed, “I hate it when you two fight. It’s worse than when my parents fight.”

WooHyun got up from the floor and sat down on the bed, studying the maknae. “You know DongWoo and SungGyu are the designated parents of the group. I’m not your Infinite momma, DongWoo is. I’d make a horrible mother.”

SungJong let out a laugh. “DongWoo is not the momma.”

“So you think SungGyu is the momma?”

“Yeah, he nags just like my mom,” SungJong said with a chuckle. “Leader is the mom and DongWoo is the playful dad—who can be totally wise when the need arises.”

“That actually makes a lot of sense,” WooHyun agreed, leaning back on his elbows. “You are a lot smarter than you look.”

“Don’t let this pretty face fool you.”

“You know us…the members are strong in our own right; group or no group.”

“Why do you want to discredit the power of the group of us so much,” SungJong asked, sitting up.

“I don’t.”

“It’s what you are doing.”

WooHyun avoided the clever eyes of the younger man. “I don’t want you to feel like you aren’t worth anything in your own right.”

“Me?” SungJong asked, startled.

“With SungYeol getting the drama…I don’t want you to feel insecure.”

SungJong let out a laugh. “I am not insecure.”

WooHyun held both of his hands up in defeat. “I told you I sucked at being a mom.”

“You sure do,” SungJong agreed, gently punching the other man on the shoulder.

************************

“They will never grow up,” SungGyu’s favorite hair dresser told him as she worked miracles on his hair.

With a fondness that was tinged with melancholy he followed her gaze to DongWoo and WooHyun who were playing like children. He watched as they danced crazily together and then started playing patty-cake for some strange reason known only to them. They were like wonderful, playful children, and although he loved them both he could rarely be childlike with them. They had a special friendship that was pure and beautiful, but SungGyu knew it would soon change. For how long he could not determine, because he could not predict DongWoo’s reaction to WooHyun’s leaving.

DongWoo was the most loving person he had ever known, but deep down there was something hard about DongWoo. Of all the members, DongWoo’s anger was the fiercest. DongWoo punched Hoya for his arrogance, and SungGyu knew—even though he was never told—it was DongWoo who punched WooHyun. DongWoo was not one to hold grudges, but a member had never left Infinite until now.

SungGyu honestly didn’t know how DongWoo would handle WooHyun’s leaving. SungGyu had decided to be completely honest with his members, about everything. WooHyun had said the choice was his, and he had decided against dishonesty in this final parting. After the wedding was over and before their three day break started, SungGyu had decided to tell the members the real reason why WooHyun was leaving. If WooHyun was embarrassed then he would just have to deal with it. SungGyu would not have lies between him and the other members, not now.

“They are coming for you,” the hairdresser warned.

SungGyu smiled at the approaching members. “The black suits won, I see.”

DongWoo pouted. “I am convinced the stylist likes MyungSoo best.”

WooHyun wrapped an arm around DongWoo. “You do look fabulous in white.”

“MyungSoo will be pleased,” SungGyu told the two men, who were already dressed for the wedding.

“You like them too,” WooHyun reminded him. “I know the black suits are your favorites.”

“They are,” SungGyu concurred. “Ever since Hoya’s dad pointed out that they remind him of the Beatles, I can’t help but like them, too.”

WooHyun ran his hand down the skinny tie. “They aren’t bad.”

“I need to talk to you alone,” SungGyu told him suddenly. He realized he should probably prepare the other man for the complete truth telling that would be occurring after the wedding.

“I can’t come?” DongWoo asked, still pouting.

“No,” SungGyu answered.

DongWoo cast an uneasy gaze between them, asking, “You two aren’t fighting again?”

WooHyun shook his head. “No.”

A still curious DongWoo questioned, “Are you two doing something together during the break?”

“I wish,” WooHyun answered honestly. “But I will be busy with my brother at his restaurant.”

DongWoo turned his focus to SungGyu. “And you?”

SungGyu knows that after tonight he won’t feel like going on holiday or even taking a break. He can’t say that though, not yet. He wants to give DongWoo just a little more time before he breaks the awful news to him. “It’s a secret.’

DongWoo grinned. “You can tell me.”

“Maybe later,” SungGyu told him with a wink. He then took WooHyun by the hand and led him away.

WooHyun followed SungGyu without a word, trying his best to fight down the hope he felt surging up inside of him. SungGyu led them to an empty bathroom and WooHyun was unable to hide his hopeful smile.

SungGyu frowned after noticing WooHyun’s smile. “I am not taking you up on your offer.”

“I…I…I know,” WooHyun stuttered as his hope faded away.

SungGyu knew the other man was lying, but let the falsehood pass between them. “I can’t lie to the members.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tonight when we tell them you are leaving…I want them to know everything. I want them to know the whole truth about your leaving.”

WooHyun turned around to face the wall. He was shocked by the other man’s words. “Really.”

“Yes, I won’t play the bad guy in this. I want them to know about your feelings and about your offer—all of it.”

“The offer,” WooHyun gasped, turning back around. “That too?”

SungGyu nodded his head. “They have to know it all, so they will understand why I didn’t find a way to make you stay.”

“But…that was between you and me…it didn’t—doesn’t involve them.”

“You said they could know. You basically said you wanted them to know the truth.”

“I know…but I didn’t think you would actually tell them.”

“Should I be relieved that you don’t know me as well as you think you do?”

“No…I just feel like this is payback.”

“I am not doing this to punish you. I just—”

WooHyun interrupted him to ask, “Are you sure you are not? They won’t understand…they will think I’m strange.”

SungGyu wanted to yell that WooHyun was strange, but he resisted the impulse. “I don’t understand it either, honestly. I just know I don’t want to keep anything from my members. They must know everything and they will. You will be gone after today, and I need them to understand.”

“I just…” WooHyun paused to wipe his damp face. “I know I am leaving. I know that soon you guys will be promoting without me…I know this. I chose this, but I don’t want them to hate me.”

“You are putting all of Infinite at risk…what did you expect? Did you hope to escape out of this unscathed? Did you want to put the blame on me?”

“No!”

“Then you own your decisions, WooHyun,” SungGyu said, chastising him. “I have begged you to find another way, but you won’t, so this is just one of the small prices…there will be more, so many more. This is just the start.”

“I know…but I can’t.”

“I will beg you one more time to please reconsider.”

“I can’t!”

SungGyu inhaled a deep breath and slowly exhaled it. “I am not going to fight with you…this might be the last time we ever sing together. I want to enjoy it. I want the members to enjoy it. I want you to enjoy it.”

WooHyun wiped his eyes, cursing his inability to keep from crying, but the reality of the situation was hitting him hard. “I just…I just wish…” he paused unable to say what he really wanted to say.

“You just wish I could love you, like you love me,” SungGyu finished for him.

“But you don’t have to love me like…like I love you. Just one night, you can be drunk or high—I don’t care. Just one night, and I will never bring it up again and I won’t leave the group,” WooHyun offered one last time.

“I can’t do that, and if you loved me half as much as you say you do, you wouldn’t ask me to.”

“I do love you! More than anything,” WooHyun vowed.

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. I swear on my life, on my parents’ lives,” WooHyun promised. “I love you so much it drives me crazy.”

“It is unfair of you…” SungGyu paused, trying to get his anger under control. “It’s unfair of you to make me such an offer and the members will know how unfair you have been.”

“I don’t mean to be unfair…I just love you.”

“This isn’t love…I don’t know what it is and I don’t want to know what it is. I have forgiven you for things I would never have tolerated from anybody else. So, I am sorry too…I am sorry the love I have for you isn’t enough.”

WooHyun wanted to take it all back. He wanted to see the relief on SungGyu’s face, when he realized he wasn’t leaving. He wanted to embrace the other man. He wanted to be the other man’s best and dearest friend forever, and it could all happen if he just…took it all back, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. So instead all he did was wipe the tears from his face and told the one he couldn’t stop being in love with…the one he couldn’t stop wanting, “I’m sorry, too.”

*************

“How much money do they make off of us?”

MyungSoo shook his head disapprovingly at Hoya and responded, “Don’t sound so bitter, you are living your dream life.”

“Yeah,” Hoya agreed as he looked around the huge dining room inside of the mansion the wedding reception was taking place in. “I still wish I had digs like this.”

“Our dorm is the bomb,” DongWoo, who was sitting next to Hoya, told the lead dancer as he made kissy faces at him. “Where else would you get such an awesome roomie?”

“Our dorm is nice,” SungJong agreed. They were all sitting together at a lavishly decorated table, waiting to perform.

WooHyun, who was sitting across from SungJong, added, “I know it’s much nicer than my brother’s apartment. Some people are just ungrateful.”

“I am not ungrateful,” Hoya protested. “But someday it would be nice if all of us could live in a mansion like this.”

“All together?” DongWoo asked, liking the idea.

MyungSoo nodded his head. “I’d like that!”

SungYeol frowned. “What about privacy? I plan on having sex before I die.”

“You are not a virgin…” Hoya paused and looked at SungYeol doubtfully. “Are you?”

“No, but I don’t want to have sex with you all eavesdropping,” SungYeol told him.

“Like we would,” SungJong spat, looking disgusted. “That’s just gross.”

DongWoo let out a laugh. “We would only eavesdrop if we were really curious.”

SungJong looked at the rapper, shaking his head. “No, we wouldn’t.”

“I might,” DongWoo said with a grin and a wink.

“This house is big enough, we would be allowed plenty of privacy,” MyungSoo pointed out.

“Yeah,” Hoya agreed. “We could each have our own wing.”

“I vote in favor of us all living together in a mansion some day,” SungJong told them, and then took a sip of his champagne.

“Me too,” MyungSoo agreed, holding out his glass along with Hoya. WooHyun smiled at his members and did the same.

“Let’s all toast to the future Infinite Mansion,” DongWoo told them, holding out his glass.

SungYeol shook his head but held out his glass along with the others.

“Hyung, are you going to live with us?” MyungSoo asked the man sitting beside him, who seemed to be lost in his own world.

SungGyu snapped out of his daze to see the other six members holding up their glasses. “I thought I already lived with you?”

“We are going to buy an Infinite mansion someday and we are all going to live together,” SungJong explained.

SungGyu’s eyes went to WooHyun, who was acting carefree, like their last confrontation had never taken place. “All of us?”

“All of us,” Hoya repeated.

“Hey,” DongWoo said full of excitement as an idea occurred to him. “Not a mansion, but a palace! The Infinite Palace!”

The other members all nodded their heads in agreement.

MyungSoo nudged SungGyu with his shoulder. “So what do you say?”

The older man held up his glass and announced, “Only if I get to be king of the palace.”

A loud chorus of denials along with laughter immediately followed the leader’s announcement, but before SungGyu could respond to his members the manager tapped him on the shoulder, notifying him it was time for them to perform.

The members quickly got up from the table and headed for the stage that had been set up for them. The stage was covered in flowers, and at the front of the stage were seven white chairs, one for each of the members. Behind them sat the musicians, who would be playing their instruments while they sang.

SungGyu took his seat in the middle. He didn’t know why the bride had chosen an acoustic version of Beautiful, but he was grateful. He was disappointed with WooHyun, and he might always be, but he felt it was only right that his friend should end his time with Infinite by singing his own song.

The moment the song started, SungGyu felt his chest tighten and he found it hard to breathe. When WooHyun began to sing in his smooth, unfaltering voice SungGyu knew he was in trouble. The reality of their situation hit him like a ton of bricks. WooHyun would soon be gone; gone from their world, gone from his world.

The other members were singing, but their voices didn’t touch him…they had never really touched him. Secretly in his most selfish heart, he had only ever longed to hear his and WooHyun’s voices. He almost missed his part when he realized he might never sing with WooHyun again. He might never hear WooHyun sing again.

What was Infinite without WooHyun? WooHyun and he were the main vocals; SungGyu knew his voice turned some people off in the beginning, but WooHyun’s voice had won them over.

He wanted to stop singing and shout at WooHyun for being an idiot, but he also never wanted to stop singing. He wanted to sing with WooHyun forever and when his part ended he kept on singing. Because he couldn’t stop; this couldn’t be the end. Why would anyone give up their dream? Especially when their dream was to sing; nothing was more important than singing. He had once thought his dream was to be a rock star, but he quickly realized it was only to sing. SungGyu would do anything as long as he could sing.

The other five members stopped singing along after realizing SungGyu was singing all their parts, only WooHyun sang along with the leader and their harmony was beautiful. The members smiled, not offended but moved by the two friends that they hoped had finally found their way back to each other. The crowd at the reception smiled, appreciating the beautiful voices blending together so perfectly. The bride hugged her new husband, not expecting the special gift.

SungGyu sang with all his heart and soul, laying it bare for all to see and WooHyun matched him, like he always did. SungGyu knew this could not be their last song. He knew he would do anything as long as it wasn’t their last song.

*******

After the performance was over WooHyun had been whisked away by SungGyu to a room in the mansion where the staff was storing dishes and glassware.

SungGyu shut the door, but stayed facing it, not looking at WooHyun. “I am going to give you one more chance to change your mind.”

WooHyun, whose emotions were at an all time high, struggled to keep from crying. “I can’t.”

“This is your last chance not to take a wrecking ball to your life and your dream,” SungGyu pleaded as he leaned his head against the door.

“I’m sorry, I know this seems insane to you, but I just can’t,” WooHyun answered, holding firm. He winced when he saw SungGyu’s shoulders tense. “I know that someday I will probably regret this moment, but I think if I give in…I will regret it more.”

WooHyun’s words spurred SungGyu to anger. The older man swung around to face the other main vocal. “You have always claimed to love Infinite so much.”

“I do!”

“No, you don’t,” SungGyu threw back at him. “When one member leaves…then you put the whole group at risk. It’s a cascade affect! Don’t you see that it isn’t just your dream you are sacrificing but all of ours!”

WooHyun stumbled backwards until he bumped up against a table, causing the dishes on the table to rattle. “You are strong enough to keep the dream alive, to keep them together.”

“I want to hate you so badly!” SungGyu hissed. “I want to hate you for putting this all on me!”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Yes, you are! You gave me an impossible choice and now if the group falls apart later…it will be my fault, not yours. It will be my fault because I wasn’t strong enough to agree to your terms!”

WooHyun paled. “No, that isn’t what I meant…the members are responsible for themselves, you—”

“Bullshit! I am responsible for everyone!”

“No,” WooHyun denied. “We are all grown men…I must own the choices I make. When I walk away tonight—that is on me. It is due to my weakness. It isn’t yours….the other members will understand.”

“What about the world? Can I tell the world?” SungGyu yelled. “Can I confess on television why we are suddenly a six member group? I think it would bring in great ratings!”

“Don’t,” WooHyun pleaded, closing his eyes.

“No, I won’t—I don’t want your filth associated with the group. Once you are gone good riddance,” SungGyu replied, trying to sound cruel.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do.”

“No, the offer I made you—you hate it. You loathe it, because you think it compromises you as a man, but you don’t want me to leave. If you have to say these things to make it easier for us to say goodbye then I understand,” WooHyun told the older man, struggling against the urge to give in.

“Nothing can make this easier!” SungGyu exclaimed, while quickly wiping the tears from his face. “Nothing makes your leaving easier. I have tried to hate you. I am angry at you, but the thought of you leaving…it outweighs everything else. It’s killing me and it will kill them. Please…please…just don’t leave. It’s insane.”

“I know you have never loved anybody like I love you, so I don’t expect you to understand my feelings or why I can’t give in.”

A look of disdain appeared on SungGyu’s face. “If this is love, then I never want to know love. I never want to be so desperate and crazy that I try to blackmail somebody into having sex with me. Your love makes me sick.”

WooHyun closed his eyes and said genuinely, “I don’t know how other people love. Maybe I am crazy, because my love for you does make me desperate.”

“Psychotic!”

WooHyun ignored the other man and continued, “It made lying as easy as breathing. But I promise it started off pure. When we were trainees just being near you made me happy. I basked in your presence for years…you could make me so stupidly happy. Other people would get so annoyed with you and I just couldn’t stop laughing—”

“Stop,” SungGyu gasped, interrupting.

“No, I have to make you understand. It wasn’t always like this…this is what happened after years. For years I was filled with a passion…a desire that could never be quenched. And slowly that desire turned into a raging fire that started consuming me from the inside. I knew if I confided in you…you would never be receptive to my feelings. I just held it all inside, but passion has to eventually release itself, so it did in the form of anger. I know I was a horrible to you, but I didn’t trust myself to be alone with you anymore. I knew if I remained close to you I would betray myself.”

SungGyu looked at the floor. “You did.”

“I did,” WooHyun confirmed. “You were so sick…and I just couldn’t stay away from you. I knew you didn’t understand why I was so angry and I knew it hurt you. I know how much I mean to you…I just couldn’t keep hurting you.”

“But your leaving…your leaving hurts me,” SungGyu told the other man, looking up to meet his gaze.

“This deal I offered you…it wasn’t fair, but I want you to remember that I was already going to leave before you remembered what happened between us,” WooHyun reminded him. “I was going to leave and fill yours and the other member’s heads with lies about how I didn’t want this life anymore. I didn’t know you remembered.”

SungGyu blinked, he had forgotten the CEO had told him WooHyun was leaving, before he had actually confronted WooHyun about his feelings…but did it matter? He had known, and WooHyun could read him like a book.

“I knew I couldn’t stay,” WooHyun continued. “I am sorry I ever offered you the deal.”

“Are you taking it back?” SungGyu asked.

“I have to leave,” WooHyun explained. “How I was before, I can’t be like that anymore. That’s not me.”

“That isn’t what I asked. I asked if you’re taking back your offer.”

WooHyun stared back at the other man. “What does it matter? You are never going to accept it. Will it make you feel better if I withdraw it?”

“Yes, it will make me feel better. I won’t feel like such a tool; like your leaving is my fault.”

There was a short moment of silence when WooHyun said nothing. He just stared at SungGyu, studying him intently.

“Stay, don’t leave,” SungGyu pleaded one last time.

WooHyun just shook his head.

The older man inhaled a deep breath, covered his mouth with hands that were trembling and whispered, “Then I will do it.”

WooHyun took one step closer, not believing his ears. “What did you say?”

SungGyu let his hands drop from his face, squared his shoulders, and stated in a clear voice, “One night with you, but I am going to be completely wasted. I will take every pain pill I have left and I am going to be drunk, too. I don’t want to remember any of it.”

“Oh, God,” WooHyun whimpered, his knees suddenly wobbly. “You mean it?”

SungGyu pointed his trembling hand at him. “Listen to me; if I die from an overdose—you can’t call for an ambulance. Just let me die, and hide my body somewhere.”

WooHyun, who felt like his legs wouldn’t hold him, sputtered, “What?”

“Nobody can ever know. I would rather be dead than for anybody to ever know. I don’t want to remember any of it…and you can never ever mention it.”

“I won’t.”

SungGyu wiped the sweat that was suddenly pooling on his forehead off. “It should happen tomorrow, so I will have two days to…to reclaim some of my sanity. Plus…if I think about it too much I will leave the country and never come back.”

“My brother’s place,” WooHyun stated, his mind already going to work on making the arrangements.

“Also, after this…we won’t be friends. I don’t want to be friends with you after this. We will never ever share a room again, not even in a hotel.”

“SungGyu…”

“No, you can’t negotiate with me. These are my terms. I know you think I will forgive you anything but you are wrong. I won’t forgive you this. I probably won’t ever be able to look at you again without wanting to puke. I will be lucky if I can even look at myself in the mirror after we are done.”

WooHyun, whose excitement was so great, didn’t even react to SungGyu’s words. “So tomorrow at eight?”

“Eight? No, later than that,” SungGyu gasped. “Midnight.”

“No, eight.”

“Eleven.”

“Eight.”

“I am not going to be at you brother’s at eight! It won’t even be dark!” SungGyu shouted. “It doesn’t get dark ‘til nine!”

“Okay, nine,” WooHyun conceded. “It isn’t like I am going to jump you the minute you arrive. You have to get drunk.”

SungGyu cringed. “Plus…I am taking all of my pain pills!”

WooHyun shook his head. “The deal did not include you dying. If you overdose I am calling an ambulance.”

“I said you don’t get to negotiate!”

“You are not allowed to commit suicide.”

SungGyu yelled, “I am not trying to commit suicide…I just don’t want to remember any of it. I want to be like a corpse…but not an actual corpse.”

“You are not allowed to be unconscious and drooling from drugs and alcohol.”

“What the hell! You said I could be drunk!”

WooHyun inhaled a deep breath and slowly let it out. “You can be drunk, but if you stop breathing I am doing CPR and calling an ambulance. And if I told you I wasn’t going to, I’d be lying.”

“You lie all the time, why can’t you lie now?” SungGyu demanded. “You are getting what you want, so be happy and just shut the fuck up! You better not call an ambulance.”

The younger man clenched his fists in frustration and tried to explain calmly, “You do remember I love you—a whole lot, so letting you die is out of the question!”

SungGyu glared.

“I know you like to think of me as some sexual freak—”

“Because you are one!” SungGyu snapped, interrupting the younger man. “Only a sexual freak would ask this of me. No decent human being would even think of such a thing.”

“But the deal is off if it includes your life being in danger,” WooHyun continued as if SungGyu had said nothing.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” WooHyun responded, remaining calm. “You are a control freak. You don’t want to be so wasted you don’t know what is going on…think about what I could do.”

SungGyu grabbed a glass off a nearby table and threw it at the wall, barely missing WooHyun’s head. “I don’t want to know what you are doing! That’s the whole point!”

WooHyun looked at the shattered glass on the floor and struggled to remain cool. “I can only imagine what you think I might do to you, but I assure I will be perfectly gentle.”

“Shut up,” SungGyu commanded, throwing his hands up to cover his ears.

WooHyun sighed and calmly walked up to SungGyu, carefully reached up and pulled the other man’s hands down. “Shhh…unless you want everybody to know what we are talking about.”

SungGyu swallowed, nervously. “I just…I can’t think about it…it freaks me out. It’s unnatural. It’s wrong.”

“I know it is for you, but soon it will be over and you never need to think about it again. I will go on with the group and I will never bring it up again. I will even call you Hyung afterwards. I will let you be angry with me for as long as you want.”

The older man exhaled, hating that the other man was touching him, but his trembling was decreasing. “I am going to be a total tyrant…I know I will be, the members will hate me.”

WooHyun shook his head. “You have been a tyrant before, and they didn’t hate you. I won’t let them hate you. I will fix everything like I always have.”

SungGyu pulled his hands away from the other man. “It will never be the same between us again after tomorrow.”

“I know.”


	10. Chapter 10

SungGyu stared at the door leading to BooHyun’s apartment fearfully. It was ten after nine and he was tempted to turn tail and run. He couldn’t help but feel like he was about to sell his body and soul.

He turned away from the door. He happened to like his soul and he’d rather keep his body for women only. He was about to walk away when the door to the apartment opened.

“Did you change your mind?”

“Yes,” SungGyu answered and then immediately followed it with a, “No.” If he walked away the price would still be too high. Perhaps his soul had a price tag and WooHyun’s leaving exceeded its worth.

“In the morning it will be as if it never happened,” WooHyun calmly told him, trying to ease his mind. “Even if you bring it up, I am going to act like I have no idea what you are talking about. Years from now you will wonder if it really happened or if it was just a dream.”

“Not a dream,” SungGyu said, correcting the other man as he turned around to face him. “A horrible nightmare—did you dress up?”

“No,” WooHyun denied, his eyes widening, realizing the other man was not going to be receptive to his spiffy appearance.

“You did,” SungGyu snarled in dislike. “You are wearing new clothes…new experience clothes and your hair…your hair is up!”

WooHyun reached up, patting his hair down, but it immediately bounced back into place.

“I swear if there are candles in there…I will kill you. I will find something sharp and I will stab you with it. Your brother will come home and find your dead body on the floor. This is not a fucking date! It sure as hell isn’t romantic!”

“I will be right back,” WooHyun quickly replied, shutting the door and disappearing behind it.

SungGyu willed himself to stand in place and not run away. WooHyun was right, it would only be for one night…and although WooHyun was a sneaky liar, SungGyu knew that WooHyun would not bring it up again.

He had already taken two pain pills and WooHyun had promised to provide the alcohol. He planned on getting so drunk he wouldn’t remember any of the night. He hoped not remembering wouldn’t drive him crazy, but he quickly realized he was already crazy for agreeing to WooHyun’s terms in the first place.

WooHyun swung the door back open. His hair was combed down and he was wearing a casual t-shirt and jeans. “Sorry…I was kinda being stupid.”

SungGyu arched his eyebrows and boldly walked into the apartment. “You are not the only one…I don’t even want to think about the level of stupid I’m exhibiting right now.”

“It will be alright,” WooHyun assured him, handing him a glass.

SungGyu looked down at the glass in disapproval. “A soda? I am going to need something a hell of a lot stronger than a soda!”

“It’s rum and coke. It’s my brother’s favorite,” WooHyun explained, pointed to the glass. “Look, I even put cherries in it for you.”

“I need a 100% proof alcohol!”

“Just drink it,” WooHyun ordered. “How many pills have you taken?”

“Why do you think I have already taken some?”

“You have that neurotic look in your eyes,” WooHyun answered, taking SungGyu’s hand.

SungGyu pulled his hand away. “I always look neurotic when I am about to get man raped.”

“Do not use that word.”

“It’s the truth.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“It is.”

“You can leave at any time.”

SungGyu growled, because it was the truth. He could leave at any time…it would just mean sacrificing Infinite. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” WooHyun assured, reaching out and taking SungGyu’s hand. The older man immediately jerked it away. “My night,” WooHyun reprimanded, taking SungGyu’s hand once again. “How many pills have you taken?”

“Why do you care?” SungGyu questioned as he allowed the younger man to lead him through the apartment.

“When the EMTs revive you later tonight I want to be able to tell them how many you have taken,” WooHyun told him as he led SungGyu into a bedroom.

SungGyu froze in the doorway as he took in the appearance of the room. He could immediately tell it wasn’t BooHyun’s room. The room was almost bare; just a full sized bed, a dresser with a mirror, and a large aquarium. A few sports posters covered the wall and he noticed some of WooHyun’s belongings scattered across the dresser. “This is your room?”

“Kinda, it’s where I sleep when I stay with him.”

“His fish?” SungGyu questioned, pointing to the aquarium, but his eyes were glued to the gold satin sheets on the bed. His feet were planted firmly to the floor.

“Yes; come sit down on the bed,” WooHyun told him, pulling gently on his arm, but the other man did not budge.

“I…I…I think I should just go home…yeah, I should,” SungGyu stuttered as all his courage evaporated.

“I will get you something stronger to drink if you just sit down.”

SungGyu tugged against WooHyun and blurted out, “Is this where there is a hidden camera? You win! You are the best ever. Hahaha, you got me good.”

WooHyun jerked a little bit harder and SungGyu stumbled into the room. “There isn’t a hidden camera. I promise you, I won’t do anything until you are a lot more relaxed.”

“I don’t think it is possible for me to be relaxed,” SungGyu replied with a nervous gulp.

“Sit down.”

SungGyu looked down at his feet and back up at WooHyun. “Oh, I forgot to take my shoes off. That is so rude of me, I should go home.”

“SungGyu,” WooHyun growled and pushed the other man toward the bed. “Just relax.”

The older man sat down reluctantly and complained, “I can’t relax! I am about to get man raped!”

WooHyun gritted his teeth. “I told you not to use that word.”

“I am sorry, but that is how I feel.”

“I am not going to hurt you.”

“I wish that were true!”

“I am going to go get you something else to drink.”

SungGyu watched the other man quickly leave the room. The second WooHyun was gone he reached into his pocket and pulled out his pill bottle and took two more pain pills. Only the thought of EMTs showing up and finding him with cum dripping out of his ass kept him from taking the whole bottle.

“Let’s try this,” WooHyun stated as he entered the room with a shot glass and a bottle of tequila.

SungGyu took the glass, gulped it down and frowned. “I hate tequila.”

“I know,” WooHyun told him as he knelt down to remove the other man’s shoes. “I was afraid if I gave you something you really liked, I would be calling for an ambulance.”

“I took more pills,” SungGyu admitted.

WooHyun looked up at him after removing one shoe. “The whole bottle?”

SungGyu shook his head. “I was too afraid to…you have condoms right? I don’t want any gay diseases.”

“Yes, I do, because I don’t want any straight diseases,” WooHyun snapped after removing both shoes and setting them down beside the bed. He got back up and walked over to the stereo that sat on the dresser.

“I don’t have any diseases,” SungGyu responded, feeling strangely defensive.

WooHyun selected the song he wanted and turned around to face the older man. “The only sex I have had for the last ten months has been with my hand, and I have passed two health examinations with flying colors in that time.”

“Well, since you have such a good relationship with your hand…I recommend not cheating on it. You would be sad if it left you…sad and one handed.”

“But you are the inspiration behind the hand, so it isn’t really cheating,” WooHyun told him with a wink.

SungGyu paled.

“I am not sure if you are going to need another shot,” WooHyun told the man.

“I am going to need it.”

“Okay.”

SungGyu watched as the younger man poured him another shot. “You are shorter than me.”

“This I know.”

“I could beat you up and run away.”

WooHyun handed him the shot. “You’re a wimp. You couldn’t beat me up.”

“I used to be tough.”

“I know.”

“But now—”

WooHyun finished for him, “Now SungJong could probably kick your ass if he got in one of his pissy moods.”

“This is true,” SungGyu confirmed sadly, taking the drink. “I lost my edge, but now…now what I make up for in…for…no, that isn’t how you say it. What I lack in muscles I make up for in brains…well, normally.”

“Drink it.”

“Okay,” the older man agreed. “I am going to need more.”

WooHyun watched as SungGyu finished off the shot. Then he took the empty glass and set it down on the dresser. “I don’t think so.”

“I need more.”

WooHyun sat down on the bed beside SungGyu. “Let’s just give it a little time to work.”

“It’s not working.”

“It will,” WooHyun promised as he took SungGyu’s hand and pressed it against his mouth giving it a kiss.

SungGyu flinched, but resisted the urge to pull away. “What song is this?”

“Do you not recognize it?”

“No.”

“It’s Rihanna,” WooHyun answered, scooting back on the bed and positioning himself behind SungGyu. “I picked it because it’s pretty serene.”

“I don’t think the alcohol and pain medicine is working,” SungGyu blurted out, struggling not to flee as he felt the other man pressed up close behind him.

“No, it is working,” WooHyun answered as he started gently massaging SungGyu’s shoulders. “Don’t fight it. Try to relax; if you tell me to stop, I will—”

“I am telling you to stop!” SungGyu quickly shouted out, nervously.

“Stop and then I will call for a ride for us and we both will tell the other members that I am leaving the group. It needs to be done while they are on break, so they can cope before the cameras are back on them,” WooHyun continued.

SungGyu reached up and rubbed his face, hating the position he was in, but most of all he hated how effective the other man’s threats were. It was like WooHyun knew how to speak to his greatest fears.

“Are you telling me to stop?” WooHyun asked as he continued to massage the other man’s shoulders.

“No.”

“Just calm down, I know you don’t want to be here. I know you aren’t doing this because you want to. I know you are only doing it for the sake of the group.”

“But you don’t care?”

WooHyun leaned down and whispered in the other man’s ear, “I care. I hate myself so much at times for putting you through this, but I just can’t stop myself. I need to see this through and I need you.”

“I don’t need you…not like this.”

“I know you are not attracted to me. I know you are straight. This doesn’t change any of that.”

SungGyu felt strangely comforted by those words. He then rotated his shoulders trying to loosen up.

“Let the alcohol and the pills work,” WooHyun told him in a soothing voice. “Stop fighting against them. You are sleepy, I know you are sleepy. You can’t handle alcohol when you are sleepy, so stop fighting it.”

SungGyu closed his eyes. “I am sleepy.”

“You probably were up all night freaking out.”

The older man nodded his head in agreement.

“Is there something specific that is scaring you? Something you want me to explain to you.”

SungGyu’s eyes flew open. “Umm…well, I…how bad will it hurt?”

WooHyun kept massaging him. “It depends on the preparation and how relaxed you are.”

“Preparation? Did I need to do an enema—I did not just ask that! Somebody shoot me, somebody please shoot me. Will you shoot me?” SungGyu cringed and whimpered, unable to grasp that such words had actually left his mouth. “I think I’d prefer being dead.”

WooHyun wrapped his arms around SungGyu’s neck and pressed his mouth to the other man’s ear. “Shhhh, stop freaking out…none of that is necessary.”

“It isn’t?”

“No, I will prepare you,” WooHyun softly explained. “I don’t want you to hurt, so I will make sure you are ready. I will take my time. It will be nice. You just have to relax.”

SungGyu focused on his breathing because he couldn’t imagine that any of the night would be anything but a horrifying and disgusting experience.

“Also, I want you to know if you get aroused it doesn’t mean anything. I am not going to suddenly think you are attracted to me. I know it’s just reaction to touch. It wouldn’t be the first time my touch affected you…your skin is sensitive,” WooHyun stated, and then licked SungGyu’s earlobe causing he other man to tense. “Just relax,” WooHyun softly told him as he went back to massaging his shoulders.

SungGyu blinked, trying to remember what exactly WooHyun was talking about…but his mind wasn’t exactly working at full efficiency. Memories of years spent sharing a room and little awkward moments shared between them danced in the distant recesses of his mind, but he couldn’t remember one specific embarrassing moment.

“All guys get hard, it doesn’t take much,” WooHyun informed him, stopping the massage long enough to take his shirt off.

SungGyu watched as WooHyun’s shirt dropped to the floor and landed by his shoes. His panic grew tenfold as he felt his own shirt being pulled up and off of him. SungGyu gulped nervously as he watched his shirt drop to the floor beside WooHyun’s.

“Just stay calm,” WooHyun whispered as his hands slid over SungGyu’s bare chest. “We roomed together for years.”

“But I didn’t know.”

“I knew.”

SungGyu groaned, remembering all the times he had walked around naked in front of the other man. “I am going to need another drink.”

“Yeah, that isn’t a bad idea,” WooHyun agreed as he got off the bed and grabbed the bottle of tequila. He quickly poured another glass. “You always knew I liked guys.”

“I didn’t know you liked me,” SungGyu pointed out as he took the glass from WooHyun.

“You had to know I looked.”

SungGyu quickly swallowed the drink down. “No, I didn’t.”

WooHyun took the glass back from SungGyu. “You have a very nice cock.”

The older man cringed and fell back on the bed, struggling against the instinct to flee from the room.

“Of all the members yours is the biggest. Don’t act like you don’t know. I have heard you brag enough times,” WooHyun teased.

SungGyu lay across the bed with his feet dangling off of it. He stared up at the ceiling, letting the alcohol and drugs do their magic. He hoped they would work faster. He wished he could feel nothing. The panic wasn’t easing up and he also felt incredibly sad knowing something precious was at stake. “We will be lost…our friendship will be lost after tonight. It will be dead and gone when the morning comes.”

WooHyun winced as the other man’s words sent a sharp pain through his heart, but with determination he stepped between SungGyu’s legs. With steady hands he started unbuttoning the other man’s jeans. “I know it will be different between us and it will be hard for you.”

“Not for you?”

“It’s been hard for me for years,” WooHyun reminded him as he gently swatted SungGyu’s thigh, coaxing him to raise his bottom up so he could slip off his jeans.

SungGyu lifted his ass and WooHyun smoothly removed his jeans. “You are such a good liar.”

“Too good.”

“Do you even know when you are lying now?”

“Yes, I know. Straighten yourself up on the bed. You can’t lie across it like this.”

SungGyu obeyed, quickly shifting himself on the bed. He tried to focus on the blur in the back of his mind and not on the fact that he was only wearing his briefs.

“Is the alcohol working?” WooHyun asked as he finished stripping himself completely.

“I think so.”

“Good,” WooHyun replied as he got on the bed. He lay on his side, facing SungGyu.

“I don’t want you to kiss me on the lips.”

“I…I can’t promise I won’t.”

SungGyu tilted his head until he was looking at WooHyun. “Why not?”

WooHyun lifted one hand and rested the tips of his fingers against SungGyu’s mouth. “Because I want to kiss your lips,” WooHyun answered, honestly. “I really want to slide my tongue inside your mouth and taste all of you.”

“But I don’t want you to.”

“It’s my night.”

“I don’t have to kiss you back.”

WooHyun agreed, “No, you don’t.”

SungGyu turned his head away and glared back up at the ceiling. “And I won’t.”

“Don’t get riled up, calm back down. You were doing so great.”

“I just don’t want you kissing me.”

“You don’t have to kiss me back,” WooHyun replied as one steady hand slid down SungGyu’s chest to his lower stomach.

“I won’t,” SungGyu grumbled, sounding like petulant child even to his own ears. “I won’t…be careful there. It’s still tender.”

WooHyun jerked his hand back that had been tracing SungGyu’s scar. He sat up in bed, letting his worry show. “Did I really hurt you?”

“No.”

WooHyun looked down at the scar. “It’s still looks so fresh.”

“I’m better. It’s just tender sometimes.”

“If I hurt you…you have to tell me…you have to.”

“I will.”

WooHyun’s eyes were locked on the scar that graced SungGyu’s stomach, reminding him of the precious life that was almost lost. “You almost died...and when I thought you might die…I wanted to die with you. I had messed up everything. I had treated you so badly…hurt you and you never even knew why. I knew if you died, I would never be able to keep on living, not after what I had done to you.”

SungGyu’s eyelids fluttered and he knew the other man was smart enough to stroke his ego, but somehow he knew he wasn’t lying. “You are being honest.”

“Yes.”

“I do make you crazy.”

WooHyun looked away from the scar to stare into SungGyu’s eyes. “You do, insanely crazy.”

SungGyu closed his eyes, not wanting to meet the gaze directed at him. He hated the raw honesty he heard in the other man’s voice…saw in his eyes. “I need another drink.”

“I think you have had enough.”

The older man kept his eyes shut and he tried to explain, “But I am still here. I don’t want to be here. I can’t be here for this.”

WooHyun lay back down on the bed. “Just listen to the music and relax. You love music, just focus on it. I am in no hurry.”

“I need another drink, get me another drink,” SungGyu demanded, sitting up in bed. He felt angry at himself for letting WooHyun get to him. “I can’t do this sober.”

WooHyun reluctantly crawled out of bed and poured another drink. “If you survive the night, you are going to feel like hell tomorrow.”

SungGyu snatched the drink away from him. “I assure you, no matter what happens I am going to feel like hell tomorrow.”

WooHyun swallowed guiltily and watched as SungGyu gulped the drink down before taking the glass back and setting it on the dresser. “Lay back down,” WooHyun told him as he got back in bed.

SungGyu frowned but did as he was told. “Can I cover up?”

“No.”

“This is bullshit,” SungGyu yelled, jumping out of bed. “I can’t do this…I can’t.”

WooHyun sat up in bed and angrily ordered, “Stay or leave.”

“But if I leave—”

“Your ass will remain untainted from my gayness and you will be the leader of a six member group,” WooHyun snapped. “You decide and you live with your choices, but don’t you ever ask me to return to the group. Not ever!”

SungGyu grabbed his jeans and pulled the pain pill bottle from them. He then poured more pills out onto his hand and tossed them in his mouth. He then took the bottle of tequila and gulped down the rest of its contents without breaking for air.

“Are you trying to kill yourself?” WooHyun cried, jumping out of bed. WooHyun grabbed the pills and jerked them away from SungGyu.

“No, but you are trying to kill my soul.”

“I am not.”

“You are.”

WooHyun stormed out of the room with the pills. He quickly returned without them, pointing a shaky hand at the older man. “You are such a child.”

SungGyu, who suddenly felt anything but steady, stumbled back to the bed. “What if someone told you…you had to have sex with your brother? What if your brother told you…you had to have sex with him…or he wouldn’t love you anymore? How would you feel?”

“That’s not what I am doing.”

“It is.”

WooHyun grabbed SungGyu’s feet that were dangling over the edge of the bed and tossed them back on the bed. “I will always love you, but loving you hurts me…this will make it hurt less.”

“But it makes me hurt more,” SungGyu complained as WooHyun climbed back onto the bed.

“I know.”

“You don’t know.”

WooHyun plopped down beside SungGyu and tried to settle his nerves. Watching the man consume so many pills had scared him. He could feel tears pooling in his eyes; he hated himself so much at the moment, but he just couldn’t stop. “If you will stop being afraid and just trust me…this will be so much easier.”

“I can’t…no…I don’t trust…you…not anymore.”

WooHyun reached up and wiped his eyes. “I know you used to trust me…more than anyone, please just pretend like you still do.”

SungGyu complained, “I can’t…I just can’t.”

“It won’t hurt you,” WooHyun promised. “I promise I will be gentle with you.”

“It’s not…I can’t…it’s too much.”

“Just let me touch you,” WooHyun pleaded as his hand slid over SungGyu’s chest once again.

“You have been,” SungGyu protested, pushing the younger man’s hand away.

WooHyun reached out again and wrapped his hand around SungGyu’s wrist. “Let me tie you up.”

“No…”

“You don’t want me to leave the group, you want me to stay…you want me to stay with you…with Infinite. You know you have to let me do this…just for one night, but your instincts keep getting in the way. Let me tie you up and it will be easier for you. You won’t have to be the leader; you won’t have to make decisions. You won’t be in control. You won’t feel the need to fight me,” WooHyun whispered in his ear, flicking his tongue just enough to wet the inside of SungGyu’s ear.

SungGyu knew he had to be intoxicated now, because the thought…the thought didn’t terrify him. “If I tell you to stop…”

“If you really want me to stop…if you really want me to stop, you have to say leave Infinite. Only if you say ‘leave Infinite’ will I stop,” WooHyun told him, calmly. “You just have to say ‘leave Infinite’ and I will stop whatever I am doing.”

SungGyu blinked, even lying down he felt dizzy. “Okay, tie me up.”

 

***********************************

 

It was like there was a mist in the room, clouding his vision, seeping into his mind and tangling up his thoughts inside his head. His hands were tied above his head. He wasn’t sure what WooHyun had used to tie him up, but it was soft and it didn’t cut against his skin. He pulled against the restraints but they didn’t budge. He should have known they wouldn’t, because WooHyun was good at everything; tying knots would be no different. WooHyun learned dances as quick as Hoya, he was excellent at sports and singing was as natural as breathing to him. He was also amazing at multitasking, SungGyu thought.

One of WooHyun’s hands was roving all over his body, another was down his boxers giving him a skilled hand job and WooHyun’s mouth was attached to his left nipple or was it his right? SungGyu, who had never paid much heed to his own nipples—having always been more interested in women’s than his own, was impressed. The older man took great satisfaction in the fact he wasn’t aroused, before the alcohol and drugs pulled him under again.

When he stirred back to awareness some time later, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. Soon the pride he had felt earlier tumbled and fell off its pedestal. He was hard and WooHyun was sucking his cock, like it had never been sucked before. SungGyu’s rational mind pointed out that of course WooHyun would be good at sucking cock…unlike the women who have sucked his cock in the past; WooHyun has one of his own. WooHyun knew what felt good…so good. Sweet sinful flicks of his tongue, gentle caresses, and perfectly controlled suction rising up and down, slowly rid SungGyu of what was left of his sane mind.

SungGyu looked down, mesmerized by the bobbing head that was giving him so much pleasure. He wanted to thrust up into that glorious mouth, but WooHyun’s body was pressed against his legs holding him down. SungGyu moaned in appreciation, which immediately caused WooHyun to look at him with smiling eyes. SungGyu closed his eyes and wished he had been gagged too.

The music was playing loudly the next time he was able to gather his thoughts. He was laying belly down on the bed, rutting against it. He couldn’t remember how many times he had come already. He blamed the alcohol and drugs for the incoherent whimpering that was emerging from his mouth, while WooHyun—SungGyu wasn’t even sure what WooHyun was doing to him, but he wouldn’t marry a woman that wasn’t willing to do it. SungGyu never imagined lube, fingers and an eager tongue could give him so much pleasure. He wasn’t attracted to WooHyun he firmly reminded himself, but his prostate didn’t mind the attention it was getting.

SungGyu awoke when he felt his legs being drawn up toward his body, his knees bent. He opened his eyes to find WooHyun watching him closely. The effects of the drugs and alcohol were still at work, but he was able to comprehend the questioning look in WooHyun’s gaze and he knew the time had arrived. He knew the younger man was asking for his permission and he wanted to give it, but he couldn’t.

Even in his intoxicated haze, even after the unexpected pleasure he had felt …he couldn’t give WooHyun permission, so instead he turned his head to the side, making no objections. He couldn’t imagine that the actual sex could be any more intimate than what had already transpired between them. The younger man accepted his unspoken permission and carefully pushed inside him, slowly and gently.

SungGyu knew the other man was being careful; terribly controlled; taking his time and not entering him fully at once. SungGyu was very aware he had never been this careful or considerate of the women he had been with in the past. He had never taken his time with them. He was always so eager to reach his own climax; the sex was always about him, never about them. He never loved them or valued them…not like WooHyun treasured him.

With a slow thrust WooHyun was completely inside of him, filling him up. SungGyu squeezed his eyes shut, feeling only a slight discomfort that soon turned into something else…something the opposite of discomfort; pleasure like he had never known before washed over him. He felt WooHyun’s lips on the side of his mouth as the other man’s gentle thrusts increased. They gently rocked together for what seemed like forever, WooHyun remaining in control…in perfect control.

SungGyu continued to deny the other man the kiss he so desperately wanted, by keeping his head turned to the side. He felt the younger man stiffen and the intensity of his thrusts changed and right before WooHyun came he cried out, “I love you.” SungGyu didn’t know if it was his own tears he tasted slipping into his mouth or WooHyun’s.

Hours later he felt WooHyun slowly thrusting inside him again. SungGyu’s mental fog had lifted slightly and he reached out with his hands and pulled his own knees back, giving the other man better access. He was only slightly startled when he realized his hands were untied; he tried to remember when they were last tied, but he couldn’t remember. WooHyun bent down and kissed him on the lips and he kissed him back without hesitation. Tongues glided together and he didn’t care. It was just for one night, and it didn’t hurt.


	11. Chapter 11

Wake up.”

SungGyu could hear WooHyun pleading with him to wake up, but he refused to open his eyes. He knew if he opened his eyes to the light of the new day he would regret it, along with more things than he could possibly ever list.

“SungGyu!”

He kept his eyes tightly shut.

“Please, you need to wake up,” WooHyun begged.

SungGyu’s eyes remained shut.

“I know you are awake. I shared a room with you for many years. I have seen you sleep enough times to know when you are really sleeping,” WooHyun informed him, and added in a much louder voice, “Get up!”

The loud sound of WooHyun’s high pitched tone pierced through SungGyu’s head setting off explosions of searing pain, one after the other. SungGyu flung his hands up to his head, hoping if he held on to it tight enough he would prevent it from bursting into a thousand pieces.

“Get up,” WooHyun ordered. “You need to drink some water.”

SungGyu didn’t budge.

“Gawd,” WooHyun complained as he wrapped his arms around SungGyu and pulled him up into a sitting position. “Please stop being so difficult.”

WooHyun’s words were lost on SungGyu, who was experiencing a headache more severe than any he had ever known. He didn’t know it was possible for one’s head to hurt so badly and not fall off. He wondered if he was having a stroke.

WooHyun begged, “You need to open your mouth and drink some water.”

“Mouth,” SungGyu said, repeating the word that had pierced through the pain to register with him. Mouth…for some reason the word held some significance to him. He couldn’t remember exactly why though. “Mouth…” he repeated and his voice sounded awful to his own ears. His mind, that wasn’t even remotely working at full capacity, suspected his awful sounding voice might have something to do with the fact his mouth tasted like metal and his throat felt raw enough to bleed.

WooHyun pressed a water bottle to the older man’s mouth and ordered, “Drink.”

SungGyu kept his mouth shut but the touch of the bottle to his lips unleashed a storm of memories. SungGyu’s eyes flew open and he let out a painful scream. “Get away from me!”

WooHyun stumbled back a few feet, taken aback by the sudden change in the other man’s demeanor. “You have to drink some water.”

SungGyu remembered why the word mouth held significance. Memories of WooHyun kissing him and memories of him kissing WooHyun back filled his mind. He had told WooHyun he wouldn’t kiss him, but he had. “I had no choice,” he muttered to himself, reminding himself it was not done willingly. None of it was his choice. He never wanted any of it.

WooHyun winced as if had been struck by SungGyu’s words and whatever hope he had allowed himself to feel slipped away. He knew what he had to do, even if he hated it. He had made a promise. “Hyung, please drink the water.”

SungGyu blinked and repeated, “Hyung?”

“Yes, Hyung.”

SungGyu’s mouth was dry and his throat hurt, and the offer of water was tempting. The pain in his head was almost unbearable and his stomach was also churning. He felt like he might start vomiting at any second. He wanted to complain. He wanted to complain loudly. He wanted the water and he didn’t want the water, but most of all he didn’t want anything from WooHyun.

“Hyung, you had too much to drink last night. You have a terrible hangover, so you need to drink a lot of water. I’d hate to have to take you to the hospital,” WooHyun warned, stepping closer.

SungGyu looked up at WooHyun for the first time, and realized WooHyun was playing the game. The game WooHyun had promised to play…the game where it never happened.

“Hyung, please take the bottle of water.”

SungGyu looked away from WooHyun, and blinked his eyes trying to clear his vision. The denial game…he didn’t think he would be able to play the game. He felt too exposed…too hurt for games.

“Hyung, please.”

SungGyu reluctantly reached out his hand and took the water bottle, not looking at WooHyun. He swallowed the water quickly, allowing it to soothe his raw throat.

“Not so fast—”

The warning wasn’t fast enough and SungGyu barely had time to lean over the side of the bed before he vomited all over the floor.

“Hyung, did you not notice the trashcan by your bed?” WooHyun chastised, while he gently kicked the small trashcan he had placed by the bed closer to SungGyu.

“Obviously, I didn’t,” SungGyu snapped back at the younger man. The vomiting did not make him feel any better.

“It’s okay.”

SungGyu felt the nausea rising up in his throat again, but had enough warning this time to reach for the trashcan.

WooHyun cringed, while watching SungGyu empty the contents of his stomach.

“I think death would be preferable,” SungGyu mumbled, setting the trashcan down.

“You just need to drink water…slowly,” WooHyun advised him and then turned and left the bedroom.

SungGyu reluctantly did as he was told, because he knew how important it was to get rehydrated. This wasn’t his first hangover, but it was by far the worst. He remembered the pills he had consumed the night before and couldn’t help but feel worried. He couldn’t even remember for sure how many he took.

It slowly registered with SungGyu that he wasn’t naked. SungGyu gulped nervously and looked down to find he was wearing pajamas. Pajamas he had never seen before, much less remembered putting on.

WooHyun returned to the room with his hands full of cleaning supplies. “Oh, good you drank the water.”

SungGyu glared at him. “You dressed me?”

“You have my brother’s pajamas on,” WooHyun replied, not answering the question as he set the cleaning supplies down on the floor next to the vomit.

SungGyu wanted to complain more, because he felt like he should complain a lot, but he most certainly didn’t want to discuss why he was naked. “I need more water.”

“I will get you some,” WooHyun quickly offered and left the bedroom again. He was only gone a few seconds before he returned with another bottle of water.

SungGyu took the new bottle of water and started drinking it. He didn’t want to think about the deal. He didn’t want to think about WooHyun dressing him. He didn’t want to look at WooHyun. He didn’t want to think about what happened…what they did. What he let WooHyun do to him. “You should leave.”

“When you are vertical and I’m confidant my brother won’t find your dead body when he gets home, I will gladly leave.”

“I am fine,” SungGyu insisted.

“No, you are not.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Good, so drink your water and then you can make yourself something to eat.”

“I can’t eat…”

“Then you aren’t fine.”

“I hate you,” SungGyu hissed, hating how easy it was for WooHyun. Hating how easy it was for the younger man to act like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t forced SungGyu to compromise his very manhood the night before.

WooHyun frowned. “I know, but still I have to make sure you are okay before I leave.”

SungGyu snorted and his disdain was easily felt. “I am not high or drunk now, so spare me your lies. You don’t care about me and you never did. You selfish little shit.”

WooHyun flinched and took a step back. “That isn’t true.”

“Seeing you makes me sick. I don’t want to look at you,” SungGyu snarled at him hatefully. He felt the strong desire to be as cruel as possible. He wanted WooHyun to hurt as badly as he was hurting. “I will never forgive you for this.”

WooHyun determinedly took a step toward the bed, dropped to his knees and started cleaning up the vomit. He avoided the older man’s heated gaze. He had no response; there was no response because he had made a promise that it would be as if it never happened and to respond would be admitting it did happen.

“You have nothing to say?”

WooHyun kept his mouth shut as he continued to clean.

“I feel like I am going to shit myself,” SungGyu exclaimed as the sudden urge to empty his bowels hit him. He flung off his covers and got out of bed as fast as he could, spitefully making sure to step in the vomit. He stomped across the room to the bathroom, purposely spreading the vomit on the carpet.

Once inside the bathroom he slammed the door shut and immediately regretted it as the noise caused his head to hurt even more. He headed toward the toilet and sat on it, still clutching his water. He felt so strange; his head hurt, he felt dried out, and his stomach was cramping. He prayed the stomach pain was an after effect of the anal sex and not something related to his recent surgery.

Honestly, he had to admit to himself at least that he wasn’t as sore as he had imaged he would be. He wasn’t nearly as sore as he was after one of their more strenuous dance practices. He winced from the sting when his bowels starting moving but he had imagined it would be far worse than it was.

“I am going to make you some toast and some honey-lemon water,” WooHyun said through the closed door.

“Don’t bother, feel free to leave instead,” SungGyu told him, still sitting on the toilet, sipping on the bottled water he had brought with him.

WooHyun continued, unperturbed, “My grandmother used to make it for my grandfather when he drank too much.”

“If you are in an accident today and die…I won’t come to your funeral,” SungGyu spat angrily. SungGyu could not tolerate WooHyun trying to be sweet to him.

SungGyu frowned when WooHyun didn’t respond. Had the other man already headed for the kitchen and missed his insult? The overwhelming desire to hurt the other man had not gone away. It was a very powerful need and he knew it had everything to do with him feeling totally helpless the night before.

He groaned loudly as the memory of being tied up returned. He had not protested at all, he had just held up his arms and let WooHyun tie him to the headboard. What kind of man allowed another man to do such a thing to him, SungGyu demanded of himself. He wanted to blame it entirely on the alcohol and drugs, but he knew better. WooHyun’s blackmail…his unrelenting threats of leaving the group—they were to blame. The thought of losing WooHyun, the thought of Infinite losing him, had driven SungGyu to act in such a depraved manner…but was that the complete truth, his subconscious asked. Was it something more? He was always in the role of the leader…did he find some perverse pleasure in being under someone else’s control?

SungGyu reached up and slapped himself across the face, and then winced as the pain in his head soared, but he knew it was for the best. He could not allow such trains of thought to continue. He had to stop thinking about what had happened. He had to stop. Thinking about it was going to drive him insane. He finished at the toilet, moved to the sink and washed his hands. He nervously looked at himself in the mirror, expecting to find himself marked all over, but shockingly his visible skin was clean.

WooHyun was smart, he reminded himself. WooHyun would not leave marks that were easily viewable. He finished the bottle of water and threw it on the floor, not bothering to even aim for the trash. He looked away from the mirror, stripped off the pajamas and got in the shower. Never had he felt such a strong urge to shower.

When he finished showering he wrapped himself in towels, refusing to put the dirty pajamas back on. He opened the door ready to throw more insults at WooHyun, but the bedroom was empty. He exhaled a deep breath of relief. He found his clothes from the night before neatly folded and set on the dresser. He dressed himself and headed for the kitchen.

“My head is killing me, where did you put the rest of my pain pills?” SungGyu demanded as he entered the kitchen, knowing the other man would balk at such a request.

“No,” was the only response WooHyun gave him as he buttered a piece of toast.

“They are mine! What did you do with my damn drugs?” SungGyu shouted, feeling unreasonably angry.

“Sit down,” WooHyun snapped with a venomous flare that had SungGyu quickly obeying him.

SungGyu sat down at the table. “My head hurts. I need my pills.”

“You aren’t getting them. You have had enough pills and alcohol to do you for today, for a week, and maybe for the rest of your life.”

SungGyu gritted his teeth as WooHyun slammed the toast down in front of him.

“I know you can normally drink with the best of them, but your body is still recovering from having major surgery.”

“Don’t act like—”

“I care!” WooHyun shouted, interrupting him as he slammed his hands down on the table. “You are a member of Infinite and my best friend, of course I care! That is what you are to me…that is all you are to me. Do you understand?”

SungGyu’s eyes darted up to WooHyun.

“I don’t know what happened last night, why you drank so much…and took so many pain pills, but if you stop throwing your little hissy fit and eat your toast and drink your juice like a big boy, I will leave and you can do whatever the fuck you want for the next two days.”

The older man straightened his shoulders. WooHyun was continuing to play the game of ignorance, but SungGyu wanted to fight. “We are not going to fight about it?”

“I don’t want to fight, but I promise you we will fight if you don’t fucking take care of yourself.”

SungGyu looked down at the toast and then back at WooHyun. Could he pretend like WooHyun was pretending? Could he act like it never happened? He knew it would be best for the group and if he could find a way to not think about the night—he might remain sane. “Where is this miracle juice?” SungGyu asked as he slowly weighed the benefits of denial.

“I am warming it up for you.”

SungGyu frowned. “It’s warm?”

“Yes, it’s warm.”

“Sounds disgusting,” SungGyu grumbled, picking up a piece of toast.

WooHyun walked over to the stove. “I assure you it is.”

SungGyu stuffed the toast in his mouth, not saying another word. He could play this denial game. If WooHyun could play it so could he. He sure as hell didn’t want to think about what happened. He especially didn’t want to think about it with the amazingly observant WooHyun around.

“Here,” the younger man told him, setting the cup of his grandmother’s brew on the table.

The older man took the cup and very hesitantly took a sip. He cringed because it did indeed taste awful, but he made himself drink it. He wanted to leave or he wanted WooHyun to leave. He knew the other man wouldn’t leave or let him leave until he was sure SungGyu was fine. He wondered how long WooHyun’s brother would be gone.

“BooHyun will be back in a couple hours.”

SungGyu groaned, unable to disguise his unease at the other man’s ability to read his mind so easily. “I will be gone by then.”

“He’ll be glad to know I am not leaving the group.”

SungGyu resisted the urge to bark at the other man that he wished he had left. SungGyu wasn’t sure if had made the right decision…well, right now he felt like he had made the wrong decision. He hated himself so much, because in truth he had done what he did for Infinite, himself, and WooHyun. He had not wanted WooHyun to give up on his dream so he had sacrificed himself, not just for his group, but also for WooHyun. WooHyun loved performing…he loved it a lot. A terrifying thought occurred to the SungGyu and he asked, “Were you ever really going to leave?”

“Yes, but I changed my mind,” WooHyun informed him, careful not to mention the deal. “When the CEO asks me why, I will just say you finally talked sense into me.”

SungGyu’s head was throbbing, but somehow through the pain, he was actually thinking clearly for the first time in weeks. WooHyun understood him. Everybody knew this. When SungGyu had believed he would never accept the terms of the deal, he had mocked WooHyun saying the other man did not know him as well as he thought he did, but SungGyu had forgotten something vitally important—WooHyun knew him better than he knew himself.

SungGyu stood up so abruptly from the table that his chair went tumbling backwards; it was painfully clear now. WooHyun had always known how this was going to play out. WooHyun had always known SungGyu would eventually give in.

WooHyun jumped backwards startled by the other man’s abrupt behavior. “What is wrong?”

“You…you always knew,” SungGyu told him in an anguished cry. SungGyu’s face showed his humiliation. “You manipulated me so perfectly…you knew I would give in.”

“Hyung,” WooHyun carefully told him. “Eat and then I will be on my way. Our vacation starts today; let’s forget about any unpleasantness between us.”

“Stop it! Stop pretending!”

“No!” WooHyun whispered under his breath. “I won’t. I can’t.”

SungGyu shook his head, disgusted with himself for being so easily manipulated and for being so pathetic. WooHyun knew how important he was to him and he had used that knowledge to make SungGyu do something he would never have done willingly. “You knew you were never leaving the group…you knew I could never bear for you to leave. You knew how much losing our friendship had hurt me. Then I almost died…and I was so desperate to have you back. You returned as my friend, only…only to remind me what I would be losing, if you left. You offered me the deal…and you knew I would eventually give in.”

WooHyun kept his mouth shut, knowing to deny it would be to admit to everything.

“All you ever do is deceive me!” SungGyu yelled, clenching his fists, and raising his left hand to strike the other man in the face.

“No, don’t. You are not a hitter,” WooHyun told him as he easily deflected the blow by grabbing SungGyu’s left arm. “You are not violent, you are not—”

WooHyun never got to finish his sentence, because SungGyu pulled back his right fist and with uncontrolled fury punched WooHyun in the face, sending him flying across the kitchen.

“I am today,” SungGyu stated with certainty as he turned and left the apartment.

********************

SungGyu’s mother let out a loud shrill scream when she entered her house to find a surprise visitor. “You scared me to death! I bet you took five years off my life. My hair will be completely gray now.”

SungGyu, who was sleeping on her couch, groaned.

She walked over and swatted him on the leg. “What are you doing here?”

“Mom, just let me sleep.”

“I repeat, what are you doing here?”

SungGyu rolled over onto his belly and buried his face in the cushion of the couch.

“Don’t ignore your mother!”

At times like these, SungGyu thought, he really wished he had a nice timid, sweet mother, who doted on him.

“Did you do something? What did you do? Your mouth got you in trouble didn’t it? There’s no filter on your mouth,” his mother declared, pushing his feet out of the way so she could sit on the couch. “I knew it was just a matter of time before your mouth got you in trouble.”

SungGyu frowned and slowly pulled himself up to a sitting position.

“Did you say something on TV? You did, didn’t you? The netizens will eat you alive. I am going to have to sell the house. You won’t be able to afford the payments,” she complained, leaning back against the couch. “You should think of your mother before you say such things.”

“I didn’t say anything!” SungGyu snapped defensively.

His mother eyed him suspiciously.

“Well, not today…not that I know of.”

“I am sure you have said something. Your sexist mouth will be our family’s ruin. I don’t want to sell the house.”

SungGyu folded his arms feeling offended. “You know I would have to sell the house. It is my house. I make the payments. I bought you this house. I never had a house growing up, so maybe you should be a little more grateful.”

“You’re such a disrespectful son.”

SungGyu tossed his head back and groaned, “Mom, I’m having a really bad day…could you just not?”

Something in his tone made her look at him more closely. “You do look awful. How do you feel?”

“Like my life is destroyed.”

She reached out and felt his forehead. “You don’t have a fever.”

“If I had a fever…then I could explain away all the mistakes I’ve made in the last twenty-four hours,” he told her, closing his eyes.

“Mistakes? Are you leaving Infinite?” She questioned, horrified at the mere thought. “Honey, your solo album wasn’t that successful. Wait before you leave Infinite. It is where the real money is at.”

“No, I have guaranteed Infinite shall go on,” he said bitterly. “It only cost me my soul.”

“Oh, hogwash,” his mother said chastising him. “You are too dramatic.”

“I am not. I sold my soul…I am soulless, now.”

“Did you kill someone?”

“No.”

“Then your soul is intact”

“Is that the only way you can lose your soul?”

His mother shrugged. “No, but everything else is forgivable.”

“What if I can’t forgive myself?”

“You think too much. You have always thought too much. I used to think you would be so much happier if you were just a little less intelligent,” his mother told him as she caught sight of his right hand. “What happened to your hand?”

SungGyu looked down at the hand in question. It was red and swollen. “I punched WooHyun.”

His mother smiled. “I am sure he deserved it.”

“He did.”

“What did he do?”

“He used my affection for him…against me…he made me hate him.”

His mother gently took his hand. “Do you mean that?”

SungGyu nodded his head, feeling very emotional. “He manipulates me all the time…and I just can’t take it anymore. He pushed me too far. I can never forgive him now. I don’t even want to look at him.”

“But Infinite…”

“I know,” SungGyu answered. “I know I will have to…but I don’t want to. I don’t want to face him.”

“Then stay here with me for a while.”

“He makes me so angry.”

“Don’t think about him; he’s an awful boy.”

SungGyu repositioned himself on the couch until he was facing her. “Why do you hate him?”

“Because you do.”

“But you have always hated him and I have just started,” SungGyu reminded her.

She gently lifted his hand and pressed it against her cheek. “A mother knows. I knew he would only bring you pain and misery.”

“He was my best friend for years.”

She lowered his hand. “You said he manipulated you all the time…maybe I could see it even back then.”

SungGyu’s eyes narrowed. “Or maybe since you manipulated me all of my childhood it was easily recognizable to you.”

She dropped his hand. “You can never be nice.”

“Why were you so late?”

“I was at work.”

“No, you weren’t. I know you don’t work this late. Were you gambling?”

“No,” she denied. “I was out with friends.”

SungGyu leaned against the couch. “Why must I always be the adult? Dad is off roaming the country and you insist on gambling what little you have away.”

“Your dad is off looking for work and I wasn’t gambling…I was playing cards,” she said defensively.

“Bull.”

She reached out and brushed a hand through his hair. “My poor little man, always the grown up at home and with his members. Don’t you like being the boss?”

His cruel mind reminded him how easily he had handed over control to WooHyun. How he had let him tie him up and have his way with him. How he had given himself over completely to the other man. “No, I don’t think so,” SungGyu confessed. “I don’t think I like it at all. I think I would have liked being a child for a little bit longer.”

“Nonsense, you were born to lead,” his mother told him. “Don’t let anybody tell you differently.”

“But…but what if I like…like for a woman to take control?” he carefully asked. “Maybe I don’t always want to be in charge.”

His mother snorted dismissively, instantly understanding what he was referring to. “That means nothing. What happens in the bedroom has nothing to do with what happens outside of it. Your father—”

SungGyu stood up quickly and yelled, “Stop, please don’t finish that sentence.”

His mother rolled his eyes.

“I am serious. I have been seriously traumatized in the last twenty-four hours in ways…in ways you can not possibly imagine. I am one step away from completely cracking up.”

“Nonsense.”

“Mom, I am serious,” SungGyu warned, holding both his hands up and spacing them a centimeter apart. “I am this close to going completely bonkers. I swear one good push and I will shave my head, sit out on the front porch in my underwear and sing old trot songs to everybody who walks by.”

She shook her head. “You are letting that boy get to you. He isn’t worth it.”

“I can’t help it.”

“Remember you hate him now.”

“I am trying to remember.”

“That nice MyungSoo is such a sweet boy. He should be your best friend.”

“Mom.”

“Plus MyungSoo is very popular.”

“Mom.”

“Yes, darling.”

“I am going to go sleep in the spare room.”

She got up from the couch and smiled at him. “I think that would be wise. You will feel better after sleeping.”

“I doubt it, but I really hope you are right.”

“Please don’t tell anyone I am here…not even my members.”

“I won’t, but what about your sister?”

SungGyu sighed. “Actually…actually I want to talk to her in the morning.”

“What about?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Does this surprise have something to do with my birthday?”

“Your birthday is weeks away.”

“Am I not included in the surprise?”

“You are if you let me go to sleep and don’t broadcast to the neighborhood that I am here. It’s a very nice surprise, so don’t blow it for everyone.”

“So disrespectful; go to bed,” she ordered. “I will protect your privacy.”

He turned toward the spare room but stopped when a random thought occurred to him. He turned around and asked, “Mom, do you know what a fufuzee is?”

“What…why would you ask that?” his mother gasped, taking a step back from him.

SungGyu straightened, realizing he had touched on a sensitive subject. His mother suddenly looked pale. “What is it?”

“First, why are you asking me?”

“When I was at the hospital Woo—someone told me I kept asking for one in my sleep,” SungGyu explained.

“You make your mother very sad,” she said, sniffling back tears.

SungGyu’s eyes widened in surprise, he had not expected this kind of response from her. “Why?”

She wiped her face and tried to collect herself. “I am just emotional…it is a mother thing, you wouldn’t understand. You used to have a toy as a baby…a stuffed dragon. You called it your fufuzee.”

He stared at her in disbelief. “Why are you so upset by that?”

“You were such an adorable, sweet baby…it just makes me sad to think you grew up,” she told him, explaining. “Now, you’re such a grouchy, stingy, inconsiderate, and not to mention sexist man. It’s a shame you couldn’t have stayed a baby forever.”

“Mom.”

“It’s true, darling.”

“I am going to bed.”

“Goodnight.”

*****************

“You should stop pacing,” SungJong advised WooHyun.

SungJong was sitting with MyungSoo at the kitchen table at their dorm. MyungSoo was completely absorbed with his laptop. SungJong had divided his attention between the laptop and the main vocal that wouldn’t stop pacing the dorm.

“I am not pacing,” WooHyun responded as he continued to pace across the living room and kitchen.

“What is bothering you?” SungJong asked, concerned.

“Nothing is bothering me.”

SungJong gave WooHyun a disbelieving look. “Are you mad that they are making us redo so much of the album?”

The members had gotten back from their break to find out they had to redo the vocals for their new album. For the last two days they had practically lived at the studio, but none more so than WooHyun. “I am not mad and nothing is bothering me.”

“Are you jealous?”

WooHyun stopped and looked at the maknae. “Of what?”

“Of SungGyu.”

“Why would I be jealous of SungGyu?”

“Because he got to extend his vacation,” SungJong explained. “You really seem stressed lately.”

“I know…I guess I am a little.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“No,” WooHyun told the maknae and started pacing again. WooHyun was scared. He was terrified by the growing suspicion that he had terribly miscalculated. He had been completely taken aback when SungGyu had not returned from break. He had expected the man to continue giving him hell when he returned. He had prepared himself for a very hostile and angry SungGyu, but he had never foreseen him not returning.

SungGyu was very dedicated to Infinite and for him to extend his vacation was not like him. SungGyu would know that the vocals for the new album would have to be redone…not to mention all the Pepsi CFs they were working on. Plus he had two variety shows he was shooting. WooHyun was very worried he had broken something vitally important in SungGyu. He needed to see the other man. He needed to know he had not misjudged his resiliency.

“Dude,” Hoya exclaimed when WooHyun almost ran into him, “watch where you are going.”

“Sorry,” WooHyun apologized.

“Apology accepted,” Hoya told the main vocal as he stared at his face. “Your eye…it looks worse.”

WooHyun reached up and felt underneath his right eye. SungGyu had punched him good and he had the black eye to prove it. “Yeah, it’s horrible without make-up covering it up.”

“I would have never believed Old Gramps had it in him,” Hoya said wistfully. When WooHyun had returned he had explained that he and SungGyu had gotten into a fight on their first day off, resulting in him getting a black eye.

“Me either,” WooHyun conceded. “Believe me, I was surprised.”

“And it wasn’t a sucker punch?” Hoya questioned.

“Nope.”

Hoya let out a chuckle and declared, “I guess we all better be more careful about giving him lip.”

WooHyun nodded his head.

“I found him!” MyungSoo called out excitedly.

“Who?” Hoya asked.

“SungGyu,” SungJong answered as he looked at the laptop. “We were looking for him, since he wouldn’t take any of our calls. We figured some fan had to have seen him.”

Hoya quickly walked over to the two youngest and took a look. “That can’t be him.”

“How can you say that?” MyungSoo questioned. “It’s obviously him.”

“But he’s at a beach,” Hoya maintained. “Does he even like water? I thought he melted if he got wet.”

WooHyun remained completely still. A curious DongWoo and SungYeol, who had been watching television, entered the kitchen to take a look.

“So while we have been working our asses off in the studio, he’s been getting a tan,” an amused SungYeol stated.

“A tan?” Hoya repeated with a snort. “He’s hiding under an umbrella.”

“That’s him,” DongWoo said with confidence.

“Is that his sister?” SungYeol asked. “I guess he took his family on a vacation. Where are they?”

“Bora Bora,” MyungSoo answered.

“Must be nice, and is that…” Hoya paused and then he proclaimed,  
“Holy Shit, that’s his noona’s friend—the woman that took his virginity!”

DongWoo leaned down closer to the screen to get a better look. “It is her.”

“He’s such a clever bastard,” SungYeol said with true admiration. “All the fans will think he is spending the holiday with his family, while he gets all the sex he wants.”

SungJong frowned as he looked at the woman that was sitting by SungGyu’s sister in the picture. “Isn’t she a little…isn’t she a lot older?”

“Yes,” WooHyun snapped. “In most civilized societies she would be considered a sexual predator. He was only fourteen when she took his innocence.”

“Boo hoo,” Hoya said with snort. “I never heard him complain.”

“No, only brag,” MyungSoo responded. “I heard him brag a lot.”

“Yep,” Hoya agreed. “Plus, she was only five years older.”

DongWoo rubbed his chin and grinned. “Not all of us get deflowered by a woman that knows what she is doing.”

“He was only fourteen,” WooHyun repeated.

Hoya looked at WooHyun and tried to clarify for him, “As a gay man you might not understand, but for a straight male teenager it’s really nice to learn the ropes from an experienced woman. She didn’t force him. He was more than willing, I assure you.”

WooHyun flinched and snapped back, “You know, I lost my virginity to an older woman, too.”

The five members, who were around the table, gawked at WooHyun, speechless.

DongWoo found his tongue first. “I didn’t…I didn’t know you…you ever found women attractive.”

“I didn’t,” WooHyun answered. “I was young and I still believed I should do what was expected of me, instead of what I wanted. I hoped that if I did it I might like it.”

SungJong, who had a perfectly controlled expression, questioned, “Did you?”

“No,” WooHyun answered. “I didn’t.


	12. Chapter 12

A week had passed and SungGyu had still not returned from holiday. He was only taking calls directly from the CEO, not even the managers could contact him. The other members were grumbling loudly, but they were also worried. The broadcasting stations where SungGyu filmed his variety shows were not pleased.

Now, when the CEO looked at him, WooHyun felt something other than affection…something judgmental, something non-trusting. He had broken the faith between them when he had told the CEO he was leaving the group. His only attempt to broach the subject of SungGyu’s continued absence with the CEO had been met with a stern face and silence.

The managers hinted that SungGyu had done the CEO a huge favor and now he was being rewarded for his efforts. When the other members demanded to know what their leader had done the managers only shrugged, saying they were not privy to the information either.

WooHyun felt like he was going to scream. Had SungGyu alerted the CEO to the deal he had proposed to him? Did the CEO push SungGyu into accepting the terms of the deal for the sake of Infinite? Or did the CEO offer SungGyu some kind of compensation? Had SungGyu only gotten WooHyun to stay so he could leave in his place?

“Are you awake?”

WooHyun nodded his head and opened his eyes to look at Manager Geonam, who had been driving him back from a long day at the studio.

“You look tired, kid.”

“I am,” WooHyun agreed. The last time he had slept for longer than an hour had been the two nights after he had finally gotten what he thought he had wanted most in the world. He had slept in bliss, not believing for one minute that the other man would not forgive him. He had accepted things would be strained for a long while, but he had been confidant that he could finagle his way back into SungGyu’s good graces again if given time. He never imagined he wouldn’t be given time. When SungGyu had not returned, all his confidence had evaporated and sleep had started to evade him. His conscience whispered that he had asked too much and pushed too hard.

“Are you going in to eat?”

WooHyun looked out the window to stare at the restaurant they were parked at. The other members were already inside. His heart stung when he realized it was the same restaurant SungGyu’s birthday had been held at. WooHyun had not gone, knowing it would hurt the man he loved if he didn’t make an appearance. And he had been right; the other man had cracked for just a moment the next morning, making WooHyun feel victorious. Was it Key who had told him most people didn’t try to hurt the ones they loved? He thought it was, and now he knew how right his friend had been. “No,” WooHyun answered. “I will wait in the car.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I need to catch up on my sleep.”

“Whatever suits you,” Geonam stated as he got out of the car.

WooHyun listened as the door shut and he vowed if he ever saw SungGyu again he would not lie to him. He would never take pride in tricking him. He would be truthful, even if it meant hurting himself, but then he remembered the promise he had made. The promise to act as if that night had never happened…even telling the truth would be breaking a promise. He was trapped by his own promise to lie. Lies of his own making were controlling his life now, dragging him deeper and deeper into an abyss of helplessness.

Being with SungGyu had been…had been breathtakingly wonderful. At the beginning it had been a nightmare, the guilt constantly marring his conscience. He had almost ended it countless times…the pain on SungGyu’s face had felt like it would permanently scar his heart, but the selfish part of him couldn’t let his chance go…not his one chance.

Later on as the night had progressed, something had changed. Just the thought of that night made his heart race, but he quickly pushed such thoughts away. Key had been right; having touched the forbidden fruit had been too much, but not nearly enough.

That night had been exquisite, but it had not been perfect. It had been a lie. SungGyu had not been himself…everything had been an intoxicating lie. It had been a beautiful lie, but just a lie. True perfection would have been two sober souls coming together to love one another willingly. It had been his dream come true and yet it had been SungGyu’s worst nightmare.

He wanted to sleep. He thought if he was a better man he would make himself forget everything that happened that night, but instead he never wanted to forget. But still he wished it had been different; something not so tainted by his own selfish desires.

*****************

“Hey, we are here,” the voice of Geonam the manger announced waking WooHyun from his sleep.

WooHyun slowly started to stir. He never liked waking up. His heart ached as he remembered all the times SungGyu had awakened him in the past. The harmless fights they had got into as SungGyu demanded that he wake up. He forced his exhausted eyes open and looked at the clock on the dashboard and was surprised to find he had been sleeping for hours. “I didn’t even know when we left the restaurant.”

“You were sleeping like log; I didn’t have the heart to wake you. I figured you needed the sleep.”

He looked around the SUV that only held him and the manager and asked with a crinkled brow, “Nobody rode back with us?”

“No,” the manager answered as he got out of the vehicle. “They were too busy giving SungGyu hell. They all rode back in the van with him.”

WooHyun opened the SUV’s door and jumped out, fully awake now. “He’s back?”

“Yeah,” the manager answered as he walked around the vehicle to escort WooHyun to the dorm. “He got back early this morning.”

“Why didn’t I know?”

“You didn’t know?”

“No!” WooHyun exclaimed, hurrying his pace. “I didn’t know. Nobody told me.”

“Well, you were at the studio all day,” the manager reminded him.

“Still, somebody should have told me!” WooHyun insisted turning to look accusingly at the other man.

The manager pointed to WooHyun’s black eye. “They might have thought it was a sore subject.”

WooHyun waved his arm dismissively as he turned back around and hurried toward the building, ignoring the sasaeng fans that lurked at the entrance. “Like I care about that…I was worried about him.”

“He’s fine,” Geonam reassured him. “The vacation did him good. He’s even got some color to him, not much but some.”

“I can’t wait to see him,” WooHyun blurted out, not even caring how overly excited he appeared. If the CEO had told anyone about what was going on between him and SungGyu, it would have been Geonam. Geonam was the CEO’s most trusted employee, his right hand.

The manager tagged along after the idol. “I am sure he is asleep.”

WooHyun punched the elevator button. “Why do you say that?”

“I had to make a stop on the way here…you were asleep,” the manager explained.

“So they have been home for awhile,” WooHyun realized, now understanding why it was so late.

“Yeah.”

WooHyun stepped into the elevator. “You can go on home now. I am safe to ride up by myself.”

“No, you know the rules. I can’t go home until I see you step inside the dorm.”

“I am not going anywhere.”

“That’s right, because we are going up to the dorm…together,” the manager informed him.

WooHyun leaned against the elevator wall waiting for it to move. Manager Geonam didn’t exactly trust him, for good reason. WooHyun had snuck away to see Key and a few other guys more than once. The security system at the dorm was now set so any manager could look in on who was entering and leaving the dorm. It was one of the small prices the members paid for getting to live in their own dorm without a manager.

WooHyun couldn’t help but feel a little irritated that nobody had seen fit to tell him SungGyu was back. Not even one phone call. He would have thought SungYeol would have told him…but then again SungYeol was weird with him. WooHyun internally groaned wishing he had never gotten himself involved in that mess.

They reached the seventh floor and they both got off the elevator, WooHyun forced himself not to run to the dorm. He hoped that SungGyu wasn’t in bed. He needed to see him. He needed to see that he wasn’t broken…that he hadn’t done some irrevocable harm to the other man. Geonam had said SungGyu was fine, but Geonam didn’t know him, not like WooHyun knew him…nobody did.

WooHyun punched in the password to the door and hurried inside, not even bothering to say goodbye to Geonam, who turned to leave once he saw WooHyun enter the dorm. WooHyun hurried to the living room and found nobody. The kitchen was also empty. He childishly kicked a chair in the living room, but it didn’t lessen his frustration.

He could only imagine what SungGyu was thinking. Did he think WooHyun was avoiding him? And if he did think WooHyun was avoiding him, would that make him happy or sad? Would he think that WooHyun had gotten what he wanted and was no longer interested, or would SungGyu think he was being sensitive? He hated not knowing what was going on in the other man’s head.

He made his way toward his room, not knowing what tomorrow would bring. When he opened the door to his bedroom he came to a dead stop.

SungGyu was sitting on the end of his bed. The older man was wearing dark blue jeans and one of his hoodie sweat shirts that he wore all year long regardless of the season or the temperature. He was also wearing glasses, which he rarely ever wore. His legs were crossed and he was intently studying his phone. He did not look up when WooHyun entered the room.

“Sung—”

The older man kept his gaze on his phone but quickly interrupted to correct WooHyun, “Hyung.”

“Hyung…”

SungGyu did not look up at him.

WooHyun was at a loss. Of all the things he had expected from the other man…he had never expected to find him willingly in his room, sitting on his bed.

“Were you avoiding me?” SungGyu asked, still not looking up from his phone.

“No!” WooHyun answered too loudly. “I wasn’t! I’d never…they didn’t tell me. I didn’t know you were back.”

SungGyu slowly lowered his phone and gazed up at WooHyun. His face was expressionless.

A nervous WooHyun quickly explained further, “They think…they think things are awkward between us—because I told them we fought.”

“We did fight.”

“You did.”

The older man tilted his head to the side and focused on WooHyun’s black eye. “Isn’t it ironic that not long ago you lied to me, trying to convince me that I had punched you and now it has become reality? It’s like you put it out in the universe and now it has come true.”

“You knew…I was lying though,” WooHyun reminded him. “Didn’t you? I mean…I thought you knew I was lying.”

SungGyu looked back down to his phone. “Sometimes if your lies are sweet enough, I will let myself believe them.”

“Sweet enough?”

“Your sweet deceptions are easy to believe. Believing that I had hit you was comforting, because you so rightfully deserved to be hit.”

“Oh…”

“When you pretended to be my friend for years, that was also sweet.”

“Sun—Hyung, I wasn’t pretending.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” SungGyu told him, matter-factually. “We made a deal and I am going to hold you to it.”

WooHyun swallowed, not knowing what to think. He could usually read SungGyu with ease, but he was at a loss now. This coolly detached SungGyu was beyond his understanding. He needed his SungGyu back. He needed blustering, angry SungGyu who had promised to hate him forever. “Are you playing Angry Birds?”

“No,” SungGyu answered, still sitting on the bed. “I beat it, now I have moved on to Candy Crush.”

“Candy Crush?”

“Yes, level sixty-five has to be the work of the devil.”

WooHyun smiled. “So you were playing games while you waited for me?”

“Not the entire time; I was actually studying scripts for our next video earlier. The producer insisted I look at them tonight.”

“I haven’t seen them, yet. Are they on your phone?”

“Yes.”

“Can I see?” WooHyun asked, stepping closer to the bed.

SungGyu looked up and his gaze stopped WooHyun in his tracks. “No, you can not.”

“Okay…”

“We are not friends any longer,” SungGyu told him as he stood up. “I am only here to remind you of the terms of our deal.”

“I haven’t forgotten.”

“Good,” SungGyu replied. “Don’t forget them.”

“I won’t.”

SungGyu’s face remained expressionless as he walked past WooHyun, leaving him alone in his room.

WooHyun collapsed on his bed, mumbling to himself, “What the fuck?”

 

*****************

“Why do you always wear your glasses now?” SungJong asked SungGyu. They were on their way back to the dorm after shooting a Pepsi commercial.

WooHyun, who was sitting in the back of the car with SungJong, immediately sat up straighter. SungGyu had been back for a week and WooHyun was still as confused as he had been the night SungGyu had returned. He had spent a lot of time with SungGyu recording their new album, but when they were alone together SungGyu was like a robot, an unfriendly robot. They would ride back and forth from the studio together without a word passing between them.

His ability to read what the other man was feeling or thinking was completely gone. WooHyun wondered if sleeping with SungGyu had blurred his perception of the other man. He also occasionally thought maybe it was just that the sex had made him stupid, and sometimes he wondered if it was the glasses. SungGyu had worn them since he returned, and sometimes WooHyun found himself wondering if the glasses had special powers. Powers that protected SungGyu from his keen observation skills, leaving the other man a mystery to him.

“Do you not like them?” SungGyu asked from the passenger seat.

“No,” WooHyun quickly answered.

“SungJong, do you not like them?” SungGyu specified, ignoring WooHyun.

“I like them, but I am just surprised that you are wearing them,” SungJong explained. “They make you look smarter.”

“I feel smarter.”

Manager Hyoan, who was driving, stated, “Glasses can’t make you smarter.”

“Unless they are some magical glasses given to you by some voodoo priestess on the island you were on,” WooHyun blurted out, sharing one of his theories. “You should probably throw them away. They are probably not good for your health. They could be toxic.”

The manager snorted loudly, slightly swerving on the road.

SungGyu remained silent.

SungJong wrapped his arm around WooHyun’s neck and asked in all seriousness, “Hyung, were you maybe drinking something other than Pepsis today?”

************

 

WooHyun left his room and walked into the living room. Once there he quickly considered turning around and hightailing it back to his room. His sense of self-preservation was immediately on high alert. SungYeol was on the sofa and MyungSoo was comforting him. SungGyu was sitting in the nearby chair playing Candy Crush on his phone.

Earlier in the day news had come that the drama SungYeol was supposed to be appearing in had been put on hold. SungYeol had been extremely upset and the members had been very supportive, but as the day had gone on SungYeol had continued to be dramatic and the members had grown less sympathetic, except for MyungSoo.

When SungYeol was upset he could be really mean and for WooHyun this was a dangerous position to be in. SungYeol had continued to be weird around him and WooHyun wondered if the other man had figured out his secret. Fooling SungYeol was not easy; of all the members SungYeol and SungJong were the least likely to be mislead. SungJong could be trusted to mind his own business, but SungYeol in a bad mood was like a ticking bomb ready to go off.

“Nobody wants me,” SungYeol cried.

“That’s not true,” MyungSoo told him. “I want you.”

“Bullshit,” SungYeol snapped, slinging MyungSoo’s arm off from around his neck. “The only guy that makes your junk jingle is SungJong.”

MyungSoo rolled his eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that, and my junk doesn’t jingle for any guy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t adore you. If I was gay I would totally be into you.”

SungYeol leaned back into MyungSoo’s sympathetic arms and declared, “God, I wish you were gay.”

WooHyun started backing his way out of the living room, hoping like crazy that SungYeol continued to ignore his presence.

Just when WooHyun thought he had escaped the other man’s notice, SungYeol asked, “WooHyun, when you had sex with that girl did you know you were gay?”

WooHyun cringed and muttered, “Hu..huh?”

“You know, when you were bitching about SungGyu losing his virginity basically to a sexual predator…you told us you lost your virginity to a girl also.”

WooHyun wanted to die.

SungGyu looked up from his game to glare at WooHyun. WooHyun was strangely comforted because at least this was eye contact. WooHyun couldn’t help but think it was an improvement…or maybe not.

SungYeol clarified. “Did you know you were gay before or after you had sex with her?”

WooHyun suspicions grew by leaps and bounds; the feeling that SungYeol had figured out that it was SungGyu who he was in love with intensified. “I knew…or I thought I knew before…I just wanted to make sure.”

“Did you get off?” SungYeol asked.

“Ummm…yeah,” WooHyun answered, still looking at SungGyu, a very pissed looking SungGyu and if looks could kill WooHyun was pretty sure he would be dead. Whatever strange comfort he had felt died in the heat of SungGyu’s angry gaze. “But…I was young…I could have gotten off by rubbing against a tree—it didn’t mean I was straight. It didn’t mean anything.”

SungGyu rolled his eyes and looked back down at his game.

“But if you were really gay—” SungYeol started.

WooHyun quickly interrupted, thinking this would be the perfect opportunity to make SungGyu feel more comfortable around him without him actually bringing up their night together. “No, it didn’t mean anything. Believe me, I know I am only attracted to men, but that doesn’t mean if a woman sucks on my dick that I’m not going to get aroused. It’s the touch…the sensation…the act more than anything. It doesn’t mean I want her anywhere near my dick. It just felt good…it felt good, and when things feel good you can’t help but respond; it doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t change anything. It shouldn’t ruin relationships or anything…relationships are important.”

MyungSoo and SungYeol had matching looks of confusion on their faces. SungGyu just kept playing his game.

“I now I have to be…anywhere else but here,” WooHyun told them and fled from the room.

**********************

“That homicidal look on your face screams that you are a rapist about to turn murderer,” Key told WooHyun as he sat down beside him on a bench. A lot of the groups had gathered back behind the stage waiting for their turn to perform for another yearly music summer special.

WooHyun pulled his eyes away from SungGyu and Brandy, who were talking quietly down the hall from them, to frown at his friend and hiss under his breath, “I am not a rapist.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I told you I changed my mind and withdrew the offer.”

Key, who was studying SungGyu closely, informed him, “But you were lying when you said that.”

“I was not.”

“Yes, you were. You are a master at lying, but I’m immune to your lies. Don’t confuse me for one of your hapless group members.”

WooHyun folded his arms in front of him. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I totally do.”

“Are you guys going to do a dance number? Is SungGyu even allowed to dance?” Key asked, looking concerned for the leader of Infinite.

“No, we are singing a ballad.”

“Eww,” Key said, cringing. Not even bothering to hide his dislike. “Your ballads suck ass.”

“Why am I even friends with you?” WooHyun demanded, offended on behalf of his group.

“Hey, don’t be so defensive…if the singing was limited to you and your rape victim it would be perfectly fine, but unfortunately all seven of you sing this round of promotions. Why can’t the other five members just stand there and look pretty and leave the singing to you two?”

WooHyun, who was still offended, smarted off in a whisper, “You are not exactly a top vocalist…and he isn’t my rape victim!”

Key rolled his eyes and sighed, “You know, once you admit to your crime…we can start working on fixing your problem.”

“I don’t have a problem.”

“You raped him.”

“I did not.”

“You are such a typical Korean man. Of course the Korean government would never acknowledge it as rape either. They don’t think men can rape other men…well, I bet the judges would sing another tune if they were the ones that had their ass—”

WooHyun clapped his hand over Key’s mouth and warned, “You need to stop. People will hear you.”

Key batted WooHyun’s hand out of the way but conceded, “True, but honestly people will also notice you giving Brandy death glares.”

“I am not giving her—I will try to stop. Why does he like her so much?” WooHyun whined.

“She is pretty fabulous,” Key pointed out. “I just don’t understand what she sees in him.”

WooHyun gritted his teeth fighting the urge to knock Key off the bench.

“Now, don’t get all testy with me. I mean Brandy obviously likes him…and he let you…well, let’s just say he did a lot for his group. He let you go where no man has gone before. He sacrificed a lot for his gro—”

“Shut up!”

Key rolled his eyes, annoyed at being interrupted. “I am just saying that I might have judged him harshly…but he makes it easy.”

“I will admit that…that he is hard to understand at times,” WooHyun admitted. “He comes across as an ass to a lot of people. He’s not smooth like some people.”

Key grinned. “He’s not smooth? Are you trying to say he has a hairy ass?”

WooHyun didn’t resist the urge any longer. He pushed Key off the bench

***************

“Got a dream to take them there, They're coming to America, Got a dream they've come to share, They're coming to America!” DongWoo sang over and over from the seat in front of WooHyun. Earlier in the day the CEO had informed the members they would be shooting their next video in America. All the members were extremely excited and WooHyun was no exception. He was very glad to be going to America but what really made him happy was that SungGyu was sitting in the back of the van with him.

“Can you just be quiet for one minute?” SungGyu snapped at DongWoo. “I will pay you if you just be quiet for one minute! One minute! One minute! That is all I am asking for!”

DongWoo just smiled and continued singing.

“Stop with that damn song already!” SungGyu cursed.

“SungGyu, stop nagging! He’s excited,” the CEO, who was riding with them, told the grumpy leader. The CEO was riding in the passenger seat as Manager Geonam drove them. WooHyun just grinned, loving that the CEO had chosen to ride with them…and that he had taken the seat usually reserved for SungGyu.

“I am just tired,” SungGyu explained as his eyes drilled into the back of DongWoo’s head, wishing he could mentally will the other man to fall asleep.

DongWoo kept singing and bouncing around in the seat in front of them, unperturbed by his leader’s words or bad mood.

“If you hadn’t taken a week off you wouldn’t have had so much catching up to do,” the CEO told him. “It isn’t DongWoo’s fault you haven’t gotten much sleep.”

“I know,” SungGyu reluctantly agreed.

They were on their way to the airport. They had many activities they needed to wrap up in Japan before they could leave for America.

WooHyun was all smiles. He knew the only reason SungGyu was in the backseat with him was because sitting with the hyper DongWoo was the only other option, but WooHyun saw this as an improvement in their relationship. He still couldn’t tell what SungGyu was thinking but listening to SungGyu nag always made him happy.

SungYeol, who was sitting in front of WooHyun and SungGyu with DongWoo, turned around to face the two main vocals. “So… you two have been odd lately.”

“You would know all about being odd,” SungGyu snapped. “Wouldn’t you?”

WooHyun just glowed, loving that SungGyu was tired. A testy SungGyu was somebody he understood. He imagined that SungGyu would soon take off his glasses and WooHyun would see him perfectly once again. And once WooHyun could tell what SungGyu was thinking he would know how much groveling would be necessary for him to ease his way back into the other man’s good graces. SungGyu had said their friendship would be lost, but after many doubtful days, WooHyun had decided that such a thing was impossible and he refused to believe it. He was convinced their friendship could survive anything.

SungYeol just grinned back at SungGyu. “You seem very hard lately.”

WooHyun’s gaze immediately drifted towards SungGyu’s crotch resulting in the older man elbowing him hard in the gut. WooHyun bent over in his seat grunting in pain.

“I didn’t mean hard like that,” SungYeol quickly clarified. “Remember that talk we had about some members being softer than others?”

“Oh,” SungGyu responded, ignoring WooHyun’s pain filled whimpering. “You said I was soft.”

“Yeah,” SungYeol said, brightening. “That was a very nice talk we had. I have been thinking about it a lot.”

“You don’t think I am soft now?”

“Well…I think you were supposed to be soft. Like you were born to be soft, but life made you hard. I was always soft and have stayed soft.”

DongWoo flipped around and asked, while side-eying SungYeol, “Soft doesn’t mean nice, does it?”

“No,” SungYeol answered. “You are the nicest person in the world, but you are not soft.”

“No,” SungGyu agreed.

“That’s right,” DongWoo bragged, holding up his arm and flexing his muscles. “I am rock hard. Just feel that muscle.”

SungYeol laughed at the rapper and elaborated, “It has nothing to do with being nice or having muscles…it’s more of an inner thing. It’s not strength or weakness…it’s hard to explain.”

“So what am I?” WooHyun asked curiously after the pain in his gut subsided.

“You are hard,” SungYeol answered. “And so are Hoya and SungJong.”

“But you just said I was hard,” SungGyu reminded him.

SungYeol shook his head. “You are, but I think if you’d had a different upbringing you would have been soft, but you had to make yourself hard.”

“You might be right,” SungGyu admitted, looking out the window to watch the scenery pass by, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the conversation. He didn’t like it that the younger members knew about his less than stellar childhood.

WooHyun, who noticed the subtle change in SungGyu, questioned, “But I don’t understand…SungJong and I are not hard.”

“Yes you are,” SungYeol told him. “Both of you try to appear soft, but you are really hard.”

“Like SungGyu tries to appear hard?” DongWoo questioned.

“No, SungGyu doesn’t try to appear hard…it’s just how he reacts to life,” SungYeol explained. “When he is happy and comfortable his edges get softer.”

“He’s been a real hard ass lately, so his life must really suck,” DongWoo stated, reaching out to squeeze SungGyu’s shoulder, causing the older man to look away form the window to gaze at the rapper. “Smile, because I love you, Leader-shi. We are making a video in America. You know you want to sing with me. Sing with me; let me hear that beautiful voice of yours.”

SungGyu just shook his head and fought against the urge to smile at the other man.

“I don’t think I am hard,” WooHyun protested, he didn’t like thinking of himself as hard. “I am a sweetheart, all the fans say so.”

SungYeol sighed. “Like I said, it has nothing to do with being nice or a sweetheart. A hard person can be nice. Although, I was going to add that you seem softer lately.”

“Yeah,” DongWoo agreed. “You aren’t such a dick anymore.”

WooHyun huffed. “I wasn’t always a dick…I was just one for a few months…I just…”

“You needed to get laid,” SungYeol stated, confidently.

“True, I did...”

“Who was he?” SungYeol asked.

“No,” WooHyun shook his head, realizing what he had just admitted to. He quickly scooted as far away from SungGyu as he could get, fearful of another elbow to the gut.

“Yes,” DongWoo cooed. “WooHyun got some and now he is a happy, heart throwing cupid again.”

SungYeol smirked at WooHyun. “I thought you were waiting for true love?”

“I didn’t!” WooHyun sputtered.

SungYeol winked at WooHyun. “You didn’t wait for true love?”

“Who was it?” DongWoo asked, teasingly. “You can tell us who he is. We will only tell three other people.”

“Shut up!” SungGyu squawked. “I don’t want to hear about WooHyun’s gay sex life, ever!”

“Oh, quit being so jealous,” SungYeol said, scolding the leader. “You know he will always love you best.”

SungGyu and WooHyun both froze and everybody else in the car laughed. WooHyun was convinced now that SungYeol knew…and he had decided to make his life hell by torturing him. “I know who it wasn’t and who it will never be,” WooHyun hissed, ready to give as well as he got. If SungYeol wanted to play nasty then so could he.

SungYeol reached up and touched his heart. “You wound me…was it your favorite Tasty Twin? He was eyeing you earlier at the office and I saw you walk off with him. What were you two doing all alone together?”

“Stop,” WooHyun warned.

“Oh, did you get back with him?” DongWoo asked, unable to hide his excitement.

SungGyu turned his head to stare at WooHyun. “Which one?”

WooHyun looked back at SungGyu, fighting the urge to take the other man’s glasses off and throw them out the window of the van. What did SungGyu mean by asking him which one? WooHyun hated not knowing what the other man was thinking.

“Soryong,” SungYeol answered for WooHyun. “How did you not know…you were WooHyun’s roommate for a billion years! How did you not know he and Soryong used to fuck?”

“We only lasted as roommates for so long because he didn’t talk about stuff like that!”

“It’s called observation skills,” SungYeol told the leader. “He didn’t tell any of us, but we knew.”

“To be fair, I didn’t know either until Soryong was crying at the last Idol Championship and I made the mistake of asking what was wrong,” DongWoo added, pretending to sound scandalized. “And boy, did my sweet innocent ears get an earful!”

“He wasn’t crying,” WooHyun denied, but his eyes were still on SungGyu. He couldn’t decide if SungGyu looked flustered or not. And if SungGyu was flustered…why was he flustered?

DongWoo relented, “Okay, not crying, but he was depressed. He said you wouldn’t give him another shot.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” WooHyun agreed. “Our relationship ended a long time ago.”

“You were with him? I thought you were only with Key?” SungGyu asked, not letting the subject die.

WooHyun was almost positive he heard genuine curiosity in SungGyu’s voice. “It wasn’t serious. It was very casual between us. He wanted something more serious and I wasn’t interested. We are still friends.”

“So you two just had sex?” SungYeol asked. “You didn’t love him like you loved Key?”

“I didn’t love Key,” WooHyun quickly answered. “With Soryong it wasn’t serious at all.”

“But you two had sex?” SungYeol persisted.

WooHyun looked away from SungGyu and pleaded to SungYeol, “Would you just stop?”

“So you did,” SungGyu stated.

“It was a long time ago,” WooHyun told him, turning back to face the leader. “It was before they debuted.”

SungGyu folded his arms and glowered at WooHyun. “So it is okay for you to be with a trainee, but it’s wrong for me to be with one.”

WooHyun blinked, surprised by SungGyu’s statement. “She is too young for you.”

“She’s legal.”

“She is using you.”

“But Soryong wasn’t using you?”

“No, he wasn’t…and he is a lot older than I am.”

“So old guys can’t use younger guys?”

“I am not saying that…”

SungGyu’s small eyes narrowed. “Are you saying it is more likely for a younger guy to use an older guy?”

WooHyun mouth dropped open.

“What trainee are we talking about?” SungYeol asked.

SungGyu ignored SungYeol and continued, “Were you using him?”

“No,” WooHyun denied. “We just had sex a couple times. Nobody was using anybody. He knew we were only friends.”

SungYeol reached out and thumped SungGyu on the head, causing SungGyu’s glasses to fall off. “Who’s the trainee? Inquiring minds want to know!”

SungGyu reached for his glasses, but WooHyun grabbed SungGyu’s wrist trying to prevent him from getting to his glasses. “Don’t,” SungGyu warned, yanking his arm away.

WooHyun’s eyes bored into SungGyu’s trying to figure out exactly what was going on between them and what SungGyu was thinking. SungGyu looked back at him and for the briefest moment his carefully guarded shields faltered and WooHyun saw something resembling jealousy flicker in his eyes.

“You have to tell us who she is,” DongWoo whined, while rocking back and forth in the seat. “Is it Mi-Cha?”

“Mi-Cha is hot,” SungYeol agreed. “But I didn’t think she was legal.”

“I didn’t either,” DongWoo agreed. “The ones that you think are older are really young, and the ones that you think are young are really older. I am glad I love and respect all women equally. Young darlings, I will wait for you…and older women, come to me and show me your wise, wicked ways.”

SungGyu grabbed his glasses, and put them back on. “Can we table this discussion, please?”

“No, please continue,” the CEO, who had been listening, said from the front. “I am finding this conversation to be very informative. Why don’t you tell us what trainee you are interested in? You know—the trainees you are not supposed to look at, much less touch.”

DongWoo winced and whispered, “Oops, I forgot about him.”

“I didn’t touch!” SungGyu replied, sounding very anxious. “It…it’s not important. It’s nothing.”

“I will decide what is important and what isn’t,” the CEO informed him.

WooHyun, whose confidence had returned, suddenly felt like he could conquer the world. He helpfully offered, “Sir, I will tell you everything you want to know. It is in fact Mi-Cha and did you know our precious leader was barely out of ICU and the little skank was calling him at the hospital?”


	13. Chapter 13

“No, I insist,” WooHyun said as he took SungGyu’s suitcase from him and pulled it down the hotel hallway toward SungGyu’s room. “You are not supposed to be lifting anything greater than 3kg.”  
  
“I wasn’t lifting it,” SungGyu hissed. “I was pulling it.”  
  
“I think it still counts as lifting.”  
  
“It barely weighs anything.”  
  
WooHyun kept pulling the luggage down the hallway unperturbed. “Let’s not take any unnecessary risks. Your health is way too important to me.”  
  
SungGyu resisted the urge to stomp down the hall like a five year old throwing a tantrum. When he reached his room he unlocked his door and told WooHyun, “I can handle it from here.”  
  
“No, that’s nonsense. I will take it into your room for you.”  
  
“If you don’t leave I am going to pick it up and throw it at you. And then I am going to pick it up again and beat you over the head with it.”  
  
WooHyun took a step back and bowed. “I am at your service.”  
  
SungGyu grabbed the handle of his suitcase, pulled it into the room and then slammed the door shut in the other man’s face. As soon as the door was shut SungGyu leaned against it, sagging. He had lost the upper hand in his war with WooHyun.  
  
When he had first returned from his vacation he had managed to keep the other man perfectly in check, but that was no longer the case. Whatever wool he had managed to pull over the other main vocal’s eyes had been lifted…and now WooHyun was on to him.  
  
SungGyu cursed himself for his actions in the car earlier. He should have insisted on sitting with SungYeol or he should have sat with DongWoo no matter how annoying the other man was being. He should have been playing Candy Crush and tuning out everything around him. He most certainly should not have asked about Soryong. What had he been thinking? He didn’t ask about the men in WooHyun’s life…hell, he used to never even notice them at all.  
  
But having sex with the other man had changed that and a ton of other things that rocked the very foundation of SungGyu’s world. As much as he hated it…he was attracted to WooHyun, now. He had sat on a beach for almost a week surrounded by scantily clothed woman, but all he had thought about was WooHyun.  
  
SungGyu walked over to the hotel bed and collapsed on it. His only saving grace was that he had been able to bully the other members into letting him have the single room. WooHyun had been strangely agreeable to it.  
  
SungGyu had spent days in Bora Bora trying to deal with what had happened between him and WooHyun. He had tried to hold on to the feeling of horror and violation, but his body was a vicious betrayer of his ethics. He knew logically that WooHyun was in the wrong, but his body…his body only remembered the pleasure. He feared he had been lost the moment he had given up control to the other man and allowed himself to experience something he had never dreamed of desiring. He had enjoyed not being in control…and that both frightened and excited him.  
  
He knew he had been intoxicated and not in his right mind, but still he couldn’t put what happened to him in the proper box where it rightfully belonged. He had been greatly wronged, and yet, he couldn’t shelve it away with his other bad memories.  
  
If he had ever been attracted to WooHyun before that night he had honestly never been aware of it. He had put great value on their friendship, he had needed him, and he had loved him but only in a platonic way. If the attraction had always been there it had been hidden deep under all his other beliefs…his beliefs of what a man should feel and what a man should not feel.  
  
And what he felt for WooHyun was in direct conflict with what he thought a proper man should feel. He had tried to have sex on the island, he had tried to remind himself what it was to be a straight man, but being around women had failed to arouse him. He had enjoyed sex with women before, but he wondered if it was just the sexual act he had enjoyed. He had never connected with a woman like he had with WooHyun. He had never been broken hearted because a woman had stopped loving him. He had never been in love and he was happy to remain safely out of its grasp.  
  
He had hoped that all his newly found sexual confusion was just a side of effect from being victimized and that he still preferred women. He had tried to reason that it might be a long time before he could be turned on, but one vivid dream about being tied up and at WooHyun’s mercy proved him wrong.  
  
He could barely admit to himself how aroused he could get by thinking of WooHyun and that night. He moaned remembering naked, sweaty bodies, his knees hooked on WooHyun’s arms, the other man pressed against him, while chanting over and over that he loved him as he came inside of him.  
  
He lowered his hand to his groin and he felt himself hardening through his pants. He mentally chastised himself. He then got up and headed toward the bathroom to take a cold shower, a very cold shower. He would not allow his body to indulge itself.  
  
  
***************************  
  
He was finishing with his shower when he heard a knocking on his hotel door. He frowned, got out of the shower, and quickly toweled off. When he heard the voice of their Japanese manager he was relieved. He wrapped a towel around his waist and hurried toward the door. He opened the door and groaned when he found both the manager and WooHyun at his door.  
  
WooHyun just smiled and breezed past him into the room.  
  
The manager quickly informed him, “SungJong’s sick. WooHyun can’t stay with him.”  
  
SungGyu frowned. “Sick?”  
  
“He has a sore throat,” WooHyun helpfully replied from behind SungGyu.  
  
“Since when?” SungGyu demanded.  
  
The Japanese manager, who was known for being unfriendly, narrowed his cold eyes and told SungGyu in abrupt Korean, “Since now. WooHyun stays with you. He can’t get sore throat. He has to sing.”  
  
“What if he already has it? What if he infects me? What if we both can’t sing tomorrow? What then?” SungGyu questioned, trying to reason with the manager.  
  
Then manager looked concerned for a moment, but WooHyun quickly reassured him, “I was very careful around SungJong.”  
  
SungGyu turned around and glared at WooHyun. “You can’t room with me.”  
  
“But he will,” the manager ordered as he left, shutting the door behind him.  
  
WooHyun smiled unbothered by his hyung’s glares. “Hyung, it’s like old times.”  
  
“Go away.”  
  
“Sorry, I can’t…the manager would be mad.”  
  
SungGyu attempted to sound calm as he stated, “I am not in the mood to deal with you tonight.”  
  
“Hyung, I was your roommate for years, I can handle your moods. I am a master at handling your moods. I like it when you are cranky.”  
  
All attempts to be calm vanished and SungGyu seethed, “What the hell are you up to?”  
  
“Hyung, I have no idea what you are talking about? Aren’t you excited that we are roomies again?”  
  
“No!”  
  
WooHyun looked down to SungGyu’s bare belly. “Hyung, your scar is healing nicely.”  
  
“Don’t look at me!”  
  
“Hyung, you shouldn’t be so ashamed of your body. It’s not like you can work out. So what if you are a little flabby.”  
  
“Oh, dear God in heaven,” SungGyu groaned as he headed to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.  
  
SungGyu leaned against the door and banged his head purposely against it. He had to think. He had to find a way of getting rid of WooHyun; the trouble being that WooHyun was as sneaky as the day was long and he would be ready for him.  
  
“Hyung, are you mad at me?” WooHyun asked from the outer room.  
  
“Mad? Am I mad at you? Mad is not a proper word to describe my unrelenting annoyance, irritation, and the unfaltering hatred I feel towards you,” SungGyu snapped as he stepped away from the door and started pacing the small bathroom.  
  
“So you are mad?”  
  
“Yes, I am mad!”  
  
“I had to tell the boss about Mi-Cha,” WooHyun explained through the door. “She is no good for you. She was using you, Hyung.”  
  
SungGyu stopped pacing, his heart rate increased. Was WooHyun going to stop playing the game? Was he going to admit to being a jealous little troll? Well, SungGyu thought, he could play games, too. “She would have been delicious though…that nice, firm, untouched body. I can almost taste her.”  
  
There was a brief moment of silence and SungGyu wished he could see WooHyun’s face.  
  
The silence ended and WooHyun stated, sounding casual, “I highly doubt she is untouched.”  
  
“I don’t care what you think!”  
  
There was a slight pause and WooHyun asked, “Are you going to hide in the bathroom all night?”  
  
“I am not hiding in the bathroom…that would be incredibly immature. I’m getting dressed,” SungGyu replied. Secretly he had been considering hiding in the bathroom all night, but on second thought he wouldn’t give WooHyun the satisfaction of knowing he was getting to him.  
  
“But your suitcase hasn’t been touched. What are you wearing? Are you sure you are getting dressed?”  
  
SungGyu resisted the urge to bang his head against the door again when he realized his clothes were in the other room.  
  
“You can go naked. We are both men. I will go naked, too”  
  
“No, you will not,” SungGyu yelled as he flung the bathroom door open.  
  
WooHyun was standing outside the door fully clothed, grinning. “Here you go, Hyung,” WooHyun told him as he handed him his clothes. “I picked out something nice and warm for you. I know how cold you get.”  
  
SungGyu grabbed the clothes and slammed the bathroom door shut. “I hate you!”  
  
“No, you don’t.”  
  
“Yes, I do.”  
  
“No, you wish you did, but you don’t. You can’t hate me. It’s impossible. Hate can never really exist between the two of us.”  
  
“Hate you  _so much_.”  
  
“You can say as many hurtful things as you want, but I won’t believe you. Your magic glasses aren’t working anymore.”  
  
SungGyu, who had just slipped on his sweats and sweat shirt, opened the door and stepped out of the room. “My magic  _what_?”  
  
WooHyun was laying across the bed on his side, looking in the direction of the bathroom. “When you first came back from your vacation…I couldn’t read you.”  
  
“What do you mean  _‘read’_ me?”  
  
“I am usually pretty good at determining your mood and stuff, but it was like I lost that skill. I didn’t know what you were thinking or what you felt.”  
  
SungGyu just shook his head, remembering what WooHyun had said days ago about his glasses. “You really thought they were magic?”  
  
WooHyun rolled on his back. “Not really, but I had to blame something.”  
  
“What about your guilty conscience? How about you blame your guilty conscience?”  
  
“Hyung, what do I have to be guilty for?”  
  
“You know what,” SungGyu told him as he sat down at the desk that was in the room.  
  
“No, I don’t.”  
  
“Liar.”  
  
WooHyun sat up remembering the promise he had made to himself weeks ago; the promise not to lie to SungGyu anymore. “I manipulated this situation.”  
  
SungGyu turned around in the chair to face the other man. “Do you mean you manipulated yourself into my room?”  
  
WooHyun nodded his head. “Earlier today I noticed SungJong wasn’t feeling good. He’s overly crabby when he’s sick. Also he was drinking orange juice most of the day. He wasn’t talking a lot, but when he did talk he sounded off.”  
  
“You knew he was sick?” SungGyu asked as he slipped on a pair of socks.  
  
“Yes, that’s why I let you have your own room without a fight. It’s why I talked the other members into agreeing with you.”  
  
“I thought I bullied them into relenting,” SungGyu admitted with a frown.  
  
WooHyun snorted. “Your ability to bully is greatly exaggerated.”  
  
SungGyu folded his arms across his chest and huffed in annoyance.  
  
“I then volunteered to stay with SungJong, knowing I could easily get out of his room and into yours.”  
  
“Why are you telling me this?”  
  
WooHyun folded his legs and explained, “I promised myself I wouldn’t lie to you anymore…except about lies that I promised to tell.”  
  
SungGyu looked away from him, knowing what the other man was talking about. Part of him wanted to give WooHyun permission to be honest about everything, but another part of him feared what being honest with each other could lead to. He knew he needed to talk to somebody, but WooHyun wasn’t exactly a wise choice to confide in…but who else could he talk to?  
  
“I am not sorry for tattling on Mi-Cha,” WooHyun informed him. “She is no good for you. Brandy—”  
  
“Stop,” SungGyu ordered, interrupting. “You have no right to comment on any of the women in my life.”  
  
“You asked about Soryong,” WooHyun reminded him.  
  
“Ha,” SungGyu gasped, turning to face the other man. “You only brought up the girls so you could bring him up.”  
  
WooHyun’s eyes widened. “Yes.”  
  
“You are not so sneaky after all,” SungGyu smugly pointed out. “Just so you know, there is no reason for you to be excited. I don’t care who you sleep with…I never have.”  
  
“Hyung, why would you care?”  
  
“WooHyun, either play the game completely or shut up. You can’t act like you know nothing and then try to trick responses out of me.”  
  
“But I am worried about you.”  
  
“You are no longer allowed to be worried about me.”  
  
“I can’t be worried about you?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“I am your best friend.”  
  
“Since when?”  
  
“Since forever.”  
  
“Bull shit.”  
  
WooHyun fell back on the bed. “I know…I know I was a jerk for a long time, but I thought you had forgiven me.”  
  
SungGyu gripped the arms of the chair he was sitting in. He was getting very annoyed with WooHyun and his ongoing games. “I didn’t, so you need to leave this room or I will. I can’t room with you anymore.”  
  
“You said you forgave me.”  
  
“I lied.”  
  
“I stayed at your bedside at the hospital for over a week and you slept in my room for another week,” WooHyun reminded him.  
  
“I thought you were somebody else and a lot has happened since then.”  
  
“I am the same person I have always been.”  
  
“Yes, I know…but I was mistaken about who I thought you were. I thought you were a better person and now I know you aren’t. I don’t want to be around you.”  
  
“Hyung, you can’t push me away. I won’t let you.”  
  
SungGyu let out a small cry of frustration and declared, “You have no shame.”  
  
“I do.”  
  
SungGyu faced him and stated, “Then you shouldn’t be able to face me.”  
  
“Hyung, I have to face you…I have to for the group and I just have to.”  
  
“Not here, you don’t! Will you please leave and give me some peace of mind?”  
  
“Are you not at peace, Hyung?”  
  
“Would you stop calling me that?” SungGyu spat. Hearing WooHyun call him hyung was unnatural and it was getting on his last nerve.  
  
WooHyun scooted to the edge of the bed, until he was directly facing SungGyu. “Okay, I will call you whatever you want me to call you. I will do whatever you want me to do.”  
  
“Leave.”  
  
“Except that.”  
  
“Stop trying to make me less angry with you.”  
  
“You are not angry with me.”  
  
“What the hell? I am!”  
  
“When your glasses came off…I saw something other than anger.”  
  
SungGyu tensed, knowing exactly what WooHyun had seen. “You might have _thought_  you saw something other than anger, but I assure you the anger isn’t gone.”  
  
WooHyun reached out took SungGyu’s hand and pleaded, “I promise I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to make you angry. I just want…I want to make this better.”  
  
SungGyu jerked his hand away. “I know what you want, but it isn’t happening.”  
  
“I don’t…” WooHyun paused, almost forgetting the lie. “I don’t know what you mean.”  
  
“Sex!” SungGyu hissed under his breath. “There, I said it; you can stop pretending. I sold my soul to you in order to protect the group!”  
  
“You didn’t sell anything to me…your soul is still intact,” WooHyun told him, relieved the pretending had stopped. “I have always been able to see your soul…hear it when you sing. It is perfectly intact.”  
  
“Stop trying to flatter me,” SungGyu warned.  
  
“I’m not…I am just being honest…but…”  
  
“But what.”  
  
“When did you know?”  
  
“When did I know what?”  
  
“That you didn’t…you didn’t hate it?”  
  
SungGyu covered his eyes with his hands. “Don’t.”  
  
“We have to talk about it.”  
  
“No, we don’t. I want my magic glasses back.”  
  
WooHyun gave SungGyu a sad smile, got off the bed and knelt down beside him. “I don’t think they were really magic…I was just afraid I broke you and that fear kept me from seeing you.”  
  
SungGyu lowered his hands and looked down at the other man. “You did break me.”  
  
“I didn’t.”  
  
“You did.”  
  
“You don’t know your strength,” WooHyun said as he stood up.  
  
“My strength is gone, and I am broken into a thousand pieces.”  
  
“No,” WooHyun denied, taking SungGyu by the hands and pulling him up from the chair and over to the bed. “You are not broken. If you were I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be confronting you yet.”  
  
SungGyu let WooHyun lead him to the bed, falling easily back into the submissive role. “How do you know I am not broken? I feel broken…so broken inside.”  
  
“You’re not.”  
  
SungGyu lay on his back and looked up at WooHyun, who was still standing beside the bed. “It’s like everything I ever was…is gone, changed.”  
  
“Don’t be silly,” WooHyun soothed. “You’re still you. You give the sexual act too much power. It is an act…it is not you.”  
  
SungGyu shook his head. “I am not the same.”  
  
“You are still you.”  
  
“No, I am not.”  
  
WooHyun got on the bed, crawled over SungGyu, and lay down beside him. They both were on their backs looking up at the ceiling. “You are a very sexist person. You think of women as the weaker sex. You have some really strict, old-fashioned views…harsh views. I think what happened goes against your beliefs.”  
  
“Exactly,” SungGyu responded, amazed by how well the other man knew him. “I want to feel horrified, traumatized, and disgusted.”  
  
“I am pretty sure you felt all of that the morning after.”  
  
“I did, but I didn’t allow myself to remember…to remember what it was really like.”  
  
WooHyun reached and clasped SungGyu’s hand. “You were intoxicated, drugged…your memories could be lying to you.”  
  
“I don’t think they are…with women…I don’t value women like I should…not like I value…value you,” SungGyu admitted.  
  
“It’s because of your mother,” WooHyun told him. “You were never close to her.”  
  
SungGyu gasped, knowing how true WooHyun’s words were. “Are you saying I have mommy issues?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“A lot of people do…your mother doesn’t know you are gay.”  
  
“She never will, if I have my way,” WooHyun informed SungGyu. “She wouldn’t understand. It would hurt her.”  
  
“But you love her…you give your family all your spare money.”  
  
“I want their love as long as I can have it.”  
  
“So you pay for it?”  
  
“No,” WooHyun denied. “My mother can not help how she feels and neither can my dad. It is not just how they were raised…it is actually how they feel. My brother is more open minded, so I could tell him, but I know that to confide in my parents would be to lose them.”  
  
SungGyu inhaled a deep breath. “You never confided in me either.”  
  
“I did.”  
  
“I wasn’t talking about being gay…I was talking about your feelings for me.”  
  
“No, I didn’t. Not until I was completely insane.”  
  
“Did you fear I would be like your parents…if I knew how you felt?”  
  
WooHyun squeezed SungGyu’s hand. “I feared you wouldn’t care…that my love would mean nothing to you…that you would say thanks, but it wouldn’t touch you.”  
  
“I think you might have been right…even after I remembered your confession…I didn’t hate you…I just felt…I just felt bad for you.”  
  
“Pity.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“But you became angry.”  
  
“Not because you loved me, but because you were leaving the group—that really pissed me off.”  
  
“I noticed.”  
  
“It scared me…more than you know. More than you will ever know.”  
  
“You love me,” WooHyun told him, but quickly added, “You always have, but not like I love you…but your love is harder to earn. It’s more precious.”  
  
SungGyu turned to face WooHyun. “Is your love not precious?”  
  
WooHyun met SungGyu’s gaze. “I love easily. I love a lot of people.”  
  
“Do you?” SungGyu questioned, trying to pull his hand away from WooHyun.  
  
WooHyun held firmly to SungGyu’s hand, not relinquishing it. “I love other people easily. I make friends easily.”  
  
“That’s nice for you, now let go of me.”  
  
“Don’t get upset. I am in love with you and that is very different from loving other people.”  
  
“I am not upset.”  
  
“I love you more than anyone or anything. You are the only person I am in love with…have ever been in love with.”  
  
SungGyu sat up, suddenly feeling ill at ease. “You can stop.”  
  
“No, I can’t. Believe me, I have tried,” WooHyun said with a chuckle as he pulled SungGyu back down beside him. “For a long time I wished I could love you like you loved me.”  
  
SungGyu snorted dismissively.  
  
“It’s true,” WooHyun insisted. “Platonic love can be beautiful, but sadly it was never going to work for me. I am too selfish when it comes to you. My jealousy was beginning to show.”  
  
The older man sighed and admitted, “I think I might have been jealous of Soryong today…I’m not sure.”  
  
“You have nothing to ever be jealous of.”  
  
“Why did you go off with him?”  
  
“I didn’t, SungYeol was lying,” WooHyun answered, unable to hide the worry in his voice. “I think SungYeol was testing me…maybe both of us, today.”  
  
An alarmed SungGyu turned on his side to face WooHyun. “And I failed.”  
  
“No, I don’t think so. I am not even sure if he is testing you…I can’t tell. But even if he was I could barely tell you were jealous…I only saw a slight tinge of green. I don’t think he noticed.”  
  
“Does he know about your feelings for me?”  
  
“I never admitted anything to him. I had him fooled up until the time you were in the hospital but lately I can’t help but think he is toying with me.”  
  
SungGyu grinned. “So you are the mouse for once.”  
  
“SungYeol…he says things he shouldn’t,” WooHyun warned. “He was very hurt when I rejected his advances.”  
  
“We never talked about this…we probably need to.”  
  
“We did talk about it before, but you were on the verge of passing out,” WooHyun reminded him as he turned on his side to face SungGyu.  
  
“Oh, I forgot.”  
  
“It’s understandable.”  
  
“Does…does he still want you?”  
  
“I don’t know…like I said, something is different about him. The last time we really talked was at the hospital, and I got worried he was about to figure it out, so I distracted him but I fear he put it together later.”  
  
“What did he say that made you so worried?”  
  
“He kept pointing out how important you were to me. He kept saying if we were friends again, then I would forget about him.”  
  
“That isn’t true.”  
  
“It’s totally true. I love the members, but you are my world. At the time, I had missed you so much…and you were hurt. You were all I could see.”  
  
SungGyu swallowed nervously, unwillingly moved by the other man’s words. He sat up on the bed with his back facing WooHyun. He stated firmly, “I am not going to have sex with you again.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“What do you think?” SungGyu asked curiously, turning around to look down at the other man.  
  
WooHyun gazed steadily up at him. “I think we will.”  
  
“I think…I think if we do…it will drive me crazy.”  
  
“It won’t.”  
  
“It would.”  
  
WooHyun sat up, maintaining eye contact. “I love you. I have always loved you. You love me. You just—”  
  
SungGyu interrupted to protest, “I loved you as a  _friend_ …only as a  _friend_. I am not in love with you. I don’t fall in love, not with you…not with anyone.”  
  
“Why were you jealous of Soryong then if you only feel friendship?”  
  
“Maybe jealous was not the right word…maybe I was annoyed. You had made so many declarations of undying love to me…maybe I found it irritating that you had lied and fooled me once again. That you ran off with someone else the first chance you got.”  
  
“Okay, let’s say you are not in love with me.”  
  
“I am not.”  
  
“But…I think you are curious,” WooHyun stated as he laid his hand on SungGyu’s thigh. “I think you are very curious.”  
  
SungGyu sighed and didn’t bother to deny it. “Okay, so I am curious. I am also curious about what it feels like to fly, but that doesn’t mean I am going to jump out of a plane anytime soon.”  
  
“I am not going to pressure you.”  
  
“Really?” SungGyu asked him with the sarcasm practically dripping off his voice. “Nobody has ever pressured me like you did.”  
  
WooHyun lifted his hand from SungGyu’s thigh to squeeze his shoulder instead. “I know and that is why I am not going to pressure you now.”  
  
“Then why are you in my room…on my bed?”  
  
“I am not going to let you avoid me either…that isn’t going to work for me, and it sure doesn’t work for you. We are best when we are together.”  
  
“We can be together without having sex…you promised once would be enough.”  
  
WooHyun grimaced, remembering his words. “I did.”  
  
“We are not having sex.”  
  
“Not tonight we aren’t,” was all WooHyun would concede to.  
  
SungGyu rubbed his eyes. “I am really tired, and I am not sleeping in the same bed with you.”  
  
“Do you not trust yourself?”  
  
“I don’t trust you.”  
  
WooHyun let out a laugh. “Wise man.”  
  
“Go.”  
  
“I am going to sleep in the bathroom,” WooHyun told him as he took an extra pillow and got off the bed. “I am not leaving the room, but you are right. I’m not to be trusted.”  
  
SungGyu was happily surprised. “Are you really sleeping in the bathroom?”  
  
“Yeah,” WooHyun told him. “I said I wasn’t going to pressure you…and I am going to try really hard not to. When your curiosity gets the best of you…you will have to come to me.”  
  
“I told you I’m not going to have sex with you again.”  
  
WooHyun grabbed a spare blanket from the closet and walked toward the bathroom. He paused at the doorway. “But you thought…you thought it was good.”  
  
“I was drunk and high.”  
  
“That’s not what I asked.”  
  
“Well, that is my answer.”  
  
WooHyun smiled, not turning around to face the other man. “And that’s why you will come to me. You will have to know if it was the drugs and alcohol or if it was…if it was just amazing.”  
  
SungGyu frowned, hating how the other man knew him so well. “Go to bed.”  
  
“Goodnight,” WooHyun told SungGyu as he entered the bathroom and shut the door behind him.  
  
  
**********************  
  
“He’s going to get us all killed one day,” Hoya complained as he watched WooHyun throwing hearts to the fans standing outside the see-through barrier. WooHyun, SungGyu, and MyungSoo had already finished going through airport security and the other members were just finishing up.  
  
“Death by fan love, what a way to go,” DongWoo cooed as he took his bag from the airport security guard and hurried toward the other three members.  
  
“Yeah, being ripped to shreds by lunatic fans…sounds like a jolly good time to me,” SungYeol groused as he and SungJong followed behind DongWoo and Hoya. SungYeol was the only member wearing a mask.  
  
SungJong reminded them, “You know his fan service serves us all. He’s the master of it…he’s so sincere. The fans love him for it.”  
  
“That he is,” DongWoo agreed, watching WooHyun throw hearts to the crowd of Japanese fans that had come to see them off. “He’s the king of hearts.”  
  
“You have to stop,” MyungSoo told WooHyun as he led him away by the arm. “We are going to miss our flight.”  
  
WooHyun kept waving as he was being dragged away. “But I love our Japanese fans.”  
  
“You love all our fans,” SungGyu grumbled from beside him.  
  
“Make a heart with me. It can be our parting gift to them,” WooHyun told the leader as he broke free from MyungSoo to wrap an arm around SungGyu’s shoulders. “They will love it.”  
  
“No,” SungGyu answered as he pushed WooHyun away from him.  
  
“Spoil sport,” WooHyun teased. They had been in Japan for three days now and a peaceful truce had formed between the two of them. SungGyu had switched roommates the next day, but WooHyun hadn’t protested. If SungGyu needed time then he would provide it…as long as the man did not ignore him or crawl back inside himself. WooHyun wouldn’t allow SungGyu to hide from him.  
  
“I will make a heart with you,” SungYeol offered.  
  
WooHyun tensed. “No.”  
  
“Why not? Am I not good enough?”  
  
“Nope; if I can’t have the grandpa I want the baby,” WooHyun answered, snagging SungJong by his shirt sleeve and dragging him toward the barrier once again.  
  
SungGyu watched SungYeol closely as the tallest member unsuccessfully hid his irritation as he watched WooHyun whisk SungJong away. “I need to sit down.”  
  
“Poor old man,” Hoya told him.  
  
SungGyu hurried toward their gate, not knowing what he was going to do with SungYeol. Sooner or later the other members were going to start asking questions. Questions he didn’t want to answer. “That’s right; old and wise.”  
  
“The wisest person I know,” DongWoo agreed as he skipped up to SungGyu.  
  
SungGyu made it to the seats and sat down at the end of a row, patting the empty seat next to him for DongWoo to take. “This is why you are my favorite.”  
  
DongWoo sat down and beamed at the leader.  
  
“I thought I was your favorite,” MyungSoo protested, taking the seat next to DongWoo.  
  
The rapper leaned toward MyungSoo kissing him on the cheek. “You can be my favorite.”  
  
MyungSoo pretended to blush. “You’re such a sweet talker.”  
  
  
“You two are going to make me barf,” SungYeol announced sitting down across from them with Hoya.  
  
“I second the barfing,” SungGyu concurred.  
  
Hoya nodded his head. “I third the motion to barf.”’  
  
“Synchronized barfing to commence, now,” SungYeol announced, removing his mask to show his face that was free of make-up.  
  
MyungSoo laughed and pulled away from DongWoo. “I can’t ever get any loving.”  
  
“Who can’t get any loving?” WooHyun asked as he and SungJong walked up to them after giving the fans one last heart before security warned them to move along. There were only two empty seats; SungJong took the one next to Hoya. WooHyun glanced at the empty seat next to SungYeol and promptly decided to sit on DongWoo’s lap instead.  
  
“I get all kinds of loving,” DongWoo announced, wrapping his arms around WooHyun’s waist. “My ladies will be jealous.”  
  
WooHyun leaned down and whispered, “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”  
  
SungGyu pulled out his phone.  
  
“No Candy Crush,” WooHyun chastised, leaning over and grabbing the leader’s phone.  
  
“Give it back,” SungGyu ordered.  
  
“Play with us instead,” WooHyun coaxed.  
  
“I don’t think so,” SungGyu told them. “I can only imagine what we look like to decent people.”  
  
DongWoo rubbed his chin against SungGyu’s shoulder. “Where is the fun in being decent?”  
  
SungGyu shook his head. “There is a time and place for fun. Now, it’s time to be decent.”  
  
SungYeol snorted  
  
SungGyu’s eyes narrowed. “What is your problem, SungYeol?”  
  
“No problem, I just remember you laying it on pretty thick earlier on stage,” SungYeol informed the leader. “To all the world, you and WooHyun looked like the proud parents of a brown teddy bear.”  
  
“Thank goodness,” SungJong replied, before SungGyu had time to respond. “I was sick of all the other pairings you guys were doing; WooYeol being the most disturbing of them all.”  
  
WooHyun brightened at SungJong’s words, leaning over to wrap an arm around SungGyu’s neck. “I couldn’t agree more. It’s only the old man for me.”  
  
SungGyu took WooHyun’s arm and flung it off of him, but he couldn’t keep from grinning. “Stop.”  
  
“WooGyu is my favorite pairing, too,” SungJong told WooHyun. “I love how Hyung tries to be irritated at your antics but in the end he can’t help but smile.”  
  
SungGyu immediately stopped grinning and forced a frown on his face. All the other members with the exception of SungYeol laughed.  
  
MyungSoo laughed the hardest and agreed, “WooGyu is definitely the best pairing.”  
  
SungYeol stiffened. “MyungYeol is the most popular.”  
  
SungJong smiled knowingly at the tallest member and told him, “You and MyungSoo do make a much better pairing than WooYeol.”  
  
“Yep, MyungYeol is good,” WooHyun agreed.  
  
SungYeol’s eyes drilled into WooHyun. “Just good?”  
  
“You know what isn’t good?” Hoya asked.  
  
“Our Japanese,” SungGyu said, purposely changing topics. “We have got to improve. It isn’t fair to our Japanese fans.”  
  
All the members agreed and the topic quickly changed, but SungGyu kept casting his gaze in SungYeol’s direction, dreading the talk they were long overdue for.


	14. Chapter 14

A week later SungGyu was on a plane with the other members of Infinite on their way to the United States for the making of their newest video. The members were surprised by the number of empty seats they found on the plane, but a stewardess had explained that a large tour group had cancelled at the last minute. This made Sung Gyu happy; he hated crowded planes.  
  
“So…are you a member of the mile high club?” WooHyun asked slyly from his seat beside SungGyu. All the other members were sitting alone, scattered across the back of the plane, except for the two of them. WooHyun had insisted on sitting next to him, and as was customary, SungGyu’s usual threats, glares and complaints had proven ineffective when used on the other main vocal.  
  
“I will throw you out of this plane, no lie.”  
  
“I wasn’t offering to initiate you into the club.”  
  
“Don’t.”  
  
“It was a question. A question I am genuinely curious about.”  
  
“Yes, I am a member.”  
  
WooHyun gave the other man a disbelieving look. “You are lying.”  
  
SungGyu shook his head. “A stewardess once gave me head in the bathroom…head counts, doesn’t it?”  
  
“I think so,” WooHyun said, his eyes darkening as he looked down the plane’s aisle. “What flight was it? Do you still keep in contact with her?”  
  
SungGyu groaned.  
  
“I am serious,” WooHyun insisted. “I don’t want some slut handing out my peanuts.”  
  
SungGyu groaned louder.  
  
“You probably weren’t the only one.”  
  
“I know I wasn’t the only one,” SungGyu answered casually. “She also did DongWoo and Hoya on that same flight.”  
  
“When the hell was this?”  
  
SungGyu shrugged. “I don’t remember exactly. All I remember is we were on our way to Japan.”  
  
“I wasn’t with you…or I would have noticed. Not to mention you all would have been bragging…like the dogs you are.”  
  
“Actually, I don’t think you were with us,” SungGyu replied, tapping his chin. “I think you came on a later flight.”  
  
“You are such a man slut,” WooHyun grumbled. “I would expect this from you and Hoya, but DongWoo…I expected more from him.”  
  
SungGyu rolled his eyes.  
  
“What was her name?”  
  
“I don’t remember.”  
  
“Did you ever know her name?”  
  
“Stop it.”  
  
“Does she still work for the airlines? Have you seen her lately?”  
  
“Stop.”  
  
“No, I want to know.”  
  
“I’m not telling you.”  
  
“Hoya and DongWoo will. I will sit with them on our next flight to Japan. I know Hoya will brag about it. I can’t believe I never heard him brag about it before.”  
  
“He did brag; we all did until we realized she did all three of us…then we shut up about it.”  
  
“Were you embarrassed?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“You should have been.”  
  
SungGyu banged his head against the back of his chair. “Go sit somewhere else.”  
  
“No, I’ve been good,” WooHyun whined him. The younger man folded his arms in front of him defiantly. “I am not moving. I let you sleep.”  
  
“You did let me sleep, now stop acting…” SungGyu paused to add in a whisper, “So fucking jealous.”  
  
WooHyun growled under his breath. “I am not jealous of some hooker stewardess. I just think—it could be bad publicity for Infinite.”  
  
“She wasn’t a hooker.”  
  
“She wasn’t very professional…more like an airline slut.”  
  
“I am glad you aren’t jealous.”  
  
“I have had a lot of sex before,” WooHyun blurted out, “lots.”  
  
“Good for you.”  
  
“I could have sex on this plane if I wanted to.”  
  
SungGyu snorted.  
  
“I could.”  
  
“Not with me.”  
  
WooHyun tilted his head up until he was looking a few seats in front of them. “No, but I could have sex with someone else.”  
  
SungGyu followed WooHyun’s gaze to SungYeol, who sat a few rows in front of them, all alone. He appeared to be sleeping. “That would be such a  _great_ idea.”  
  
“It’s true, he wants me. He still does…I can tell.”  
  
“You know that would be a mistake of  _colossal_  proportions.”  
  
“Would you be jealous?”  
  
SungGyu said nothing for moment and thought carefully before replying, “Yes, I would be horribly jealous. I would cry in my pillow every night.”  
  
WooHyun studied SungGyu for only a moment before he responded, “You are lying. You are just attempting to protect SungYeol from me.”  
  
“Don’t fuck with SungYeol unless you are sincere,” SungGyu warned. “He is already screwed up enough without you adding to it.”  
  
WooHyun sighed and rested his head against the older man’s shoulder. “I am just talk. All talk.”  
  
“Stupid talk. The talk of an asshole.”  
  
“I wouldn’t do it. Not ever, not even when I was at my worst…I wouldn’t have. I could have but I didn’t. I wouldn’t use him like that.”  
  
SungGyu let out a breath of air he hadn’t realized he was holding. “I am glad you didn’t…he worries me so much sometimes.”  
  
“I don’t know how to fix the situation with him,” WooHyun admitted. “He takes everything wrong…even simple kindness.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“He is vindictive.”  
  
“No, he isn’t,” SungGyu corrected. “SungYeol is insecure. His insecurity fuels everything he does. When you didn’t return his feelings it made his insecurity worse.”  
  
WooHyun, who was still leaning against SungGyu, pointed out, “But I am convinced he knows why I couldn’t return his feelings.”  
  
SungGyu gazed in SungYeol’s direction. “I think you might be right.”  
  
“If he knows how I feel about you...why can’t he just get over it?”  
  
“Really?” SungGyu replied with a voice dripping with sarcasm. “I can’t believe that you of all people have the gall to suggest he just get over his feelings!”  
  
WooHyun straightened up in his seat, immediately defensive. “It’s not the same.”  
  
“To him it is.”  
  
“Bullshit,” WooHyun said, continuing to whisper. “I have loved you for years. I love you for a million reasons…with SungYeol it is just about sex.”  
  
“I am going to hit you,” SungGyu hissed under his breath. “You blackmailed me into having sex with you. Stop acting so high and mighty.”  
  
“I didn’t…” WooHyun paused, knowing his denial of blackmail wouldn’t work any better on SungGyu then it had on Key. “I was desperate…and you didn’t hate it.”  
  
“The jury is still out.”  
  
WooHyun exhaled and continued, “My love for you is not just physical. Like I said, I love you for a million reasons.”  
  
SungGyu rolled his eyes. “Just empty words.”  
  
“Sincere words,” WooHyun protested. “My love for you has very little to do with the physical, you know…it’s deeper than that. It isn’t about what is on the outside.”  
  
SungGyu fought against the urge to be offended and confessed, “I know I am not the handsomest man.”  
  
“You are not, but neither am I. My feelings for you have very little to do with appearance. I am not like a fan girl that looks at a group without knowing anything about them and automatically picks the most handsome one as her favorite. Don’t get me wrong, I have had my fair share of pretty boys…but that wasn’t enough for me. I need more—I’m not that shallow. I truly do believe that beauty is only skin deep. Most people base attraction on appearance but my attraction for you is based…on you. It’s deep…I know the real you. I know how you are on the inside, what makes you tick…and I simply love all of you. If I was blind I would feel the same way about you.”  
  
“You need to be quiet,” SungGyu scolded, feeling as if he had been stripped naked…exposed for all to see.  
  
“Nobody can hear us,” WooHyun said, refusing to be quiet. “And you need to hear this.”  
  
“No, I don’t.”  
  
“Why don’t you want to hear it?”  
  
“I just don’t.”  
  
“I don’t care, you need to hear it. You need to hear that I love your grumpy ass. I love how you lead so naturally. I love how sometimes when we are on stage you take a step back and put SungJong and SungYeol in front of you. I love every awkward thing about you. I love how you act the fool on broadcasts for the groups’ benefit. I love when you can’t stop nagging. I love how you sing with all your heart and soul. I love how you let the members bully you. I love how lazy you can be. I love how you totally put—”  
  
“I get it.”  
  
“You totally don’t,” WooHyun told him. “Sometimes SungYeol isn’t the only insecure member in this group.”  
  
“I am not insecure.”  
  
“You shouldn’t be because you are perfect.”  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
“No. You are my Perfect Gyu.”  
  
“Go sit somewhere else.”  
  
“No.”  
  
SungGyu turned to face the other man. “You can feed my ego all you want, but I am not having sex with you again.”  
  
WooHyun smiled knowingly. “Then that is your choice. I told you I wasn’t going to pressure you. I am not saying this to feed your ego…I am saying it because it is the truth.”  
  
The older man looked away and towards SungYeol. “I feel so sorry for SungYeol. What it must have been like when you had alienated all the other members and he was the recipient of all your attention…he never really had a chance.”  
  
“That’s not fair. I never proclaimed to feel anything but friendship for him.”  
  
“But you smiled at him.”  
  
“I smile a lot.”  
  
“Your smile is dangerous.”  
  
“I never smiled at him like I smile at you.”  
  
“You flirted with him.”  
  
“Only for the cameras,” WooHyun insisted. “What SungYeol feels is on him, but do not confuse what he feels for love. SungYeol is not in love with me.”  
  
SungGyu closed his eyes. “Even if he doesn’t love you…he still wants you because he knows you don’t want him. When you tried to push him away, you just made him want you more. Don’t you see, he’s so insecure…if he did win your affections it would be a great validation for him.”  
  
WooHyun rested his head against SungGyu’s shoulder again. “How can you be so observant about the other members…and so clueless when it comes to me? It used to drive me crazy.”  
  
“Because you are a sneaky, two-faced liar…and they are honest. They are not lying to me, not like you. Their hearts are on their sleeves for all to see.”  
  
“Even if I did lie…” WooHyun told the other man as he took his hand and squeezed it. “You should have seen how I felt. You should have known.”  
  
SungGyu admitted, “Honestly, before you started acting like a raging idiot I would have sworn I knew you well.”  
  
WooHyun, who still held the other man’s hand, smiled sadly. “I know…it’s why you were so upset with me.”  
  
“I wasn’t prepared to find out that I was actually an idiot.”  
  
“Don’t say that.”  
  
“I was.”  
  
“But you let me lie to you,” WooHyun confessed as he pulled his iPod out of his pocket with his free hand. “This is a perfect example.”  
  
SungGyu looked at the iPod, remembering how easily WooHyun had fooled him. “Like I said, I’m an idiot.”  
  
WooHyun shook his head. “No; remember, you like my sweet lies.”  
  
“Do I?”  
  
“You didn’t want to know, so you chose to believe my lies.”  
  
“I don’t count your lying about your feelings as one of your sweet lies.”  
  
“You don’t?”  
  
“No, it almost destroyed everything,” SungGyu reminded him. “It still might destroy SungYeol.”  
  
“It won’t,” WooHyun answered, unable to hide his alarm. “If it didn’t destroy…” WooHyun paused. “If it didn’t destroy us…it won’t destroy him.”  
  
“We are strong, so much stronger than he will ever be,” SungGyu stated, reminding him. “I think I can forgive you anything. Who else could go through…what we have gone through and still be sitting here like this…talking like this? I should never have forgiven you…most people would have hated you forever. I should hate you.”  
  
WooHyun nodded his head. “Your ability to forgive is your greatest strength.”  
  
SungGyu chuckled. “ _You_ would think so.”  
  
WooHyun smiled. “You never hold a grudge. You grumble for a day, but then it is all forgotten.”  
  
“Hey, I was pissed at you for three weeks last time.”  
  
“Only two and half weeks.”  
  
“I thought it was more; but still, I was mad for two and half weeks.”  
  
WooHyun laughed. “Also, during that time we were apart for one week.”  
  
“But I was mad at you during that week, I assure you.”  
  
“But you weren’t with me, so it doesn’t count.”  
  
“I am not that forgiving.”  
  
“You are the most forgiving person I know.”  
  
“Lies,” SungGyu told him as he looked out the window. “My mother doesn’t consider me forgiving.”  
  
WooHyun intertwined their fingers. “You are the most forgiving to her…she just can’t see the damage she’s inflicted on you. She can’t allow herself to see all that you had to forgive.”  
  
SungGyu swallowed, remembering all he had forgiven. “No, you are wrong. I am most forgiving toward you…my liar, blackmailer, and rapist.”  
  
WooHyun let go of SungGyu’s hand and straightened up in his seat. “I wish you wouldn’t say that.”  
  
“Not saying it doesn’t make it less true,” SungGyu told him, feeling his anger begin to stir. “We can sit here and play nice, I can forgive you…but it doesn’t change what you did.”  
  
WooHyun shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “I thought we were talking about SungYeol.”  
  
SungGyu sided-eyed WooHyun and snapped, “Go play with DongWoo. I am sure he misses you.”  
  
WooHyun met SungGyu’s gaze and felt the other man’s irritation. “Do you need a break from me?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Okay,” WooHyun relented, getting up out of his seat.  
  
SungGyu reached up and took WooHyun’s iPod from his him. “I think I will keep this.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I like your favorites list.”  
  
WooHyun laughed. “Oh, I bet you do.”  
  
*******************  
  
“He’s just lying in the road,” WooHyun declared with a chuckle and headed toward their exhausted leader, who was sprawled out on the road with a small pink blanket covering him. They were at an outside set at Universal Studios filming for their video.  
  
“You are being really obvious,” SungYeol said from behind WooHyun, causing the main vocal to stop dead in his tracks. It was a bright sunny day and the boys had been up for 24 hours straight working on their video.  
  
“What do you mean?” WooHyun asked as he turned around to face SungYeol.  
  
SungYeol cast his gaze up and down the street they were filming on for eavesdroppers before he answered, “Your true heart is showing.”  
  
WooHyun made a heart with his hands and smugly replied, “My hearts are always showing.”  
  
SungYeol walked up closer to WooHyun and whispered, “Your love for the leader is showing through.”  
  
“Of course, I love him. I love all of you.”  
  
SungYeol’s face went still before he pointed out, “But you are only crushing on him.”  
  
WooHyun immediately took SungYeol by the arm and lead him farther down the street. “A crush is it?”  
  
“It’s pretty obvious.”  
  
“Really? Since when?”  
  
“Since I started using my brain,” SungYeol stated as WooHyun led him to a more secluded area down the street.  
  
“Well, you are not using your brain if you think I am crushing on SungGyu.”  
  
“Ha! You have the gall to deny it!”  
  
WooHyun crossed his arms and corrected, “I have loved him for longer than I have known you…so I wouldn’t call it a crush.”  
  
SungYeol took a step back, completely taken aback. “Love…”  
  
“Yes, I am in love with him. It’s a one sided love that made me crazy. It made me…it made me do things I shouldn’t have done…things I regret.”  
  
“What did you do?”  
  
“I hurt him and I also hurt you,” WooHyun confessed. “I gave you attention that wasn’t sincere…and because of that attention you thought things…things that were never true.”  
  
“I never thought you loved me,” SungYeol informed him. “I am not that stupid…but do you mean it? Are you really in love with SungGyu?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
SungYeol sat down on the curb of the street as everything suddenly became clear to him. “I knew you cared for him…and now it makes perfect sense. They say we hurt the ones we love the most.”  
  
“I hate that phrase and I hate…”  
  
“You hate what?”  
  
“That the saying is true in regards to me…that I hurt him. I have never ever hurt anyone as much as I have hurt him.”  
  
SungYeol looked at the man sleeping in the street. “Does he know how you feel?”  
  
WooHyun nodded his head. “He knows. He doesn’t like it, but he knows.”  
  
“You two were acting so strange and I could tell he was angry with you…I guess…I now know why.”  
  
WooHyun agreed, “Yeah.”  
  
SungYeol, who was still looking at their dozing leader, pointed out, “I am much better looking than he is.”  
  
“Some would agree with you,” WooHyun conceded.  
  
SungYeol looked away from SungGyu and up at WooHyun. “But not you?”  
  
“He is perfect to me…gorgeous and the most attractive man in the world. I only want him, nobody else. He’s all I see.”  
  
“You know he’s never going to love you back…not the way you love him,” SungYeol told WooHyun. “He’s straight, really straight.”  
  
WooHyun controlled his expression and sat down beside SungYeol. “That doesn’t change how I feel.”  
  
“No, it doesn’t…one can not help how they feel. Can they?”  
  
WooHyun winced, hearing the unspoken insinuation. “You don’t love me SungYeol. You never did.”  
  
SungYeol looked back at SungGyu, who was now sitting up watching them. “No, like I told SungGyu, I don’t love you. I just want to have sex with you.”  
  
“We are not having sex. Ever!”  
  
“Why? Don’t tell me you are saving yourself for love again. You will be saving yourself forever, because he doesn’t want you.”  
  
“Just because he doesn’t want me, doesn’t change the fact that he is all I want.”  
  
SungYeol scoffed in derision. “That is so stupid. I really thought you were smarter than this; how perfectly trite of you to fall in love with a straight man.”  
  
WooHyun grimaced and turned a heated glare on SungYeol as the taller man’s words hit too close. “When you get over your little fixation with me, you can chastise me for wanting what I can’t have.”  
  
“I am getting there. You are an idiot and that’s beginning to be a turn off.”  
  
“Well, hurry up and be completely turned off. I’m sick of your pathetic advances,” WooHyun told him cruelly.  
  
“Pathetic advances?”  
  
“Yes, pathetic. Not wanted.”  
  
“Well, don’t you worry…I won’t trouble you again…with what I want.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“Did SungGyu treat you like…like you treat me when he found out how you felt?” SungYeol demanded.  
  
“Worse,” WooHyun informed the taller man. “Much worse.”  
  
“I doubt that…he doesn’t act like you don’t exist,” SungYeol accused. “He doesn’t ignore you. You two are still friends.”  
  
WooHyun sneered. “The hell? You act like we have been best buddies all these weeks. Let me tell you…we had to fight for our friendship. It’s been hard. He wanted to hate me and he had every right to do so. I had to fight for him and our friendship.”  
  
“What about me? What about our friendship? Why don’t you fight for it?” SungYeol demanded.  
  
“Because he’s my priority!”  
  
“What am I?”  
  
“Not my priority! You are just some mist—”  
  
“WooHyun!” SungGyu yelled, interrupting the other main vocal.  
  
SungYeol and WooHyun looked up to find SungGyu hovering over them.  
  
“WooHyun, go,” SungGyu ordered. “SungYeol and I need to talk.”  
  
WooHyun stood up. “I was just—”  
  
“Just go,” SungGyu commanded as he sat down beside SungYeol on the curb. “You can’t make this better. Go.”  
  
“He…” WooHyun paused, feeling nervous about what SungGyu might accidentally give away. “He knows about my crush on you.”  
  
“Go,” SungGyu repeated.  
  
SungYeol scoffed. “I thought you said it was love?”  
  
“Shut up,” WooHyun barked at SungYeol.  
  
“Go,” SungGyu repeated again.  
  
WooHyun started backing away, but he kept his eyes on them. “I am leaving.”  
  
SungGyu sat quietly beside SungYeol until WooHyun was out of hearing range. “You two are anything but mature.”  
  
“Me?”  
  
“Yes,” SungGyu answered. “It’s ridiculous how you act around each other for all to see.”  
  
SungYeol clasped his hands in front of him. “It’s his fault! He’s the one that led me on while he was pining away for you.”  
  
SungGyu turned to look critically at SungYeol. “If memory serves me correctly, you once told me he never encouraged you.”  
  
The taller man frowned. “Not purposely...”  
  
“Then what is your problem?”  
  
SungYeol unclasped his hands and held them up in his defense. “My problem is with him pining away for you! You will never return his feelings, and here I am dying for some of his attention.”  
  
“How do you know I won’t return his feelings?”  
  
SungYeol’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open, not expecting the question posed to him.  
  
The leader just shook his head and explained, “WooHyun means a lot to me…more than a lot…he is my dearest friend. When he acted like he hated me…it hurt. It hurt a lot. I don’t ever want to go back to those times.”  
  
SungYeol leaned in and whispered, even though nobody was near them, “Are...you…bisexual…but you can’t be. You like girls. You  _really_  like girls.”  
  
“I do _like_  girls,” SungGyu concurred.  
  
“But…”  
  
“But I am very  _fond_ of WooHyun. I have never been attached to any girlfriend like I am attached to him. If I was on a sinking ship with WooHyun and Brandy and I could only save one of them…I’d save WooHyun.”  
  
“Well, duh,” SungYeol responded. “Saving WooHyun would be best for the group.”  
  
SungGyu smiled. “True.”  
  
“See, it’s just normal friendship…you don’t like him…like that.”  
  
“I might be curious.”  
  
“Really?” SungYeol asked, unable to hide his smile. He understood curiosity well.  
  
“Maybe.”  
  
“I know the feeling.”  
  
“I mean, you really sold me on all his finer attributes; to hear you tell it, he’d be very skilled.”  
  
SungYeol flung his hands up to the sides of his face and gasped out, “You didn’t tell him!”  
  
SungGyu smiled innocently. “Tell him what?”  
  
“What I said about him being…being…”  
  
“That you think he would be a great lover,” SungGyu finished.  
  
SungYeol turned red. “You didn’t!”  
  
The older man leaned back, bracing himself on his elbows. “Hell no.”  
  
“Thank God.”  
  
“His head would be as big as Hoya’s then.”  
  
SungYeol laughed. “We can’t have that.”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
SungYeol gazed at his leader and asked, “Are you really curious? Or are you just afraid of losing him again?”  
  
SungGyu shrugged. “That is what I keep asking myself. I think I’m more confused than anything.”  
  
SungYeol leaned back, matching SungGyu’s position; their legs were stretched out in front of them on the street. “Confused?”  
  
“He loves me a lot; I don’t doubt that.”  
  
The taller man sighed. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have said crush.”  
  
“Hey, you are supposed to be so smart, so why didn’t you notice how he felt?”  
  
“Me? What about you? Aren’t you the genius?”  
  
“I think my fondness for him…allows him to fool me,” SungGyu admitted. “He’s very good at manipulating me…too good.”  
  
“Not just you. He’s skilled at manipulating everybody.”  
  
“He’s a sneaky little bastard.”  
  
“Once I stopped being stupid, his feelings were so freaking obvious,” SungYeol elaborated. “I felt like such a fool. How could I not see what he was doing?”  
  
“I know the feeling.”  
  
“I bet you do.”  
  
“Boy, do I know it.”  
  
SungYeol asked curiously, “How did you find out?”  
  
“He confessed the day I went to the hospital…it took me awhile to remember,” SungGyu answered honestly.  
  
“He said the two of you fought.”  
  
“That is an understatement. It feels like I have been fighting with WooHyun for so long.”  
  
“But you are not fighting now?”  
  
SungGyu inhaled a deep breath and exhaled it before answering, “SungYeol, I am lazy. He just wore me down. I am too lazy to keep fighting with him. It takes too much out of me.”  
  
SungYeol snorted. “Being lazy is a far cry from being attracted to him.”  
  
“It’s nice to be loved though,” SungGyu explained. “WooHyun…WooHyun knows everything about me. He knows the bad and the ugly and he still loves me. There is something very comforting in that.”  
  
“But attraction…”  
  
“That is the confusing part,” SungGyu explained. “I am not sure about it. I know I am fond of him. I know I would…I would do anything to keep him with me and the group.”  
  
“Fond of him?”  
  
“Yes, fond.”  
  
“Not love?”  
  
SungGyu turned his head to meet SungYeol’s gaze and repeated, “Fond.”  
  
“Have you ever been in love?”  
  
“No.”  
  
SungYeol blinked. “You would do  _anything_ to keep him with you…you are contemplating homosexuality for him…you must be really  _fooonnnd_ of him.”  
  
“I must be.”  
  
“You know he would eventually want sex. He’s very sexual.”  
  
“Let’s not talk about that.”  
  
SungYeol ignored SungGyu’s request to point out, “He doesn’t bottom. I have asked him.”  
  
SungGyu sat up straight, pulled his legs up close to his body and wrapped his arms around them. “He doesn’t?”  
  
“No,” SungYeol answered. “He made it very clear. Honestly, it was the only drawback I saw to being with him.”  
  
“Bottoming is bad, right?” SungGyu asked, avoiding SungYeol’s gaze.  
  
“It is for someone like you…everybody says it is the submissive position. I joked with him once that you two would never work out because you’d never bottom for him,” SungYeol stated, remembering the past conversation. “Damn, it’s like I had him figured out and didn’t even know it.”  
  
SungGyu cringed, wondering what SungYeol would think if he knew that his leader had not only bottomed but he had allowed WooHyun to tie him up. “Maybe our love could be platonic.”  
  
“You are cringing at the thought of having sex with him,” SungYeol told him, misunderstanding the older man reaction. “You are not gay.”  
  
“How can you be sure…when I am not?”  
  
“I am sure.”  
  
“I’m not…”  
  
“You are just confused, like you said.”  
  
“Maybe; I am confused, but I need time to figure out what I am feeling.”  
  
“Believe me, it is just confusion.”  
  
“You might be right.”  
  
“You just like that he loves you so much…maybe you just need a dog.”  
  
SungGyu blinked. “A dog?”  
  
“A dog will love you unconditionally too and it won’t want sex.”  
  
“I’d hope not.”  
  
“You need a dog.”  
  
“I don’t really like dogs.”  
  
“That is just a lie you once told for the sake of a variety show. You like dogs.”  
  
“Maybe a little…”  
  
“You are confused, so don’t do something that will only make things worse.”  
  
“I need time to think this all over.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“And I need you to stop riling WooHyun up.”  
  
SungYeol frowned. “Why?”  
  
“What you feel for WooHyun is just a fraction of what he feels for me. Have some compassion for your group member.”  
  
“Err…”  
  
“I am being serious. WooHyun loves you like a brother; he is not going to show you the wonders of gay sex.”  
  
SungYeol shrank back away from the other man. “It sounds so bad when you say it like that…don’t be so blunt.”  
  
SungGyu looked sternly at SungYeol. “I am not going to sugar coat the truth.”  
  
“No, you wouldn’t.”  
  
“If you keep pressuring WooHyun he will just fight back. He fights dirty and he won’t spare your feelings. He can be mean.”  
  
“True.”  
  
“It isn’t worth your friendship.”  
  
“What about you and WooHyun? What about your brotherhood and your friendship?” SungYeol asked.  
  
SungGyu turned his gaze to the anxious looking WooHyun, who was watching them in the near distance. “Our friendship remains intact, but our brotherhood…I don’t think he ever thought of me as a brother. He’s says his feelings started long ago.”  
  
“But you felt brotherhood for him.”  
  
“I am not sure what I felt or feel towards him,” SungGyu admitted. “I never had a real brother to compare the feeling to, but when I think of the rest of you I always think of you as my brothers, though. With him it is different. I just know he is important, more important than anyone else. And sometimes that really pisses me off.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because he knows it.”  
  
SungYeol couldn’t help but smile. “I will leave WooHyun alone until you decide what you want to do about him.”  
  
The older man reached out his hand. “Let’s shake on it.”  
  
“Okay,” SungYeol said as he grasped SungGyu’s hand. “Please, really take the time to think about what you want.”  
  
“I will.”  
  
“You are confused…just confused,” SungYeol warned.  
  
SungGyu sighed. “You are probably right.”  
  
SungYeol looked worried as he told the leader, “Once you act…you can’t take it back.”  
  
********************  
  
“Dude,” DongWoo shouted in WooHyun’s ear, causing the main vocal to jump.  
  
WooHyun, who had been focused on SungGyu and SungYeol, turned around to face the rapper and shouted back at him, “What!”  
  
“What is your problem?”  
  
“I don’t have a problem.”  
  
“You act like you’re about to have a stroke.”  
  
“I am just…what are they talking about!” WooHyun demanded, pointing at SungYeol and SungGyu, who were shaking hands.  
  
DongWoo shrugged. “Anything they want to talk about.”  
  
WooHyun sighed, knowing DongWoo didn’t understand. “They seemed to be in an intense discussion.”  
  
“They are probably talking about SungYeol’s hots for you.”  
  
“Whhaaat?”  
  
“Our brave leader is probably trying to talk some sense into him.”  
  
“What the hell are you talking about?”  
  
DongWoo winked at WooHyun. “Don’t act like you don’t know.”  
  
“I know…I didn’t know you knew.”  
  
“Yep, I know…me and Hoya.”  
  
“Hoya, too!”  
  
DongWoo nodded his head. “Hoya was the first one that noticed. He thought you two were screwing.”  
  
“We didn’t…and we aren’t,  _ever!_ ”  
  
“Good,” DongWoo replied, relieved. “I didn’t know if SungGyu ever brought up the topic with you or not.”  
  
WooHyun shook his head. “No, not really…a little but we both agreed it’s a bad idea. I didn’t know Hoya was the one who originally noticed.”  
  
“He was.”  
  
“I was really clueless back then.”  
  
“Yeah, we knew we couldn’t approach you, so SungGyu decided it would be best to broach the subject with SungYeol.”  
  
“He does have his brighter moments.”  
  
“Especially considering you would have probably had sex with SungYeol to spite him back then.”  
  
“To spite him…”  
  
“You would have done anything back then to piss SungGyu off.”  
  
“True,” WooHyun conceded, but carefully added to test what DongWoo knew, “But why would it have pissed him off?”  
  
“Because you don’t like SungYeol like that,” DongWoo pointed out. “You would have just ended up hurting him. Have I mentioned how glad I am that you are back to your normal self?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Well, I am,” DongWoo told him, running his hand through his hair. “You were causing me to go gray.”  
  
WooHyun smiled at DongWoo, while he kept an eye on SungGyu, who was again lying in the middle of the road, this time beside a sleeping MyungSoo. “How would you know if you were going gray? Your hair is always dyed.”  
  
DongWoo let out a hearty laugh and clapped his hands. “So true.”


	15. Chapter 15

“I am going to get laid,” Hoya announced from across the table. “I am not living like a monk, not here.”  
  
“I am sure there will be plenty of opportunities at the wrap up party,” SungGyu, who was sitting beside him at the table, replied through his mouthful of food.  
  
“Look around us,” Hoya declared, lifting his hand to gesture at their lavish surroundings. “We are in Vegas. I am not waiting for the wrap up party. There are plenty of willing ladies here.”  
  
“And it won’t cost you…too much,” WooHyun teased from across the table.  
  
Hoya snorted and informed WooHyun, “I don’t have to pay for it.”  
  
SungJong shook his head. “You better be careful. You don’t want the fans to see you with a woman. You know how they get.”  
  
“Security is so tight, the fans will never make it to our floor,” Hoya stated confidently.  
  
“Don’t underestimate the fans,” WooHyun warned. “The smart ones can fool security…plus, the rich ones can just get their own room.”  
  
“We didn’t even know we were going to be staying at the Venetian…so our fans sure didn’t know,” Hoya reminded them. “Plus, there are security cameras are all over this place. This is our safest chance to have some fun. The women here are hot, a lot hotter than what is going to be at the wrap up party.”  
  
“The women at the wrap up party won’t sell us out to the tabloids,” SungGyu pointed out.  
  
“Leadershi, come on, when was the last time you enjoyed the company of a beautiful woman? Hoya asked SungGyu. “You are all healed up now; it’s time to reap the rewards of living.”  
  
SungGyu took a bite of food and slowly chewed it, savoring the taste before answering Hoya, “Not interested.”  
  
“Since when?” Hoya demanded.  
  
“Since my surgeon told me I couldn’t have sex for twelve weeks after my surgery,” SungGyu informed the lead dancer. “Also, I can have Brandy anytime I want her and she is both discreet and beautiful. Why would I risk my health to be with a stranger, when I can have her?”  
  
WooHyun dropped his fork and stared at SungGyu, horrified.  
  
A surprised Hoya clarified, “So…no sex for twelve weeks, like for real?”  
  
“That’s what the doctor told me.”  
  
“That sucks,” Hoya said, sympathizing. “You can still jerk off…right?”  
  
SungGyu shook his head.  
  
“Fuck,” was all Hoya could say. “No wonder you are eating so much.”  
  
SungGyu looked down at his plate. They were at a cafe at the Venetian and he was on his second plate of food. “The food is really good,” SungGyu said in his defense.  
  
“What is the reasoning…for no sex? Did the doctor explain it to you?” Hoya asked.  
  
“My insides are not healed yet and if I accidently busted something loose…I’d have to go back to surgery.”  
  
“But you can dance…” Hoya pointed out.  
  
“Hoya, don’t be stupid,” SungGyu told the lead dancer. “If dancing was like having sex…you wouldn’t be bitching about getting laid.”  
  
Hoya nodded his head. “True.”  
  
“Yes, it is true,” SungGyu told him as he stood up. “I am going to take a look at the little pasty shop outside the entrance to this café. Those éclairs on display look so good. I am going to work on eating more of my sexual frustration away.”  
  
SungJong, who had been listening quietly, said encouragingly, “The food is  _really_  good, Hyung.”  
  
SungGyu smiled at SungJong as he got up from the table. “It really is.”  
  
“Well, do either of you want to go looking for chic…” Hoya paused, looking at SungJong and then WooHyun. “Never mind. I will go find DongWoo or MyungSoo.”  
  
WooHyun, who was still shocked by SungGyu’s statement, ignored Hoya completely. SungJong stood up and told the lead dancer, “I will go with you.”  
  
“Really?” Hoya questioned as he got up.  
  
“To find the others,” SungJong clarified.  
  
“Good, because any women we might find would be more interested in your beauty secrets than in having sex with me,” Hoya teased as he and SungJong walked away from the table.  
  
“I am not sharing my secrets though,” SungJong teased as he left with Hoya. “My beauty secrets are all mine.”  
  
WooHyun was sitting at the table alone, absorbed in his own thoughts when SungGyu returned.  
  
“Did they leave?” SungGyu asked as he sat back down at the table with a very large chocolate éclair.  
  
WooHyun leaned across the table ignoring SungGyu’s question and hissed under his breath, “What the hell? You weren’t supposed to have sex for twelve weeks?”  
  
SungGyu leaned back in his chair away from the distressed man. “Yes, what is it to you? I told you we were not having sex again.”  
  
“What is it to me?” WooHyun exclaimed in disbelief. “How can you  _not_ realize how big a deal this is?”  
  
“Shhh…”  
  
“Don’t hush me after you dropped that one on me!”  
  
SungGyu sighed. “Like I said…we are not having sex again, so I don’t see why you are so upset. It isn’t like it affects you.”  
  
WooHyun held up his hands, flustered. “I am upset because we already had _sex!_  You do realize we had sex, right?”  
  
“I try my best to forget about you blackmailing me into having sex.”  
  
WooHyun winced.  
  
SungGyu rolled his eyes when he noticed the other man’s response, “Well, you did.”  
  
“I did,” WooHyun reluctantly admitted. “But you chose to agree to the terms.”  
  
SungGyu growled, “Shut up.”  
  
“No, I will not. How could you…how could you not tell me about the dangers?”  
  
SungGyu reminded the other man, “You were with me almost the entire time I was at the hospital. I thought you knew about the dangers.”  
  
WooHyun clenched his fists and placed them on his lap underneath the table, trying to control his rising anger. “Did you think…did you think I would still want to…if I knew I was putting your health at risk? Do you honestly think so poorly of me?”  
  
“No,” SungGyu answered sincerely. “But to be fair, I also didn’t think you were a rapist that would blackmail me into having sex with you.”  
  
WooHyun gritted his teeth, his nostrils flaring. SungGyu quickly grabbed the butter knife that was in front of WooHyun and put it on his side of the table, out of WooHyun’s reach.  
  
“Is that how you see me?” WooHyun demanded, causing the older couple at the table next to them to turn and stare at them. “As some…as some sexual deviant that cares only about sex?”  
  
SungGyu motioned for WooHyun to shut up as he noticed the unwanted attention from the couple.  
  
WooHyun ignored him, unable to hide his hurt. “How many times have I told you I loved you? Do you think I am lying? Well, I have lied about a lot of things…I know this, but I never lied about loving you! I would never put your health at risk! Never!”  
  
“Settle down, please,” SungGyu pleaded to WooHyun while smiling weakly at the older couple. He was very grateful that the chances they understood Korean were slim to none.  
  
“How can I settle down…you could have internal injuries and…and it would be my fault!”  
  
“I don’t have internal injuries, just settle down.”  
  
“You risked your health!”  
  
“You kinda put me in a bind.”  
  
“You should have told me! I would have understood…I would have waited.”  
  
SungGyu turned back to face WooHyun and saw how distraught the other man truly was. “It wasn’t like I did much…not that I remember all that much, but that would actually be a selling point. No exertion on my part.”  
  
WooHyun forced himself to calm down. He reminded himself that SungGyu’s health seemed fine…he studied the older man sitting across from him and came to an understanding. “You are  _fucking_  with me!”  
  
“Yeah, I am,” SungGyu admitted, unable to keep from grinning.  
  
“You asshole!”  
  
“Takes one to know one.”  
  
A very relieved WooHyun asked, “So why did you lie to Hoya?”  
  
“Because you are a jealous little bitch,” SungGyu bluntly informed the other man. “If I had sex with some random woman while I was here, you would throw one of your huge hissy fits. The shooting of the video would be compromised, SungYeol would be more suspicious than ever and DongWoo would start stressing out again…..it’s not worth it.”  
  
WooHyun picked up his spoon and tapped it against the table. “Is that the only reason?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“So you are never going to have sex with a woman again?”  
  
After listening to WooHyun’s words the bite of éclair that SungGyu had been swallowing went down the wrong pipe causing him to cough. SungGyu pounded on the front of his chest until he could safely talk. “That is  _not_ what I am saying… _not at all!_ ”  
  
WooHyun frowned. “I will still be jealous in the future.”  
  
“You will have to get over it,” SungGyu informed him. “Because I plan on having a lot of sex in the future— _with women.”_  
  
WooHyun’s frown deepened. “So you are not curious anymore?”  
  
“I have told you repeatedly, I am not going to have sex with you again.”  
  
“That isn’t what I asked.”  
  
“That’s my answer.”  
  
WooHyun smiled. “You know what I think?”  
  
“I don’t care—what you think. You promised once was enough.”  
  
“I did,” WooHyun reluctantly admitted.  
  
“So were you lying…like you _always_  do?”  
  
“No…no…but…”  
  
“Either you were lying or you weren’t.”  
  
“I was not lying and if you had hated it…I would never bring—”  
  
“I did hate it!” SungGyu snapped at the younger man.  
  
WooHyun snorted.  
  
“Just…” SungGyu paused, remembering what he had admitted to previously. “Just because I was slightly curious doesn’t mean I didn’t hate it.”  
  
WooHyun leaned across the table and stated firmly, “You hated the manipulation…you hate that I…that I didn’t give you much of a choice.”  
  
“You blackmailed me…you can say it. Repeat after me, _I—blackmailed—you—I—am—an—awful—person_.”  
  
WooHyun pulled back and shook his head. “I can’t…I can’t…I told you I won’t lie to you anymore…or purposely manipulate you. I promise I am really trying to be better.”  
  
SungGyu just shook his head. “Is it so hard for you to admit to what you did?”  
  
The younger man looked down at the floor, unable to meet the elder’s eyes. “Yes…but how it came about doesn’t change the outcome.”  
  
“Keep telling yourself that.”  
  
“I will.”  
  
“We are never having sex again.”  
  
“You know what I think?”  
  
“Not interested.”  
  
“I think you are still curious and maybe women are just not as attractive as they used to be.”  
  
“Is that what you think?”  
  
“It is.”  
  
“You’d be wrong.”  
  
WooHyun leaned across the table again and spoke in a softer tone, “If you are still curious, this would be the perfect place to indulge your curiosity. We each have our own room.”  
  
SungGyu just shook his head.  
  
WooHyun straightened back up in his chair and shrugged. “I was just throwing out the possibility…if you get bored.”  
  
“I won’t get bored,” SungGyu told him as he lifted up his phone. “I have Candy Crush. She is no Delores, but she’s an entertaining and cheap date.”  
  
WooHyun groaned.  
  
  
*****************  
  
  
SungGyu was outside at the wrap party, sitting at a table with a music executive, and attempting to speak with him, but sadly the man’s Korean was far worse than SungGyu’s English. SungGyu was politely pretending to understand the man when out of the corner of his eye he noticed that WooHyun had wandered away from him and into the crowd of partygoers.  
  
The wrap up party was being held at a mansion with a large outside pool. They had eaten American barbeque and had a variety of different types of liquor. SungGyu had refrained from drinking, knowing that keeping his wits intact was vital to his continued sanity.  
  
SungGyu subtly observed as WooHyun mingled with the others. It wasn’t long before Woohyun jumped into the pool along with Hoya, DongWoo and several other partygoers. Once it was clear that WooHyun was no longer watching him, SungGyu promptly got up. He gave his apologies to the executive for having to leave so abruptly. He quickly made it inside the house and toward the front door. He motioned for Manager Geonam who was drinking with a few other men, who SungGyu had recognized from the making of their new video.  
  
“I need to leave,” SungGyu told his manager.  
  
Manager Geonam could not hide his disappointment. Unlike SungGyu, the manager was having a nice time at the party. “Are you not feeling well?”  
  
SungGyu was tempted to lie, but it was not a habit he wanted to foster. “No, I just want to leave.”  
  
“I’ll take him back to the casino,” a man SungGyu recognized from his frequent visits to South Korea told Manager Geonam. “I’d like to hit the blackjack tables again, myself.”  
  
The man’s wife, who was standing beside him, rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Really, Martin must you?”  
  
“No, Laura, but I want to,” the man told his wife. “SungGyu has grown tired of the party, so it would only be polite to take him back to the casino.”  
  
“You are not going back to the casino to be polite…you are going there to throw away more money,” the woman snapped.  
  
The man named Martin eyed his wife, unable hide his irritation and asked her, “So should we make our brave leader stay?”  
  
SungGyu wanted to point out to the man that he was not his leader when SungJong appeared at his side and stated, “I also want to get back to the casino.”  
  
SungGyu was not surprised. SungJong was not the type to enjoy parties, not even this party that the other members seemed to find so enjoyable.  
  
“Did you swim?” Manager Geonam asked SungJong.  
  
“No.”  
  
SungGyu shook his head realizing Geonam must have had too much to drink. Anybody who knew SungJong would know he would never go swimming around strange men and women. The maknae was very beautiful, but he was a guarded beauty. “Do I need to call for a taxi?” SungGyu asked, unable to hide the harshness in his tone. He needed to be gone before WooHyun noticed he was absent from his view.  
  
Manager Geonam blinked, taken aback. “No, Martin can take you back to the casino.”  
  
“Good,” SungGyu stated and stepped outside and onto a large, spacious verandah. SungJong followed him out as Martin and his wife went to get their car.  
  
SungGyu knew that any minute WooHyun would notice his absence. WooHyun had stuck closely to him during the party. No doubt, he sensed SungGyu’s weakness…his cursed curiosity. No matter how much he denied being curious, it was still there…and WooHyun knew him too well. As the night had progressed, WooHyun had finally had enough to drink that his social nature had won out causing him to stray from SungGyu’s side.  
  
SungGyu had told WooHyun repeatedly he would not have sex with him again, but the smile on WooHyun’s face always let SungGyu know WooHyun didn’t believe him. SungGyu didn’t believe himself. His words to SungYeol played in his mind. He knew part of what he told SungYeol was to get him off WooHyun’s back, but secretly he wondered if he had not been more honest with the tallest member than he had been with himself.  
  
“Hyung, the car is here,” SungJong told him as Martin drove his sedan up to where they were waiting. Martin’s wife sat in the passenger’s seat. SungJong and SungGyu both got in the back of the black sedan.  
  
SungGyu was eager to leave, eager to get away from WooHyun. He needed to be by himself. He needed to think about the kind of man he was, the kind of man he wanted to be. SungGyu started to shut the car door when an arm reached out and grabbed a hold of the door, preventing it from closing.  
  
SungGyu did not bother to hide his unhappiness when WooHyun leaned into the car. “Do you mind if I catch a ride?” WooHyun asked, while holding a towel.  
  
“No problem,” Martin told him  
  
SungGyu reluctantly scooted over and WooHyun placed the towel he had been holding down in the seat. WooHyun got inside the car, sitting on the towel, and shut the car door. “I just got out of the pool, so I’m a little wet.”  
  
“It’s no problem, the car could probably use a little water,” Martin told him with a chuckle and started to drive away.  
  
SungGyu grimaced and leaned away from WooHyun and complained, “A little wet? More like soaking wet.”  
  
“No, just a little,” WooHyun insisted. “If you had told me we were leaving…I would have had time to dry off better.”  
  
“ _You_  didn’t have to leave,” SungGyu snapped, annoyed. “You were more than welcome to stay.”  
  
WooHyun pressed his lips together, refusing to be provoked.  
  
SungJong felt the tension in the air and stated, “Hyung, I thought you were having fun swimming.”  
  
“No, not really,” WooHyun answered. “There are other things I’d rather be doing.”  
  
SungGyu fought against the urge to elbow WooHyun as hard as he could in the gut. Instead under his breath he hissed, “You can’t always get what you want.”  
  
“Yes, I know,” WooHyun agreed.  
  
SungGyu could almost hear the wheels turning in SungJong’s head and SungGyu knew he should stop the younger man from thinking…thinking about how ridiculous he and WooHyun were being. SungJong was smart and it wouldn’t take much for him to figure everything out.  
  
It was WooHyun who spoke, disrupting the younger man’s thoughts. “SungJong, why have you been using hyung so much lately? You know you don’t have to use it with us, and especially not with me.”  
  
“I don’t know…it just feels natural to say it sometimes,” SungJong answered, while he bumped SungGyu’s shoulder.  
  
SungGyu turned to look at SungJong, who subtly nodded his head in the direction of the front seat. SungGyu focused on Martin and his wife and noticed he and WooHyun were not the only ones not getting along. The couple in the front were arguing in hushed voices. They were speaking in English and SungGyu could only make out a few words.  
  
The three members stopped talking and sat quietly as the fighting in the front seat grew louder. SungGyu regretted his decision to leave the party. He had not escaped WooHyun and now the three of them were stuck in a very awkward predicament. SungGyu wondered when he had become so skilled at making the wrong decisions.  
  
The car swerved and SungGyu was sure another hospital visit was in his future but the sedan quickly righted itself on the road. The couple seemed to come to their senses and the fighting stopped. SungGyu watched as the woman turned on the radio. He was relieved to be listening to the radio; he would much rather hear music than the couple fighting. His relief was short lived as an unfamiliar song ended and a very familiar one started playing. One he had once heard all night long. All night long on repeat…until it felt like the song had seeped into his bones and become part of him.  
  
He felt WooHyun tense up beside him. SungGyu closed his eyes and wished he was a million miles away. The song was a reminder, a reminder of a night he couldn’t forget and of a curiosity he couldn’t curb. A reminder of the control he had handed over to the other man, only to discover he had rejoiced in the surrender. A reminder of kisses, touches, and a level of intimacy he had never experienced with anyone before.  
  
Since that night with WooHyun, women had lost all their appeal. This growing knowledge had only caused him to feel irritated at the party when the many scantily clad, attractive women present had failed to stir anything inside of him.  
  
He wished the song would end, because with every beat of the song his desire grew. He feared it was more than curiosity. He shifted in his seat, hating the affect the song was having on him…the affect WooHyun was having on him. He wanted to push WooHyun out of the car so he wouldn’t feel the heat of his wet body pressed up next to him.  
  
SungGyu jumped when he felt WooHyun’s hand slide behind him. SungJong, who had felt SungGyu move, turned to look at him, concerned. SungGyu struggled to appear calm for the maknae. SungGyu felt WooHyun slip something into his back pocket and then he quickly removed his hand. SungGyu stared at the rear view mirror, knowing the people in the front of the car had a perfect view of him.  
  
WooHyun fidgeted in his seat beside him. It was small comfort to know WooHyun was just as affected by the song. Parts of SungGyu’s mind started to whisper they were both adults…what would it hurt? Their friendship had already survived the impossible. SungGyu inhaled a deep breath, knowing their friendship was strong enough to survive anything. WooHyun was important to him in a way nobody else was...he didn’t think he could give up WooHyun for anything.  
  
“Hyungs, do you want to go play the slot machines with me when we get back?” SungJong asked, trying to break up the strange tension that was filling the vehicle.  
  
“No,” SungGyu and WooHyun answered at the same time.  
  
“I mean yes,” SungGyu blurted out, forcing his curiosity and attraction back under control. Having sex with WooHyun again would be madness, total madness.  
  
The song ended and WooHyun stated, “I will play, too.”  
  
“Good,” SungJong said, pleased.  
  
“If WooHyun is going to play then I will go back to my room and sleep,” SungGyu said, changing his mind. He wanted to be as far from the other main vocal as he could get. He didn’t trust himself.  
  
WooHyun faked a yawn. “On second thought, I think I will go to bed early, too.”  
  
SungGyu twisted his head to glare at WooHyun, but he knew the glare was lost in the darkness. “Then I will stay with SungJong. He can’t be alone.”  
  
“Of course he can be.” WooHyun said with snort. “He’s a big boy.”  
  
“Hyung, it’s okay,” SungJong told them. “I will be fine.”  
  
“No,” SungGyu said in a firm voice that did not allow for further debate. “WooHyun or I will one stay with you, but not the both of us.”  
  
SungGyu could almost feel WooHyun’s irritation as the other man agreed, “Then I will play slots with SungJong. It’s Vegas, it’s too early to sleep.”  
  
  
************************  
  
  
Two hours had passed since he had left SungJong and WooHyun in the lobby of the casino and still SungGyu had not slept. Instead he sat on his bed staring down at the key card that WooHyun had slipped in his pocket while they had been in the car.  
  
SungGyu had only been fourteen when he lost his virginity. His parents and the people they had been living with at the time had been away. He was at the house alone with his older sister and her best friend. Once his sister had fallen asleep her friend had snuck into his room. He had been both frightened and excited.  
  
He knew it was wrong, but still he had been eager to do it. Too eager the first time, he had come quickly and his sister’s friend had been slightly disappointed but she had stayed in his bed eager to show him what she liked.  
  
At school he had been known as a brain and not one of the cool guys, but everything changed after that night. He remembered telling all his friends the next day at school and anybody else who cared to listen.  
  
She had been much too old for him, but that had only made it better for him. It had given him confidence. He remembered feeling like the rock star he dreamed of being for weeks afterward. He was no longer just the brain. The other guys respected him now and his popularity soared.  
  
He never got emotionally attached to her and luckily she didn’t seem to mind. She was in a steady relationship with a man that his sister always referred to as a jerk. She enjoyed SungGyu’s inexperience and vanishing innocence. She would often slip into his room or show up at his school and take him back to her small apartment. During his last year in high school she married her boyfriend and ended their casual affair. When he had seen her weeks ago at Bora Bora he had felt nothing for her.  
  
She was now a mother of two and the five years that separated them in age seemed like decades. He had watched her, wondering if old memories could help him escape from the constant thoughts of WooHyun, but she never approached him. She had hung out with his sister while their children played together in the ocean.  
  
He realized now she had wanted control back then…control over the inexperienced young boy that was all too eager to be controlled. SungGyu the leader of Infinite was very different from the boy she had once known.  
  
He stared down at the key and realized he wanted the opposite of what she had wanted. He wanted to go to WooHyun’s room and give the other man control over him…like he had so easily given it to her so long ago.  
  
He wanted WooHyun to do with him as he pleased. SungGyu needed to know if it would feel the same, better, or worse with a clear head.  
  
But he also knew it could be disastrous. What if he liked it? What if he liked it just as much sober as he had intoxicated? The deal had only been for one night; what would happen if it turned into two nights? WooHyun was already possessive of him…would this make it worse?  
  
He also considered the possibility that with a sober head he might hate it. He might go to WooHyun and be totally turned off. He was too smart not to consider this option. If he was totally turned off would WooHyun handle it okay? Or would he sulk and take offence, turning back into that jerk he had been before?  
  
SungGyu picked up the key and knew he would be risking too much if he went to find WooHyun. If he could just fight his curiosity, convince WooHyun he was over it…it would be the best thing for the group. It would be the safest option.  
  
But it wasn’t the option he wanted. He needed to know if he would still experience the same overwhelming feelings he had felt that night.  
  
SungGyu stood up abruptly and headed for the door. He had to know. He couldn’t live his life always wondering what could have been.  
  
He opened the door to his hotel room and stepped out into the hall, holding WooHyun’s room key. He took a deep breath and headed down the hallway toward WooHyun’s room. He was trying his best not to think, not to overthink it. It was sex. It was just sex. People were supposed to have sex when they were in Vegas.  
  
He stopped and quickly inserted WooHyun’s room key into the door. He frowned when the lock turned red, forbidding him entry. “Just great,” he grumbled under his breath and inserted it again; once again the door did not open.  
  
He briefly wondered if it was a sign he should go back to his room, but he wouldn’t allow those thoughts to fester. He quickly knocked on the door. He hoped his knocking was light enough to alert only WooHyun. Even though his visiting WooHyun wouldn’t trigger anyone’s suspicions except SungYeol…he still felt guilty…like he was doing something wrong.  
  
No one answered and SungGyu wondered if WooHyun was still downstairs with SungJong. SungGyu was about to turn and leave when the door opened. SungGyu’s mouth dropped open and he took a step back, surprised by the unexpected sight.  
  
He stared in disbelief at the man who had opened the door…who wasn’t WooHyun. The man was taller than SungYeol and very muscular. He had blond hair that touched his shoulders and his eyes were dark green…he was Caucasian and he was naked.  
  
The blond man’s eyes roamed over SungGyu and he asked, “Can I help you? We were kinda busy in here.”  
  
SungGyu just gaped at him. This man was in WooHyun’s room…this naked man was in WooHyun’s room. He had refused WooHyun…and WooHyun had gone and found this man…this obviously willing man. SungGyu stared at the man in disbelief. He looked like one of the men that were on so many of the billboards in Vegas. If SungGyu could have found his tongue he would asked the man if he was a stripper.  
  
“Do you not speak English?”  
  
SungGyu shook his head and blinked trying to clear his head. He hadn’t even realized the tall stripper…the tall, naked, male stripper was talking to him. He didn’t want to answer him. He wanted to turn and hurry back to his room. He didn’t want WooHyun to hear his voice and come to the door.  
  
“SungGyu,” the voice of one of their stylists called out as she emerged from the room wearing only a sheet that was wrapped around her. “I am sure…whatever you want to talk about…we can talk about it in the morning.”  
  
“We are busy,” the naked man brusquely informed him.  
  
A hand appeared from behind him, encircling his wrist, and pulled him away from the door. A familiar voice told him, “I am pretty sure they want to get back to doing…what they were doing.”  
  
SungGyu spun around to find WooHyun in the hall looking very amused.  
  
“WooHyun!” SungGyu exclaimed, unable to hide his relief.  
  
“That’s me.”  
  
SungGyu turned back around and bowed in apology. “Sorry, wrong room.”  
  
The naked man shrugged and shut the door.  
  
SungGyu groaned feeling like he was going to die from embarrassment. He looked at the room number and realized he had misread the numbers. In his eagerness he had made a stupid mistake.  
  
“Good for her,” WooHyun said from behind him, approvingly. “You think he is a hooker?”  
  
“Or a stripper.”  
  
“Yeah, he looked real good…really buff.”  
  
SungGyu let out a laugh.  
  
WooHyun, who still had a hold of SungGyu’s wrist, asked, “Why were you going to see her?”  
  
SungGyu laughed harder after hearing jealousy in the other man’s voice. The hand around his wrist tightened just a bit. “You are an idiot, but so am I.”  
  
“Why were you seeing her so late…do you like her?”  
  
SungGyu just shook his head still chuckling at their idiocy.  
  
“I thought you were going to bed? Why are you still dressed?”  
  
SungGyu knew that WooHyun was a jealous beast and if he was smart he’d make up some lie and return to his room alone…he would put Infinite first.  
  
“Are you going to answer me?”  
  
SungGyu responded by sliding his wrist free of the younger man’s grasp. He then walked to WooHyun’s hotel room. This time when he slid the room key into the lock the light turned green and the door opened for him. He turned around to look at WooHyun, who was staring at him, wide-eyed with confusion. “Like I told them…it was the wrong room.”  
  
“The wrong room,” a stunned WooHyun repeated, not believing his own ears.  
  
“I feel like making all the wrong choices tonight. Do you care to join me?”  
  
WooHyun smiled as he watched SungGyu walk freely into his room.


	16. Chapter 16

The persistent sound of the hotel phone ringing awoke SungGyu from a blissful sleep. He didn’t want to move away from the warmth that was surrounding and encompassing him. He was underneath a pile of blankets and all tangled up in WooHyun.

The phone continued to ring but he ignored it. He didn’t want to acknowledge to the world that he was awake. Too much had changed and he didn’t want to risk losing the feeling of utter contentment by thinking.

WooHyun, who slept beside him, did not stir. Memories of the past they shared flooded back to him; memories of years spent having to wrestle and fight with WooHyun in order to get the other man to wake up flashed across his mind’s eye. He grinned, well aware of how happy the other man made him. He knew his happiness had always been closely bound to his relationship with WooHyun. He refused to think any deeper on the subject; for just once in his life he embraced the feeling of happiness, and did not question it.

He was relieved when the phone stopped ringing, but his relief was short lived when he heard his cell phone going off in the nearby distance. The ringtone alerted him to the fact that it was a manager calling him. He reached out and blindly searched for the annoying phone. After having no luck finding the phone he reluctantly opened his eyes and sat up, letting some of the blankets fall off of him.

The room was dark and only a small hint of the sunlight that filled the day permeated through the thick drapes that covered the vast window. He finally caught sight of his phone on the floor at the end of the bed. He hesitated before moving. He would have to get out from underneath all of the blankets to grab it and the room was freezing. The Venetian’s air conditioners worked perfectly…too well for SungGyu’s liking. The phone would not stop ringing and he really didn’t want the managers to come looking for him. He quickly climbed to the end of the bed, reached down and snatched his phone off the floor.

“Yes!” He answered abruptly. “No…I am going to sleep…all day…yes…all day…goodbye.”

“Who was it?” WooHyun mumbled sluggishly.

“Hyoan,” SungGyu answered, while he rubbed his arms. “Fuck, it is cold in here.”

WooHyun flung the covers off of him and he said in a drowsy but inviting voice, “Come here. I will keep you warm.”

SungGyu frowned and considered telling WooHyun off, but quickly remembered the time for pretending he wasn’t interested in WooHyun had passed. He was interested and Woohyun knew it. Any doubts WooHyun might have had had passed away during the night and the early morning hours. Plus WooHyun was warm…so very warm. SungGyu gave an exaggerated sigh and crawled back into WooHyun’s waiting arms.

WooHyun wrapped his arms around SungGyu and tugged him back down in the bed beside him. Then he flung the covers back over the both of them. “I think it feels nice in here.”

“It’s freezing.”

WooHyun pulled SungGyu closer. “I promise to warm you up.”

“I’d rather sleep,” SungGyu protested but made no attempt to move away. WooHyun’s bare skin was so warm. The man gave off an amazing amount of heat. The idea of cuddling disturbed him but the desire to go back to sleep was stronger.

“You wound my heart.”

“Nonsense.”

“How do you feel?”

“With my fingers.”

WooHyun giggled. “You are terrible.”

“I feel fine, but I would feel better if you let me go back to sleep.”

“You are being cranky this morning and I know why.”

“Why?”

“The cuddling is probably irritating the hell out of you,” WooHyun knowingly told the other man. “You are not one to cuddle.”

SungGyu maneuvered around in bed until he was facing WooHyun. He tried to make out WooHyun’s face in the darkness, but failed. “You think you know me so well.”

“I do. I know you as much as I love you…and that is an Infinite amount of knowledge.”

SungGyu blushed, thankful for the darkness. “You don’t have to keep telling me that.”

“Telling you what?”

“That you love me.”

“I do love you.”

SungGyu reached out a hand and found WooHyun’s face and gently cupped the other man’s cheek. “You can stop saying it.”

“You need to hear it.”

“I don’t…” SungGyu paused. “I know you love me…you don’t have to keep telling me.”

WooHyun covered SungGyu’s hand with his own. “I won’t ever stop.”

“You are so sappy.”

“I have to make up for your total lack of sap.”

SungGyu pulled his hand back. He then turned around in bed on his side, facing away from WooHyun. “You need to let me sleep.”

“But now you have all of me woke up,” WooHyun told him in his most seductive tone as he wrapped his arms around SungGyu’s waist and pulled him tightly against him. SungGyu felt WooHyun’s erection rubbing against him.

SungGyu felt his heart rate speed up. “Do I?”

The younger man kissed his shoulder from behind before answering, “You do.”

“I am sleepy.”

“You can sleep later.”

SungGyu let out a hearty laugh. “I’d rather sleep, now.”

WooHyun slid his hand down and encircled SungGyu’s own aroused cock. “Lies, all lies.”

SungGyu moaned and pushed back into the other man.

 

********************

The feel of a foreign tongue slipping past his lips into his mouth jolted SungGyu awake. His eyes flew open to find WooHyun hovering over him. SungGyu pushed him away and wiped his mouth. “What the hell?” SungGyu managed to spit out.

WooHyun stepped away from the bed. “I was waking you up with a kiss.”

SungGyu sat up and his eyes squinted as they adjusted to the light. “Why don’t you just tell me to wake up next time, so I don’t barf in your mouth?”

WooHyun gave the older man a lopsided grin. “There you go, wounding my heart again.”

SungGyu looked around the hotel room. “What time is it?”

“Almost eight.”

“Eight at night?” SungGyu asked, not able to hide his surprise as he pulled the blankets up and around him.

“Yes,” WooHyun answered as he walked across the room and picked up an open book he had been reading earlier.

SungGyu watched WooHyun, who was still naked. “Why don’t you put some clothes on?”

WooHyun smirked. “Don’t act bashful; it’s nothing you haven’t seen before or had lots of sex with.”

“It’s freezing.”

The younger man sat down on the bed and informed the other man, “I’m a hot-blooded young man.”

“What am I?”

“A cold blooded grandpa.”

SungGyu grunted dismissively and then ordered, “Turn the air conditioner off.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You might get out of bed and run away if I do.”

“I might.”

“I would chase after you.”

“I have no doubt.”

“Good, don’t doubt it,” WooHyun told him and then asked, “Are you hungry?”

SungGyu’s eyes lit up. “Yes, let’s go to the buffet at the Mirage…or maybe the one at the Bellagio. I need to go to a buffet. Turn the heat on so I can shower and get dressed.”

“Or we could order this instead,” WooHyun replied as he set the room service menu down for SungGyu to look at it. WooHyun pointed at his suggestions.

SungGyu scowled. “Champagne and chocolate covered strawberries?”

WooHyun shrugged and gave SungGyu a sheepish grin. “It’s romantic.”

“You are such a girl.”

“You must have been relieved when you discovered I was really a girl.”

“I was! Sexual identity crisis averted.”

WooHyun reached a hand up and ruffled the front of SungGyu’s hair. “Are we going to talk about your sexual identity crisis?”

SungGyu frantically shook his head.

“Not at all?”

“No,” SungGyu answered firmly. “I can’t think about that right now. I have forbidden myself from thinking about it.”

WooHyun took the book back from SungGyu. “Do you think that is wise?”

“None of this is wise. All of this is very, very unwise.”

The younger man eyed his lover; not bothering to hide his concern. “Do you regret coming to my room?”

“I thought we were ordering something for us to eat?”

“Didn’t you enjoy being with me?”

SungGyu looked away from WooHyun. “What did I just say about not thinking about it?”

“It’s just a question.”

“Just order the food already and not just strawberries and champagne. I want some real food.”

WooHyun slid his hand under the covers that were covering SungGyu, found a hand and squeezed it. “Answer me first.”

“No,” SungGyu answered. “I don’t have to. You always say you know me so well…so you should already know the answer.”

“I do know the answer.”

“Good, now order the food.”

“I might need to hear you say it.”

SungGyu grumbled and reluctantly snapped, “It wasn’t horrible, so order the food already.”

“I am glad it wasn’t horrible for you,” WooHyun snapped back at him as he grabbed the menu and got off the bed.

“I told you I don’t want to think about it.”

WooHyun set the book down on the bedside table and picked up the phone. Before he dialed for room service he asked, “Is it so hard for you?”

“Yes.”

“You can’t even give me a crumb?”

“No, I can’t,” SungGyu responded and then wrapped the blankets tightly around him. He listened as WooHyun called room service. He knew he was being impossible. He knew it wouldn’t kill him to give WooHyun some kind of reassurance, but it was so difficult for him to say the words.

WooHyun finished ordering the food and set the phone down. He then walked over to the temperature controls in the room and turned the air off.

SungGyu watched as WooHyun then went through his luggage and quickly pulled on sweats and a tank top. He then slowly threw SungGyu’s clothes he had been wearing the night before at him one item at a time. “I already showered; you might want to consider doing the same.”

SungGyu let the clothes pelt him, not bothering to remove his arms from the warmth of the blankets to catch the flying clothes. “Is this a not so subtle hint you want me to leave?”

“No,” WooHyun answered quickly. “Absolutely not; I never want you to leave…I just…you would feel more comfortable if we were wearing clothes.”

SungGyu looked down at the clothes and knew WooHyun was right.

“You are starting to get awkward…and I shouldn’t push you, but sometimes I can’t help myself. I know how you are…and I know better than to push. I’m sorry,” WooHyun said, apologizing. “If you don’t want to think about what happened between us that is okay.”

“I don’t want to be awkward,” SungGyu blurted out, suddenly feeling guilty for his behavior. “Not with you. I am sorry, too…I just get this way. I’ve always been this way.”

“I know.”

SungGyu inhaled a deep breath and slowly exhaled and admitted, “I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here with you. It was far from horrible.”

WooHyun brightened and sat back down on the king sized bed beside SungGyu and told him sincerely, “And I don’t want you to leave.”

“We have three days left in Vegas…and I want to be…” SungGyu paused, unable to get the rest of the words out.

WooHyun nodded his head encouragingly. “Go on.”

SungGyu groaned but forced the words out of his mouth. “I want to be with you.”

WooHyun reached out his hand and lifted SungGyu’s chin until they were gazing at each other. “I love you.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“You just told me that.”

“I love you,” WooHyun repeated.

SungGyu’s eyes narrowed. “Thanks.”

“Thanks?”

“Yes, thanks…a lot.”

WooHyun fell back on the bed laughing. “You are welcome.”

SungGyu watched the laughing man and chastised, “You say the words too easily, like so many other people do. They lose all their meaning when you just blurt them out all the time.”

WooHyun sat up. “But you don’t say them at all.”

“I do…I have said it before.”

“When have you ever said it that the words ‘as a friend’ weren’t attached to it?” WooHyun challenged as he folded his arms across his chest.

SungGyu grimaced. “But that’s the only time I mean it.”

“So you do love me.”

“As a friend,” SungGyu quickly added. “Like I said, you over use the word love. You are always spouting off love to everybody.”

“I do not.”

“Bull, how many times do you declare your love to the fans?”

“The fans need to know we love them. It is important fan service and I do love them for supporting us.”

“It isn’t just with our fans.”

“I am affectionate this I will admit, but my love is not for free.”

SungGyu snorted. “You spout off ‘I love you’ every time you come. You practically chant it…you do chant it, like a mantra in my ear. I can hear it now…I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

WooHyun’s face turned beet red.

“Ah!” SungGyu exclaimed, reaching out to pat WooHyun’s cheek. “You do blush! I thought it was impossible. If I didn’t see it with my own eyes I wouldn’t have believed it.”

“Of…ummm,” WooHyun looked away from SungGyu, embarrassed. “Yeah…I blush.”

SungGyu pulled his hand away from WooHyun and asked, “Is it some kind of involuntarily reflex that occurs when you orgasm?”

WooHyun cleared his throat. “Recently, yeah…I suppose it is.”

“Only recently?” SungGyu asked, studying the other man intently. “How recently?”

WooHyun looked back at SungGyu and tried to explain, “I think I first said it because you were so freaked out and I was trying to comfort you.”

“Oh…”

“And last night…and today…it just, I can’t stop saying it. It’s like my real heart spills out of me.”

SungGyu’s eyes narrowed. “I am going to kick you.”

WooHyun gasped, “You should be moved.”

“I’m moved to kick you.”

“You are the most insensitive man I have ever known!” WooHyun declared, scooting back out of SungGyu’s kicking range.

“And you are a bigger girl than any woman I’ve ever been with!”

“To show one’s feelings isn’t weakness. It’s strength.”

“Blah, blah, blah.”

“How did you ever talk any girl into having sex with you?” WooHyun demanded. “I know you like the back of my hand and I’m still kinda offended.”

SungGyu shrugged. “I’m told they like the challenge.”

“So you have never declared your love to a woman?”

“No.”

“Did you ever compliment them? Tell them they were pretty? Tell them they have nice breasts—whatever straight men tell women. Did you give them any kind of compliments at all?”

“Oh, I compliment them,” SungGyu answered, nodding his head earnestly, “if I’m horny enough.”

WooHyun’s whole body shook with laughter. “You are horrible. Horrible!”

“I am not horrible,” SungGyu denied. “I just don’t believe in meaningless words. When I say something I mean it…unless I am really horny and just want to have sex.”

“To compliment a person is nice. It’s a nice thing to do. It’s what nice people do.”

SungGyu halfheartedly told WooHyun, “You have a nice voice.”

“Thank you.”

“Are we done now?”

“No, we just started. You are doing great.”

SungGyu groaned in protest.

“But to tell somebody you love that you are in love with them is really nice. Sometimes people need to hear it…even if they already know it.”

“If I told somebody I was in love with them I would be lying. This might be hard for you to understand…but lying is wrong.”

“I know lying is wrong.”

“You could have fooled me.”

“Can we not go down that road again? I told you I wasn’t going to lie to you anymore, and I haven’t.”

“True,” SungGyu conceded. “You have been brutally honest.”

“It isn’t brutal to tell you I love you. I do love you.”

SungGyu winced. “And I said thank you.”

“And that is not a proper—” A knock on the door interrupted WooHyun, who got up to answer it.

“Wait,” SungGyu hissed. He quickly put on his clothes then got on the floor and hid behind the bed. SungGyu doubted even WooHyun could come up with a convincing enough lie for why a very naked SungGyu was in his bed…in a room that smelled like sex. SungGyu realized he should have taken WooHyun’s advice and showered. SungGyu listened as WooHyun answered the door and to his relief it was just room service.

WooHyun tipped the waiter and shut the door. “Like I was saying, thank you is not a proper response to a person who has just declared their love to you.”

SungGyu remained on the floor and pointed out, “It is an honest one though.”

“So you don’t love me?”

“I love you as a friend.”

WooHyun walked over holding one chocolate covered strawberry and stared down at SungGyu. “And that is all?”

SungGyu looked up at the strawberry and licked his lips. “Okay, I am very fond of you.”

“Oh, that’s better,” WooHyun told him as he knelt down beside him.

The older man eyed the strawberry hungrily and added, “Very, very fond.”

WooHyun laughed and stuffed the strawberry in SungGyu’s mouth.

 

********************

The next day, WooHyun scanned the cafe looking for the familiar form of his lover. They had separated earlier that morning. SungGyu had snuck back to his room to shower and get dressed. He had then joined SungJong and MyungSoo for breakfast. The two youngest had been clamoring for their leader’s attention.

“Searching for SungGyu?”

WooHyun inwardly groaned and then put on a bright smile as he turned to face SungYeol. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s pretty obvious.”

“Well, you’re wrong. I am actually looking for Manager Geonam to get my ass out of trouble.”

Hoya and DongWoo walked up to them and DongWoo asked, “Why is your ass in trouble?”

Hoya smiled appreciatively at an attractive woman that walked past them before turning his attention to WooHyun. “Where were you yesterday?”

WooHyun winked suggestively at the lead dancer. “Do you really want to know?”

Hoya quickly shook his head no.

“Needless to say I might have missed a few check-ins,” WooHyun said elaborating. Whereas SungGyu could easily get away with saying he had slept all day and night…nobody would believe WooHyun if he claimed the same.

DongWoo laughed and asked, “Did you have fun?”

“Oh, you know it,” WooHyun eagerly answered as he stretched his arms out over his head. “I feel quite refreshed.”

SungYeol looked doubtfully at the main vocal and questioned, “So what did he look like?”

WooHyun placed his hand over his heart and said with a voice of longing, “Let’s just say…on our floor…perhaps near my room or maybe in it…stood a blond Adonis. He looked like he came straight off the cover of a romance novel.”

“I don’t want to know,” Hoya hastily informed WooHyun.

WooHyun held up his hands, innocently. “You guys asked…did I mention that I think he strips for a living?”

“You got with a stripper?” Hoya said, unable to hide his disapproval. “You are probably going to die from some unknown venereal disease, now…not that you weren’t before.”

WooHyun reached out squeezed Hoya’s shoulder. “I assure you…I play safely.”

“He’s just jealous he couldn’t find a pretty stripper to hook up with,” DongWoo laughed and told them.

“Hell, yeah,” Hoya confessed, laughing. “We should go to a strip show tonight…” Hoya paused, looking at WooHyun, “one that features only women.”

WooHyun pretended to gag. “You can count me out.”

DongWoo slung his arm around Hoya and declared, “Let’s go have some daytime fun.”

“If you still want to ride the roller-coasters I am game,” SungYeol, who had been quietly observing WooHyun, offered. “But I also want to ride the rides on the top of the Stratosphere.”

A skeptical Hoya asked, “Is that the really tall casino?”

SungYeol nodded his head. “That’s it!”

“Oh, yes!” DongWoo exclaimed, jumping up and down. “Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

WooHyun’s eyes darted back to the café looking for his lover. He knew if he didn’t join them it would be very suspicious, but the urge to find SungGyu was strong. Hanging out with the members was a guaranteed fun time, but he’d prefer to have sex all day.

“Ummm…I think I am going to join the others and shop instead,” Hoya said, uneasily.

DongWoo made kissy faces at Hoya and begged, “Don’t be a baby, Baby…be a big, big, boy, Baby.”

“I am not a baby,” Hoya denied.

“Who is shopping?” WooHyun asked eagerly.

“The old man and the babies,” DongWoo answered. “And now the other baby wants to join them.”

SungYeol smirked and added, “I think WooHyun wants to join them, too.”

DongWoo gasped and leapt for WooHyun enveloping him in a hug. “Say it isn’t true! Don’t leave me!”

WooHyun returned DongWoo’s hug and rubbed his back. “Don’t worry friend, I just want to make sure we ask the babies if they want to come, too. I know SungJong will want to come with us.”

DongWoo kissed WooHyun on the cheek and told him, “You are such a thoughtful hyung. My hero.”

WooHyun beamed at DongWoo. “I know.”

SungYeol just rolled his eyes.

***************

“What about this?” The irritated stylist asked as she held up a woman’s blouse.

SungGyu just shook his head. The stylist grunted and went back to looking for a gift for SungGyu’s mother.

“She’s being awfully helpful to you today,” MyungSoo told the leader.

SungJong, who was looking around the store, agreed, “Yeah, I thought she said she was going to flee from us and enjoy herself like the rest of our staff?”

“She really likes me,” SungGyu told the two youngest as he shook his head no to the stylist who was approaching with another blouse. He winked at the annoyed woman to remind her just what he had on her.

“Hyung, we are going to be here all day unless you give her an idea about what your mom likes?” SungJong told the older man.

“I don’t really know what she likes,” SungGyu admitted.

MyungSoo stared at the older man bewildered. “She’s your mom.”

SungGyu just shrugged. “She’s difficult to buy for.”

“You should pick it out,” SungJong advised. “It will mean more to her if she thinks you picked it out for her.”

“I doubt that,” SungGyu answered as he caught a glimpse of WooHyun and SungYeol entering the store. His heart rate quickened at the sight of WooHyun but he forced himself to sound wary. “Here comes trouble.”

WooHyun smiled at the three members but quickly turned away from them, dragging SungYeol along with him to the other side of the store when he had caught sight of the stylist.

“Hello, Mitzy,” WooHyun told the stylist as he approached her. “How are you doing?”

The fuming stylist looked up at WooHyun and warned, “I am about to stab SungGyu in the eye with a hanger.”

“Don’t do that; WooHyun would miss him,” SungYeol told her.

WooHyun laughed and agreed, “I would.”

“If he doesn’t hurry and pick out a gift for his mother, you better get prepared to miss him,” the stylist threatened. “He is pissing me off more than he did when he announced to the world that I needed to lose weight.”

“You know he was kidding,” SungYeol said in the leader’s defense. “He adores you.”

The stylist grunted.

“He does,” WooHyun reinforced. “He’s not gifted when it comes to talking to women. That he’s ever managed to get laid is a miracle.”

“Some women like abuse, but I don’t happen to be one of them. I wouldn’t date him for five billion dollars.”

SungYeol looked around the store, eager to escape the peeved stylist before she unleashed on him. “Maybe I should find something for my mom while we are here.”

When SungYeol was looking away, WooHyun winked at the stylist and stated, “So Mitzy, I hope you won’t tell anybody about the blond Adonis I was with the other night.”

The stylist blushed.

SungYeol jerked his head back around. “Was he really with a stripper?”

The stylist looked WooHyun in the eye and caught on fast. “Yeah, and he was really hot. All the good looking men are gay here; it’s enough to make a straight girl cry.”

WooHyun placed his arm around the stylist and told her, “You go and enjoy yourself. I will handle SungGyu.”

The stylist couldn’t hide her excitement. “Really?”

“Yeah, run along,” WooHyun assured her.

“I am so out of here,” the stylist told them and quickly took off.

WooHyun took a step in SungGyu’s direction but SungYeol reached out and grabbed his arm stopping him. “What happened to waiting for love?”

“The one I love is straight,” WooHyun told SungYeol convincingly. “He isn’t interested, so I decided to have some harmless fun.”

“Harmless fun?”

“Yeah, it was just sex. Nobody is going to get any hurt feelings when I don’t love them back. Once we leave…what are the chances that I will ever see him again? Like I said, it’s harmless.”

SungYeol folded his arms. “I told you, that I don’t want you to love me back. I don’t love you either.”

“I don’t want to have sex with you…strings or no strings.”

“Fine, but what do you think SungGyu is going to think about your little stripper friend?”

WooHyun grinned. “I promise he wasn’t little. He was actually quite big.”

SungYeol refused to be distracted. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I’m feeling incredibly spiteful.”

“Don’t dish it out unless you can handle what I serve back at you,” WooHyun warned.

SungYeol cast a gaze at SungGyu, who was looking at scarves with the two youngest, and whispered to WooHyun, “He might not be a straight as you think.”

“What?”

“When he talked to me…he seemed almost interested in you.”

WooHyun grabbed SungYeol by the arm and jerked him closer. “What do you mean?”

“He admitted to being curious, okay? There…I am horrible person for telling you this—but he admitted to being curious. So it would be a darn shame if your little stripper excursion blew your only chance at a shot with the real thing.”

WooHyun smiled. “What else did SungGyu say about me?”

A very guilty SungYeol answered, “He kept saying he was very fond of you…he won’t say he loves you, but I think he might be substituting the word fond for love.”

“I could kiss you for saying that!”

SungYeol took a step back. “Don’t! I am fucked up enough…I am trying to be the bigger man here.”

“Thank you,” WooHyun told SungYeol sincerely and headed straight for SungGyu.

SungGyu was frowning at SungJong and MyungSoo, who he had modeling scarves for him. “Where did my stylist go? She’s supposed to be helping me.”

“I rescued her from you,” WooHyun declared as he walked up to the three of them, with SungYeol tagging along behind him. “Plus, she is not just your stylist, and she is on vacation, too.”

SungGyu turned and glared at WooHyun.

“Ouch!” WooHyun exclaimed, taking a step back. “I am only thinking of you. Do you want to have bad hair again?”

“This is bad!” SungGyu complained, reaching up to touch his hair.

“No, it looks good,” WooHyun said, encouragingly.

“Bullshit! It’s fried to a crisp.”

“No, it looks good. It’s fluffy,” WooHyun assured him.

SungGyu snarled and spat, “Fluffy!”

SungYeol, who was behind WooHyun pushed him out of the way and walked up to SungJong. “Oh that orange lacy scarf looks fabulous on you.”

SungJong bowed. “Thank you.”

MyungSoo frowned and removed the black scarf from his neck. “What about me?”

“Handsome, black is so boring. You need some color in your life,” SungYeol told him.

“No,” MyungSoo responded petulantly. “I like black.”

“How dare you send my stylist away,” SungGyu said, continuing to bitch at WooHyun. “I need her help!”

WooHyun bravely stepped closer to SungGyu. “I will help you.”

“My mother hates you,” SungGyu reminded WooHyun. “She thinks you are a manipulative troll.”

“Hey, your mom knows WooHyun well,” SungJong teased, but after seeing the hurt look on WooHyun’s face he immediately added, “Sorry.”

“Where are DongWoo and Hoya?” MyungSoo asked as he laid the black scarf down.

“DongWoo got distracted on the way here and it was Hoya’s turn to watch him,” SungYeol explained. “The reason we were looking for you guys was to see if you wanted to go ride some rides with us.”

“Yes!” SungJong answered quickly. “We want to.”

MyungSoo looked doubtful. “Umm…”

SungJong batted his long eyelashes at MyungSoo and pleaded, “Please, it won’t be any fun without you.”

MyungSoo gulped nervously and looked very hesitant.

“Pretty please,” SungJong begged, taking MyungSoo by the arm. “Please.”

MyungSoo sighed and agreed, “Okay.”

“Did you all hear that?” SungYeol asked.

“What?” SungGyu asked.

“That was the sound of MyungSoo’s junk jingling,” SungYeol informed them. MyungSoo glowered at SungYeol but the taller man just smirked, and took hold of MyungSoo’s other arm and stated, “Let’s go find Hoya and DongWoo.”

“What about you two?” MyungSoo asked looking at SungGyu and WooHyun.

SungGyu shook his head. “Jerking my innards around wouldn’t be smart.”

“No,” WooHyun quickly agreed. “I will stay with our poor leader so he doesn’t get lonely.”

“I assure you I won’t get lonely,” SungGyu mumbled as he turned back to the scarves. “Feel free to go with them.”

WooHyun told the others, “No, you guys go. If he got lost we would never hear the end of it.”

SungYeol smiled at the main vocal, knowing he didn’t want to leave SungGyu. “Come on guys, we better go find the others. Let the old guys shop together.”

WooHyun watched as the three youngest walked away and once they were out of ear shot he slithered up to SungGyu and announced, “Finally, we are alone.”

“Go find my…I mean our stylist.”

“You look really good today…like really hot,” WooHyun was full of praise as he ignored the command and looked SungGyu up and down. “I like you in solid white.”

SungGyu just gave him a stern glare in return.

“It’s like you’re glowing—don’t look at me like that! It’s true. Surely I’m not the only person who has complimented your appearance today.”

The look on SungGyu’s face had WooHyun clapping his hands in victory. “Ha! I knew it.”

“I hate you so much.”

WooHyun just smiled back at him. “You love me—Oh, I am so sorry; I mean you’re so fond of me.”

SungGyu clamped his lips together trying not to smile at the other man.

The younger man nudged him in the shoulder. “So we are shopping for my future mother-in-law, huh?”

SungGyu burst out into laughter, unable to hold it in any longer. “You need to stop!”

“Nobody is listening to us,” WooHyun told him. “I will behave though, because I have good news.”

“What?” SungGyu asked as he started looking at scarves again.

“SungYeol and I are friends again…I think.”

“Good for you.”

“By the way, I had sex with Mitzy’s stripper if anybody asks.”

“Gross,” SungGyu responded as he picked up a leopard scarf and inspected it.

“What?” WooHyun asked, taken aback by SungGyu’s response. “There was nothing gross about that man.”

“If he came toward me I would run the other direction.”

WooHyun peered at the other man slightly stunned. “So you are telling me you weren’t even a little bit attracted to him?”

“Nope,” SungGyu answered as he looked at the price tag on the leopard scarf.

WooHyun pondered SungGyu’s words. “So I am the only man you are attracted to?”

“Am I attracted to you?”

“I think when two people have had as much sex as we have had in the last thirty-six hours there is some attraction involved,” WooHyun informed the other man.

SungGyu grabbed a scarf with a zebra print. “I suppose you might be right.”

WooHyun brushed up against SungGyu and whispered, “If you want to go back to my room so I can remind you of our mutual attraction, I’m more than willing.”

“No.”

“Come on,” WooHyun whined. “It’s been four hours…I miss you.”

“Nope.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep; so why do you think SungYeol is your friend again?” SungGyu asked as he walked through the store still holding the two scarves, hoping to distract WooHyun.

“When he found out about me and the stripper—”

SungGyu stopped. “You do remember you were not actually with the stripper?”

“Yes, I know that, but the key to being a convincing liar is to believe the lie to a certain extent.”

SungGyu stopped to look at some belts. “Is that how you do it?”

“Yes, but let’s get back to my point…SungYeol confided in me that you were curious, and I might have given up on you too fast.”

SungGyu whirled around, his expression souring. “He told you that?”

“He did.”

“That sneaky rat!”

WooHyun reached out and took SungGyu’s hand and reminded him, “It isn’t like I didn’t already know.”

“That isn’t the point! He doesn’t know you know! I don’t tell you his secrets…he shouldn’t confide mine to you. I can only imagine the hell I would be suffering right now, if I hadn’t been honest with you.”

“True,” WooHyun agreed. “I’d be on you like a starving tick on a fat dog.”

SungGyu narrowed his eyes. “I guess I know not to tell him anything I don’t want you to know.”

“You can tell me anything,” WooHyun said soothingly. “I didn’t tell you this to make you mad. I think it’s sweet.”

“You think it is sweet that he betrays my secrets?”

WooHyun squeezed SungGyu’s hand and leaned in closer to whisper, “He probably knows how great we are together and wants to give us a chance. He’s being the bigger man. It’s cool.”

SungGyu pulled away, shaking his hand free. “Don’t.”

“Nobody is watching us.”

“You don’t know that.”

WooHyun looked around the store. The only other customers were women, who seemed focused on shopping. “I am pretty sure.”

“You should go find the guys and have fun.”

“I only want to have fun with you.”

“We are not going to have sex today.”

“What! Why not?”

SungGyu leaned in closer. “We are in Vegas. We can’t stay in the hotel room all the time.”

“Yes, we can!”

“I am going to walk the strip, shop, and visit the casinos,” SungGyu informed the other man.

WooHyun did not bother hiding his unhappiness. “Are you saying you don’t want to have sex anymore?”

SungGyu looked around the store to make sure nobody was listening. “I am not saying that. Tonight, I am all yours, but—” SungGyu’s phone went off and he answered it, “What…so you are a coward also…don’t deny it, it’s true…I am not judging…so you just want to hang out with me…lies…you adore me…you wish you were like me…yeah, WooHyun will be happy to replace you…I suppose…we will meet you there.”

“You did not…urgh!”

“Don’t be a baby,” SungGyu told WooHyun as he slid the phone back in his pocket. “It’s best this way.”

“No, it isn’t!” WooHyun protested. “I want to spend time with you!”

SungGyu shook his head and headed to the cashier with his scarves. “You will be bored to death. Go have fun.”

WooHyun sighed. “Just promise me something.”

“What?”

“Just don’t think too much.”

SungGyu turned around and faced the other man. “I won’t…plus, Hoya will be irritating the hell out of me, so I won’t be able to think.”

“That’s not always true…you two are good friends.”

“We are, but he doesn’t come close to you.”

WooHyun beamed at him.

SungGyu smiled back at him. “Now, be happy with your crumb and don’t pout.”

“I promise to be a good boy.”

“Well, for today at least…tonight I might require you to be a little bit bad,” SungGyu told WooHyun before hurrying up to the cashier.


	17. Chapter 17

SungGyu was sitting on a bench inside the mall at Cesar’s Palace. He had spent hours shopping with Hoya. While the younger man still had an abundance of energy, SungGyu had decided to rest while he sipped on a daiquiri from Fat Tuesday’s. There had been a wide variety of flavors to pick from but he had decided on ‘Peaches and Cream’.  
  
Beside SungGyu sat an older man, a veteran of the Korean War. He kept trying to talk to SungGyu, using the Korean he thought he remembered from that war so long ago. SungGyu couldn’t understand a word the man said, but he kept smiling and nodding his head, making the man think he had succeeded in communicating with him.  
  
SungGyu’s phone went off and he told himself that if it was WooHyun he would ignore it. Since teasing WooHyun earlier about being bad the other man had been relentless in pestering him to go back to the hotel. SungGyu looked suspiciously at the phone that showed it was SungJong calling him. WooHyun was sneaky enough to use the maknae to get to him, but SungGyu answered anyway. Denying WooHyun was proving to be fun.  
  
“Hello…what…tonight…okay…is that WooHyun…ignore him…I’d like to see it…Hoya will probably want to go…he is shopping at the Nike Store…I am drinking the best daiquiri…they have a store…they are like fountain drinks…yes…no…he didn’t call me…I will call him if doesn’t show up…no, that wouldn’t be good…okay…bye.”  
  
SungGyu hung the phone up just in time to wave goodbye to the older man, who was being ushered away by his wife and granddaughter. He smiled after him. SungGyu tried to focus on his drink and the people passing by. He didn’t want to think. Thinking would lead to second guessing his decisions, not to mention his actions. He wanted to enjoy the time he had left in Vegas and over thinking would not allow him that luxury.  
  
He caught sight of Hoya as the other man walked up to him carrying two bags filled with shoes. “You’ve got to go in there.”  
  
SungGyu shook his head no in response.  
  
“I got you something.”  
  
“What.”  
  
Hoya tossed a bag at SungGyu and the leader quickly opened it to find a pair of leopard Converse shoes. “ _Wow_ , is all I can say.”  
  
“Well, since you have enough leopard clothing to clothe a leopard colony I thought I would donate to the cause.”  
  
SungGyu just stared at the shoes. “Well…thank you.”  
  
“That will be $120 American dollars.”  
  
“What happened to donating to the cause?” SungGyu snapped, pulling the shoes closer to him protectively in case the other man tried to take them back.  
  
“Hey, I got them at least. I could have left them there.”  
  
“You guys steal all my leopard clothes all the time.”  
  
“We _borrow_ ,” Hoya said, correcting him as he sat down beside him. “Plus, your feet are bigger than mine. I can’t _borrow_  them”  
  
SungGyu smirked. “Yes, I know my feet are bigger.”  
  
Hoya looked glum but refused to take the bait. “Just remember you owe me.”  
  
“I’d rather pay you,” SungGyu told him as he set the shoes down with his other shopping bags.  
  
Hoya grinned and grabbed for SungGyu’s drink.  
  
SungGyu skillfully avoided the other man. “No, go get your own. It’s too good to share.”  
  
“Selfish.’  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“I bought you shoes.”  
  
“I have to pay you for them!”  
  
Hoya grinned. “Let me have one drink, so I will know if I like it.”  
  
“You will like it,” SungGyu assured him.  
  
“One drink.”  
  
SungGyu sighed and handed the drink to Hoya.  
  
Hoya took a big gulp of it and then immediately reached for his head complaining, “Brain freeze.”  
  
“You deserve it…you big gulper.”  
  
Hoya squeezed his eyes shut as the painful feeling slowly faded. “Let’s go to the Cheesecake Factory. The food there looks really good.”  
  
“Sure, why not?”  
  
“Buy me lunch and we can be even.”  
  
“Deal.”  
  
“Should we call the others and see if they want to eat with us?”  
  
SungGyu shrugged. “They are down at the tall casino. MyungSoo is supposedly on his way to us…if he doesn’t get lost.”  
  
“Cool.”  
  
“SungJong wants us to go watch a show with him.”  
  
“Which one?”  
  
“It’s called ‘O’.”  
  
“You mean the Cirque du Soleil one?” Hoya asked, taking SungGyu’s drink again but this time sipping it slowly.  
  
“That’s the one.”  
  
“I wanted to see the Beatle one.”  
  
“Why not see both?”  
  
Hoya nodded his head. “I think I will.”  
  
“Nobody is stopping you.”  
  
Hoya handed SungGyu back his drink. “DongWoo also wants us to go to that one where you watch knights fight on horseback and eat chicken with your bare hands.”  
  
SungGyu looked skeptical. “They didn’t mention that one.”  
  
“I want to go watch a stripper show, too,” Hoya complained. “You can’t go to Vegas and not watch a strip show.”  
  
“Then go.”  
  
“Only DongWoo will go with me.”  
  
“So go with DongWoo.”  
  
“Yeah, and who is going to help me when he jumps on stage and starts stripping along with them?”  
  
SungGyu laughed, because it was true. He could totally see DongWoo doing it.  
  
“You should go with us.”  
  
SungGyu shook his head. “You know I can’t have any fun.”  
  
“You can watch.”  
  
SungGyu continued to shake his head. “Take MyungSoo or SungYeol with you.”  
  
Hoya rotated his shoulders and asked, “Do you think SungYeol is fucking WooHyun?”  
  
SungGyu’s eyes widened at the abrupt change in subject. “No, I don’t. SungYeol is just curious about the whole gay thing. Take him to a strip show to remind him of the magical allure of big boobs.”  
  
Hoya nodded his head. “Plus, he would be more fun than MyungSoo.”  
  
“Take them both.”  
  
“Maybe.”  
  
“Don’t get arrested.”  
  
Hoya laughed. “I will try my best, but no promises when it comes to DongWoo.”  
  
“I understand.”  
  
“I think it’s really nice that the CEO made the managers give us so much freedom,” Hoya said as he started looking through his shopping bags.  
  
“Yeah, but it is only because nobody knows us here.”  
  
“It’s nice.”  
  
SungGyu sipped the last of his drink and agreed, “It is.”  
  
“But I wouldn’t mind some more international fame.”  
  
“Me either…but right now it is nice.”  
  
Hoya sat back up and stated, “There is something I need to ask you about.”  
  
“Oh, dear,” SungGyu groaned. “Should I be worried?”  
  
“No, it isn’t bad.”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“Did you know they want me to appear in _Laws of the Jungle_?"  
  
“Yeah, but you don’t want to…do you?” SungGyu asked knowingly.  
  
“No,” Hoya answered. “Would you?”  
  
“Hell, no.”  
  
“I mean its good publicity…but a jungle?”  
  
“I feel your pain,” SungGyu sympathized.  
  
“I told the CEO I didn’t want to do it and he suggested SungYeol go in my place.”  
  
“That’s a great idea. He’d do it.”  
  
“But he said he wanted me to broach the subject with SungYeol, and he warned me to be careful about how I brought it up to him.”  
  
SungGyu stretched his arms out on the top of the back of the bench. “Yes, you will have to be careful about it. If he feels like it is charity…he’ll be weird about it.”  
  
“What do you think I should do?”  
  
“You are asking me?”  
  
“You are the leader.”  
  
SungGyu snorted. “Let’s be honest, you and I aren’t exactly the most sensitive members.”  
  
“No, but I still want to hear your suggestion. You have the advantage of advanced years and all.”  
  
SungGyu let out a growl.  
  
Hoya laughed. “Tell me.”  
  
“When it is just the three of us, you need to bring it up. You have to complain about how you don’t want to do it and you can say I should do it. I will say I can’t, and he should take the bait and offer to do it then.”  
  
Hoya nodded his head. “Sometimes you are a genius.”  
  
“Yes, I am,” SungGyu boasted.  
  
“But most of the time you’re just clueless.”  
  
“Watch it.”  
  
“Hey, I see MyungSoo,” Hoya said, getting up and waving at the other member.  
  
“He actually found us. I am kinda surprised,” SungGyu said as he got up.  
  
“Me too,” Hoya agreed. “Let’s get him and go eat.”  
  
“Then I need to find something for my mom’s birthday.”  
  
Hoya looked pointedly at one of the bags SungGyu had been carrying around all day. “I thought you already got her a present.”  
  
SungGyu tried to hide his grin as he headed toward MyungSoo. “Nope, those aren’t for her.”  
  
  
********************  
  
“I am here to file an official complaint,” WooHyun protested as he barged into SungGyu’s room later that evening. He and SungGyu had exchanged their spare room keys with each other earlier in the morning.  
  
SungGyu was in the bathroom trying to get his unruly hair to obey him. “Complaint ignored.”  
  
“You said we would have sex!”  
  
“Afterwards.”  
  
WooHyun plopped down on the bed, pouting. “You said the night was all mine.”  
  
“It is…just after the show.”  
  
The younger man rolled over on his back and continued to whine, “You ignored me all day. You sent me off, while you hung out with MyungSoo and Hoya all day. Do you how many residual MyungSoo and Hoya jealousy issues I have?”  
  
“Nonsense.”  
  
“It’s true. You are so close to them both. You hug MyungSoo all the time. You always fall asleep with him. When you rest your head against his shoulder…it drives me crazy!”  
  
“That is just disgusting.”  
  
WooHyun side-eyed the bathroom and informed his lover, “You’d think after having enjoyed homosexual sex you would be cured of your homophobia.”  
  
“I was never homophobic.”  
  
“You just said it was disgusting.”  
  
“It’s because it would be like having sex with my little brothers,” SungGyu explained. “It’s disgusting.”  
  
“So I am the only little brother you are willing to be incestuous with? I’m touched.”  
  
“I have never thought of you as a little brother.”  
  
“You haven’t?”  
  
“Not really, I mean I have probably said it before for interviews, but our friendship—even before it turned physical, has always been different from what I share with the other members. Plus, you could never have been my brother due to one very important fact.”  
  
“Which is?”  
  
“My mother would have drowned you at birth.”  
  
“Because she knew someday I would steal her baby boy away from her.”  
  
“Don’t start that,” SungGyu warned as he started brushing his teeth.  
  
“I will make her love me someday.”  
  
“Good luck with that…you are going to need it,” SungGyu mumbled while brushing his teeth.  
  
“Why don’t you come out of the bathroom and spend some quality time with me. We…” WooHyun paused to look at the clock. “We have exactly thirty-five minutes before we have to meet the rest of them in the lobby.”  
  
SungGyu stopped brushing his teeth and told WooHyun in a sweet, innocent sounding voice, “But I don’t know if thirty-five minutes is long enough for what I have in mind.”  
  
“It’s never long enough; if we never parted and lived together for a million years it wouldn’t be long enough. I want to spend eternity with you.”  
  
“You are going to make me gag,” SungGyu told his lover as he resumed brushing his teeth.  
  
“Now, we both know I don’t force things down your throat that you are not ready to accept.”  
  
WooHyun’s words caused SungGyu to start coughing as he accidently swallowed the tooth paste. His coughing caused him to spew toothpaste on the mirror in front of him.  
  
“Do I need to come in there and save you?” WooHyun asked. “I am very good at mouth to mouth.”  
  
“No, I will survive,” SungGyu assured him as he wiped the toothpaste off the mirror.  
  
“You promise you are not going to die on me?”  
  
“I promise…I’d hate to die before I got to…experience something new.”  
  
“Something new?”  
  
“Yeah, your talk with SungYeol reminded me of something he said.”  
  
“What did he say?”  
  
“Just how he thought we would never work together because I’m a dominate personality…and I don’t like to summit to others. I am a person who needs to take charge…be in control.”  
  
WooHyun sat up quickly and swung his legs over the side of the bed. His voice did not hide his panic as he questioned, “Are you talking about…?”  
  
“I totally understand why he thinks this. I haven’t exactly been acting like myself,” SungGyu continued as he smiled evilly at his reflection in the mirror.  
  
WooHyun swallowed nervously. “You want to… you want…?”  
  
“Why do you sound so surprised?” SungGyu asked not leaving the bathroom.  
  
“I am not…I am…I mean…I can’t argue…I really shouldn’t …but…”  
  
“You wouldn’t deny me the opportunity would you? Surely you didn’t think things would stay the way they have been going.”  
  
“Err…”  
  
“I wouldn’t feel comfortable with anybody else, but if you are not willing...I suppose I’d have—”  
  
“Stop that line of thought,” WooHyun blurted out, interrupting the older man as a wave of jealously overcame him. “Nobody else!”  
  
“That’s what I am saying…it’s you or no one. So are you accepting my request?”  
  
WooHyun paled. “I…I…don’t…because it’s…I should….it is…”  
  
“It is only fair. I mean look at all I have done for you. I risked my whole sexual identity for you.”  
  
“That is true…and that is why…why I am not saying…no.”  
  
SungGyu held his hands over his mouth, struggling to hold back his laughter. When he thought it was safe to talk he stated, “Do you think we have time before the show? I’m really eager to experience it. It looks so exciting and satisfying…but I want it to be tight.”  
  
“No…no, we don’t have time. I haven’t ever let anybody…” WooHyun paused and tried to control the fear in his voice. “It can’t be too tight.”  
  
“Why not? I think the tighter the better.”  
  
“No, it would hurt…it will take preparation—lots of preparation! Like…the first time with you. You might not remember but I made sure you were super prepared. We have to make sure I am ready…this is not exactly something I am eager to do.”  
  
“You’re not?”  
  
“No, I am not. Not that it is wrong…it’s just…men usually have preferences…but not all men do. I know guys that switch up all the time. I am not  _one_  of them though. I mean we are both men and I understand your desire…and I will make the sacrifice…it won’t kill me…I hope not, anyway.”  
  
“I know I’m going to love it…I will probably want to have sex like this all the time, now.”  
  
“It…it…we…we’ll just have…have…to find a happy medium,” WooHyun stammered, he felt like he was going to pass out. “I am going to let you top me…because I love you and want to make you happy, but I don’t know about  _all_  the time. We will just have…to find some solution that pleases us both.”  
  
SungGyu grinned at his reflection in the mirror enjoying the other man’s misery. Then in a cool, innocent sounding voice he stated, “Top you? I don’t want to top you! I want you to tie me up.”  
  
As soon as the words were out of his mouth he immediately heard a loud thump. He rushed out of the bathroom to find WooHyun on the floor looking extremely dazed.  
  
“Did you fall off the bed?” an amused SungGyu asked as he knelt down beside his lover.  
  
WooHyun blinked several times and looked at SungGyu as if the other man had grown an extra head. “You…you want me to tie you…up? Like bondage?”  
  
SungGyu reached out and flicked WooHyun’s hair out of his face. “I wouldn’t call it bondage…but I think I’d like to be tied up.”  
  
WooHyun just stared open mouthed at the older man.  
  
SungGyu got up and walked over to his shopping bags he had collected earlier. He pulled out the leopard scarf. “Why did you think I bought this?”  
  
WooHyun stared at the scarf and sputtered, “For your mom.”  
  
“Nope,” SungGyu answered as he sat on the bed and crossed his legs.  
  
“Have you ever let…anyone else tie you up…before?” WooHyun asked as he looked up at the other man still stunned.  
  
“No,” SungGyu answered. “Well, except for when you did it.”  
  
“That was because you were freaking out. I thought it would calm you down…make it easier for you…if I took your ability to resist away.”  
  
“I know, and it did, but the strange thing is… I think I liked it.”  
  
WooHyun, who was having a lot of difficulty getting his words out, stammered, “What…do you mean…you liked it?”  
  
SungGyu threw the scarf at WooHyun and scooted back on the bed. “I mean I liked it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I liked giving up my control. Even when I couldn’t admit I liked any of it…even when I was so angry at you…I couldn’t think about it without getting turned on.”  
  
WooHyun shook his head trying to clear it. “I didn’t know…I had no idea.”  
  
“Now you know.”  
  
“You had me scared shitless,” WooHyun told the other man as he got up from the floor. “I will not even lie.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“I don’t…I mean if someday you want—”  
  
“Chill,” SungGyu told him. “I am perfectly happy with you doing all the work for now.”  
  
WooHyun snorted. “Yeah, and sometimes you even wake up for it.”  
  
SungGyu smiled. “You are insatiable and I need my beauty sleep.”  
  
“I can’t ever get enough of you…but you didn’t seem to mind.”  
  
“I don’t,” SungGyu replied, pressing his lips together to keep himself from admitting more. SungGyu wasn’t ready to admit that waking up to find WooHyun gently thrusting inside of him, rocking them both gently was the best way to wake up. He was also not ready to admit that the best orgasms he had ever had were from anal sex. It had been a shocking discovery that he actually enjoyed being the receiver.  
  
WooHyun stretched the scarf out with both his hands and grinned at the other man. “You have been a bad man…I will have to punish you.”  
  
SungGyu arched his eyebrows. “Punish me?”  
  
The younger man crawled on the bed and leered at his lover, licking his lips. “Yes.”  
  
“Hey,” SungGyu cautioned. “I think I need to clear something up for you. I am not into physical pain. I just want you to tie me up and fuck me.”  
  
“What about spanking?”  
  
“No.”  
  
WooHyun pushed SungGyu down on the bed. “You are the bossiest bottom I’ve ever met. And I have fucked Key.”  
  
SungGyu frowned instinctively at the mention of WooHyun’s former lover.  
  
WooHyun laughed, delighting in the look of displeasure in the other man’s eyes. He bent down and kissed SungGyu passionately on the lips, letting him know by his actions just how much he was loved.  
  
SungGyu willingly and eagerly accepted the kiss. SungGyu was not surprised at how much WooHyun liked to kiss him, but he was surprised at how much he enjoyed being kissed. For SungGyu, kissing had always been a necessary evil that had to be done so he could have sex. Incredibly, he had found kissing WooHyun to be an extremely pleasurable experience that he didn’t mind in the least. With WooHyun he’d rather be kissed than not be.  
  
WooHyun pulled away. “We need a safe word.”  
  
“Can it be shorter than what we had before?” SungGyu asked with a smirk as he wrapped his arms around WooHyun’s neck and pulled him back down for another kiss. SungGyu, who was still enraptured by the simple delight found in kissing WooHyun, thought that kissing a man was much better than kissing a woman. With a man it was more passionate…more physical. It was sloppy and messy, and sometimes it felt like he could come from kissing alone. He smiled into the kiss and thought they might have to experiment with that theory at some point.  
  
“I…have…the…perfect…safe…words,” WooHyun said between wet kisses.  
  
“What,” SungGyu moaned. He knew if he didn’t pull away soon the show would be forgotten and the maknae would be very disappointed in him.  
  
WooHyun smiled and broke from the kissing long enough to look down into SungGyu’s small but fierce eyes. “Just say you love me, and I will know to stop.”  
  
“Urgh,” SungGyu growled, pushing the other man off of him, his mood suddenly taking a turn for the worse. “I will never say that.”  
  
“It’s the perfect thing to say,” WooHyun said in his defense. “It’s not something you would say lightly and if you ever said it I would flip out…like literally, I would start doing flips.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Please.”  
  
“No,” SungGyu repeated as he swung his legs over the side of the bed.  
  
“Where are you going?”  
  
“We have to meet the guys in the lobby.”  
  
WooHyun gaped at SungGyu in disbelief as he watched the other man get off the bed and slip on his shoes. “You can’t get me revved up like this…and leave.”  
  
“Watch me.”  
  
“Are you angry at me?”  
  
“Irritated,” SungGyu admitted as he reached for the door knob. “Only slightly irritated, but definitely irritated.”  
  
“Because…I want you to say you love me?”  
  
SungGyu looked back at WooHyun and pleaded, “Don’t…just don’t. Let’s go to the show and when it is over let us come back to my room together and enjoy ourselves.”  
  
WooHyun nodded his head reluctantly. “I am sorry for making you mad.”  
  
“Just don’t think too much…take your own advice and don’t think. We will think later…for now let’s just enjoy ourselves.”  
  
“Okay,” WooHyun agreed as he got off the bed. “But I am taking this with me.”  
  
SungGyu couldn’t keep from grinning as he watched WooHyun stuff the leopard scarf in his pocket. “I am terribly fond of you…you know that, right?”  
  
WooHyun smiled and tried to hide his disappointment. “I know.  
  
  
**********************  
  
  
The next night SungYeol complained, “I just can’t decide.” SungYeol attention was torn between the beautiful dancing maidens and the handsome knights.  
  
“Maybe you…just like them both,” SungJong suggested. “Some people do.”  
  
“Damn Hoya for making me go to the strip club with him. Every time I think I have a preference something happens to cast even more confusion,” SungYeol continued to complain, ignoring the maknae’s wisdom.  
  
“My preference would be the knights…that knight in particular,” WooHyun said with a grin as he waved at one of the knights. The knight that had WooHyun’s attention was the one that represented their section of the arena. As the knight galloped past them on his magnificent black stallion, WooHyun yelled, “Fighting!”  
  
SungGyu, who was sitting between WooHyun and DongWoo asked, “Really? Better than your stripper friend?”  
  
WooHyun shrugged. “I don’t know if I would go that far. I’d have to see him naked so I could compare them.”  
  
SungGyu rolled his eyes.  
  
“What do you think would happen if I got up and started dancing on the railing with her?” DongWoo, who was watching one of the dancing maidens, asked. “We could get down renaissance style.”  
  
“You would get thrown out,” SungGyu warned. “Don’t you want to watch the show?”  
  
“Yeah,” DongWoo agreed. “But I really want to show her some of my moves, too.”  
  
“Don’t,” SungGyu ordered.  
  
DongWoo pouted and complained, “You are no fun.”  
  
SungJong, who sat between WooHyun and SungYeol, kept wiping his hands. “I can’t believe we had to eat with our hands.”  
  
“That was fun,” WooHyun told the fussy maknae. “I like it greasy.”  
  
SungGyu snorted. “Hence, your nickname.”  
  
“I should have gone with Hoya and MyungSoo,” SungYeol complained. “This is too confusing. The men and women are both so attractive here.”  
  
“You want to fuck everybody; just embrace it,” WooHyun told the tallest member. “Like SungJong said…some people are just open to everything.”  
  
SungYeol took a sip of his drink and sat it back down and acknowledged, “Very true, I truly am a modern man.”  
  
“Or you are just an indecisive wishy-wash,” SungGyu told him.  
  
SungYeol bent over and looked past Woohyun and SungJong to give SungGyu a deadpan look. “You of all people did not just tell me that?”  
  
SungJong quickly asked, “What do you mean by that?”  
  
WooHyun started stretching and accidentally smacked the maknae on the head.  
  
“Ouch,” SungJong complained, holding his head.  
  
“Oops,” WooHyun responded, with an apologetic look.  
  
Instead of taking advantage of WooHyun’s masterful act of distracting SungJong, SungGyu narrowed his gaze at SungYeol and snapped, “I am not indecisive. I like a lot of women…just not one specifically. It isn’t like I am in some kind of dilemma over which one I like more.”  
  
SungYeol eyed SungGyu back trying to gage the other man’s reaction and quickly determined he had swum out into unsafe waters. SungGyu could be a shark at times. “Silly me, I totally understand. Why settle for one fish when there is a whole sea of them?”  
  
“Exactly,” SungGyu agreed.  
  
“Just think, Baby Long Legs,” DongWoo stated as he swung an arm around SungGyu, but spoke to SungYeol. “You don’t even have to settle for salt water fish like me and my bro. You can have fresh water fish, too.”  
  
“You are so crazy,” SungYeol told DongWoo but couldn’t help but grin. “But it’s true.”  
  
WooHyun leaned into SungGyu and whispered, “Nice save. You are no sweet maiden that needs rescuing, are you?”  
  
“No,” SungGyu agreed, clearing his throat. He was no sweet maiden and neither was WooHyun and for just one more night he was going to ignore that fact. Ignore it and enjoy his time with WooHyun. Tomorrow they would be leaving Vegas and returning to South Korea. Tomorrow everything would change, but that was tomorrow; they still had the night.  
  
  
********************  
  
SungGyu tried his best not to actually bite his lip in half but he feared if he let go he would scream so loudly everybody on the floor would hear him. He was on his knees, his wrists were bound in front of him, and WooHyun was gripping his hips tightly as he thrust in and out of him with wild abandon.  
  
The prideful part of SungGyu’s soul whispered he was in a humiliating position but it was only a faint whisper, so much smaller than the part of him that let go of his lip and let out a lust filled cry as he came hard, splattering cum on the bed sheets below him without ever even having his cock touched.  
  
He felt WooHyun stiffen behind him. SungGyu ducked his head lower and a hidden smile graced his face as he listened to WooHyun whimper his mantra’s of _I love you_  as he came inside of him. SungGyu’s knees buckled and he collapsed against the bed, WooHyun falling down on top of him.  
  
SungGyu focused only on breathing for the moment, letting his racing heart calm down from the exhilarating high. His hands were still tied tightly together in front of him and he couldn’t free them. He had jerked against them purposely earlier, enjoying the feeling of being restrained. He thought perhaps he needed therapy but he didn’t care, not really. He knew it wasn’t just the restraints. It wasn’t the surrender either that got him off. Being with WooHyun made him feel alive, more alive than he had ever felt before and he couldn’t get enough of it.  
  
“Untie me,” SungGyu ordered after catching his breath.  
  
He felt WooHyun, who was still panting, raise up off of him and he felt the gentle tug as the younger man’s cock slid out of him. He listened as WooHyun removed the condom and tossed it away.  
  
In the end there had been no need for a safe word. Not with WooHyun being so sensitive to his needs and wants. WooHyun was a very conscientious lover.  
  
“You pulled too tightly against them,” WooHyun chastised as he lowered himself back down against SungGyu’s backside, stretching his arms out as he untied the scarf. “I hope you didn’t bruise yourself.”  
  
“I didn’t,” SungGyu replied as he twisted in bed until he was lying on his back, their chests pressing against each other.  
  
“I hope not,” WooHyun told him, taking one of SungGyu’s wrists and bringing it up to his mouth, gently pressing a kiss into the reddened area.  
  
SungGyu stared up at the other man and felt the delicious, hot desire surging up inside of him again. He reached up, draped his arms around WooHyun’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. He never wanted it to end. He never wanted to leave Vegas. He never wanted to face the morning.  
  
WooHyun kissed him back. Tongues glided together, refueling both of their passions.  
  
SungGyu wrapped his legs around WooHyun’s waist and commanded in a husky tone, “Again.”  
  
WooHyun smiled against SungGyu’s lips and then lifted his head. “Just let me grab—”  
  
“No, now,” the older man demanded as he arched up, colliding against WooHyun’s lips for another searing kiss, not letting the other man get away.  
  
A startled WooHyun broke from the kiss to question, “Are you sure? You want it raw?”  
  
“Yes,” SungGyu told him, taking WooHyun’s hands and pressing them against his own hips as he arched up against the other man.  
  
“I want—”  
  
“Do it! Now!”  
  
“God, yes…Yes!” WooHyun moaned as he pushed back into the inviting body.  
  
“Harder,” SungGyu cried out.  
  
Sunggyu then gripped behind his knees and drew them up toward his chest, allowing WooHyun better access. WooHyun pulled completely out and slammed back into his lover; each thrust deeper and harder than before. SungGyu clenched down on the moving cock inside him, causing WooHyun to let out a sharp gasp. SungGyu drew his knees tighter to his chest, bending, wanting WooHyun to go deeper and deeper. The feeling was exquisite. It was irresponsible and dangerous but the pleasure was almost crippling. He never wanted it to stop.


	18. Chapter 18

SungGyu had not fallen back to sleep.

Once WooHyun was perfectly sound asleep he had slid out of bed and showered. He had then returned to bed not bothering with clothes.

They had made love earlier…SungGyu cringed involuntarily; even using the words in the privacy of his own mind caused him almost physical discomfort. He had been intimate with WooHyun in a way he had never allowed himself to be intimate with anyone else, both mentally and physically. The unprotected sex had been extremely stupid, but at the time he couldn’t stop himself…the desire to be spontaneous and reckless had been too strong. The need to be…be unlike himself had won out.

Sex was something he had had countless times; he had had sex with WooHyun also…but at times, with WooHyun it was different and to call it sex would be to devalue it…minimize it. SungGyu believed there was no place for such words as love in his life, but making love was the only description that fit what he and WooHyun had shared at times; but he knew he would never…could never admit such a thing aloud.

Love was a word for other people…people who lacked his goals and determination. He had an unrelenting drive to succeed and so many of his dreams had yet to come true. Love was a complication…a complication he wouldn’t willingly embrace and there was more…he secretly doubted if he was even capable of the emotion. He could love his members…but to be in love with someone. To SungGyu, being in love with someone meant totally surrendering yourself to that person…giving that person total power over you. SungGyu saw nothing romantic about such a notion…in fact he feared it.

He had been foolish to think his attraction to WooHyun had been about surrendering his control…he now knew he had always been in control. Even while being tied up and begging for more…he had never lost control. WooHyun could manipulate and deceive him, but he now understood he was always in control. He chose to forgive WooHyun…he chose to need WooHyun. It had always been his choice.

He knew all of this as he watched the other man sleeping, and yet the certainty of what he must do next still stung. It was his choice, but still he regretted it. The time for blissful, mindless sleep had passed. Four nights he had spent with WooHyun and this, their fourth morning together, was the end of their mindless dalliance. The time for thinking…the time for consequences, had come.

SungGyu watched as WooHyun’s eyes slowly opened, alerting him that the other man was awake. SungGyu had always been amazed at how wonderfully WooHyun’s eyes reflected his happiness…his perfect smile.

“What are you thinking about so seriously?”

“You weren’t asleep?”

“I was but I could hear you thinking,” WooHyun told him as he stretched out in the bed.

“So you know what I need to say; this is a great relief.”

WooHyun sat up in bed and reached for the leopard scarf they had discarded earlier. “You are thinking it would be a shame if we didn’t use this once more before we left. Who knows when we will ever get another chance.”

“We had sex all night long.”

“But I know how much you like being tied up, and we didn’t use it the last time,” WooHyun told SungGyu as he gently pushed the other man over onto his back, reached for his arms and started to tie the scarf around his wrists.

“No,” SungGyu told the younger man, sliding his arms away before WooHyun tightened the knot. “It was perfect before, I don’t need this. I am good.”

WooHyun beamed. “Perfect?”

“Yes,” SungGyu agreed, giving WooHyun something of what the other man needed. A crumb, as WooHyun referred to it. “We are enough, tying me up is just—”

“Your kink,” WooHyun told his lover. “Your kink that I happen to enjoy…a lot, but you are right it was perfect before…shall we find perfection again?”

SungGyu let out an almost painful moan as WooHyun’s warm, inviting lips found his. WooHyun was so warm. SungGyu embraced the warmth knowing soon WooHyun would withdraw it from him. His hands roamed over the lean, muscular body that he had found so much pleasure in. The body he had surrendered to. He knew he would soon be longing for WooHyun’s body and his flawless kiss.

With a reluctant heart SungGyu broke from the kiss and said in a voice belonging to a leader and not a lover. “It’s time for talking now, WooHyun.”

“I’d rather do other things,” WooHyun replied, searching for the kiss that had ended too abruptly.

“No,’ SungGyu said firmly, and he felt WooHyun tense. “It’s time we settle a few things.”

WooHyun rolled away from him. “What do you mean?”

“I have avoided thinking, but we need to get this settled before we return home.”

“Settle what?” WooHyun asked, alarmed. “You sound like we are making a business arrangement.”

“I just want to set some ground rules.”

“Ground rules?” WooHyun sat up, his anxiety increasing by the second. “No, I don’t like the sound of this at all. We are in relationship, not a business arrangement.”

“And there it is,” SungGyu whispered as he sat up on the side of the bed, knowing exactly what his next sentence would cost the other man.

“There what is?”

“We are not in a relationship…I don’t do relationships,” SungGyu said softly. “You know this. I have told you repeatedly.”

“I beg your pardon?” WooHyun asked and SungGyu could hear the hurt in his voice.

“You know how I am.”

“I know you’re emotionally dysfunctional, but you don’t have to be with me. We can be together…I understand you.”

“Dysfunctional?”

WooHyun got off the bed and started to pace the hotel room. “You know what I meant.”

“No, I don’t; clarify it for me.”

“You…you make things harder than they need to be,” WooHyun told the older man as he stopped pacing and slipped on his pants. “You make everything so hard.”

“No,” SungGyu corrected. “I am making this super easy. You are the one that will persist in making it harder than it needs to be.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you are the one that will insist on the unnecessary complications.”

WooHyun scratched the back of his neck. “Okay, tell me how you are going to make this super easy.”

SungGyu straightened his shoulders and explained, “We are free to see whoever we want to see,” SungGyu stated matter-of-factly. After seeing WooHyun’s whole expression darken he quickly added, “That includes each other. I don’t want to stop this aspect of our relationship. I rather enjoy it.”

WooHyun just glared.

“I have never been in a monogamous relationship!” SungGyu exclaimed, feeling the other man’s anger aimed at him. “It’s not personal!”

WooHyun continued to glare.

“I know if you had your way we would call each other boyfriend, hold hands all the time and go around skipping merrily, but that isn’t me!” SungGyu declared defensively. “You know me! That isn’t me at all!”

“So let me get this straight,” WooHyun said coldly. “You want to continue to have sex with me whenever you desire, but you also want to have sex with anybody else you might find attractive.”

“Quit glaring at me,” SungGyu ordered as he got off the bed. “When you say it like that…it sounds awful.”

“Because it is awful!”

“It’s not! WooHyun, have you never heard the famous saying about Vegas?”

WooHyun grabbed for a shirt. “I don’t think I’m going to like this Vegas saying, but why don’t you tell me anyway.”

“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”

“So you are done with me completely…I guess I misunderstood what you were saying. Silly, stupid me!”

SungGyu reached out, grabbed WooHyun by the arms and pulled him closer. “No, I meant…we will never get these four days back. They were amazing and I will never forget them, but we have been living in a dream world…and we are about to return to the real world. I like being with you, so much. You know I do. I don’t want to stop being with you, but I never promised to be with you only.”

WooHyun’s chest heaved. He tried to control the storm of raging emotions that were threatening to consume him, so he could properly communicate with the other man.

SungGyu winced seeing the pain the other man was in. “I can’t promise that I will never want to be with a woman again…I can’t promise that. If I did…I’d be lying.”

WooHyun clenched the shirt he was holding and unleashed his emotions. He shouted at the other man, “Don’t you see that is a lie? You don’t want to be with anyone but me you…you stupid idiot!”

“Don’t yell at me!” SungGyu barked back at him. “They say the walls are sound proof but I hardly doubt they could suppress the sound of you screaming.”

“So what if they hear us. MyungSoo and SungJong have the rooms next to yours! They have kept my secret for years…they would keep ours, too.”

“Stop it.”

“We don’t have to hide from them. They love us!”

“I am not hiding! I am trying to explain to you that I am still me! I might have had sex with you…but I am still me. It doesn’t cancel out who I was before….before you blackmailed me.”

WooHyun took a step back as if he had been punched in the gut. “So this is my punishment? Your way of saying I didn’t put one over on you?”

“No, that isn’t it. I just have to be me!”

“Who else would you be?”

“Somebody you want me to be!”

“I want you to be honest with yourself! I want you to embrace the love I have for you.”

“I do embrace it, but it doesn’t change who I am!”

“And just who do you think you are?”

“I am a person…who enjoys being with you, but I don’t want to be with you exclusively! I am a man that still finds women attractive!”

“Wrong answer,” WooHyun informed him as he slid his shirt on. “That is who you think you are. That isn’t who you are.”

“You are starting to piss me off,” SungGyu warned as he scrambled to find his own clothes. “It isn’t like I am saying I don’t want to be with you. It isn’t like I am saying this has to stop.”

“No, you are just saying you want me to share you, but I won’t! You are mine!”

“Excuse me, but I am not your property. I do not belong to you or any person, and if I ever gave you that impression let me set you straight real fast!”

“I didn’t—”

“Yes, you did mean it like that. You need to keep those possessive thoughts out of your head or this will be way more over than either one of us want it to be. I am not your property and I never will be.”

“I love you.”

“So what? I do not belong to you! Just because you love me does not mean you own me! Just because I let you stick your dick in me does not mean you own me! I am my own person. You have never controlled me, and if you thought you did—then you were gravely mistaken!”

“I never thought that!”

“I can have sex with who I chose to have sex with and so can you!”

WooHyun, who had been about to put on his shoes, tossed them both at SungGyu instead, and bellowed, “I don’t want to have sex with other people! I am in love with you!”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t have sex with other people!”

WooHyun just stared at SungGyu aghast.

“It doesn’t,” SungGyu said in his defense. “I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“How very kind and understanding of you!”

“You are such a girl!”

“Apparently, I am! I am just like all the girls you used in the past. I thought I would never feel sorry for them…Boy, was I wrong. I feel sorry for every girl that ever gave their heart to you!”

“Stop it!”

“Did you toss their hearts away as callously as you have tossed mine away?”

“I did not toss anything away! Your heart is still pounding in your chest! My past lovers knew what they were getting into…like you should have known!” SungGyu said through clenched teeth.

WooHyun walked up to SungGyu and put his hand over the other man’s heart. “Do you feel your heart pounding? It is pounding for me…just like mine that you so hatefully rejected pounds only for you. Can you understand what I am saying…can you feel it?”

SungGyu looked away from him. “Can you please stop being so melodramatic and be reasonable for a moment? I have given you as much as I can. More than I have ever given anyone else…why can’t you be happy?”

“I have all your heart…but your crippled psyche will only give me crumbs of your love.”

“Stop it! I have forgiven—”

“Yes! I know! You have forgiven me things you would never forgive anyone else for!” WooHyun shouted. He then reached up and with his hands he turned SungGyu’s face so they were looking at each other. “Do you know why? Why you have forgiven me so much? Why you have given more of yourself to me than anyone else? Can you even acknowledge why?”

SungGyu clamped his mouth shut.

“Because you love me as much as I love you…you always have, but there is something in you that can not admit it.”

“No…it isn’t like that.”

“Yes, it is like that. I had to blackmail you into having sex with me…or we would have never even got this chance at love.”

“You didn’t know!” SungGyu responded, stepping back out of the other man’s hold. “You didn’t know it would end up like this! I know you didn’t! If you had known…if you had known you would have done something sooner.”

WooHyun shook his head. “There was always a little thread of hope. I never admitted it to anyone, not Key and not to myself, but it was always there.”

“Liar.”

“When I came to your bedside and you just welcomed me back with open arms…do you remember how freely you gave me your love then?”

SungGyu turned his back on WooHyun. “That was because I thought…I thought we were just friends…I didn’t know how you felt about me.”

“You love me…you probably loved me all along, but your love is hidden so very deeply inside you. There is a black veil inside your mind…that prevents you from seeing so many things…wonderful things. In the past, I, who knows you best, couldn’t see past it, but I do now. I see past it and I know you love me. I can’t give you the easy way out…not again.”

“Easy!” SungGyu screeched, swinging himself back around to face the other man. “You have never made anything easy for me.”

“Oh, yes I have. I have made many things easy for you! You just don’t see it.”

SungGyu turned red and he spat, “When you treated me like the dirt beneath your feet for months? When you stressed me out to the point where I almost died? Were you making it easy for me then?”

WooHyun paled. “No, not then…but I was convinced you could never love me back. I was wrong.”

“I almost died!”

“Because you missed me! Because you need me! Because you love me!”

“Because you were my friend! My most trusted friend and you turned your back on me…no, you did worse! You acted like you hated me!”

“Yes, I did act that way. I know I hurt you, and I am so sorry. I know I did wrong, but don’t you see, if it was just friendship it wouldn’t have hurt you so badly. It was love…it was always love…I just couldn’t see it. Now, I see it and I won’t settle for anything less.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I will not share you with a bunch of whores.”

SungGyu groaned. “WooHyun, they are not whores!”

“Yes, they are!”

“Do I get jealous of you and Key? No, I do not. I am sure you have called him and informed him of every intimate detail that has passed between us!”

“I have not!” WooHyun denied. “I never even admitted to him that we had sex.”

“But he knew you blackmailed me…didn’t he?”

“I have to talk to somebody and he can’t tell anybody. I have as much on him as he has on me.”

SungGyu let out a weak laugh. “What a lovely basis for a friendship you two share.”

WooHyun stepped forward. “The only relationship I care about right now is the one I have with you.”

“As long as you do not demand an exclusive relationship with me…as long as you do not start flaunting our relationship to the members…there is no reason it has to stop.”

“I am sure you don’t see any reason for it to stop.”

“I don’t.”

“You would miss me,” WooHyun said as he stepped closer to SungGyu and draped his arms around the other man’s neck.

“Yes, I would miss you,” SungGyu admitted, maintaining eye contact with WooHyun. “I don’t want to miss you.”

WooHyun leaned in and instead of going for a kiss he whispered in the other man’s ear, “Get ready to miss me.”

“What?”

“You heard me,” WooHyun said as he bent over and grabbed the shoes he had thrown at SungGyu earlier. “I love you and I know I always will. I don’t want to be with anybody but you.”

SungGyu fidgeted as if WooHyun’s words caused him physical distress. “You don’t have to keep saying those things.”

“I do have to keep saying them. I hope to someday teach you how to say them.”

SungGyu scoffed, “Never.”

WooHyun slid his shoes on and stated firmly, “Then we will never be together again.”

“WooHyun…don’t be like this.”

“Oh, I am being like this. You don’t have to tell me you love me…because you are right, I am being a little girly for wanting to hear that so badly, but like I said, I won’t share you.”

“I can’t be monogamous.”

“You better learn how to be if you want to be with me again. It’s up to you to make the next move.”

SungGyu looked confused.

WooHyun pointed his finger at SungGyu and explained, “But don’t you dare make a move on me…unless you are ready to be with me and only me! Do you understand me? I will not share you.”

“You are being ridiculous,” SungGyu spat, while rubbing his forehead. “It’s not like I am going to run and jump in bed with the next woman I see.”

“I am sure you won’t,” WooHyun said with confidence. “But you won’t be running and jumping in bed with me either—until you are willing to make a commitment.”

“A commitment!” SungGyu gasped as if the word horrified him.

WooHyun groaned and whirled around. “Yes, a commitment to be with me and only me.”

“I won’t do it.”

“Then congratulations, you will have ruined both of our lives.”

“Good grief! You are such a drama queen!”

“I am not asking the impossible! I am not even being unreasonable,” WooHyun told SungGyu as he headed for the door once again. “I am just demanding what any normal person demands in a relationship.”

“Just remember these are your rules,” SungGyu warned the departing man. “This is your doing.”

“No,” WooHyun said in a voice filled with sadness. “This is your weakness. I know you can’t help it. I know you have been this way for a long time…but if I don’t put my foot down…you will just break my heart more than you already have later on.”

SungGyu tilted his head. “Are you crying?”

“No, I am not crying!” WooHyun snapped and opened the door, hating that his eyes were filling with tears. “I’m pissed!”

“You just said I can’t help it,” SungGyu reminded him.

“You had better learn to help it!” WooHyun brusquely instructed as he shut the door behind him, leaving SungGyu alone.


	19. Chapter 19

SungGyu had a plan.  
  
He was going to act like nothing was wrong. He was going to act like WooHyun didn’t want to strangle him. He was going to engage the other man in conversations and pester him as much as WooHyun used to pester him when SungGyu had wanted to be angry with him. This was his plan and he thought it was genius.  
  
Unfortunately, he was not as skilled at finding WooHyun as the other man was at avoiding him. SungGyu had not seen WooHyun since he had stormed out of his room earlier that morning.  
  
SungGyu was currently at the airport with MyungSoo and SungYeol. WooHyun, DongWoo, SungJong and Hoya had left in a different car prior to them.  
  
SungGyu was being extra nice to the fans that had come to see them off at the airport. He was smiling more than normal and he signed as many autographs as they wanted. He could tell some of the fans were surprised by how friendly he was. MyungSoo had gone into aloof L mode. The other man had been out with Hoya all night and the only utterance SungGyu had gotten out of him was a painful groan and something that sounded like, ‘my head.’  
  
“You can take your mask off,” SungGyu chastised the tallest member, who was standing beside him. For some reason the fact that SungYeol was wearing a mask irritated him today.  
  
“No, I don’t have any make-up on.”  
  
SungGyu looked out at the crowd of happy fans and coolly took a sip of his Pepsi. “They don’t care. They want to see your smile.”  
  
“I care.”  
  
“SungYeol, take it off.”  
  
“No, I am not like you. You are old enough that you don’t have to worry about facial outbreaks anymore.”  
  
SungGyu resisted the urge to snap at the taller man and instead told him, “I wish that was true, but you know it isn’t.”  
  
“You rarely have outbreaks…one zit does not count.”  
  
“They know you have acne.”  
  
“I am not taking it off.”  
  
SungGyu grunted, pulled out his phone and called WooHyun. “Real fans don’t care if your face isn’t flawless.”  
  
“ _Your_  fans don’t care if your face isn’t flawless.”  
  
“ _Your_  real fans don’t either. I just think it would be nice if you gave them a smile.”  
  
“I am being very nice to them. They know I am smiling underneath this mask,” SungYeol protested.  
  
The leader glared down at his phone. He had failed at trying to hide his unhappiness at the fact that WooHyun wasn’t answering his calls. After the first unanswered call…SungGyu had vowed not to call him again. A vow he had broken not twenty minutes later and had continued to break four more times.  
  
“Is WooHyun not answering your calls?”  
  
SungGyu cringed and looked up at SungYeol, who was peering over his shoulder. “He’s pissed at me.”  
  
“How pissed?”  
  
“Really pissed.”  
  
“Great, this should be fun. Perhaps you should just get your gallbladder taken out now. I am sure it will be rotten in a couple months if he doesn’t forgive you.”  
  
“So  _not_ funny!”  
  
“It’s the truth,” SungYeol told him. “I know for certain I will not be playing favorites for this round of your fighting.”  
  
“We are not fighting.”  
  
“You said he was pissed.”  
  
“I am not pissed with him…only irritated with him.”  
  
“Sounds like a fight to me.”  
  
“Even if it is a fight it won’t last long.”  
  
“Have you met WooHyun?”  
  
“Yes, I have met him…and it won’t last long.”  
  
SungYeol gently kicked the heel of the older man’s shoe and asked, “Have you met yourself?”  
  
“I always forgive him for everything,” SungGyu told SungYeol. “I forgive him for things…that are unforgivable.”  
  
“Really? Like what for example?” SungYeol asked, intrigued.  
  
“That isn’t important.”  
  
“But don’t you see that is my point…you forgive, but WooHyun holds a grudge. I am assuming you told him that you two were not going to get married and start a family anytime soon. I can only imagine how badly he is handling it.”  
  
SungGyu just bit down on his straw cursing the other man’s keen observation skills. No wonder he and WooHyun had gotten along so well…they were both freaking mind readers.  
  
“Thought so.”  
  
“Can we not talk about this?” SungGyu asked, looking at the crowd of fans in the near distance.  
  
“They can’t hear us,” SungYeol pointed out. “Plus, I think the extent of their ability to speak Korean is to shout ‘oppa’ at us.”  
  
“What about Myung…” SungGyu paused because MyungSoo was so out of it right now, at this point MyungSoo wouldn’t be able to pick up on the change in his and WooHyun’s relationship if they made out in front of the handsome young man.  
  
“So did you…investigate your curiosity with WooHyun?”  
  
“Like I would tell you…if I did. You big blabber mouth.”  
  
SungYeol had the decency to look ashamed. “Hey, I didn’t want him spending all his time with strippers if you were really interested.”  
  
“How magnanimous of you.”  
  
SungYeol shrugged. “I hope you didn’t…because if you did lead him on, and then you denied him…it isn’t going to be good. It’s going to get real ugly.”  
  
SungGyu swallowed guiltily but didn’t say a word.  
  
SungYeol groaned after reading SungGyu’s silence. SungYeol slung an arm around the older man’s neck. “Like I said, you should probably just see about taking your gallbladder out now. It will save us all a lot of heartbreak and it will be a shorter stay in the hospital.”  
  
  
**************************  
  
Days later, Hoya and SungGyu smiled at each other as they watched an excited SungYeol quickly scamper out of the practice room to find the CEO.  
  
“That’s what I am talking about,” Hoya boasted as he held up his hand in victory.  
  
SungGyu high-fived the other man. “Masterfully done, I must say.”  
  
“We did excellently, Old Man.”  
  
Instead of being offended SungGyu just nodded his head, agreeing. “I feel old.”  
  
Hoya looked at his leader and chose to be civil for once. SungGyu did look older to him. SungGyu had been performing with them, practicing with them, traveling back and forth from Japan with them, and filming two variety shows.  
  
Also Hoya and the others had noticed a new tension between the leader and WooHyun, and the leader never faired well when he was on the outs with the other main vocal. “I know you are tired, but you just did a good thing.”  
  
“We did a good thing.”  
  
“We did.”  
  
“What did you two do?” WooHyun, who they had not heard enter the practice room asked.  
  
“We can’t tell you…if we did we would have to kill you,” Hoya told the WooHyun.  
  
SungGyu could see the curiosity in the other main vocal’s eyes and savored it. WooHyun had ignored him for days. He had tried everything to get back in the other man’s good graces…well, everything except promising to be in a monogamous relationship with him. “Nope, we can’t tell. It’s a secret between the two of us”  
  
WooHyun’s eyes narrowed and snapped, “That’s fine. It couldn’t be that interesting if it involves you two.”  
  
Hoya turned toward SungGyu and asked, “Why is it when you two fight, he always gets bitchy with me?”  
  
“I am not bitchy,” WooHyun protested.  
  
“Oh, you totally got your bitch face on,” Hoya informed WooHyun. “Are you jealous because he likes me more?”  
  
“I seriously doubt that.”  
  
SungGyu smiled knowing how jealous WooHyun was of Hoya. He purposely slung an arm around Hoya’s waist and stated, “You guessed it! He’s jealous because you are winning the best dongsaeng game and he can’t stand it.”  
  
Hoya let out a roaring laugh.  
  
“Let’s go, Bestie,” SungGyu told Hoya and headed toward the door. He fought the urge to turn around and see WooHyun’s reaction. Maybe if WooHyun got a taste of his own medicine he would be more sensible. Maybe he had been taking the wrong approach…because being nice to WooHyun sure wasn’t working.  
  
WooHyun just shook his head in irritation as he watched SungGyu and Hoya leave the practice room arm in arm. SungGyu was being purposely difficult, but WooHyun refused to give in.  
  
WooHyun was still simmering in anger when an excited SungYeol burst into the practice room.  
  
“Hey, where did SungGyu and Hoya go?”  
  
“They left…why do you look so keyed up?”  
  
SungYeol ignored WooHyun’s question when he saw the dire look on the other man’s face. “What is wrong with you?”  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
“What did SungGyu do?”  
  
“Other than exist?”  
  
“You love that he exists,” SungYeol reminded WooHyun. “You write songs about the beauty of his existence.”  
  
“I did not write _Beautiful_ for him.”  
  
SungYeol snorted.  
  
WooHyun glowered at the taller man but didn’t deny it. “He can exist without Hoya…those two…those two always piss me off.”  
  
SungYeol studied the other man closely. “Are you jealous of Hoya?”  
  
“What?” WooHyun exclaimed in disbelief. “No, I’m not that stupid. It’s just that SungGyu is irritating the hell out of me and Hoya always sides with him.”  
  
“I doubt SungGyu thinks Hoya always sides with him.”  
  
“Hoya might give SungGyu hell, but believe me he always sides with him…and SungGyu…” WooHyun paused. “He makes me so angry!”  
  
“Well, maybe when he gets back you will be less angry with him,” SungYeol told the other man craftily.  
  
WooHyun sighed and looked away from SungYeol to stare at the door the leader had exited through earlier. The urge to go after SungGyu was so strong, but he knew he had to keep holding out. “He’s going to the High Society set not the moon. I promise I will still be pissed at him when he gets home tonight.”  
  
“I was talking about Belize.”  
  
WooHyun almost snapped his neck when he quickly twisted his head around to gape at SungYeol in disbelief.  
  
SungYeol carefully controlled his expression. “Didn’t you hear? He’s going instead of Hoya.”  
  
“No,” WooHyun exclaimed, his whole body going tense. “Are they insane? He can’t go to the jungle!”  
  
“He’s going. It will be funny…you have to admit! Can you imagine him in the jungle?”  
  
“No, I can’t! He can’t go!”  
  
“Well, he is going.”  
  
“The hell he is,” WooHyun fumed. “Has the CEO lost his fucking mind? SungGyu in the jungle…who the hell thought that was good idea? He hates bugs!”  
  
SungYeol couldn’t control his laughter. “He hates bugs?”  
  
“Yes,” WooHyun answered looking frantic. “He bitches if there is a fly in the room…the car…or even if he sees one in a restaurant. There isn’t enough bug spray in this world for SungGyu to go to the jungle. He can’t go to the fucking jungle. He would probably offend some native tribe and they would keep him or behead him!”  
  
“Don’t have a stroke.”  
  
“I am not going to have a stroke, but I am going to give the CEO a piece of my mind,” WooHyun heatedly informed the other man as he barged out the door.  
  
SungYeol chased after WooHyun and yelped, “Wait.”  
  
“No, he can’t send SungGyu to the jungle! Is he insane?”  
  
“I was lying,” SungYeol blurted out grabbing WooHyun by the arm. “I am the one going to Belize. I was just messing with you.”  
  
“You bastard,” WooHyun snarled at him, yanking his arm free.  
  
SungYeol agreed, watching as the relief washed over the other man’s body. “Yeah, I am a bastard, but damn, you got it bad.”  
  
“I am well aware of that.”  
  
“I am so ashamed.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because how the hell did I not pick up on your feelings for him…how did any of us not know?”  
  
WooHyun, whose heart was still racing from his scare earlier, snapped, “Key says you all are bunch of idiots.”  
  
“Does he?”  
  
“He…” WooHyun paused and allowed himself to settle down. He took a deep breath and exhaled. He reminded himself that SungGyu wasn’t going to beheaded. “He’s wrong though. I was just good at lying. I used to lie all the time…my whole life was one big lie.”  
  
SungYeol gave WooHyun a sympathetic look. “I can’t even imagine what that was like, but what are you going to do now?”  
  
WooHyun rubbed his face and admitted, “I don’t know.”  
  
“Even if he…can’t be with you, he cares a lot for you.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Shutting him out…is that good for either one of you?”  
  
“I can’t act like his best buddy right now…I just can’t.”  
  
“I understand but think of his gallbladder.”  
  
WooHyun peered up at the taller man in confusion. “His gallbladder?”  
  
“Yeah, it will probably be the next thing to go if you keep stressing him out.”  
  
“You are so stupid,” WooHyun said with a chuckle and gently punched the other man in the stomach. “That’s ridiculous.”  
  
“I’m serious. He is just too—” SungYeol’s phone started ringing and kept him from elaborating. “I’ve got to take this, it’s the producer! A producer is calling me!”  
  
WooHyun smiled at SungYeol as the other man eagerly took the phone call. WooHyun was happy they had reached this place…this place of friendship. Now, when SungYeol looked at him he didn’t feel like he was going to have to fend off an unwanted admirer.  
  
  
***********  
  
  
Their flight was running late.  
  
SungGyu was sitting beside MyungSoo waiting for their plane to load. He was slouched down in his seat feeling mischievous after consuming large amounts of coffee at Coffee Cojjee with MyungSoo.  
  
Coffee Cojjee was next door to the salon they used. MyungSoo was in love and the girl he was fixated on at the time had been at the coffee shop. Due to the large amount of fans that were hovering nearby MyungSoo couldn’t talk to the latest love of his life but he could see her and that was enough for him. An amused SungGyu had watched as the two of them had shared not so subtle longing glances with each other.  
  
SungGyu thought MyungSoo was a fool, but a warmhearted fool he loved like a little brother. He could never imagine acting as desperate…or as smitten as MyungSoo did. He thought MyungSoo’s type of love was incredibly boring. He much preferred his relationship with the testy WooHyun…even when they were fighting.  
  
SungGyu grinned at WooHyun, who was sitting across from him with his arms folded tightly across his chest. WooHyun had his sunglasses on, hiding his eyes, but SungGyu knew the younger man was glaring at him. SungGyu had been extra friendly with all the stewardesses that had walked past him, and he had made sure WooHyun witnessed every encounter. He knew WooHyun’s jealous mind was probably working overtime. He was tempted to wink at one of the stewardesses just to push the other man over the edge.  
  
“She’s beautiful isn’t she?”  
  
The leader turned his head to look at MyungSoo. “Yeah, she’s a beauty.”  
  
“She is really sweet, too.”  
  
SungGyu kept his face completely neutral…because really sweet wasn’t a description he would have given the girl that had all of MyungSoo’s love and attention. He had not spoken to her…but there was definitely something  _not_  sweet about her. MyungSoo was in love and that was always a scary thing. MyungSoo fell in love quickly and he fell hard. MyungSoo’s type of love usually had very little to do with reality and everything to with MyungSoo’s fantasy of what love should be. “She’s a beauty,” SungGyu repeated.  
  
“Hyung, it’s so hard to be away from her. I want to spend every moment with her.”  
  
“That’s not a possibility.”  
  
“But I miss her so much.”  
  
“Well, you better get used to it.”  
  
“I think I will die if I don’t get to see her everyday.”  
  
“You won’t die.”  
  
“I feel like I will.”  
  
SungGyu sat up straight and asked under his breath, “Have you done anything…with her yet?”  
  
“No, I haven’t had time…I have just gazed upon her lovely face…her exquisite face.”  
  
“You have never met up with her?” SungGyu asked in a whisper.  
  
“Just twice, but never alone…”  
  
“So…no physical contact?”  
  
“No, and it is killing me.”  
  
“None…you mean none. No kissing?”  
  
“No, but I can only imagine the sweetness of her lips.”  
  
The talk of kissing had SungGyu looking back at WooHyun. He missed kissing WooHyun. He was amused to find WooHyun leaning forward in his seat to eavesdrop on them. “Well, once you fuck her really good you won’t feel so emo and shit.” He had said it to get a rise out of WooHyun, but instead he got an unexpected slap to the back of his head that had him sputtering, “What the hell?”  
  
“Are you insane?” SungYeol demanded as he walked around and glared down at SungGyu and MyungSoo. SungJong was at SungYeol’s side, looking extremely disapproving. “He shouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole.”  
  
SungJong added, “Not with a twenty foot pole.”  
  
MyungSoo immediately puffed up. “I don’t want to hear anything from you two.”  
  
“Too bad,” SungYeol told him. “She is a user and she is using you. Snap out of it.”  
  
SungJong sat down beside SungGyu and warned, “She’s no good.”  
  
The leader turned his attention on the maknae, who was much wiser than his years dictated. “Really?”  
  
“Yeah, she can’t be trusted. She likes attention too much,” SungJong told the leader.  
  
SungGyu frowned. “I’ve just seen her around, I’ve never spoken to her.”  
  
“But what you saw…wasn’t she the most beautiful woman in the world?” MyungSoo asked.  
  
“Only because she has had more plastic surgery than all of us put together, plus Girl’s Generation,” SungYeol blurted out.  
  
“That’s the truth,” WooHyun agreed.  
  
SungGyu reached up, touched his eyes and joked, “I don’t think my double eyelid surgery worked. I want my money back.”  
  
“Can you be serious?” SungYeol demanded of the leader. “You need to talk some sense into him. You are the only one he will listen to.”  
  
“Yes, preach the foolishness of love and relationships to him,” WooHyun coaxed from his seat across from SungGyu.  
  
SungGyu’s eyes flew to WooHyun feeling the other man’s unspoken accusations. SungGyu wrapped an arm around MyungSoo and told him, “You are too young to be in a serious relationship.”  
  
“Hyung,” MyungSoo protested.  
  
The leader smirked at WooHyun and then advised MyungSoo, “That doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun. Get it while you can.”  
  
  
  
*****************************  
  
SungGyu frowned; he could feel Key watching him.  
  
SungGyu was sitting on the floor leaning against the door of the number 2 apartment on the set of High Society. He looked up and sure enough the unconventional SHINee member was looking right at him while he had a very animated conversation with someone on his phone.  
  
SungGyu swallowed nervously and deeply regretted his earlier eagerness for SHINee to appear on the show. He got the definite impression from Key that the SHINee member knew more than he would like him to know…more than SungGyu would like anybody to know. Why couldn’t another SHINee member have come instead of Key, he wondered? He wanted to pout. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to eat. But mostly he wanted to know if it was WooHyun who Key was talking to on the phone.  
  
“Hey,” Onew, the other SHINee member who was appearing on the show, said greeting him as he sat down beside SungGyu on the floor.  
  
SungGyu didn’t quite know how to take Onew. He knew the man had an amazing voice and that he was the leader of SHINee, although he didn’t come off as a leader. SungGyu suspected Key ran SHINee. Not that he blamed Onew…nor did he hold it against him. SungGyu doubted he and Key would have lasted in a group together for longer than five minutes.  
  
“Hey…yourself,” SungGyu awkwardly replied. He was older than Onew but he didn’t feel older. He felt younger and insecure for some strange reason. He wondered how close Onew and Key were…did Key perhaps share WooHyun’s secrets with the other man?  
  
“Are you feeling better?”  
  
“Yep…you?”  
  
“I am good…are you recovered from your surgery?”  
  
“Yes, fully recovered.”  
  
“That’s good.”  
  
“Yes, it is.”  
  
“Very good indeed.”  
  
SungGyu scratched the back of his neck. “So…your new album is nice.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“You’re welcome.”  
  
“Cool.”  
  
“Do you think Key is talking to WooHyun?” SungGyu blurted out the question he was dying to know. He had decided the conversation was uncomfortable enough already, so why not ask? WooHyun was still refusing to talk to him on the phone and that he was probably talking to Key irritated SungGyu.  
  
“Maybe.”  
  
“You think?”  
  
“They are best friends.”  
  
SungGyu frowned, feeling jealous of Key. Was Key WooHyun’s best friend or was he his best friend? WooHyun, the little shit, probably told everybody they were his best friend. Just like all the fans were his girlfriends. “That’s what I hear.”  
  
“Yeah, me too.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
There was nothing but silence for a couple minutes.  
  
“So, Brandy says I should have more celebrity friends,” SungGyu stated, hoping to end the unnerving silence.  
  
“She does?”  
  
“Yeah…but I usually just stick with my members.”  
  
“That’s nice.”  
  
“Yeah…it makes it easy.”  
  
“Key often says we should become friends.”  
  
“He does?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
SungGyu turned his head to look at the man sitting beside him. Onew didn’t seem too eager to become his friend…or eager to do anything. “We should probably work on that.”  
  
Onew smiled. “We probably should.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Onew met SungGyu’s gaze and asked, “What do you think of the rumors about the possible merger?’  
  
SungGyu couldn’t hide his aversion. “Our fans will hate it.”  
  
“Ours, too.”  
  
SungGyu forced down his negativity. He had to maintain his faith in the CEO. “But…it will be nice having the backing of a huge company like SM.”  
  
Onew nodded his head. “That is a big plus…it is not a bad thing to have your success and SM’s linked together. My company doesn’t like to fail.”  
  
“It knows how to make successful groups,” SungGyu quickly agreed and then winced realizing that could be interpreted badly. SungGyu quickly scrambled to correct any misunderstanding. “Not that they  _made_  you. SHINee is an amazing group. Your performances are always spectacular.”  
  
“It’s okay,” Onew told SungGyu. “I am not my company’s great defender. There are others that play that role, but not me.”  
  
“I didn’t mean any disrespect.”  
  
“You were being honest…SM does know how to make successful groups, but you are already a successful group, and you only had a little company backing you. Imagine what you could be with SM’s help.”  
  
“We need help with the international end of things I must admit.”  
  
“Hopefully, SM will help you with that.”  
  
SungGyu, who still felt like he had been offensive, shared, “You know I tried out for SM.”  
  
“You did?”  
  
“Yes, twice.”  
  
Onew was now looking at SungGyu in curiosity. “And you didn’t pass the auditions?”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
“I find that very hard to believe,” a stunned Onew told him.  
  
“It’s the truth. I failed twice.”  
  
“But you have a strong voice.”  
  
SungGyu let out a weak laugh and admitted, “I wasn’t exactly at my best back then vocally.”  
  
“Still…I can’t imagine they could not have seen the potential.”  
  
“They probably did, but he was so ugly they didn’t care,” Key stated, surprising both of the leaders as they looked up to see the other man standing over them. “I have seen his audition footage. He was hideous looking back then.”  
  
“Key!” Onew chastised.  
  
“It’s the truth…Infinite members know it’s the truth…what is your saying about looks and talent when it comes to SM?”  
  
SungGyu’s eyes widened in alarm, he knew exactly what Key was referring to. “We don’t have a saying!”  
  
“I know you guys have a saying.”  
  
“No, we don’t,” SungGyu insisted, fervently shaking his head.  
  
“Ah,” Key exclaimed, slapping his forehead. “I just remembered it. Infinite members say SM is 60% looks and 40% talent and boy did SungGyu look awful back then, so he didn’t have a chance.”  
  
Onew’s gaze hardened and he started to repeat, “40% talent…”  
  
“I didn’t say that,” SungGyu yelped, interrupting the man. “MyungSoo said it.”  
  
“Does he actually believe that?”  
  
“He was just a kid when he said it,” SungGyu explained to Onew. “Just a kid…just a stupid kid…he’d never say it now.”  
  
“He’s a handsome devil, though,” Key told them, full of admiration for Infinite’s visual. “He should have tried out for SM…he would have made it without singing a word.”  
  
“Key,” Onew groaned.  
  
“It’s true,” Key told them as he sat down and squeezed in between the two men.  
  
“He’s very handsome,” SungGyu agreed, hoping to change the subject to something else… _anything_  else.  
  
Onew peered past Key to ask SungGyu, “So you think he would have made it without having to sing?”  
  
“He likes to act,” SungGyu answered quickly, because lying was not his forte. “He could have acted.”  
  
Key snorted. “I take it back, you two shouldn’t be friends. Watching you two trying to have a casual conversation makes me feel uncomfortable.”  
  
“I doubt that,” Onew told Key giving him a disapproving look. “When have you ever been uncomfortable?”  
  
“Just now I was,” Key claimed. “I had to abruptly end my phone conversation and come over here to save you two. I didn’t want your relationship to deteriorate so badly that it jeopardized the rest of the filming.”  
  
SungGyu folded his arms and claimed, “We were having a nice, civil conversation…until you showed up.”  
  
“Oh, please,” Key told him, rolling his eyes. “Just thank me and be done with it.”  
  
“It wasn’t that bad,” Onew protested.  
  
Key was very happy to point out their differences. “Onew, you are odd in a nice, easygoing way and SungGyu, you are odd in abrasive, uncomfortable way; your oddness clashes.”  
  
SungGyu opened his mouth, ready to defend himself, when the flamboyant man held up his hand hushing him as his phone rang. Key pulled out his phone and complained, “I have to take this. My friend is in crisis.”  
  
“The rapist…” SungGyu uttered, surprised by the name that showed up on Key’s phone.  
  
Key stood up, then bent down and thumped SungGyu on the tip of his nose and scolded him, “Nosey boy!”  
  
“The rapist?” a stunned SungGyu repeated as he watched Key walk away. “Why would he talk to somebody called the rapist?”  
  
Onew just shook his head. “I don’t know and I don’t want to know.”  
  
***************************  
  
  
It was late.  
  
The filming for High Society had stretched on well past midnight and he was both physically and emotionally drained but the light streaming underneath WooHyun’s door caused him to pause.  
  
He missed the other man; he had always missed WooHyun when the other man wasn’t with him, but now the sense of longing was worse. He wasn’t willing to give into WooHyun’s demands, but he was willing to apologize for his own childish behavior. He opened the door and stepped inside WooHyun’s room.  
  
“You are still up.”  
  
WooHyun looked up from the tablet he had been reading. “Leave.”  
  
“I just came to apologize.”  
  
“For what?”  
  
SungGyu shut the door and leaned against it. “I’ve been acting pretty childish lately. I shouldn’t push your buttons.”  
  
“No, you shouldn’t. Now go.”  
  
“If you don’t want to be in a casual relationship…I can understand that. Can you please try to understand that I don’t want to be in a monogamous one?”  
  
“No; get out.”  
  
SungGyu refused to budge. “Can we just go back to being friends then?”  
  
WooHyun peered at SungGyu and asked, “Do you want to be just friends?”  
  
SungGyu stepped closer to the bed and explained, “I’d rather be friends with benefits, but I will take what I can get.”  
  
WooHyun sighed and set the tablet down on the bed. “I can’t act like you are just a friend to me…I have been doing it for too long.”  
  
“In secret, but this time I will know.”  
  
“What difference does that make?”  
  
“You won’t be lying to me…it will be less stressful for you.”  
  
WooHyun reached up and rubbed the side of his head. “But we will be lying to the other members.”  
  
“It isn’t any of their business…plus, if we go back to being friends it won’t matter.”  
  
The younger man just shook his head. “Just go.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“I am not going to relent! I can’t…not with you. You are…you are so emotionally stunted. I am not going to stop being angry with you, sorry. Go!”  
  
“No.”  
  
“I accept your apology for being a jerk…now, go.”  
  
“No, I want to talk about something else.”  
  
“There isn’t anything else to talk about; we are at an impasse here.”  
  
SungGyu sat down on WooHyun’s bed. “No, we are not. We can still be friends…it’s easy to forgive.”  
  
“Go.”  
  
“No, like I said we need to talk. Did you know I was filming with Key and Onew today?”  
  
“Yes, I spoke to Key many times today.”  
  
SungGyu was unable hide his hurt. WooHyun had been ignoring him since they left Vegas. He had suspected that the SHINee member had been talking to WooHyun on the phone during filming, but when he had caught a glace of Key’s phone it had said he was talking to somebody named…  
  
“Does he know I compared the deal…to rape?” an alarmed SungGyu demanded suddenly; a horrible thought had occurred to him.  
  
WooHyun’s eyes widened. “Why are you asking me that?’  
  
“Because on his phone…today I snuck a look at it and it said he was talking to someone named the rapist.”  
  
“That asshole,” WooHyun grumbled, confirming SungGyu’s fears.  
  
“Did he know about the deal?”  
  
“Yes, he knew about the deal. He doesn’t know about what happened between us in Vegas. I have told you this already.”  
  
SungGyu narrowed his gaze and sounded doubtful. “He sure acted like he knew more.”  
  
“He has many suspicions but I have never confirmed them and I won’t…he can have my secrets, but not yours.”  
  
The older man tilted his head to the side trying to catch something in the other man’s wording that would confirm his own suspicions. “We share secrets.”  
  
WooHyun angrily retorted, “Although I would really love to talk to Key…talk to _anybody_  about what incredibly huge, insensitive ass you are…I won’t out you to him.”  
  
SungGyu jumped off the bed knocking the tablet to the floor. “What do you mean out me? There is nothing to out!  _Nothing at all_!”  
  
WooHyun growled under his breath at the other man’s huge case of denial. “Tell that to someone who didn’t spend four nights fucking you.”  
  
SungGyu reached down and grabbed the tablet from the floor. “Can you not say…not say it like that?”  
  
An exasperated WooHyun shook his head. “How would you like me to say it? If I had said we spent four nights making love you would have wilted away and died on the spot.” The older man cringed at the mention of love making immediately proving WooHyun right. “Go, now!”  
  
“I wish you wouldn’t be so inflexible,” SungGyu complained.  
  
“I am very flexible as you well know.”  
  
“That wasn’t what I was talking about!”  
  
“Give me back my iPad.”  
  
SungGyu looked down at the tablet. “Why are you looking up bad gallbladders?”  
  
“Because SungYeol freaked me out the other day,” WooHyun snapped as he reached out and snatched the tablet away from SungGyu. “You are just stupid enough to get sick again.”  
  
“SungYeol is the stupid one. My appendix was bad…it didn’t decide to explode because you were mad at me.”  
  
WooHyun let out a breath and looked at SungGyu heatedly. “He better be wrong. I swear if you try to die on me again…I will kill you myself.”  
  
SungGyu saw how stressed WooHyun was and tried to soothe him, “It’s not like before…this time I am trying to fix it. Last time I just held it all inside.”  
  
“You promise?” WooHyun asked, darting his eyes away from SungGyu.  
  
“I promise.”  
  
WooHyun sighed still refusing to look at the older man. “You make me so mad.”  
  
“I don’t think any of you would allow me to get that sick again.”  
  
“No,” WooHyun agreed. “SungYeol is messing with me…he also told me you were going to Belize.”  
  
SungGyu scoffed at the mere thought. “You didn’t believe that…did you?”  
  
“I knew better, but honestly it scared the hell out of me. You wouldn’t last two hours in a jungle….probably not two minutes.”  
  
SungGyu scrunched up his nose and debated on whether he should be offended or not. He decided to be touched instead. “You care a lot.”  
  
“Too much.”  
  
The older man reached down and took WooHyun’s hand, feeling the other man soften just a smidgen. “Not possible.”  
  
“Yes, it is…” WooHyun paused, finding his anger again and pulling his hand away from SungGyu, “when I waste my time caring about someone as emotionally stunted as you are.”  
  
“I am not that bad.”  
  
“Yes, you are…leave!” WooHyun ordered, pointing at the door.  
  
“I want to fix us.”  
  
“There is only one way you can fix us.”  
  
“I can’t do that.”  
  
WooHyun got out of the bed and grabbed SungGyu by the arm. “Then you can’t fix us.”  
  
“That isn’t true,” SungGyu objected as WooHyun pulled him toward the door. “There has to be another way.”  
  
“No there isn’t. It isn’t like I am asking so much of you.”  
  
“Yes, you are.”  
  
“If asking you to be happy is asking too much of you…then you have more problems than even I imagined and I can’t help you.”  
  
“I can be happy if we are friends,” SungGyu whined.  
  
WooHyun opened the door, shoved SungGyu out into the hallway and said in a calmer voice, “You are tired. You’ve gotten hardly any sleep this week. Go to bed.”  
  
“I don’t want to go to bed…and I don’t want to fight with you.”  
  
“You don’t want to make up with me either.”  
  
“That’s not true.”  
  
“It is true.”  
  
“I can’t just say I lo—I can’t say that,” SungGyu admitted, struggling. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to sleep with WooHyun…even if they only slept. He wanted to feel the other man’s warmth next to him, encompassing all of him. He missed WooHyun’s warmth.  
  
“You don’t have to say it…I don’t have to hear it.”  
  
“Then what is the problem?”  
  
“Are you dense?”  
  
“A little,” SungGyu agreed. “I just can’t give up women…I can’t. People would think it strange. They might suspect something.”  
  
WooHyun closed his eyes and whispered, “Go sleep in  _your_ room…this isn’t it. It could and should be, but it isn’t.”  
  
SungGyu didn’t have time to respond before he found the door shut in his face. He closed his eyes and wished…wished he was different. He knew there was only one place he wanted to be, one person he wanted to be with, but something just kept him from saying it. Something kept him from giving WooHyun what he wanted…what he needed…because SungGyu just couldn’t give him that much power over him.


	20. Chapter 20

SungGyu’s mother answered the door with a stern look on her face.  
  
She quickly turned her back on her son and declared dramatically, “So, you decided to come to see your mother two days after her birthday.”  
  
“Mom, I have been really busy.”  
  
“Bad sons always have excuses.”  
  
SungGyu sat down on the sofa and looked at his mother, who had her hands resting on her hips as she shook her head in disapproval. “It’s not an excuse, it’s the truth.”  
  
“I don’t see a gift.”  
  
SungGyu leaned back against the sofa and reminded her, “I took you to Bora Bora.”  
  
“You also took your sister, niece, and your sister’s friend and her kids.”  
  
“I didn’t pay for the friend and her kids.”  
  
“You paid for your sister and your niece!”  
  
“Well, I am not going to give them a birthday present this year, either.”  
  
She sat down on the sofa beside him grumbling, “What I must have been like in another life to deserve a son such as you.”  
  
“A priest, a nun…probably a saint.”  
  
She rolled her eyes at him, but he could see the side of her mouth twitching as she fought against the urge to smile. “You are terrible.”  
  
“I learned from the best,” he told her as he reached inside his pocket and pulled out a folded up card.  
  
“What is this,” she asked as he handed her the card.  
  
“I was going to buy you something in Vegas, but nothing seemed right.”  
  
She looked at him skeptically. “You couldn’t find me  _anything_  in all of Vegas?”  
  
“They wouldn’t let me take a slot machine home with me.”  
  
“ _Not_  funny.”  
  
He let out a laugh and motioned for her to open the card. “My brain wasn’t really working while I was in Vegas…not at all, but once I got home I thought of the perfect gift for you.”  
  
She opened the card and her eyes immediately lit up. “Cash?”  
  
“For you to blow as you wish.”  
  
She was openly smiling at him now as she counted her money. “I guess you aren’t the worst son in the world…just in the bottom ten.”  
  
“It’s an improvement,” he told her trying his best to sound happy.  
  
She noticed his mood wasn’t sincere. “What’s wrong with you?”  
  
He shook his head. “I just…like I said before, I am just tired.”  
  
“You do look tired. You looked so refreshed when you came back from Vegas though.”  
  
He furrowed his brows and asked, “You saw me?”  
  
“Yes, I visit fan sites.”  
  
“You do?”  
  
“Yes, the fans have the best info on you.”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
“Plus they are so nice to photo shop all your blemishes away.”  
  
“Mom…”  
  
“Why do you look so haggard? Is your CEO trying to kill you again?”  
  
“No, I feel fine…” SungGyu reached up to touch his face. “Do I really look haggard?”  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
“Is it that blasted WooHyun?”  
  
He instinctively leaned away from her. “Why do you ask that?”  
  
“You were angry with him the last time you were here.”  
  
“I forgave him.”  
  
“Of course you did…you always will.”  
  
“Why…why…tell me why you think that?”  
  
She looked down at her cash and counted it again. “Because a mother knows.”  
  
“I will always forgive him, but I don’t think he will forgive me,” SungGyu admitted. “And that is where the problem lies.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“Mom.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“It’s not good.”  
  
She looked up at him and asked, “I think it is good, but tell me why he won’t forgive you.”  
  
SungGyu reached up and rubbed his arms, feeling oddly exposed as he explained, “I guess…I just…I am not a good friend…he wants things from me…things I can’t give him.”  
  
“What kind of things?” She asked with her focus totally on him now and not the money.  
  
“Just—you know I am not a mushy person,” SungGyu blurted out in his defense. “I am…I am just not like that.”  
  
“Oh, sweet Jesus,” she groaned, her entire body slouching. “You figured out you’re gay.”  
  
“What!” SungGyu exclaimed, jumping off the sofa.  
  
She shook her head, suddenly looking terribly gloomy. “I feared someday that boy would clue you in…but you kept being totally dense so I was hopeful it wouldn’t happen.”  
  
SungGyu gaped at his mother, astounded.  
  
“Your father was hoping you were going to be one of those gay people that just never figure it out.”  
  
“Dad…you…why do you…how…do…” SungGyu stammered, frozen in place.  
  
“Darling, I am your mother...I know these things,” she told him, while patting the place on the sofa beside her.  
  
He sat back down.  
  
She laid a comforting hand on his knee. “Of course, I had to tell your father. Honestly, he wasn’t all that surprised.”  
  
SungGyu wanted to deny it…wanted to tell her she was crazy, but instead all he could say was, “You never said anything.”  
  
“Of course I didn’t. I wanted you to be a doctor or a lawyer,” she told him. “You were so smart in school…I didn’t want you to jeopardize your future. This is a hard world to live in and being gay doesn’t make it any easier.”  
  
“You knew when I was in school?”  
  
She just shook her head at his disbelief. “If I had known you were going to be an idol I might have told you, let you know it didn’t change anything between us. Gay people are always killing themselves, so it used to worry me. But you didn’t look conflicted, just clueless, so I never brought it up. If I had known you were going to be an idol when you were a kid I would have talked to you about it.”  
  
“What difference does being an idol make?”  
  
“Most idols are gay so it wouldn’t be a big deal. You could be gay with all your gay friends and have more fun. Darling, you sometimes need to have more fun. You are so grumpy.”  
  
“Mom…you know if anybody found out I was gay…it would still destroy my life. Just because I am idol doesn’t make it okay.”  
  
“Yes, I know that…that is why once you joined Woollim I never said anything. I thought maybe you never would get a clue.”  
  
“I have a clue, now!”  
  
“Well, hopefully, you won’t be stupid enough to out yourself. I think everybody thinks most idols are gay.”  
  
“Well, they are wrong.”  
  
“Well, the girls are probably not gay. But what do I know? I never understood the draw of lesbianism. I really like a good looking man, so I can understand you being gay. I can understand the appeal. Actually I don’t know why more men aren’t gay.”  
  
SungGyu cringed and rubbed his face, wondering how the hell he got himself into these conversations with his mother. “Mom, back to me…you knew I was gay while I was growing up?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“But…but I had a lot…” SungGyu paused. He couldn’t really say he had a lot of girlfriends because he hated relationships even back then, but he had not missed out on sex.  
  
“I know you slept with your sister’s slutty friend and—”  
  
He jumped off of the sofa again and bellowed, “You knew about that?”  
  
“Your sister and she got in a fight once…well, they fought many times. You know how girls are…they are always fighting about something, but they soon make-up. Well, your sister tattled to me once during one of their fights.”  
  
“You never…you never said anything.”  
  
“Your dad wouldn’t let me. He was so proud of you. I assure you I gave that little slut a piece of my mind, though.”  
  
SungGyu was speechless.  
  
“I knew she wasn’t the only one. You slept around with a lot with girls in high school. I was pleasantly surprised.”  
  
SungGyu sighed and sat back down. He couldn’t think of one other person he knew that had a mother who would admit to being pleasantly surprised their son slept around. “So maybe I’m not gay.”  
  
“Are you saying you are bisexual? You know some psychologists don’t believe in bisexuality.”  
  
“Well, I am!” SungGyu protested.  
  
She sighed and patted his leg. “But you prefer that terrible WooHyun.”  
  
“Why do you say ‘terrible WooHyun’?”  
  
“You know I think he is a manipulative little toad.”  
  
“He is manipulative because I make him manipulative. I make everything so hard on him…I don’t even know myself. Apparently I never did…he deserves better than me.”  
  
“Nonsense.”  
  
“Mom, I am so…crippled when it comes to being affectionate. I just can’t give anything of myself.”  
  
“Is that what he told you? That is a lie. You give a lot of yourself.”  
  
“Just little bits…I can’t give him what he wants…what he needs.”  
  
She folded her arms in front of her and stated, “Good.”  
  
He studied her closely, “Mom, why do you really hate WooHyun?”  
  
“I told you.”  
  
“I want the truth.”  
  
She relaxed her arms. “I don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
He reached out, grasped her arm gently and persisted, “Mom, I think I need to know. I need him…even if I can’t give him what he wants. I need him. Tell me why you hate him, please.”  
  
She looked him in the eye and let out a defeated sigh. “Stay here and I will be right back.”  
  
He waited on the sofa as he watched her get up and head for her bedroom. After only a couple minutes she returned holding a small photo album he had never seen before. “Is that new?”  
  
She sat back down on the sofa beside him. “Yes, the album is new, but the pictures aren’t. The pictures are almost as old as you.”  
  
SungGyu eyes narrowed reflexively waiting for a comment on his age. “I am not that old.”  
  
“Of course not,” his mother told him as she flipped open the album and handed it to him. “Take a look.”  
  
He took the album and smiled when he saw baby pictures of himself. “I was so little.”  
  
“Not too little.”  
  
“I never saw these pictures before.”  
  
“No, I had them hidden in my sock drawer for years.”  
  
He looked up from the album to stare at her. “Why?”  
  
“Do you notice something that all those pictures have in common?”  
  
He looked back down at the album. He was a chubby toddler in most of them…then it caught his eye. “Is that…”  
  
“Fufuzee,” she finished for him.  
  
In all the pictures he was carrying a green stuffed dragon.  
  
SungGyu looked at every picture amazed. “I don’t even remember it…but I look so happy.”  
  
“You were…back then,” she told him as she wiped away a stray tear that was gliding down her cheek. “It was your Fufuzee and as long as you had it…you were the happiest little boy in the world.”  
  
“What happened to it?”  
  
She met his gaze and he noticed she was crying. “I threw it away.”  
  
SungGyu looked back down at the pictures as an old memory was jarred loose and an old forgotten pain stirred to life, causing his chest to ache. “Why? Did it get dirty?”  
  
“No, you were amazingly careful with it…and you could just throw it in the wash.”  
  
“Why did you throw it away?”  
  
Her jaw trembled and with a voice filled with regret she answered him, “We were having a lot of financial problems back then. We lost the house and we were taking turns living with friends and family. I sometimes…had to leave town with your father…so we could find work. I would leave you and your sister with your grandmother, other family members, or friends…and your sister would always cry. She never wanted me to leave her. Was it wrong that I needed to hear that? I needed to see her cry for me. I hated it but I also needed it…I loved that she missed me…that she didn’t want me to go. Does that make me a bad mother?”  
  
SungGyu opened his mouth and closed it, not sure of the correct answer.  
  
Luckily his mother continued, sparing him from having to answer her. “You never cried for me. When I left…you never cried and you never hurried to me when I returned. But if that toy was ever out of your sight you would scream and cry until it was returned to you.”  
  
“Mom…”  
  
“Let me finish. I was younger back then and selfish. I am still selfish, but back then I was worse…and I started to hate that toy. I would miss you so badly and you treated me like I was just another woman holding you. You see…back then I didn’t understand that my leaving was affecting your ability to bond with me. I just knew that I was your mother and I thought you should miss me. I thought you should be attached to me like your sister had been. You see, when she was little I stayed with her all the time, but I didn’t…couldn’t with you. So instead of being attached to me…you latched on to that toy.”  
  
The truth dawned on SungGyu and he whispered, “That is why you threw it away.”  
  
She nodded her head with tears continuing to glide down her cheeks. “I did. One day I was so angry at it…jealous of it…I took it while you were sleeping and I threw it away.”  
  
SungGyu closed his eyes.  
  
“I can still hear you crying for it. You cried constantly for over a week and you searched with your little feet all over for it. I couldn’t comfort you…nobody could. I quickly realized what I had done…but it was too late. They had already picked up the trash.”  
  
“Oh, mom…”  
  
“For months…months…no matter where we were, you were always looking for it. Begging me for your Fufuzee….it just killed me. I stopped leaving you after that…your grandmother ripped me good when I told her what I had done…but it was too late. We tried to buy you other toys…but you never took to them. You were never the same happy baby after that.”  
  
“I don’t know what to say.”  
  
“There isn’t anything to say…you asked me why I hated WooHyun and that is why.”  
  
SungGyu scrunched up his face in confusion. “What does Fufuzee have to do with WooHyun?”  
  
His mother wiped her eyes and told her son, “Darling, that boy is your new Fufuzee. You love him the same way you loved that toy. Don’t you see it? I noticed it the first time I heard you say his name.”  
  
SungGyu’s mouth gaped open.  
  
“And I am just like I was before…but I will be better, or I will try to be. I make no promises.”  
  
He leaned away from his mother and gasped, “You think I love WooHyun?”  
  
Her demeanor changed completely and she reached up and swatted him on the head. “Of course you love him. Are you stupid?”  
  
He swallowed nervously and clutched the album to his chest. “Maybe…slightly.”  
  
“Well, stop being like that.”  
  
He nodded his head fervently and with renewed conviction he proclaimed, “I will.”  
  
  
**************************  
  
  
“This practice is pointless and a total waste of time if he doesn’t show up.”  
  
All the members except for SungGyu were in the dance studio practicing the choreography for  _Destiny_ , their next single.  
  
“Hoya, would you stop griping. You knew he wasn’t going to be here,” an exhausted SungJong said, scolding the lead dancer between gasps for air as he leaned against the wall.  
  
“Our practice should be the priority,” Hoya stated and then turned toward SungYeol and continued to complain, “And God knows how many practices you are going to miss.”  
  
“That’s why we are practicing today, so I won’t be that far behind,” SungYeol reminded the demanding dancer.  
  
“Practicing with just six of us is a waste of time,” Hoya insisted. “We need everybody.”  
  
SungJong turned to the back-up dancer that was filling in for SungGyu and asked, “Can you tell him to stop bitching and sound like leader-shi when you do it?”  
  
The back-up dancer held up his hands and proclaimed, “Nobody can imitate SungGyu at dance practice. He’s fierce.”  
  
The choreographer, who had been silently listening to the others, asked, “Are you guys ready to start again?”  
  
WooHyun, who was sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall, groaned, “No.”  
  
MyungSoo, who sitting beside WooHyun, asked, “Can we take a nap instead?”  
  
“We are more than ready,” DongWoo replied, doing a strange dance that had the other members staring at him in amusement as he hopped around the room as if he was chasing something.  
  
“What is that dance called?” Hoya asked.  
  
DongWoo held up his arms, fluttering them. “It’s called Chasing Butterflies.”  
  
A smiling MyungSoo got up and proclaimed, “We should do that dance instead.”  
  
SungJong agreed, “It does look simpler.”  
  
“It’s my creation,” DongWoo bragged as he grabbed MyungSoo and started dancing around the room with him.  
  
“Our dancing has turned to shit! Shit!” Hoya declared harshly. “Get ready to dance people. We have a reputation we need to rebuild!”  
  
WooHyun flipped Hoya the finger and didn’t budge from his spot.  
  
Hoya frowned at the main vocal. “Namster, what happened to your endless supply of energy?”  
  
“It’s gone north for the summer.”  
  
The choreographer laughed and then ordered, “All right guys, from the beginning.”  
  
 _Destiny_ started blaring through the speakers filling the room up with the sound of their music, but before any of them moved to get into position the door swung open and SungGyu stormed into the room with purpose. He immediately ordered, “Everyone but the members out.”  
  
The choreographer and back-up dancer just stared at him.  
  
“Out,” SungGyu repeated. “This is member business only.”  
  
The back-up dancer and the choreographer shrugged and left the room, shutting the door behind them.  
  
Hoya opened his mouth to say something, but SungGyu gave him a stern look and he immediately shut his mouth.  
  
SungGyu strode over to where WooHyun was still sitting on the floor. WooHyun peered up curiously at SungGyu trying to figure out what was going on.  
  
SungGyu extended his hand to the other man. “Get up.”  
  
WooHyun halfheartedly took the extended hand and SungGyu immediately yanked him up so they were standing face to face. Before WooHyun had time to react SungGyu’s hand was on the back of his head pulling him into a passionate kiss. The younger man’s arms instinctively went around SungGyu’s waist pulling them closer together.  
  
Hoya’s jaw dropped open. SungJong’s face broke out into a huge grin. SungYeol sighed in relief. MyungSoo stood completely still and blinked several times as if he were trying to clear his vision. DongWoo stared thunderstruck at the couple that continued to kiss as if they had no need for air…only for each other.  
  
The door to the practice room started to open and SungYeol and SungJong both ran for the door, slamming against it with their bodies to prevent it from opening.  
  
The loud voice of Manger Geonam filled the room as he banged on the door, “SungGyu, they are supposed to be practicing and you were supposed to be on the Genius set an hour ago!”  
  
WooHyun and SungGyu broke from each other, gasping for air. SungGyu quickly recovered and smiled at WooHyun. “You win. I am all yours.”  
  
“God, I love you!” WooHyun blurted out ecstatically and pulled SungGyu in for another kiss.  
  
DongWoo, who had recovered from his initial shock, hooted in approval.  
  
“SungGyu! I am calling the CEO, right now,” Manager Geonam warned through the door while still banging on it. “Open this door, this instant!”  
  
WooHyun ended the kiss and pushed SungGyu away. “You better go.”  
  
SungGyu broke away from WooHyun and promised, “Later.”  
  
“Definitely later,” WooHyun confirmed, while still trying to catch his breath.  
  
SungGyu then walked toward the door. SungJong and SungYeol stepped away and watched silently as SungGyu departed with the very unhappy manager.  
  
Everyone was silent in the practice room except DongWoo, who was bent over giggling uncontrollably.  
  
SungYeol turned his attention to the maknae, who seemed to be the least thrown off guard by what had just happened. “You act like…did you know?”  
  
“Duh,” the maknae told SungYeol. “Do I look as dense as the rest of you?”  
  
“Hey, I knew,” SungYeol protested, hoping the maknae didn’t ask when he figured it out.  
  
“Fuck!” Hoya yelled.  
  
“Don’t be an ass,” MyungSoo warned Hoya. MyungSoo’s shock had ended quickly and it had been replaced by understanding. “Be cool.”  
  
“Congratulations…I think,” SungYeol told WooHyun, walking up to the other man. “I guess he was more than curious.”  
  
WooHyun blushed.  
  
DongWoo was now rolling around on the floor of the practice room laughing and shouting in relief, “It makes so much sense now. So much sense! So much sense! Yes! Yes! So much sense, now!”  
  
MyungSoo reached out an arm and wrapped it around WooHyun’s waist. “I am happy for you both. DongWoo is right…it makes sense.”  
  
“Perfect sense,” SungJong agreed, smiling at WooHyun. “And about time.”  
  
Hoya, who still looked conflicted, stomped his feet and whined, “You guys can be happy now if you want to be…and I am glad for you.”  
  
“You don’t look glad,” SungYeol told the lead dancer.  
  
“I am,” Hoya insisted. “It does make a lot of sense, but I can’t help but worry. It’s like we are group of gay guys, now. You know I was in a drama! A very popular drama and I played a gay guy! What if people think I am gay, too?”  
  
SungJong rolled his eyes and drily told the lead dancer, “Your acting sucks, nobody believes you’re gay.”  
  
  
**********************  
  
  
Much later that night SungGyu returned to the dorm.  
  
He had just walked through the door when Hoya thrust a piece of paper in his face.  
  
SungGyu snatched the paper away and glowered at Hoya. DongWoo, SungYeol, and MyungSoo were standing behind the lead dancer laughing. SungJong was sitting on the couch shaking his head as if he was dealing with children, and WooHyun was nowhere to be seen.  
  
“What is this? SungGyu demanded.  
  
“It is a list of rules,” SungYeol informed him with a big, goofy grin on his face.  
  
“A list of rules?”  
  
“Yep,” DongWoo confirmed, putting his hands together as if he was praying. “We are perfect angels and these rules were created to protect our sweet innocence.”  
  
SungGyu looked down at the list and read the first rule and then promptly started tearing the list to pieces.  
  
“Hey, you can’t do that!” Hoya protested.  
  
“Watch me,” SungGyu told him as he finished shredding the list and threw it at Hoya.  
  
MyungSoo laughed and stepped out of the way as SungGyu barged past them on his way to WooHyun’s room, grumbling the entire way about the bunch of ingrates he was forced to cohabit with.  
  
“We have more lists!” Hoya hollered after him. “That wasn’t the only one! We made copies!”  
  
SungGyu walked into WooHyun’s room and shut the door behind him, locking it. “They are despicable little beasts!”  
  
“Come here,” WooHyun commanded, grabbing the older man as soon as he finished locking the door and pulling him toward him. WooHyun had SungGyu on the bed before the other man knew what was going on. Lips collided together and WooHyun’s hands slid underneath SungGyu’s clothing, grasping and groping. “I missed you.”  
  
“I missed you, too.”  
  
WooHyun, who was all over SungGyu, stopped kissing the other man. He lifted his weight off of SungGyu when he felt something foreign between them. WooHyun propped himself up with one hand and slid the other one between their bodies. “You must have really missed me.”  
  
“I did,” SungGyu confirmed.  
  
WooHyun pulled out a book that SungGyu had forgotten he had tucked underneath his sweatshirt. “What’s this?”  
  
“A photo album.”  
  
“You want to take pictures? You kinky bastard.”  
  
“No…”  
  
WooHyun looked down at him and winked. “I don’t mind…I like your dirty little mind. Let me find a belt and I will tie you up.”  
  
“No, it’s not that…it is just a bunch of my baby pictures,” SungGyu told the other man, feeling his heart rate increase. “But forget about it…let’s get back to what we were doing. This kinky bastard has plans for you…so many plans.”  
  
WooHyun sat up on the bed, unable to hide his excitement. “Baby pictures of you?”  
  
“No, ignore it,” SungGyu pleaded. “Let’s get back to sex. Let’s have sex and more sex; then you can look at it. Like you said, I have really missed you…really, really missed you.”  
  
WooHyun crossed his legs and set the album on his lap. “We can’t, it is their first rule. No sex in the dorm.”  
  
SungGyu frowned. “I object to that rule.”  
  
“Oh, this is you. Look how cute you are. You’re adorable,” WooHyun squealed as he looked through the album slowly, savoring each picture of his lover as a baby.  
  
The older man reluctantly sat up in bed and gazed unbelievingly at the other man. “You really are a girl.”  
  
WooHyun was totally unfazed by the other man’s words as he continued looking at the pictures. “You were so cute! What happened to you?”  
  
“Hey, I’m still cute!”  
  
“I wish I could just reach in there and pinch your cheeks. They are so fat…it’s like you don’t even have eyes.”  
  
SungGyu just shook his head as he wondered what it said about his own masculinity that he was the bottom in their relationship.  
  
“You must have really loved your little stuffed dragon, it is in all your pictures.”  
  
“I bet you can’t guess its name.”  
  
WooHyun turned and held SungGyu’s gaze for a few moments before answering, “Fufuzee.’  
  
“How do you do that?”  
  
“I’ll never tell.”  
  
SungGyu grunted.  
  
WooHyun turned back to the pictures. “So this is the mysterious Fufuzee?”  
  
SungGyu, who was still pouting over WooHyun’s uncanny ability to read his mind, answered, “Yes, it is. I could never cheat on you and get away with it, could I?”  
  
“You couldn’t even think about cheating on me and get away with it.”  
  
SungGyu reached for the album and pulled it away from WooHyun. “It’s a good thing I don’t want to cheat on you. I’d much rather do other things and only with you.”  
  
WooHyun bit his bottom lip in anticipation as the other man pushed him down on the bed.  
  
“So many things…fun things…great things.”  
  
“Why, aren’t you being the forceful one?”  
  
SungGyu grinned down at him. “Do you not like it?”  
  
WooHyun sucked on his bottom lip and eyed SungGyu for a moment before responding, “Honestly…”  
  
“I only want there to be honesty between us.”  
  
“I did promise.”  
  
“You did.”  
  
“So?”  
  
WooHyun grinned up at him and whispered, “After our last time…I have been thinking about it…and I don’t think it would be  _horrible_.”  
  
SungGyu let out a loud laugh knowing exactly what WooHyun was referring to. “If I ever have an abundance of energy I will hold you to this…be careful what you agree to.”  
  
“ _You_ have an abundance of energy…unlikely.”  
  
“It could happen…in a year or two…or ten.”  
  
“Maybe I don’t want to wait that long.”  
  
“Really?” SungGyu asked, his eyes widening in surprise. He had not expected WooHyun to give in so easily.  
  
“Really,” WooHyun repeated, sensing the other man’s shock. “But we don’t have to hurry into anything.”  
  
“Good,” SungGyu replied, slightly relieved. “I am very happy with the way things are currently.”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
“Then why are we not having sex?”  
  
WooHyun pulled SungGyu down and whispered in his ear. “We can’t.”  
  
“We can,” SungGyu assured him.  
  
“No, we can’t,” WooHyun told the older man as he slid out from underneath him and tiptoed toward the door.  
  
SungGyu wasn’t happy about the sudden distance between them but he watched quietly as WooHyun quickly unlocked the door and swung it open.  
  
SungYeol, DongWoo, and Hoya almost fell into the room when the door they had been leaning against was flung open.  
  
“What the hell are you three freaks doing?” SungGyu demanded.  
  
“Making sure the rules are being maintained, which they are not. By shutting the door you are breaking rule seven,” Hoya informed him. “Rule seven clearly states that if you two are alone in a room the door must remain open!”  
  
“You know where you can stuff those rules?” SungGyu shouted.  
  
Hoya pointed his finger at SungGyu and informed him, “Now, now; in a civilized society rules must be maintained.”  
  
“We do need to set some rules,” WooHyun agreed.  
  
“Thank you,” Hoya told him. “At least one of you is being sensible.”  
  
SungGyu snarled and then turned his attention to DongWoo. “What is your excuse?”  
  
“I am just here because I’m kinky like you, Boss,” DongWoo answered with a wink and then blew a kiss at SungGyu. “I have been bad…really bad. I surrender, so tie me up and punish me…punish me good…real good,” DongWoo added as he posed submissively with his hands up.  
  
The leader lunged off the bed and the rapper took off running.  
  
WooHyun laughed and grabbed SungGyu around the waist preventing him from chasing after DongWoo. WooHyun then asked SungYeol, “And why are you eavesdropping?”  
  
SungYeol shrugged and replied, “I am going to be in the jungle soon, I thought I would start observing the mating practices of wild animals now.”  
  
SungGyu’s face showed all his aggravation and the remaining two members immediately scurried away from the door.  
  
WooHyun shut the door and struggled to hide his amusement.  
  
“This is going to be impossible,” SungGyu declared. “They are never going to give us a moment’s peace!”  
  
“Yeah,” WooHyun agreed. “Some of the rules…I hate to say are not totally unreasonable. It’s only fair to have rules…it isn’t like they are allowed to have girls in the dorm.”  
  
SungGyu looked aghast at what his lover was saying. “Since when did you start being so…so considerate…bullshit, it isn’t reasonable!”  
  
“Did you even look at the rules?”  
  
“I just read the first one about no sex in the dorm and then I ripped it up and threw it at Hoya,” SungGyu admitted. “I know we have to be respectful…but I don’t feel like being respectful at the moment.”  
  
“Me either,” WooHyun agreed and took SungGyu’s hand. “How do you feel about going to my brother’s place?”  
  
“Can we leave now?”  
  
WooHyun laughed. “So you don’t have any misgivings about returning there?”  
  
“No,” SungGyu immediately answered. “None at all…but I have one question.”  
  
“Ask away.”  
  
“I want you to be completely honest with me.”  
  
WooHyun looked at the other man and he could see the change in him…the new level of seriousness. “Okay.”  
  
“I know I have asked before but I need to hear the truth from you…did you know we would end up here? Was this your plan all along?”  
  
WooHyun squeezed SungGyu’s hand tightly and responded, “Truthfully, I had my suspicions regarding your sexuality for a long time. I prayed and dreamed that we would end up here, but I was too scared at times to even admit it to myself. But it is why I could never give in…why I couldn’t release you from the deal, why I couldn’t agree to be in a casual relationship with you. Even though I could never ever even admit it to myself…this is what I wanted to happen, what I was fighting for. Why I acted so horribly. I was never certain it would happen though. I wish I had been certain, but I wasn’t…and the uncertainty almost killed me at times.”  
  
“But you became even more confidant.”  
  
“When we were talking about Soryong and I saw jealousy in your eyes…something changed. I did feel more confident after that…before that I just felt panicked all the time.”  
  
“I wasn’t jealous.”  
  
“You totally were but you need never be jealous of anyone. I love you so much.”  
  
SungGyu grinned sheepishly. “Thanks.”  
  
“You can say it.”  
  
“I…I…I…am.. _.very_  fond of you.”  
  
WooHyun shook his head, exasperated.  
  
“ _Very, very, very_  fond of you…and you said I didn’t have to say it,” SungGyu reminded him.  
  
“I did…didn’t I? You don’t have to say it.”  
  
SungGyu smiled at him and asked, “Is your brother at home?”  
  
“If he is he will make himself scarce for us.”  
  
“Does he know about us?”  
  
WooHyun wrapped his arms around SungGyu and assured him, “He only knows about my feelings…he doesn’t know you are  _very, very, very fond_  of me. He thinks you’re completely straight.”  
  
“If we show up at his apartment and ask him to leave…he might figure it out.”  
  
“He might...I trust him, but it is up to you,” WooHyun told his lover.  
  
SungGyu frowned. “I guess…he’s cool, and I guess you should know that my mom knows, too.”  
  
“Your mom knows?” WooHyun gasped in horror.  
  
“Yeah, can you believe that?” SungGyu asked. “Apparently she always thought I was gay…she’s just been waiting for me to get a clue. It’s kinda insulting…actually,  _it’s a lot insulting_.”  
  
WooHyun let go of SungGyu and pointed at himself. “Does she know about me?”  
  
SungGyu nodded his head. “Yes, that is why she always hated you because—never mind why she hated you.”  
  
“Tell me.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Tell me.”  
  
“Shouldn’t we be sneaking out, so we can have lots of wonderful sex?”  
  
“We don’t have to sneak out. You are the precious leader with all the special privileges, all you have to do is ask one of the managers and they will drive us to my brother’s.”  
  
SungGyu frowned. “You…you aren’t bothered by that…are you?”  
  
“By what?”  
  
“That I am kinda the favorite.”  
  
 _“Kinda?”_  
  
“That I  _am_  the favorite,” SungGyu corrected.  
  
WooHyun laughed. “No, believe me I am extremely grateful for it. I am just messing with you…because you’re  _my_  favorite, too. But just so you know, I could totally sneak us out of here if I needed to.”  
  
“Okay, let’s go,” SungGyu said, heading for the door.  
  
WooHyun held up his hands and rested them against SungGyu’s chest, stopping the other man in his tracks. “First tell me why your mother hates me.”  
  
SungGyu fidgeted and whined, “I don’t want to.”  
  
“Tell me.”  
  
SungGyu clamped his lips together and looked like he was in physical pain.  
  
“Tell me.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Please.”  
  
SungGyu eyed WooHyun suspiciously and repeated, “Please…”  
  
“Yes, please. Please tell me.”  
  
“I like that,” SungGyu said with a big smile.  
  
WooHyun tilted his head and asked, “You like me begging you?”  
  
“The old WooHyun would have tried to blackmail me into telling him…I can almost hear you vowing to withhold sex until I confide in you,” SungGyu explained. “So I like this a lot.”  
  
The younger man winced guiltily.  
  
SungGyu laughed. “The thought crossed your mind didn’t it?”  
  
“Yes, but I held back…because we should be equals…and I don’t want to be that person anymore.”  
  
“That isn’t possible.’  
  
“What isn’t possible?” WooHyun questioned. “I can be better! I haven’t lied to you in a long time. I am trying my best not to be manipulative.”  
  
“That isn’t what I meant.”  
  
“What did you mean?” a confused WooHyun asked.  
  
SungGyu stretched out his arms above his head and clarified, “We can’t ever be equals because I have no equal.”  
  
WooHyun slapped the palm of his hand against his forehead and moaned, “Why do I love you?”  
  
“I just told you, I have no equal. I am super special, so of course you love me.”  
  
“You are _special_  alright.”  
  
“Hey!” SungGyu protested, dropping his arms to his sides.  
  
WooHyun chuckled, took SungGyu’s hand and clarified, “So special that I can’t wait to get you to my brother’s place, so we can  _make love_ …and yes, it is making love…it isn’t called  _making fond_.”  
  
SungGyu squeezed WooHyun’s hand and felt something excessively sappy taking root in him and before he could stop himself he blurted out, “She says you are like my Fufuzee.”  
  
“Your stuffed toy?”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
WooHyun looked extremely confused. “I feel like, I don’t know the whole story…like I am missing a vital point here.”  
  
SungGyu shook his head and vowed to his lover, “Take my word for it…you don’t want to know the whole story. It’s really sad. I was a much abused child. It’s amazing I turned out so extraordinarily perfect.”  
  
“But I want to know. I love you…I want to know everything about you. Especially sad stories…everything. I love you so much.”  
  
“Just know…” SungGyu paused and gently tugged WooHyun into a warm, loving embrace. He looked into WooHyun’s eyes and he knew the other man was speaking the truth. WooHyun was an excellent liar and had deceived him many times, but he also knew…WooHyun never lied about loving him. He didn’t know why WooHyun loved him so much, but he knew the love was true. WooHyun loved all of him, the good and the ugly. SungGyu happily accepted that love for the precious gift it was. “Just know, I might never be one of those people that can declare my love with ease, but if my mother ever threw you away I would search every dumpster in South Korea ‘til I found you. I’d never stop looking for you.”  
  
WooHyun’s special smile that only belonged to SungGyu spread out across his face, lightening up the room. “I think that’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever told me.”


End file.
